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LLMom
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| Posted: Oct 07 2009 at 4:38pm | IP Logged
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For those with teens and adult children, can you offer some suggestions for reconnecting strained relationships with your dc.
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Lisa
For veteran & former homeschool moms
homeschooling ideas
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Servant2theKing
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| Posted: Oct 08 2009 at 9:15am | IP Logged
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First, and most importantly, pray, pray, pray...for them, for your entire family, for anyone else in their life. Try to look at them as a little child behind those sometimes angry, disconnected or frustrated older eyes, imagining how Our Lord sees them and recalling all of the things you fell in love with when they were a vulnerable child...in many ways that vulnerable child still lives inside the heart of every teen or young adult who struggles with their parents.
Look for small ways to connect without pushing...
~make their favorite meal or dessert for no reason at all, except that you love them
~make sure to tell them when they've done well at something
~be an attentive listening ear when they need to vent or when they just want to talk about what's happening in their life...drop everything if necessary
~mention how much you appreciate the person they've become...look for things to commend
~write them a letter expressing how much you love them
~take responsibility for any contribution you may have made toward the difficulties between you, with humble & honest apology....
~All of the above ought to be done in companion with setting healthy, holy boundaries that let them know they can never be abusive or sinful in their actions toward parents, family members, or others.
Wait patiently for a few years, until they've made it through the "separating and forging their own identity years"...it doesn't last forever. I often view the teen and young adult years like a maginified version of the toddler years...keep reminding yourself, this too shall pass. During some pretty tough years in our family the words "Pray! Hope! Trust! and Hold Fast!" and the Scripture verse Jer. 29:11-14, were our lifelines. A phrase from St. Teresa of Jesus, "Love begets love" is another gift from the Lord that has served as a contiunal reminder that love really is the answer to many of life's greatest struggles.
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All for Christ, our Saviour and King, servant
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stellamaris
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With my older teens and young adults, I have found that it always is helpful to take them out somewhere. It doesn't have to be expensive, maybe just to get a cup of tea or a soda. I think having one-on-one time in a setting outside the home helps them open up and also feel that you really want to listen to them and relate to them.
You didn't really explain much about why you are having relationship trouble, or whether these are children you are still schooling or not. I think friction in the parent-child relationship is a pretty normal part of the "separating and forging their own identity years" (as Servant so perfectly put it). These years, usually falling somewhere between 16 or 17 and about 21 or so, are an intense time of trial and error and can be very difficult for both the young people and the parents. If this is what you are dealing with, it will pass. The hard part is to stick to your principles and still communicate your love to your child. You can expect them to fight your wise guidance and household rules , but they will actually listen and hear it, unbeknownst to you, and it will bear fruit later. You can also expect them to want your love, attention, and support (wherever you can truthfully provide it) more than at any other time in their lives.
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to  dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: strained relationships
