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Sarah M
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My dh will be leaving early in September to train for a new job (on the other side of the country). He'll be gone for 6 months, and will only be able to visit us twice, for four days each.
I'm looking for ways to help the children cope while he's away (especially my 4yo son- who's Daddy's little right hand man). One friend suggested doing something special once a month, on the day he'll be back- for example, he returns to us March 25, so on the 25th of each month from Sep-Mar, go on a special outing of some sort. I love that idea.
What else can I do? My dh is a very hands-on, super-involved daddy, and his absence is going to be hard for us to adjust to. I'm trying not to whine- I know it's only 6 months and military wives do this kind of thing for much longer periods, under more stressful circumstances. Just needing some ideas.
Thanks, ladies. 
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JodieLyn
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Well something to mark off the days will help with all the "when will daddy be home" questions.. and I think it's easier to see less of something rather than more.. so instead of marking off days on a calender.. hanging up a little something that you take off one each day will help it be more visual that the days are getting shorter.
Talking to daddy on the phone will help.
Having special assignments from daddy for the "man" of the house, can help him feel like he's helping daddy.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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KauaiCatholic
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oh Sarah ... to you and your children! we will certainly be lifting you all up in prayer.
I only have a few tips from when we had to be apart for a few months; I'm sure those amazing military moms will have more.
some things my son loved: regular postcards, a book from where DH was (that we read EVERY NIGHT before bed), and pictures of papa taped at unusual places we'd see often (near the toothbrushes was especially helpful, since DH is the main toothbrush enforcer).
some things my DH loved: a picture frame alarm clock with DS's picture and voice recorded on it, love notes sprinkled throughout his luggage (and taped to his toiletries), kid e-mails transcribed by me.
we ALL appreciated a set, regular time to expect a phone call. if that's possible, it really helped.
HANG IN THERE!
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 Viviane
Grateful mama of Jonah Augustine ('01), Sophia Marie ('05) and Luke Dominic ('10)
We can do no great things; only small things with great love. -- Blessed Teresa of Calcutta
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mom2mpr
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My dh traveled for 2 years and was only home one weekend a month when out of the country and every other weekend when in the US. The longest we were apart was 8 weeks. That assignment was in Japan and the weekend thing got messed up.
My ds just turned 5 and dd was a newborn.
--I agree a regular time for phone calls-if possible with work times and time changes. We enjoyed him in England as he called first thing in the morning to talk to us--that time worked best of all his assignments. The late night calls were harder.
--Dh bringing home some "culture," photos and treats from his work place was fun. Even when he was in the US he had adventures and things to share.
--One thing we found wonderful was frequent e-mails. I would tell him the silly, hard and mundane parts of our days and he would feel connected. And with e-mail there are no time issues. We had some of our best married conversations during this time by e-mail  You know, the emotions and interruptions are absent. Ds would dictate his e-mails to me and loved getting a response.
--When Daddy was home it was Disneyland time. We pretended we were on vacation and just enjoyed being together. We are still trying to regain a normal family life as the kids and dh enjoyed this. He works a lot now but travels infrequently, but they all feel we should live Disney now, too.
--Neighbors and friends were so helpful. If you have those supports, use them. I could have never done this type of life without them. They knew I was alone and would plow my driveway (without being asked), cut my grass, call and check on me, call when they were going to the grocery, etc.
--Keeping the kids busy was key, too. Ds had gymnastics and we did a lot of library programs and soccer. It helped him get his boy energy out and gave me a chance to rest
It will be over before you know it. Those 2 years were the fastest years of our married life--we both were so busy!
Anne
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missionfamily
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Sarah--Could you guys make a Flat Stanley type project to carry out while he is away. A friend whose fiance was away in foreign mission printed an 8 X 10 of his face, traced his body on brown shipping paper, and made a life-sized Eric. She took a photo with it every day and e-mailed it to him...seems like something the kids would love to do for Daddy. When he got home, they could work on putting all the photos in a scrapbook.
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Colleen
dh Greg
mom to Quinn,Gabriel, Brendan,Evan, Kolbe, and sweet St. Bryce
Footprints on the Fridge
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Mary Chris
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Sign up for Skype. We used it almost everyday when my dh was in Kuwait.
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Blessings, Mary Chris Beardsley
mom to MacKenzie3/95, Carter 12/97 Ronan 3/00 and wife to Jim since 1/92
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guitarnan
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Have Daddy videotape or tape-record (or burn on CD) some favorite read-alouds. That way, he can still "read" to the children at night.
Be prepared for those days when he just misses you and the children so much that it's too hard for him to look at pictures or videos. That's okay...he can catch up when he returns.
Have the children create cards small care packages for special (and non-special - like "It's National Toothbrush Day!") days. It's fun to send things to Dad!
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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KC in TX
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Mary Chris wrote:
| Sign up for Skype. We used it almost everyday when my dh was in Kuwait. |
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That's what I was going to suggest. My kids drew pictures for their daddy. I'm not sure what we'll do this time around but Skype will help.
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KC,
wife to Ben (10/94),
Mama to LB ('98)
Michaela ('01)
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And, my 2 angels, Rose ('08) and Mark ('09)
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Stephanie_Q
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Sarah M wrote:
| I'm trying not to whine- I know it's only 6 months and military wives do this kind of thing for much longer periods, under more stressful circumstances. |
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No need to apologize - we have been having a hard time since my dh got a promotion and has less time at home than we're used to - but it's still time every day! You've gotten a lot of good advice, just wanted to share my sympathies from one mom of littles to another - particularly since I have a 4yo right-hand man, too. He needs a lot of daddy time and we have more discipline problems when he doesn't get it - no particular advice, but something you might have to be prepared for that others can help you with.
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Stephaniedh 6.01
dd 6.02, dd 8.03, ds 3.05, ds 12.06 at Catholic school.
dd 12.09 at home.
Baby boy due 10.13
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Elizabeth
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A private blog. Let the kids post pictures and notes to him, upload pictures and such. Keep it private so you'll post whatever, whenever, and you'll have a journal of your time apart. The nice thing about a blog is that it's there when he can get to the computer, even if it's the middle of the night and the time difference doesn't play against you quite the way it does with Skype and the phone. Of course, Skype and the phone are the first choice options:-).
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Mary Chris
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I also signed up for a gmail account that we shared. We were each able to upload pictures to it and there is also a calendar function. I didn't have to worry about sizing my pics for email that way. Also, the calendar gave him an idea what was going on in our days.
Before dh went away he took each child out for the day just with dad. He took the camera and posed for pictures at each stop. Then he printed them out and put them in a book. He did read a book at a USO sponsored event which was really cool.
I am a total flake. I told my dh not to expect many care packages...I love him dearly but I was to busy keeping the kids alive to spend time at the post office.
Oh and totally cut yourself a break! It is only six months, if they only vegetables they eat are carrots and sugar snap peas.....IT IS OKAY!!!!! Sorry don't mean to yell.
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Blessings, Mary Chris Beardsley
mom to MacKenzie3/95, Carter 12/97 Ronan 3/00 and wife to Jim since 1/92
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snowbabiesmom
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Skype is the best thing. we used it every day we could when dh was deployed.
also, regular prayer time with daddy. Set a time with dad to pray the Rosary. even half way across the ocean, we felt a connection by praying at the same moment.
short term rewards.. to get a week closer like Macho Nacho night every Friday night. Use a cookie sheet and eat around the coffee table. this helped us get through back when there was no skype and phone calls were 45 days apart
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knowloveserve
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great ideas here! After 4 deployments, I can only add a couple things:
1- Establish a routine. Routines are lifesavers during separations; I don't know why, but somehow they are... at least this is the consensus from military families I know. I'd have been a lost weeping cause had I not blocked out my entire day on paper.
2- Do something like a paper chain countdown with little treat days thrown in "1st week done!" "Halfway mark!" etc., then go for ice cream or do something special on those days.
Best wishes! I love the quote: "Distance is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great."
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The Bleeding Pelican
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cheesehead mom
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Go to mass as often as you can and make sure you get your daily prayer time in--you will need the grace and will be able to be a much nicer mom! Plan some park trips and play dates regularly--my kids really get wiggly when Dad is gone and not here to rough house with them!
God Bless-
Laura
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guitarnan
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What Mary Chris said. Cut yourself a break - buy frozen pizza once in a while, or box mac and cheese, and eat off paper plates on those days. Use the extra time FOR YOU. (Read, pray, walk, chat with a friend...) You will need recharge time and it can be hard to find ways to afford sitters or even bring yourself to leave your children.
Create a weekend "routine" - weekdays are easier but those long, long weekend days are just awful. And the lawn always needs mowing, ugh. If you have a weekend plan that the children can use every Saturday and Sunday that time will go faster.
If you're a planner, make an emergency plan and discuss it with dh before he goes. Know where all the papers are, which car you'll take, where you'll go, etc. (I am weird; I even have a plan for a dirty bomb attack on DC...) It really helps me to know that dh knows where I'd go if a hurricane hit - I know what to pack and he knows what I will do. Once my plan is made, I can forget about it, which is nice. (And when relatives ask about Hurricane Bill, I can say that dh and I have a plan!)
You are definitely not whining. Six months is a long time in a child's life. You are right to think ahead and try to make this experience as painless as possible. (And even long-time military wives are known to whine, on occasion...!!!)
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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sewcrazy
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My dh travels every week, and even when "home" is not physically present in the home during children's waking hours.
The phone is our best friend  Each one gets to call when they wake in the morning, again when they finish their school work, finally they call dad right after bath time. They tell dad about their day and he reads them a story over the phone. They like that they can conect with him consistently each day.
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LeeAnn
Wife of David, mom to Ben, Dennis, Alex, Laura, Philip and our little souls in heaven we have yet to meet
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anitamarie
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My dh takes pictures of where he is and emails them to us. He even gets in the pictures sometimes.
We use gmail so we can chat, for free.
Have people you can call on the bad days who will take your kids at a moment's notice so you can take a break.
There will be a day when you need that.
Can you do a short getaway to a relative's (read Grandparents) now and again? Change of scene always helps us.
This is hard. Don't feel bad for thinking this is hard. It is.
God Bless,
Anita
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: When Daddy is away
