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teachingmyown
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| Posted: July 16 2009 at 8:11pm | IP Logged
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As I lay in bed this morning, I was debating with myself about the merits of getting out of bed while still very tired. The house was quiet, the baby asleep next to me, and I could barely open my eyes. But this wasn't 6 am, it was 8am. My alarm was going off and I have been enjoying getting up before the kids the last couple of weeks. Yet, I tend to be so tired day after day. With it being summer, there is really nothing pressing to get me up, just that feeling of losing time from my day. Napping isn't an option. And, as I do with all of my internal debates, I thought, "I wonder what other 4Real moms would do in this position". 
So, what do you think? Would you sleep in if all were quiet? When do you push yourself to get up and when do you give in to the exhaustion and take advantage of the quiet? Somehow, sleeping in seems to have negative connotations for a mom. However, I often hear moms mention getting in a nap and there doesn't seem to be a stigma around it. Is there a difference?
Maybe I should just go to bed instead of rambling on about sleep!
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Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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Mary K
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| Posted: July 16 2009 at 9:26pm | IP Logged
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it would depend on how well i slept that night and how busy the day is going to be. i tend to wake jut before 7am and can't get back to sleep. if i do sleep later, i'll pick a day my dh is home to hold down the fort. never sleep in on a sunday-it makes for a less than holy experience!!
mary-ny
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: July 16 2009 at 9:28pm | IP Logged
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If I'm tired and have nothing pressing and can do so.. I'd go back to sleep.. there is no virtue in exhaustion.. and much near occation of sin.. as in lack of sleep often = lack of patience, lack of tolerance, lack of self-control, low frustration thresholds etc. when there is no need it's much better for all of us if mom can get enough sleep. 
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Sarah M
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| Posted: July 16 2009 at 11:47pm | IP Logged
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I enjoy getting up earlier than my children to exercise and pray, but in the summer (since they are staying up later at night) and during other times of exhaustion- I give myself the grace of that extra hour (or two!). Don't feel guilty about giving yourself what you need, Molly! Whether it's an extra hour of sleep or an extra hour of quiet in the morning- do what your body and your soul needs most. 
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Martha in VA
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Molly, you are asking some great questions that I am often asking myself these days as I battle sleep deprivation. For me, a lack of sleep affects EVERY other aspect of my life so much that the possibility of an extra hour would usually always win out over anything else. If I'm better rested, then my prayers are more coherent and I'm definitely more charitable to my family. I use Brayden's nursing times throughout the date to pray or read - those things I would normally do early in the morning while the house is still. It's not my preferred way of doing things but it's how it must be for now.
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Mackfam
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teachingmyown wrote:
| So, what do you think? Would you sleep in if all were quiet? When do you push yourself to get up and when do you give in to the exhaustion and take advantage of the quiet? Somehow, sleeping in seems to have negative connotations for a mom. However, I often hear moms mention getting in a nap and there doesn't seem to be a stigma around it. Is there a difference? |
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First, I will disclose in the interest of complete honesty that I am NOT a morning person by nature...I'm a night owl! If left to my own nature, I'd sleep in every day! And, perhaps that is why God gave me the children He did....because they are ALL morning people. Brace yourself...they rise between 5 and 5:30 every morning...naturally...with no alarm. I know...insane! 
So, I had to develop some different habits of thought and action about the morning and rising times. Here's where I've landed:
Times of pregnancy, family sickness, extreme stress, postpartum - the sleep account is overdrawn!
I absolutely positively allow myself to feel no guilt about sleeping when my body tells me it needs sleep!!!! Think of the body's sleep reservoir as a bank - when you've overdrawn, you feel it! You need to make some deposits!!!
If all is quiet and I am able - I sleep whenever the opportunity presents itself - morning or afternoon. Listening to my body in these times is altogether different than listening to myself lay in bed and whine internally about not wanting to get up (not implying that you do this, Molly - this is what I do!) So, anytime our family routine is somewhat off it's a no-brainer - I sleep when I can get it!
Times of normal family routine - the sleep account is full!
I mortify myself and get up! It isn't easy, but it is a habit I have worked very hard on and I've seen great fruit.
Here are some quotes that have been helpful for me:
St. Augustine (On the Good of Matrimony)
Quote:
| I prefer virtue to austerity. That is why we must cultivate penance and mortification as a proof of our true love for God and for our neighbor. |
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In Conversation With God 8.2
Quote:
| Another field of mortification in which we can show our love for God is in the exemplary fulfillment of our duty, by working intensely, for example; by not leaving unpleasant tasks for later; by struggling against mental laziness; by taking care of little things - order, punctuality and so on; by facilitating the task of someone who works alongside us; by offering up the tiredness that all hard work brings with it. By these little victories over ourselves, whilst we work and in our relations with other people - on every possible occasion - we are able to show that we love God above all things, and in particular that we love him more than ourselves. By means of these mortifications we raise ourselves up towards him; by not doing them, we remain rooted to the ground. Those little sacrifices we offer up throughout the day prepare our souls for prayer and fill us with joy. |
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I like to think of St. Therese when she would inwardly rejoice about the tiniest of victories because that is what I do when I get up at 5 am and stumble towards the coffee cup!
In Conversation With God 2.3
Quote:
| These mortifications, intentionally sought out through love of God, will be of great value in helping us to overcome laziness, to counter selfishness which seems ready to burst out at every moment, to be aware of pride, etc. <snip> Other mortifications can be directed towards overcoming our desire for comfort, at keeping a guard over our internal and external senses...They do not have to be very big things, but we do need to acquire the habit of doing them with constancy and for love of God. |
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These thoughts were helpful in forming my conscience. I'd like to say it gets easier...but it doesn't really. However, I am relieved when I get up and am immediately faithful to the daily duty. And, when that pattern of habit is established, everyone in the family seems to benefit. Our days are sooooooooo much smoother, and I seem to be more naturally able to roll with things. So, while I can't say that getting up punctually is easy (it isn't for me!), I can say that I do experience great joy as a result. I really doubted that I would, but I do. I have really come to love the beauty in the early morning hours as well as the practicality of being able to tend to so much of the daily duty with what seems like super-human ability (could it be the coffee?  )
I don't know if this is helpful at all, Molly.
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Jen Mackintosh
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Martha in VA
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Mackfam wrote:
First, I will disclose in the interest of complete honesty that I am NOT a morning person by nature...I'm a night owl! If left to my own nature, I'd sleep in every day! And, perhaps that is why God gave me the children He did....because they are ALL morning people. Brace yourself...they rise between 5 and 5:30 every morning...naturally...with no alarm. I know...insane!
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OK, from one night owl to another, I have a question!
I LOVE the early morning hours even though I'm a night owl. However, I can't imagine going to sleep early. I've been know, in my fitter days mind you , to hop on our treadmill at 9:30 p.m. It's not uncommon at all for me to get in bed at midnight. Jennifer, if you're rising that early, certainly you must be going to bed early? How do you do that as a night owl?
Martha in VA
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Michaela
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teachingmyown wrote:
| Would you sleep in if all were quiet? When do you push yourself to get up and when do you give in to the exhaustion and take advantage of the quiet? |
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I sure would....and yesterday, I did. 
I am up at 4:30a.m with my hubby each morning.
Yesterday, after he left to work, I decided to go back to bed. Usually, I'm up to begin my day (pray, clean, email, cook breakfast, all before the rest of the house stirs). My body let me know it would be a rough day if I didn't get some more rest. I can't depend on an afternoon nap. I woke up just after 9am, and for some reason all of my children were STILL ASLEEP, too!
Sleeping in isn't something that happens often, but the benefits to everyone was noticeable (I was patient and even tempered -- no moody momma.) Yes, it put me behind and the doorbell rang just before 10a.m., but it was worth it.
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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Mackfam
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| Posted: July 17 2009 at 9:10am | IP Logged
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Martha in VA wrote:
| Jennifer, if you're rising that early, certainly you must be going to bed early? How do you do that as a night owl? |
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It's a mortification as well.
Sometimes  I stay up anyway and reward myself with something fun because I managed to get something done that day that I was really dreading doing.
BUT USUALLY, the habit of rising early naturally causes the body to respond in turn and I feel tired around 10. That's the normal bedtime for me and it seems to work. Bed by 10, up at 5:30. Just as it's important to respond when the body is feeling exhaustion and provide necessary sleep, it's important in developing this habit to listen to the body's normal daily rhythms.
Sometimes, when I'm feeling particularly overdrawn in the sleep bank department, I have to mortify myself further and actually go to bed really early...like 8 or 9...because regardless of how I'm feeling in the morning my children are going to be up and ready for the day very early. They don't ease into the day - they are down and dressed at 5:30ish...this morning they had had their breakfast and were out on their bikes "Tour de France-ing" at 6 am - how crazy is that?!
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Mimip
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Oh, such a great thread.
First I am the perpetual night owl. I am with Martha, I could very well be starting on a project at 9 pm but I do have to say that my dh works the evening shift and does not get home until 11 pm. I have made a conscience decision to be awake and alert when he gets home soooo, that means that I am in bed every night, that he works, between 11:30 and 12. It is hard and my "normal" wake up time is between 6 and 6:30. That means on Sun, Mon, Tues and Wed mornings I arise with only 6 hours of sleep. It only works when, in Jen words, my sleep account is full and I am not post partum, nursing or pregnant.
Second only you know the amount of sleep that will allow you not to have to go to confession on Saturday I know for me sleep is as important as what I put in my body and I need to honor that.
Third St. Josemaria Escriva speaks of that heroic moment when God's Will beats out the human Will. I think of this many times when I struggle to wake up in the morning and even go as far as to picture myself as a hero (its a funny picture; I'll leave it as that) On the days when I whine to myself and know that I should be up, those are the days that go best if I make the extra effort (x10) to wake up.
An idea just popped into my mind... what if we pray for one another right when our alarms go off? Just a small prayer of encouragement to help us all wake into the Will of God at that "heroic moment"
I'll be praying for you all tomorrow, especially you Molly.
Lots of
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Mimi
Wife of 16 years to Tom, Mom of DD'00, DD'02, '04(in heaven) DS'05, DS'08 and DS '12
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Martha in VA
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Mackfam wrote:
| They don't ease into the day - they are down and dressed at 5:30ish...this morning they had had their breakfast and were out on their bikes "Tour de France-ing" at 6 am - how crazy is that?! |
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Oh, what your neighbors must think!!
What time do your kids get to bed??
Mimi, great idea about praying for one another!
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Mackfam
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| Posted: July 17 2009 at 9:35am | IP Logged
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Martha in VA wrote:
Mackfam wrote:
| They don't ease into the day - they are down and dressed at 5:30ish...this morning they had had their breakfast and were out on their bikes "Tour de France-ing" at 6 am - how crazy is that?! |
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Oh, what your neighbors must think!!
What time do your kids get to bed??
Mimi, great idea about praying for one another! |
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We have family Rosary at 7:30, Read Aloud time after that, and bedtime ends up being around 8ish...give or take. My oldest dd stays up to read sometimes.
We're out in the country so the neighbors aren't close...or I might restrain them a little more in the mornings.
And, Mimi, that is a great idea to pray for one another to:
mimip wrote:
| help us all wake into the Will of God at that "heroic moment" |
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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lovebeingamom
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| Posted: July 17 2009 at 9:43am | IP Logged
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Sarah M wrote:
| I enjoy getting up earlier than my children to exercise and pray, but in the summer (since they are staying up later at night) and during other times of exhaustion- I give myself the grace of that extra hour (or two!). Don't feel guilty about giving yourself what you need, Molly! Whether it's an extra hour of sleep or an extra hour of quiet in the morning- do what your body and your soul needs most. |
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Sarah M - how do you do it - getting up before your kids to exercise and pray? What time do you get up? What time do your kids get up?
I am feeling a bit drained these days and trying to make *everything* work. Maybe my expectations are unrealistic?!?! I currently have two blessings (ages 2.5 yo & 10 mo). I find it so exhausting to get out of bed at 6:30 am when DD (2.5 yo) wakes up. DS (10 mo) will still sometimes wake in the middle of the night for another nursing - is that normal???? Then trying to exercise, pray, chores, daily routine, etc. How do you all do it??????
I know in my heart, the first thing that needs to happen is prayer. My brother tells me all the time ... "if you only have 15 minutes for God, then you need to spend more time with Him". So true!!!!!!!
Thanks for this post.
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DominaCaeli
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My two toddlers have always been early risers (6am at the latest), but we have them stay in their bedrooms and play until we come in to get them at 7am. Before my baby daughter was born, I used to take that opportunity to sleep in until I had to go in there and get them--but I never liked the feeling of just rolling out of bed and heading straight into the kids' room to start the day.
When my baby daughter was born, I began waking up early (by necessity ) and going to sleep early, and my body now seems to like that schedule. So even though she's sleeping through the night now, I'm continuing to wake up at around 5:20am to get a run in or start my daily chores (I exercise every other day, with my hubby taking my off days). The baby still gets up before 6am, but she usually wakes up happy, so hubby just brings her in with him while he's getting dressed for work. I never thought I would be waking up voluntarily before 5:30, but it seems to work. And thanks to rising early, going for a long run in the mornings, and then putting in a full day's work with the kids, I'm in bed and asleep by 10pm. I used to have such a problem falling asleep, but not anymore!
To speak to the original question, though, I would sleep that extra hour now and then, Molly. I get a nap in on Saturday afternoons while the kids nap, and I can't describe how much that extra hour or so helps me through the rest of the week! I also don't wake up early on Sundays--it's a day of rest! It's certainly an opportunity for virtue and sacrifice to get up when one doesn't want to, but like the other ladies have said here, I don't think it's weakness to sleep when you're body really, really needs it.
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Celeste
Joyous Lessons
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stellamaris
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I guess I am at a different time in life than some of the younger moms. In the past, I always rose very early and had everything "together" in the a.m. In recent years, I have been through a very trying time physically and as a result I have a much more of an appreciation for the value of sleep, especially in our vocations as wives and mothers. Too much sleep deprivation can result in physical collapse. I pushed and pushed myself for years, then I had twins and another one a year later, as well as those teenage night owls and menopause...it was a recipe for disaster! I suffered from almost complete adrenal failure. It is crucial at this stage in our lives to try and get the sleep we need however we can. One book that has helped me tremendously is Fatigued to Fantastic. There is also a web site-vitality.com- that sells a product called "Revitalizing Sleep Formula", which is an herbal formulation, that has been very helpful in allowing me to actually get a deeper sleep- a real problem during this hormonal phase of life! Molly, I would SLEEP IN if I were you, knowing what I know now, and let the rest of the house go! My mortification consisted in not getting up to do more, but in letting go of "more" to nourish and heal my body so I could be a better wife and mother. In fact, my spiritual director even put me under obedience to NOT clean my house as often and to let it be messy. That was truly an exercise in detachment, let me tell you  ! School work consisted of basic subjects for the littles and read-alouds, while my high schoolers were essentially on their own. They are all doing fine in college now; you can let some things go and care for yourself.
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Caroline
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Michaela
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stellamaris wrote:
| Too much sleep deprivation can result in physical collapse. |
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If you are "tired day after day", there is nothing wrong with sleeping in one morning when you've been BLESSED with the opportunity (nothing pressing - children sleeping)!
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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Sarah M
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Mackfam wrote:
| They don't ease into the day - they are down and dressed at 5:30ish...this morning they had had their breakfast and were out on their bikes "Tour de France-ing" at 6 am - how crazy is that?! |
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Oh my goodness.  I got tired just reading that!
God bless you, Jen. I feel like it's a sacrifice if my kids get up before 7.
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Sarah M
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lovebeingamom wrote:
Sarah M - how do you do it - getting up before your kids to exercise and pray? What time do you get up? What time do your kids get up?
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I think I wrote that I "enjoy getting up before my kids..." which isn't entirely true. I enjoy it once I'm up and thoroughly caffeinated. The getting-out-of-bed part is a major struggle for me, though.
I work out at 6 am with my next-door neighbor, so that's what gets me up. She'll be waiting outside in the cold for me unless I get my hiny up and out there. She recently had a baby, and we're breaking from our morning workouts. I haven't been able to get up at 6 am since. This has been a struggle for me, because I'm not very good about getting daily prayer in unless I do it early in the morning. So if I sleep till my kids wake up (around...ahem....8:00- Jen, don't throw tomatos at me!), it's harder to get a workout and daily prayer in my day. And then I feel guilty. Although I do feel more well rested.
The other thing is that my kids are all 3 (almost 4!) and up. In my opinion it is *much* harder to wake early in the morning with babies in the house. So give yourself some grace.
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CrunchyMom
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St. Francic de Sales was a strong believer in "early to bed early to rise..."
"Every one must take so much of the night for sleep, as his constitution, and the profitable performance of his day’s work, requires. Holy Scripture continually teaches us that the morning is the best and most profitable part of the day, and so do the examples of the Saints and our natural reason. Our Lord Himself is called the Sun, risinig upon the earth, and our Lady the Day-star; and so I think it is wise to go to sleep early at night in order to be ready to waken and rise early. Moreover, that is the pleasantest, the freshest, and the freest hour of the day,—the very birds stimulate us to rise and 221 sing God’s praises. Early rising promotes both health and holiness."
"DANCES and balls are things in themselves indifferent, but the circumstances ordinarily surrounding them have so generally an evil tendency, that they become full of temptation and danger. The time of night at which they take place is in itself conducive to harm, both as the season when people’s nerves are most 256 excited and open to evil impressions; and because, after being up the greater part of the night, they spend the mornings afterwards in sleep, and lose the best part of the day for God’s Service. It is a senseless thing to turn day into night, light into darkness, and to exchange good works for mere trifling follies."
And as part of an examen, "In deed—do you indulge in anything prejudicial to your health,—I mean useless idle pleasures, unprofitable night-watches, and the like?"
So, from my perspective, it seems the mortification comes the night before more so than the morning of. If you are up all night with a restless baby, then I would say by all means, take an extra hour and be a more pleasant mom! But if your fatigue in the morning is due to lack of discipline in getting to bed at night, that would be the place to start. If it just feels cozy to be in bed but you have gotten enough sleep, I think one should mortify their will and hop out of bed.
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Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
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[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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teachingmyown
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Good point, Lindsay. I do have a hard time getting to bed. I tend to push through the early evening tiredness and get a second wind which sometimes finds me doing laundry or researching things online at midnight.
I always thought I was a night person, but I do love the morning. I now need the discipline to turn my schedule around. Dh is also a night owl and will be up late reading or playing a game. We have a bunch of kids who follow our example and take forever to fall asleep and sleep late, compared to other families.
I do legitimately have the excuse of a co-sleeping toddler who wakes me often to nurse. But, at the same time, I do allow myself to slack a schedule and it catches up with me.
I appreciate everyone's answers, though. I tend to compare myself to other moms and feel guilty that I am not up exercising or praying at 6 am. Well, okay, maybe 7am, let's not get crazy!
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: To sleep or not to sleep
