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happymama
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| Posted: July 08 2009 at 9:04pm | IP Logged
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My heart is breaking for my ds4. Hubby & I are at our wits ends with him, crying & using a "whining" voice all the time. It's been going on for a couple months. He seems unhappy. I catch him getting gum from on top of the fridge & he lies about it. He throws himself on the floor crying, covers his ears if he doesn't like what I say... Dozens of times each day.
I guess that I know it's "just a phase" - and no, we don't give in to anything he cries over - but I just feel like I'm failing him somehow. He is very bright, has a very, very intense sense of smell, has a big heart, is at home in nature... but is way over sensitive.
I'm looking for advice on how to be stern, but not mean with him, and for advice on how to help him become "normalized" again, as Montessori called it... tia
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: July 08 2009 at 9:13pm | IP Logged
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Sometimes I find that a child that needs a bit of help to stay in control needs touch.. putting my arm around them before we start talking seems to help them know that they're not adrift on their own.
As far as the whining.. after practicing "I can't under stand you unless you use a normal voice".. laughter helps.. you might do a big overblown whiney voice to show what you don't do.. and then a bit of an exaggerated "normal" voice. And for a boy you might even tell him you like to hear his "manly" voice.. and make your voice a bit deeper.. it can be appealing to them. And there's always the hands over ears while saying.. I can't hear whining la la la la.. But whatever.. if you can get him to laugh.. he'll correct easier.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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amyable
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| Posted: July 08 2009 at 9:16pm | IP Logged
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I have a 4yo dd who is so much like this. What Jodie said about touch is true for us too. My dd wants me to sympathize with her and hug her. She doesn't want me to give in - she really seems to WANT me to be "the rock" and keep her boundries firm, but she wants to be sure that I *care* that she is miserable about it. 
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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Kathryn
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| Posted: July 08 2009 at 9:23pm | IP Logged
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My first thought when my kiddos would act like that would be to wonder if they just weren't getting enough sleep. Has he recently stopped taking naps or changed a sleep schedule? My son still sometimes has to get some quiet time on his bed to "rest" even at 9 years old when he seems to be having a rough day. Sometimes I leave him be and sometimes I might even lay down and read a book to him but it does seem to help calm him. My son was still taking naps 1-2x per week at age 4 so that's something to consider.
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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SylviaB
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| Posted: July 08 2009 at 9:54pm | IP Logged
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I agree with Kathryn about sleep. My five year old just started outgrowing his nap around that age around age 4 and we went thru the same thing.
I find that behavior problems are almost always related to my kids being either tired or hungry.
I can always tell when someone is having a growth spurt. Always tired and hungry and if I don't notice it right away- cranky and whiny.
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anitamarie
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| Posted: July 09 2009 at 6:38am | IP Logged
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My now 5 yo ds went through this at 4 as well. In addition to working on not whining and not throwing tantrums, I gave him a little extra attention at the beginning of each day, tried to include him in whatever we were doing for school and gave him lots of extra physical affection. It seems to have helped him through this phase. He was a lot happier and calm when I remembered to do those things. You're right, it is a phase, but it is so hard to remember that in the middle of it.
God Bless,
Anita
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Maryan
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| Posted: July 09 2009 at 7:09am | IP Logged
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My 4yo is the same. And my solutions are the same as above: touch, food, and nap with mom. He's still in the phase, but when I do these things it helps. He's skinny as a rail, so melts down easily. In addition to a phase, I think he's having a huge growth spurt.
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Maryan
Mom to 6 boys & 1 girl: JP('01), B ('03), M('05), L('06), Ph ('08), M ('10), James born 5/1/12
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happymama
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| Posted: July 09 2009 at 8:51am | IP Logged
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Last evening was particularly tough (hence the post!) but now that you mention it... he did not eat the lunch that I game him, and didn't much like dinner, either, instead of our usual rest time, friends stopped by & played, and then we had a late swim lesson... he probably was over tired and hungry. Thank you all, as always, it's good to know I'm not the only one with a fussy 4yo.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: 4yo crying a lot
