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Jess
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| Posted: June 10 2009 at 2:52pm | IP Logged
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How do you deal with a child who was not blessed with any common sense it seems. She is almost 13. For example, we just literally ran out of the house, with bread in the oven and 13 minutes left on the timer, to walgreens (the closest store to us) to get oatmeal because she wanted to make boiled cookies, but didn't check to make sure we had enough oatmeal. She was 5 cups short. I told her to check to make sure we had enough peanut butter as she was tripling the recipe, so checking to see if there is enough oatmeal seems like common sense, doesn't it? She had everything ready and was mixing it all up before she scooped it into the cookies and said she didn't have enough oatmeal. So I looked at the pot and it looked like cocoa soup (which might have been good, but not when you have already told the 2 yr old that chocolate cookies are being made), so I had to decide to pile everyone in the car to run and get some and not waste all the ingredients (and there were a lot since she tripled the recipe), or let it go to waste and we all suffer from not having the yummy cookies. So we went to get the oatmeal (and got home with 3 minutes to spare  )
But seriously, this is the kind of thing that happens with her all.the.time. I know she is young and learning, but so many things that really are common sense just don't even occur to her. It is like she lives in her own little world most of the time. We used to say she was in Lani-land (instead of la-la land). Does anyone else have a child like this or have any advice how to help her or how to deal with it?
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Jess
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wife to dh('96)
mama to dd(13), dd(11), ds(9), dd(6), and dd (2), and baby girl born Sept 14!
star cottage
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: June 10 2009 at 3:06pm | IP Logged
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Some training would help.
Is it really common sense that you check your ingredients before starting to cook? Or is it that you were trained to do it early enough that it feels like common sense? Or maybe it was something you learned to do by observation and she doesn't learn that way.
I couldn't say for sure if I was trained to check all the ingredients first.. but rather than guess that my kids will do it.. it only makes sense  to have them check for all the ingredients before they start cooking. I even have my kids help me check for things before I start something, so I know they know I check for stuff too.
It should be easy enough to train to check for componenets of whatever it is you're planning to do whether it's a cooking recipe or a craft project or whatever. Oh and I remind my kids all the time about that sort of stuff.. "mom can I make xyz.." my first response is usually along the lines of.. "do you have everything you need?" and only THEN when they can answer yes will I give permission. Plus then I don't get stuck in the position of "you said I could make this and I need this for it and we're out.."
Basically, she just may need a little shoring up from the outside to remember to do these things and create a habit that will serve her for the rest of her life.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Jess
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| Posted: June 10 2009 at 3:24pm | IP Logged
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I guess this situation really isn't a good example of what I am trying to say. It is just that it was fresh in my mind as something she does a lot. I really struggle with knowing if something is common sense or something that I or others have been trained to do or learned by observation. I really don't think she learns by observation. But there are so many times when I feel that she should have known something. And of course a really good example is escaping me!
I guess I could change the question to how do you help a really dreamy child to learn those things that a lot of people would see as common sense without talking her to death. I feel like I talk so much trying to explain things and half the time no one is listening 
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God bless,
Jess
+JMJ+
wife to dh('96)
mama to dd(13), dd(11), ds(9), dd(6), and dd (2), and baby girl born Sept 14!
star cottage
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: June 10 2009 at 3:43pm | IP Logged
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Have her explain to you? That way she's not drifting off while you're talking. You know ask her what she should have done.. and be patient.. not angry or tapping your foot.. she'd just blank on you.. but really ask her a question and make her think it through out loud to you. And less is more when you're talking. If she's inclined to drift away when you start talking.. keep it as short as possible. Don't explain why, just a short "do it this way".. that way she'll get the needed info before she drifts away.
For physical things consider if they happen more when she's just grown some.. sometimes if a child grows a bit they'll seem exceptionally clumsy, running into things and well.. spacey. But it may be that they don't adjust well to their new physical dimensions.. and by the time they do.. they've grown again..
And sometimes it's just that they aren't in the here and now like you said. And some of that will only be helped by growing and dealing with the natural consequences of not paying attention.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Booksnbabes
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| Posted: June 10 2009 at 5:16pm | IP Logged
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As someone who has never been described as a dreamer, I have to confess to forgetting to check the availability of ingredients often--very often.  But in our house growing up we substituted a lot as we often started a recipe before finding out we didn't have everything. So at least you can know she's not alone!
As to the dreamer quality--that's our second. We have her repeat instructions back to us, and often a write down important things (ok, they are pictures since she's a little) so that she can check the paper rather than having to come and ask me again (and again, and again! ). I also make certain I have her eyes when I am talking. That way I can tell whether she is processing what I'm saying or off dancing in the clouds in her mind.
We do talk about situations and "common sense" things a lot, but try to set it up as "if-then" situations so it is game-like and not just me talking at her. She has to engage, so it sticks better. I use third-person a lot too so she doesn't feel like I'm ragging on her, but rather asking her to help figure out what "someone" should do in a certain situation.
I doubt she will ever be as focused and commonsensical as I would hope her to be, but she develops more every year. I have to remember she is an individual and not my creation, and God has a plan to use her strengths and her weaknesses for His glory--I just have to survive her spaciness to find out what that plan is!
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Wife to wonderful DH, mom to SIX beautiful gifts from God!
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: common sense
