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SuzanneG
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| Posted: Nov 10 2009 at 1:25am | IP Logged
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A book that I refer to a lot is Dr. Ray's Discipline That Lasts a Lifetime. However, there is one thing I don't like about this book: THERE IS NO INDEX!!!! Or even a useful Table of Contents!! It is the book I go to the most when brainstorming parenting solutions, or to get perspective, yet it takes forever to find what I know is in there.....somewhere!
So, I made my own reference pages. In case this is helpful to anyone else, here is an expanded Table of Contents---for a quick glance or search for what you're looking for. I keep these pages folded in half in the front of the book.
2009-11-10_010608_Dr._Ray_Discipline_that_lasts_a_lifetime.d oc
From left to right:
**Page Number
**Official Chapter Title
**My re-write of the chapter title, if nec.
And, I'll put the text here, in case the file doesn't upload:
*********************************
Discipline That Lasts a Lifetime, by Dr. Ray Guarendi
::::::::::::Chapt. 1
15 Why Discipline? Discipline makes me feel mean.
18 The Will to discipline - Discipline is hard for me to do
20 Change of Life – Is it too late?
22 Reversing Directions - Change all at once? or gradually?
25 Discipline is good for the nerves - Do children want more discipline?
:::::::::::::Chapt. 2 - Discipline, Love in Action
29 Too many of a good thing – The “Experts”
32 Perscription Parenting - Psycho*babble
34 Do mistakes make maladjustments? - The fear of making child-rearing mistakes
38 It ain't over til it's over
41 A Healthy Fear – Should children never fear you or fear discipline?
43 The Spirit isn't weak – High-spirited-children
:::::::::::::Chapt. 3 Acting Not Yakking
47 Talk – it's cheap!
50 If then-ing
53 Word Storms - Lectures
56 They won't listen unless I get mad - Yelling
59 Kid Logic - Arguing
61 Asking for Trouble – Asking vs. Telling. Negotiable-parenting
64 Whys aren't always Whys - “I don't know.”
:::::::::::::Chapt. 4 Discipline – The Basics
69 On being Consistent
72 Playing the odds – more on being consistent
74 Keep on Persevering
76 Changing our minds—a parent's perogative
78 Misbehavior and Misbelief – Staying calm & 3 misbeliefs about misbehavior
81 Lengthening your fuse – 100% anger-free child-rearing. Ha!
:::::::::::::Chapt. 5 - Discipline – Multi purpose Consequences
85 KISS – Keep it SHORT and SIMPLE. Sit in Corner & Writing
88 Time out Time
91 Lots of Room - “Room Time” for elementary age and older
94 To write is right – Writing
98 Rules of the House – 1) Parents agree 2) For recurrent behavior 3) Automatic
100 Blackout – Complete shutdown of all privileges & benefits
104 Spare or Spoil – Spanking
108 Discipline Delegating – Giving kids a say in consequences?
:::::::::::::Chapt. 6 Discipline and the Nature of Kids
111 No End in Sight – Do children ever stop misbehaving?
113 The second most powerful factor - Temperament
116 The flesh is willful – Strong willed children?
119 Balancing the discipline scale – Disciplining one child more than the others
121 The Terrible Whats – Myths of “terrible twos” & other age-phrases
124 Life's a Stage – Myth of “Stages”
126 The Look of Discipline – Quiet Authority. “The Look.” Willingness to back up the “warning signals”
128 Of Diet and Defiance
:::::::::::::Chapt. 7 Misbehavior in Word
132 Words without End – Nagging
134 Days of Whine and Roses - Whining
136 I'm Ba-ack – Interrupting
139 The Juvenile Inquisition – Endless Questions
142 A Cure for Tattling – hear no evil
145 The Appeals Process – Going back and forth between mom & dad
147 Deft Denying Act – Lying and Denying
152 Boring me to tears - “I'm Bored” responses
155 Cutting back back-talk
162 With respect to feelings – Rules for “Open Communication” and expression of feelings
:::::::::::::Chapt. 8 Misbehavior in Deed
165 To pooped to pop – Potty training
168 Tantrums – normal? Abnormal?
173 Lost during the storm – kids losing temper. Primary and secondary purpose of Discipline:
175 Bedtime badtimes
179 Meal Ordeals
182 The Separating Peace – Trouble Separating
185 Nothing to toy with – Picking up Toys
188 Wardrobe Wars
189 School Phobia or What?
193 Car Trouble
197 The get-busy signal – While parent is on the Phone
199 Sibling Quibling
204 Sibling Mismatches – Sibling Bullying
206 Sibling Self-Solutions – Stay out of sibling conflicts?
208 Labor Relations with Children - Chores
213 Underachievement – School Problem #1
219 After School Discipline – Parental influence at school and with teachers
221 A Kids Room, no place for a house – Standards & Cleanliness for kids' rooms
224 For Whom the Bells Toll – Telephone Etiquette and Rules
228 All's fair in Love, War, and Curfews
233 Pick Your Battles
236 Statute of Limitations – Timing of Discipline. Immediate? Delayed?
:::::::::::::Chapt. 9 – Reacting to Discipine – A Kids Handbook
239 Don't discipline me, I won't like you
241 Laughing in the face of discipline
244 A Sorry state of affairs – Kids who say “I'm sorry.”
246 You don't love me – NOT!
248 Selective Hearing Loss – “I didn't hear you.”
250 Juvenile Memory Deficit - “I forgot.”
252 Just trying to cloud the facts, ma'am – Excuses & “buts”
255 Apathy – kids work at it - “I don't care.”
257 The Unfair Parent – “That's not fair.”
260 Parent Comparing
262 After all I've been for you. “You should be grateful!”
:::::::::::::Chapt. 10 – Disciplining Against the Flow
265 Good grief!
268 Strictly Speaking – Can a parent be too strict?
270 Rebelling without a cause. Can “too strict” lead to rebellion?
273 Generating Generational Tension – Grandparent opinions
275 Material Discomforts – Too much stuff
281 A Stream of Stuff – Everyone gives kids something everywhere they go
283 Friendly Persuasion - Friends
285 Old – Young - Wanting to be treated older than their age
287 TV or not TV
289 A Room with a View – TV in bedroom
292 Good by Comparison – Comparing Standards
294 The Right to Privacy -
297 Forced Contact – Teens not wanting to be with parents
300 Date and Age - Dating
302 Preaching more than you practice - “Do as I say, not as I do.”
304 One last time - NINE Core Truths about Good Discipline
1.Discipline is love in action.
2.Good discipline is grounded in good sense.
3.Good parents make mistakes, lots of them, and learn from them.
4.Strong discipline isn't complicated.
5.Discipline is action, not talk.
6.All discipline interacts with a one-of-a-kind object: a child.
7.Kids are wired to misbehave.
8.Humans resist discipline.
9.Good parents are misunderstood.
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Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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stefoodie
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| Posted: Nov 10 2009 at 4:25am | IP Logged
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Wow, Suzanne -- you are awesome. Printing out.  
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stef
mom to five
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Donna Marie
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| Posted: Nov 10 2009 at 9:26am | IP Logged
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Thanks Suzanne!...now I need to get this book... 
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God love you!
Donna Marie from NJ
hs momma to 9dc!!
Finding Elegant Simplicity
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Nov 10 2009 at 9:35am | IP Logged
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You're amazing, Suzanne!!! This is my go-to book...it's dog eared and worn!!!! I ought to have it memorized by now...but I don't! The missing index is a big gripe of mine, too! I downloaded yours and I'm shrinking it to fit in the back of my book!!!! You're brilliant!!! THANKS!!!!!!!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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JennyM
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| Posted: Nov 10 2009 at 9:29pm | IP Logged
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Wow! This is wonderful! I enjoyed reading Dr. Ray's book a few months ago-- before my daughter starting asserting her independence  -- and I too have sat for far too long trying to find that certain thing that I know is there somewhere. This will be so very helpful in the years to come, I'm sure. Many thanks! 
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JennyM
Wife to wonderful husband, mama to Anne (12/07), and two precious little ones with God
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my6angels
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| Posted: Nov 11 2009 at 8:45am | IP Logged
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Wow - thank you so much! I printed this and put it with my book!
God Bless!
Gina
Wife to Mark
Mama to Cecilia 10, Savanna 8, Leo 6, Neve 4, Fintan 2 and Aurelia 1
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Angel
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| Posted: Nov 11 2009 at 12:59pm | IP Logged
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Not to hijack the thread, but I noticed a lot of other books by the author out there, all of which sound interesting... any comments on his other books?
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Angela
Mom to 9, 7 boys and 2 girls
Three Plus Two
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Kathryn
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| Posted: Aug 24 2010 at 10:18am | IP Logged
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Thought I'd bump this up since I specifically went searching for it and there's been quite a few topics come up with discipline lately. May be it's trying to rein the kiddos in after all these "free" summer days.
Time to print and shrink this index for the back of my book now!
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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misswallo
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| Posted: Aug 24 2010 at 10:09pm | IP Logged
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Thank you so much..I love this book too, but you are right..it's so hard to find what you are looking for.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Dr. Ray-Discipline That Lasts a Lifetime
