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Barbara C.
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| Posted: July 11 2009 at 9:03pm | IP Logged
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Ever since I first learned about NFP and charting my cycles (after the birth of my first daughter), I've often thought about how amazing it would have been to have learned about this in my teen years. I think charting my cycles would have given me more confidence with what was happening in my body.
So, far my oldest daughter (6 1/2) has been told very basics about the menstrual cycle: we have eggs in our body, one is released every month, if a baby is made the baby grows inside, if a baby is not made than a woman will bleed for a few days.
Hopefully, we are a good six or more years away from her experiencing this herself (if genetics is any indicator). However, I was wondering if any of you had taught your teen daughters how to chart their cycles? What was their reaction? And at what point did you discuss the mechanics of how the egg gets fertilized?
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Barbara
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Michaela
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| Posted: July 13 2009 at 9:09am | IP Logged
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I don't have a teenaged daughter, but I imagine simple charting is not unusual. (a simple tracking system)
When I started my cycle, my mom told me to use a calendar and put an X on the days I had my cycle. All I knew was it would help me to estimate when I would have my cycle the following month. (I had witnessed several girls having to call home for a change of clothes or change into their gym clothes when they were surprised during school--they weren't taught to track so they'd be aware about when their cycle would start during a month.) Also, it was necessary when I went in for regular check ups. The doctor would ask for "the first day of my last cycle" -- I had no other information than that.
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SuzanneG
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Barbara ~ Sara Fox Peterson had an article about this on CatholicMom.
Here is the section specifically on Daughters: (emphasis mine)
Quote:
I believe that it is extremely important that girls/young women are taught the physiological basics of NFP (what cervical mucus is and what it indicates), usually at around the same time that they are taught about menstruation. I have talked to a truly astonishing number of educated, intelligent women who, after a first lesson in NFP, say “Oh that’s what that (cervical mucus) is! I always thought there was something wrong with me or that I had an infection when I saw that." All women - even young ones - have the right to understand how their bodies work and to be prepared for and comfortable with all of the changes they will observe throughout their menstrual cycles.
There is also statistical evidence* that girls/young women who can see that they are fertile each cycle are far more likely to value their fertility and sexuality and guard them appropriately. And a woman who has been observing her fertility (even casually) for years will usually find it relatively easy to trust that NFP will work for her should she need to avoid pregnancy once she is married.
The Pontifical Council for the Family’s document, The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality,** deals extensively with the duties, rights and solemn responsibilities of parents in educating their children about all aspects of sexuality, and specifically on the subject of a young girl’s entry into puberty it says this:
“Another important task for parents is following the gradual physiological development of their daughters and helping them joyfully to accept the development of their femininity in a bodily, psychological and spiritual sense. Therefore, normally, one should discuss the cycles of fertility and their meaning . . . Instruction for both girls and boys should aim at pointing out the beauty of motherhood and the wonderful reality of procreation, as well as the deep meaning of virginity. In this way they will be helped to go against the hedonistic mentality which is very widespread today and particularly, at such a decisive stage, in preventing the ‘contraceptive mentality’ which unfortunately is very common and which girls will have to face later in marriage” (90-92, emphasis original).
Teenage girls usually don’t need to be taught to keep a chart or the rules for avoiding pregnancy and really these things are best left until a couple is preparing for marriage, both because family planning is meant to be a shared responsibility and it is easier for it to feel that way if the means are learned by husband and wife at the same time and because the process of learning NFP can be a valuable tool for initiating important discussions about the couple’s thoughts, feelings and assumptions about sex and the spacing and raising of children. An exception would be a girl who was experiencing some sort of menstrual cycle irregularity and who might find it helpful or reassuring to know when she ovulated and therefore when she could expect menstruation and in such a case she could be taught how to keep a simplified chart. |
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Suzanne in ID
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Martha
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| Posted: July 13 2009 at 10:50am | IP Logged
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hmm....
don't have teen daughters yet....
I think learning how their bodies work is not neccessarily the same as teaching them to chart and use NFP.
I see no benefit to teaching my daughters to chart before marriage, but I will teach them how their body works and what is or is not normal.
NFP charting is to avoid pregnancy or ro try to get get pregnant once married. They can learn it at that time if neccessary.
Just my .02
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: July 13 2009 at 11:46am | IP Logged
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I've been reading the "Wonder of Girls" by Michael Gurian and he makes a case for making sure girls know the neurological and biochemical things that are happening in their body as a means of self-knowledge.
I could see where sympto-thermal charting could be used to correlate hormonal shifts with physical and psychological symptoms they are experiencing through their cycle, so they could know that certain mood or appetite changes are a normal part of their body's response to various hormones. To know that the same hormones that are causing an egg to be released may also make her crave intimacy (or chocolate) might be extremely useful.
I was taught the very vague charting of marking the calendar for each day of my period, also, but I often had very intense and irregular periods the first few years. I think I would have found it more reassuring to watch my temperature drop and know to expect it to start on a specific day.
Of course, I'm not planning on teaching them "the rules" for preventing or achieving pregnancy. That can certainly wait until they are closer to marriage.
Suzanne, thanks for the article link. I'll have to look through it more thoroughly when I have a chance.
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Barbara
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Angi
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| Posted: July 13 2009 at 9:14pm | IP Logged
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As a girl raised by only my dad and my brother, I have to say that my daughters will be taught basics such as: mucous is normal (I thought something was wrong with me for years!), cycles can vary, how to chart the what she notices (blood, mucous when wiping, etc).
At 7 1/2 my oldest knows that I bleed monthly, and that babies are made by a mommy, daddy, and Jesus. So far we just tell her that Jesus puts the baby there.
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amarytbc
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| Posted: July 14 2009 at 7:56am | IP Logged
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I have four dd who are cycling now and with them I talk about the signs of ovulation, especially the mucous discharge, and how cycles can change. They know that the sympto-thermal method exists, but I haven't explained it to them and they haven't shown any signs of being interested in it. When they marry we'll talk more if they are interested. For some woman the knowledge is a burden and causes stress each month and I didn't want to place that upon them.
Incidentally, most girls do have an occasional discharge for a few months before they get their first period, so when she is starting to develop and is close to 100 pounds (that rule of thumb has applied to all of my dd so far) you may want to share that with her. It's light and thin and while most girls notice, they don't know what to attribute it to and ignore it.
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: July 14 2009 at 11:21am | IP Logged
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I developed mucus a good year or more before my first period. Thankfully, my mother knew enough to know it was normal. The 100-lb rule is good to know.
I can see what you mean about how the knowledge might empower some girls and stress out others. You really have to take it girl by girl. And I never thought the charting would be a long-time thing, just maybe three months or so just to get the gist and "see" what's happening in their body rather than just "feel".
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Barbara
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MichelleW
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| Posted: July 15 2009 at 2:49pm | IP Logged
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My daughter started her period when she was 8 years old, and was not yet ready for charting per se. Instead I taught her to notice mucous and then I noted it on my calendar for her. It has been so very helpful. She is "irregular" as far as number of days between periods, but completely regular as far as days from mucous to period.
I was always caught unaware, because I was so terribly irregular. In the past two years, my daughter has always known to be prepared. I see her handling herself with such ease and grace, and I am certain it is because she has more knowledge and appreciation for how the Lord made her.
I have not taught her anything else--only what was necessary for her to predict her periods. Not because I don't want her to have the information, I do. More because she was so young and I did not want to overwhelm her. She still seems young to me. I think I will wait several more years before going into greater detail.
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Barbara C.
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8!!! It's not the first time I've heard it, but it still shocks me. I didn't even really learn about it until age 10 when the school told us what to expect, and I didn't start until age 14.
My daughter is almost seven. I can not imagine her starting in the next year or so. This is why I'm thankful to learn about things like the "100-pound" theory or other physical signs starting about a year before, so we can both be prepared. As for charting, I was thinking more in terms of the young teen, since I was so much older when I started.
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Barbara
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MichelleW
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| Posted: July 16 2009 at 12:24pm | IP Logged
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Just a caveat, my daughter was not 100 pounds when she started. So, while that may work for the majority, there are exceptions.
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Michelle
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Charting Your Daughter's Cycle
