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Courtney
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| Posted: Oct 07 2009 at 9:09am | IP Logged
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My dd will be 12 next week  ! It seems literally like yesterday that I spent my days holding and nursing her. She's now 1 inch shy of being as tall as I am and her legs are longer than mine!
I find myself really working at moving past wishing we were still sitting around reading picture books and doing FIAR together. I guess if I had other littles (ds is 9...not to say he's not "little", he's still into doing pretty much whatever I suggest), maybe I wouldn't be feeling this melancholy. I know, too, I should be grateful and focus on the young lady she is becoming instead of wishing for days gone by.
I think part of this has been brought on by her desire to be doing totally different things than her brother. Last week, she balked about going on a nature walk. It's kind of similar to when your first holding your first little infant and can't imagin they'll ever have a tantrum or be in the "terrible 2's" phase. Maybe it's the age (mine or hers  )? I feel a bit more lately of her trying to pull back a little and establish her own identity apart from me or ds. However, she is so loving and constantly comes to me throughout the day to hug me and tell me she loves me.
Last year she made a point of expressing that she wanted her curriculum to be totally different from ds. This year she's doing MODG. We do religion and spanish together (with ds) and the rest she does independently with assistance from me when needed.
I don't really know the point of this post other than to express what's been in my head for the last few months and ask if anyone else has experienced this and how they moved beyond it.
Thank you!
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Courtney in Texas
Wife to Mike since 3/94 
Mom to Candace 10/97 ,Christopher 4/00 and Connor 11/11
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: Oct 07 2009 at 9:55am | IP Logged
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Courtney~
When reading your post, I immediately thought of a thread that Meredith started a couple years ago:
1 Girl, the Oldest, how to make special.
It's not "exactly" what you're asking, but may offer you some encouragement and smiles
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Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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JodieLyn
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Courtney, my oldest is also a girl and also 12. It's such a hard and confusing age. Especially, since society is giving one version (time to step away and stop being part of the family) and being at home and loving being part of the family still has a strong hold. i know my daughter is feeling rather out of step with the girls she "plays" with. And she is different. But myself, and well just about any adult, loves her difference. But it is hard on her. The nice thing is that I know this is a fairly short term problem. The early teens are harder on each other than older teens (in general).
I think it can be a good thing to let yourself miss the little girl she used to be, as long as you spend more time focused on the lovely young lady she's becoming.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Paula in MN
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My 10dd (soon 11) is on this same road. I, too, believe this is a short term issue. 
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Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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Carole N.
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Courtney, I am going through the same thing, but my dd is 14 and she is my youngest! She matured a bit later and I think that our move helped to keep her young for a bit longer. But she is very independent now. She likes to pick and choose what she wants to do. We do still have wonderful mother/daughter moments and conversations and they are wonderful.
I remember going through the same thing when I was growing up. My mother and I both survived those years and became very close afterwards.
But like you, I miss reading picture books and FIAR. It is hard to create an interest when she is reading the ancient Greeks this year!
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Carole ... in Wales
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Erin
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Courtney
I have experienced it, and I do have younger children and it hasn't made a difference, I still mourned that time with that child  How did I move beyond it? Well not very graciously, I mourned and carried on for a good while before I realised I had to move on.  Its all normal.
Look to the relationship you have with her now. Its a very special time, just new and different. But your relationship is slowly moving from mother/daughter to mother/daughter/friend. It's an exciting journey. 
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
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Sharyn
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I have been feeling like this lately, and my dd is only 9.
I do think that its also because, like Jodie said, our current society is not family friendly, for me there is this terrible fear that she'll get swept up in this and I won't pass on to her the things that I'd like to. That she'll look at me and say 'mum, thats not what people do anymore'.
I feel like saying 'stop', 'just hold still a moment while I become a better mother so I can give you all these wonderful things that I have planned for you'. And I see my good friends daughters who all seem to be growing into lovely young ladies, and I hope and pray I do right by my dd.
Its not that I want to stop her becoming a woman, its just that I'm so afraid our current society will speak louder than myself, and rob her of the gifts I would give her, of true Christ filled womanhood. And I feel I need to develop so much in myself yet so I can pass on what I would.....but time is slipping by so fast.....I find myself remembering those days when we would go for long walks by Botany Bay , just the two of us, looking at the crabs scuttling along beneath the water. I will treasure those memories.
Please God, may we all help our daughters to follow God's plan for them, may we be filled with grace and wisdom to do this task we've been blessed with.
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Mum to dd (00), ds (03), dd (04), ds (06), one in God's care (08), dd (09), ds (11), one in God's care (13), and ds (13)
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Courtney
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| Posted: Oct 08 2009 at 12:07am | IP Logged
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Thank you all so much for your suggestions and words of encouragement. It's funny how I mentioned this today, and today for the first time in MONTHS my dd and my ds played legos together! When she and I spend more time together, things seem to go smoother and she seems happier. I think one thing I'm going to do for her birthday is give her some kind of homemade gift certificate good for one night out with Mom once a month. I know she needs more one on one with me now more than ever. I know I will always have wonderful memories of her young childhood, and now I can build wonderful memories of her becoming a young lady. She and I do have a "date" this weekend together that I'm really looking forward to. Thank you all again!
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Courtney in Texas
Wife to Mike since 3/94
Mom to Candace 10/97,Christopher 4/00 and Connor 11/11
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Bookswithtea
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I went through a true grieving process when my oldest first hit the age when we couldn't just scrap the day and go outside and call it school. It is truly a homeschooling milestone for mommy, and not one that most moms seems to like, from what I can tell.
It helped to let myself be sappy and nostalgic (not in ds's presence, of course ). I needed time to realize we were in a new season. I didn't really see it coming.
Now my second child is in that transition. This is the second time I've had a child protest family based learning like nature walks or unit studies. I think some families pull it off, but my older kids all seem to want more independence and to not have to listen to what they perceive to be the more "babyish" aspects of family learning. Maybe its a personality thing? I let my oldest do the independent thing and it worked well in the end. With my next, she is doing most of her school independently, but I did find one thing that she does with me and her younger sister that seems to be working well. It helped me with the transition.
to you.
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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Courtney
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| Posted: Oct 08 2009 at 7:23am | IP Logged
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Thanks, Books. I think that's a big part of it for me...not being able to sit on the couch all day or play outside buiding fairy houses and call it school (at least not EVERY day!). I think, too, because dd has always been homeschooled, there's a perception in her mind that her ps friends are doing more difficult or "older" work. This month we're doing the Rosary lapbook together. I've told her she can put hers together however she likes, but we are going to learn about the rosary together.
Thanks for your support!
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Courtney in Texas
Wife to Mike since 3/94
Mom to Candace 10/97,Christopher 4/00 and Connor 11/11
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: accepting and embracing where they are
