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hmbress
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| Posted: Jan 30 2010 at 6:57am | IP Logged
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I posted recently about our difficulty choosing a location for our upcoming move. Now there is another thing to throw in the mix. We are leaning towards the better school district, which means less house for the money, but I think that's a decision we would not regret long term. BUT - the affordable areas with a reasonable commute for dh have almost zero diversity. We are Caucausian and have two adopted boys who are both biracial. I know it is important, if at all possible, to locate in a place where they won't be the only ones who look like they do in their neighborhood, church, activities, and high school (down the road).
But just HOW important is that in the whole mix of factors we need to consider? DH feels that it's not as important as having access to good schools, a good parish, etc. I see his point but also think that it's very hard for us, as Caucausians who have never experienced what it's like to be racially different from our peers, to fully understand and evaluate the importance of this factor.
I would dearly love to hear from other mixed race families, or ethnic minority moms who grew up feeling different from their peers. What is your experience? Insights? Advice? Feel free to post on this thread or PM me if that is more comfortable. Thank you!
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Heather Rose (ds13, ds10)
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KC in TX
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| Posted: Jan 30 2010 at 4:49pm | IP Logged
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Heather,
I've never felt different from others, but others made me feel different. For instance, we lived in a place where there were very few minorities and even less Asians. Everywhere I went, people stared. For two years. Even the same grocery store I went to every week. It was uncomfortable.
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KC,
wife to Ben (10/94),
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And, my 2 angels, Rose ('08) and Mark ('09)
The Cabbage Patch
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Michaela
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| Posted: Jan 30 2010 at 5:33pm | IP Logged
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As a biracial adult (who was adopted), I can say there are so many variables that it's harder than I thought to answer your question.
KC made a great point though. A large factor could be how the people in the zero diversity neighborhood will make your boys feel. I don't think it would be noticeable immediately (your boys are young), but in a few years when they are a bit older.
In the long run, it's better to be in a neighborhood with good schools (in case you decide to use them....also the drop out rate could be less...less teens on the streets getting into trouble...ect.), a good parish, low crime rate, ect.
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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momwise
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| Posted: Jan 30 2010 at 5:54pm | IP Logged
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Hi Heather!
I have a biracial family with 7 children and I agree with Michaela and KC that it's really difficult because there are so many factors.
I would instantly rule out a highly racially diverse neighborhood if there are many teen and young adult males who are drop-outs and/or "hang around" the hood most of the time. THis is where we had to move from a few years ago.
We live in a working class neighborhood with a smaller level of diversity, yet there is still some and of many different races and languages. Plus, we travel 10 min. to a very diverse parish with no other black parishioners, so although there are many ethnic groups there are none like my children. However they have experienced very little discomfort. My older children have grown up to be leaders in the parish youth group and CCD classes and have lots of different groups of friends.
I would say that more important than where you live is having black male role models in your sons' lives as they get older. We have extended family and family friends of both races, but being adopted they won't have that.
Their dad will be the most important role model but groups of friends, tutors, scouts, etc. should be able to provide you with men of color in roles as fathers, husbands, teachers, leaders, etc.
ED to add: I meant to add that you can seek out those groups in other communities if they are not in your own. For instance we have a tutoring program with black engineers here in another part of town that we have gone to for classes.
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Gwen...wife for 30 years, mom of 7, grandma of 3.....
"If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life." JPII
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Christine
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| Posted: Feb 01 2010 at 8:16am | IP Logged
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One of my best friends in college was adopted from North or South Korea (I don't remember which). She grew up in a completely Caucasian area and never thought of her cultural background, until college. She came to me crying one day, during our freshman year, and shared that she was having a very difficult time because some people on campus expected her to join their clubs and spend time with them, etc. due to the color of her skin. She could not relate to this mentality. She said that she had always thought of herself as being like everyone else, but the exclusiveness of the clubs made her feel like she was expected to be different from who she was, a happy, college-aged, Catholic girl, who had a lot of energy, and was usually smiling. She did not befriend people because of the color of their skin, but because of who they were inside.
I don't know how helpful this is, but I thought that it might give you something to ponder.
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Christine
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Pretty Lilla Rose
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lapazfarm
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It is complicated, isn't it?
My adopted daughter is obviously (due to her beautiful cocoa-colored skin and black hair)of Hispanic origin. Honduran, to be precise.
When we lived in lily-white western NC she drew a lot of attention. Most of it was meant to be positive, still it made us uncomfortable because these well-meaning but ignorant strangers (most of whom assumed she was Cherokee or Mexican) would constantly be asking things like "where did you get her?" right in front of her,(Grr!!  ) making the fact of her adoption and "otherness" painfully obvious on a regular basis. This really bothered my dd, especially when she was tiny and just did not understand adoption.
When we lived in south Florida where Hispanic and mixed race families are common, we just didn't hear these types of comments. She blended in quite well. In S Florida everyone just assumed we were Hispanic (dh is, though he is very light skinned)and the wide variety of skin tones amongst Hispanic families (especially Cubans, who can range from very light- to quite dark-skinned) just made our family "normal."
Here in Alaska there are so many Alaska Natives, Filipinos, and other ethnicities(though very few African Americans), and mixed-race marriage is very common. So having mixed-race family is just not that odd here. We never draw a bit of attention, and we like it that way.
So, I guess what I'm saying is that as a mixed-race family,we can really appreciate living in areas where there is greater racial diversity.
That being said, as homeschoolers, the issue of public school quality just isn't a factor. So, I cannot really address that aspect of your question.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Waverley
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momwise wrote:
| I would say that more important than where you live is having black male role models in your sons' lives as they get older. |
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I agree it is very important for you to find positive role models for your children. It is important for all children to have positive role models. It is especially important for minority children to have positive role models to counteract the negative images they are presented with in our society.
If you decide on a neighborhood that is not racially diverse you can still look for other communities that are diverse - such as scouts, church, organized sports, etc.
As a white couple who have adopted 3 bi-racial children, dh and I have done a lot of research on this very issue.
Good luck to you as you find the balance that works for your family.
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Waverley
wife to Dh for 19 years, dd (16), dd (11), dd (8), ds (6), dd (4), dd (9-13-1996)
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Mixed Race/Minority Families - Help!
