4Real Forums: friends for 8yo ds

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Topic: friends for 8yo ds

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jenk
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Joined: Jan 25 2008
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Posts: 248

Posted: Nov 04 2009 at 10:29pm \| IP Logged

I'm not sure how to word this question because "where do your children find friends?" is not exactly what I mean.
Nor dO I exactly mean "what do you do when there are conflicts with friends?"

My youngest ds is a personable kid, plays well in groups- active things, legos, "pretend" and organized games. He gets along well with most kids, boys and girls but doesn't have "a buddy" if you know what I mean.

He does scouts, a drama club, homeschool game day, flag football, geography club and other things where we're around other kids. Most of these groups, other than scouts, involve interaction with mixed ages and my older son attends most of these as well. DS8 plays with kids his age but will also hang with ds14 and the older boys. My dh thinks he needs more friends his age and I can see some of that desire in my son as well.

These questions are prompted by an incident today at the park where ds was playing with a boy who I KNOW better than to allow him to play with for too long as this boy has been known to cause issues- not just with my son but I was talking and didn't leave soon enough

Anyhow, long story short- this boy told ds that one of his friend who they both know had "defriended" my son. Ds was really upset on the way home. I am upset that this boy said this to my son whether or not it's true. I told ds that the only reason someone would say something like that is to intentionally hurt feelings. We (dh also got involved) also told him that it really doesn't matter if the other child said that or not as long as he's still acting nice when they are together and if he's not, this is not a friend you'd want to have.

I thought this type of drama was exclusive to girls!
I'm not sure what to do, if there's anything I can do. I hurt for him when his feelings are hurt and would like to find a boy for him to pal around with but so far, while he does play well and seems to get along, we haven't run into good pal material. Any advice? Anyone else who's been there? Please tell me putting him in school isn't the answer (I already know that and it's not on my radar as an option but dh mentions it once in a while).

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Jen
with 2 boys, 14 and 8, and a girl expected 1/09

JodieLyn
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Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
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Posted: Nov 04 2009 at 10:39pm \| IP Logged

Nope, school would just be another group activity.

Why not try inviting a boy from some group he's already doing like scouts.. over for an afternoon.. give them some one on one time when there aren't others around that they think are judging them and give them some time to form a friendship.. not just a playing with the group thing.. If you think it might get off to a rough start.. invite them over for a particular activity.. maybe one of the extra activities in the scout book? so that they have time to get comfortable together.. give them a snack (something to do with themselves while not being directed) and plan it early enough to leave them some non-directed time at the end.

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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4

All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott

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