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Syncletica
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| Posted: Jan 07 2010 at 5:08pm | IP Logged
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I am in desperate need of consequence ideas for my dawdlers and misusers of time. Lately, they've just about all been losing any treats/desserts for the day - just by not praying properly or arguing/bickering. (I've started saying, 'You need to be sweet in order to get sweets.)
Our day goes something like:
7:00-9:00 wake, rosary, morning prayers,saint of the day, brkfst, morning chores.
9:00-12:00 schoolwork
12:00-1:00 lunch
1:00-2:00 quiet time (quiet boxes include: spiritual reading, writing, math fact cards, scripture or saint quote memory work, handwriting/copywork, and art activity of some sort.)
2:00-3:00 music practice, finish schoolwork, begin chore packs
3:00-5:00 chore packs continued.
5:00 supper
6:00-bedtime - cleanup, baths every other night, ready for bed, some in bed by 7:00 others by 8:00-8:30
There seems to be hardly any free time. They dawdle so much, that their chore packs, if they worked diligently, would be done in about 30-45 minutes. Rarely are they done by supper. So, whereas I'm supposed to have an alternate kitchen helper and helper's assistant for making supper, they're often not done their chores in time to help.
Another example is laundry. If there are 2 loads that need sorting, they take one thing, hold on to it for a few minutes, maybe hit a sibling with it, goof off. Something that should only take 10 minutes, literally has taken close to 2 hours. It gets very frustrating.
They dawdle with after supper chores and getting ready for bed, so that where we might have time for a game or story, we often don't.
They dawdle with their schoolwork, so that it's hard to get to stuff we'd really like to do, was hoping to get to brainpop videos for the first time with them. Offering it as an incentive doesn't seem to help much. As I type this they are goofing off, and I've got to get to my kitchen and making supper already.
Losing their desserts/treats is a fairly good motivator for behaviour. I'm seeing some results. But I don't know what consequences to give for wasting their time. I've thought of taking away their free time, but they dawdle away so much of their chore time, that there no longer is any free time to speak of.
As a side note: I am usually doing chores at the same time as them, so I am working as well. Just not always able to see them when they are goofing off.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 07 2010 at 5:13pm | IP Logged
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They may not be able to see the time as being wasted.
What about breaking some of the jobs down and giving time limits.. setting a timer.. racing the clock type of thing. Also sometimes the only way to get anyone to work is simply to seperate them. have only one child sorting laundry and no one else in the vicinity. 
I'm going to hope others have more ideas too.
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Willa
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| Posted: Jan 07 2010 at 5:42pm | IP Logged
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Do you think it might work to try it the other way? have a given incentive/reward for each stage of the day, and the children that dawdle miss out?
Charlotte Mason recommends this -- though she mentions that the consequences should be more or less natural, not like bribes.
I don't have quite as structured a day as yours so the time pressure is not so great -- but I have built in little checkpoints, meals are good ones -- get X done before breakfast, Y before lunch, Z before afternoon free time. It takes a little time for the kids to get the hang of it -- eg, at the beginning of this year my kids were taking forever to get through their things -- but now they know the expectations and the rhythm and they mostly do OK.
Another thing I have done is have a "homework hour" in the evening or on weekends -- where the ones who haven't gotten through all the work during the normal times have to do extra when the others are free.
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: Jan 07 2010 at 6:24pm | IP Logged
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Maybe I am just not seeing it, but where is their free play time?
Perhaps if they had a couple of mid-day totally free play times where they could let off some steam before tackling the chores, they could come back from that ready to focus again? You might find that allowing a break after morning school time, just before lunch, plus another break after quiet time but before chores works wonders on attitudes.
Just a thought.
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us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
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melanie
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| Posted: Jan 07 2010 at 7:29pm | IP Logged
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I feel for you. No great solutions. My 9yo is TERRIBLE with this. My 13yo is just the opposite. She barrels through everything because she wants to be done. Anyway, with the 9yo, I have just had chores/schoolwork sandwiched in between things he will not want to miss out on. Like, his morning list and a certain amount of work (math, mostly) have to be done by lunch time. And the rest of his schoolwork (not much, I'm very much a minimalist with him this year) and his pick up chores in the room he's assigned to have to be done to have afternoon freetime, and definitely before dinner. His evening list has to be done in time to be able to read aloud before bed. Now, this is not foolproof. He misses a lot of free time because he will be wandering around stalling instead of doing what he is supposed to be doing. Many times he is wailing and gnashing his teeth because we have sat down to lunch and he is not ready to join us. So. I'm open for ideas, lol. Right now though, this at least spare me feeling like I have to be "on" him all day...the consequences are his own, and he's old enough I think to deal with them.
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homeschooling Maria (13yo), Kain (10yo), Jack (5yo), Tess (2yo), and our newest blessing, Henry Robert, born 4/23!
slightlycrunchycatholic.blogspot.com
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 07 2010 at 7:31pm | IP Logged
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So Theresa are you saying that they need to have free time before they will work not to miss it?
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G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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melanie
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| Posted: Jan 07 2010 at 7:31pm | IP Logged
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Oh, and right now...I am waiting for him to finish clearing the table and get ready for bed so that we can have time to read. Every 10 seconds he comes into the living room to ask me something or to make some comment or whatever. His bedtime is in 30 minutes, and we haven't read aloud yet, if he's not done in 15 minutes there won't be time to...so this is what I'm talking about.
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Melanie
homeschooling Maria (13yo), Kain (10yo), Jack (5yo), Tess (2yo), and our newest blessing, Henry Robert, born 4/23!
slightlycrunchycatholic.blogspot.com
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Maddie
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| Posted: Jan 07 2010 at 7:40pm | IP Logged
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when I am on top of my game, which is NOT now  , I used to give my biggest dawdler a little kitchen timer. I would factor in a little extra time as he gets distracted and discouraged very easily. It seemed to help him "see" the time better. He didn't seem to realize how the time was ticking when he would go off on little rabbit trails while doing chores.
This same kid is my outdoors man. He is constantly outside, up a tree, whatever, and he would fly through his work if he had several opportunities to go outside, even if it were only for 15-20 minutes at a time. He really needs that fresh air during the day.
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: Jan 07 2010 at 8:51pm | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
| So Theresa are you saying that they need to have free time before they will work not to miss it? |
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What I'm saying is that going ahead and allowing a little bit of free time can recharge their batteries so they can re-focus for chores and such.
Let me explain where I am coming from.
I remember when my ds was in public school for first grade. He was constantly being held back from recess by his teacher because he had not finished his seatwork. He was a dawdler. So he had to sit there at his desk until he finished and then he could join his classmates. Guess what. It didn't work. It didn't help him get done faster,it only made him miss the free time his brain so desperately needed at that point. The very fact that he was dawdling and couldn't finish his seat work should have been a clue that he needed a mental break. Making him sit there was exactly the wrong thing to do. What should have happened was that he should have gone out with his classmates, and if necessary been brought in a bit early to get his work done after he had the mental break he needed.
So, with that experience in mind, whenever I see that a child is dawdling, I always try taking a break, getting some physical exercise and fresh air, and re-starting with renewed focus. It works very well for us, so that is why I recommend it to others with children who are dawdling.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 07 2010 at 8:54pm | IP Logged
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hmm ok.. so what about the child who has just had free time and given a chore.. no great mental task though some focus needed.. and still they wander and pick up an item of dirty clothing and look it over and play with it, maybe swing it at a sibling and then put it in the hamper?
And because it takes 5 minutes (exageration.. I think) to pick up one item, everything takes way way longer than it should.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: Jan 07 2010 at 9:02pm | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
hmm ok.. so what about the child who has just had free time and given a chore.. no great mental task though some focus needed.. and still they wander and pick up an item of dirty clothing and look it over and play with it, maybe swing it at a sibling and then put it in the hamper?
And because it takes 5 minutes (exageration.. I think) to pick up one item, everything takes way way longer than it should. |
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If that is the case, then needing a mental break is not the underlying cause. That is when I suppose other motivational methods(timers, music,contests, races, proximity to mom, whatever works) would need to be employed 
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us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
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Willa
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| Posted: Jan 07 2010 at 10:45pm | IP Logged
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lapazfarm wrote:
| I remember when my ds was in public school for first grade. He was constantly being held back from recess by his teacher because he had not finished his seatwork. He was a dawdler. So he had to sit there at his desk until he finished and then he could join his classmates. Guess what. It didn't work. It didn't help him get done faster,it only made him miss the free time his brain so desperately needed at that point. |
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This is exactly what my oldest was like in parochial school in first and second grade. And they did the same thing --- kept him in. When I started homeschooling him I realized how very smart he was, but it just took him a very long time to process things. He badly needed down time. So there are kids like that, who will "stall" -- trying to slow down the pace so they can assimilate better. If it's any help, he went on to be a straight-A student at college. He just needed the time to mature.
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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drmommy
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| Posted: Jan 08 2010 at 8:20am | IP Logged
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I second Willa....maturity plays a lot in to it.
My 12 year old never finished last school year, and just goofed around all the time. This year, she is so much more responsible and has finished everything early. It is amazing what a year can do.
On the other end, my 10 year old was great last year...everything done on time, etc. and now she is the dawdler this year.
The key for me (yes, it is bribing) and my family is finding the dangling carrot. For example, my dawdler LOVES animals and the ranch we go to...no work, no ranch. And then I leave that "choice" up to them. I am not a spanker or yeller, but after a couple of times where she could not go, she makes sure her work is done now. When I say, "no problem..up to you" with a smile, that seems to work.
The older one, 12, likes park day. I use that "carrot" for her. Or riding her bike...no work, no bike. Once was enough for her. Then I say, "wow, that was a good choice" with a smile.
My 17 year old (boy, dawdler) was in ps until 11th grade. He was in trouble (talking) all the time in school, and had to stand on "the dot" outside during recess...which backfired, because he needed to wear off the energy. So, all he remembers in grade school is standing on the dot. Now, he is finally (finally!) learning to make better choice. Right now he has no car, no extras...all due to poor choices in not turning in his work. I tell him with a smile, "your choice". I find out he is seeing the truth...and I want him to know that his choices affect his future. So, now, he is finally thinking about the future and panicking (which is good for him) about the lack of work he had done before. This is the child I should have homeschooled from the beginning.
But, you have to take ideas and find out what works for your family and their needs. My parents used other methods (corporal punishment, etc) and I see the not too great fruits from that...but, you need to prayerfully consider what is best for your family's personality.
God bless you. Sorry about my posts, my mind goes faster than I can talk and explain things, so it is very choppy and more than likely bad English!
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melanie
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| Posted: Jan 08 2010 at 8:28am | IP Logged
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"so what about the child who has just had free time and given a chore.. no great mental task though some focus needed.. and still they wander and pick up an item of dirty clothing and look it over and play with it, maybe swing it at a sibling and then put it in the hamper?"
 Oh my,,that's exactly what it looks like here.
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Melanie
homeschooling Maria (13yo), Kain (10yo), Jack (5yo), Tess (2yo), and our newest blessing, Henry Robert, born 4/23!
slightlycrunchycatholic.blogspot.com
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anitamarie
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| Posted: Jan 08 2010 at 7:26pm | IP Logged
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When my kids are goofing off instead of working I usually say "You're making choices with your time. Is that what you want your play time to be?" or when they complain about not having time to play I remind them that they took it in small increments throughout the day (while they were supposed to be working), instead of all at once. They have wised up to the fact that there are no privileges without work being done. Work first, play second. As long as I enforce this, they stay on task pretty well.
Anita
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: dawdlers
