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Syncletica
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| Posted: May 04 2009 at 10:54pm | IP Logged
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How do you get your children to behave during the Rosary? And actually say the prayers? I don't get it. My 4 1/2 year old was leading the Hail Mary's when she was 2, and now I have to give her heck b/c she won't even open her mouth to say anything. They've all been getting lazy with the kneeling....probably due to me. When I am pregnant, it's as if all the energy just goes right down my body, and my heart starts beating incredibly fast, making me out of breath. The 8 year old will be bossy to the others and not pay attention to herself. All of them will start hitting each other for one reason or another. The 3 1/2 year old will not stay still or be quiet. The odd time he will say some of the prayers. But he uses that time usually to goof around. Lay down, kick the floor, pick up a toy, hold a rosary and play with it on the decorative part of the coffee table, etc. I'm trying to pay attn. to my prayers, too, and it gets difficult to keep everyone 'reigned in', so to speak.
Today my ds6 had an awful attitude. I told everyone to come in when I heard the eldest laughing and the 3 yo. repeating some crude language that a neighbour child said. This child is not a good example. (What kind of rule do you lay down for your children in regards to bratty neighbourhood children?) My son talked back with a very defiant attitude and look, and at the supper table, my dh called the 3 year old a name  and the 6 yo said, "Who, mommy?" I looked at my dh and said he (ds) has a severe disrespect problem toward me. Dh suggested that maybe he should do some things on his own tomorrow. Make his own meals, wash his own clothes, etc. I've never had him be so disrespectful to me, and I'm not sure if this neighbour child is a factor.
How do you handle little boys "playing with themselves" if ykwim. It seems to have become a habit and stern words don't seem to help. I'm scared it's going to turn into a mortal sin of impurity. Anyone else have this problem and solve it successfully?
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: May 04 2009 at 11:12pm | IP Logged
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No clue how I get my children to behave during the rosary.  Seriously, we pray it sporadically as a family and the olders will kneel and pray and I usually am sitting and holding a baby or two.. the kids in between need reminders.. but we had a rosary at church this evening and my 4.5 yr old not only behaved he was able to follow along on the big wooden children's rosary I brought along and stayed pretty close to the right bead even.. surprised me 
But the thing I find most helpful is to have a recording that we follow along with. It's not bothered by the nonsense and helps keep everyone on track.
Yes the neighborhood child may be part of the problem, I have found that even with nice children.. there's something about getting to only play and be with friends results in an attitude when back at home. Usually, the cure is also the consequence, if you can't be nice after being with friends, you can't be with friends for whatever time frame. But with a child that is nasty to start with, a complete break might be the best bet.
And for handling little boys.. just require that they go wash their hands after touching themselves.. just like when they go to the bathroom. At least my boys greatly dislike the interuption to whatever it is to have to go wash hands so it quickly discourages the problem without ever having to actually address it 
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Nique
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| Posted: May 04 2009 at 11:23pm | IP Logged
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Oh, I hear you! Our Family Rosary goes much better when Daddy is leading it! And even then, we don't always get all decades said..we play it by ear.
Syncletica, we bought our children their Patron Saint Dolls through Tammy @ http://catholicfolktoys.com/
Do you remember there being a thread about these child-friendly beautiful Catholic wooden dolls a couple of months before Easter? We allow our 4 and 3 year olds to play quietly with them, while we pray. As for the older children, if they are a distraction in anyway, they get one warning, then it's off to their bedroom. There are many, many days we manage to say only one decade..sometimes I think more than one decade is too long, even for me. I find myself so easily distracted, or am tired, or am not thinking about the words I am saying...
And about your little guy, our ds who is 4 does the same thing. Whenever I notice this, I simply say, "Do you need to go to the bathroom?" and that seems to make him aware of what he is doing. And the washing of hands is a great distraction..just like Jodie suggested. He has cut back doing that, because it's alot of work for him to wash his hands.
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I had always thought that once you grew up you could do anything you wanted - stay up all night or eat ice cream straight out of the container. ~Bill Bryson
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Bridget
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| Posted: May 05 2009 at 7:18am | IP Logged
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Years ago when we started praying a family rosary the kids got candy if they were quiet and participated.  We didn't have to bribe very long before decent (not perfect) habits were formed. Now the big kids can hardly handle it if it's late and we only pray a decade. The kids are more than willing to take turns leading each decade and the younger kids follow the big kids examples.
It's so worth persevering for the family rosary! Hang in there!
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Mackfam
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| Posted: May 05 2009 at 7:37am | IP Logged
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We pray the family Rosary every night. We don't require or force anyone to pray. If a child doesn't want to stay for the Rosary, they are excused, but they must go directly upstairs, get ready for bed and go to bed. Their evening is over. If a child is distracting others (and this has to be a child of an age that should know better, toddlers are excluded from this) they receive one warning and then they are sent to bed to finish their Rosary in solitude. Family read alouds take place after the Rosary. We try to make the Rosary the best place to be in the house - if you're anywhere else, you're in bed. I find that a quick tidy of the living area (esp where we pray) helps the little ones and there's not so much visual distraction for others. Sometimes, it is helpful to bring down a statue of Our Lady - I have one child for whom this is very helpful to have a visual to focus on during the Rosary. Toddlers and babies are allowed to play. I set out quiet toys off to the side of the room during Rosary time. Sometimes my Rosary is one distraction after another, but I know Our Lady is pleased with the effort our family makes.
Our consequence for mimicking someone's unacceptable behavior is not being allowed the privilege of spending time with that person. Period. You can judge if this was a one time episode with the nasty word, or if this is a recurrent problem and not likely to improve on the neighbor child's part. If this is a recurrent and likely to be ongoing problem - I revoke all visiting privileges. Period.
Disrespect is handled promptly. I simply say to the child who is disrespectful, I'm sorry, you may not speak to me in that way, you may go to your room until you are able to speak to me nicely. I don't make a big deal. And, I don't entertain a million questions about why or for how long they must stay in the room. They go. Period. I have one child who throws fits and needs the security of a definite ending to a punishment. For this child I say that I will start a timer (one minute for every year of age) as soon as any fit throwing or tantrum has ceased.
Boys handling themselves is pretty common. Don't make a big deal out of it. Explain it calmly in very few words...my husband says one word for every year of age while they're little or you'll lose their attention. So, my 4 yo gets, "we don't play there." A 2 yo gets "no-no". Say it without drama or emotion. I leave it at that and redirect to something tactile - blocks, legos, etc. Some boys have great tactile sensitivities. So anything irritating (and sometimes anything but total freedom there presents an irritant ) like tight underwear can be a problem. Try to address general comfort in that area. For the young man who has to adjust constantly and in public, and for whom this has become a problem/habit I took the opportunity to help with a direct alternative consequence. First, I had my husband speak to him to understand why this was going on (btw, this is for an older boy, not normal toddler touching) and to present our solution and let the child know I was on board but only as a helper/reminder. Each time this boy was caught grabbing or re-arranging (and it had become quite often at this point) he had to sit on his hands for 5 minutes. I'd notice and just say...5 minutes. He'd time himself. He wanted to stop this habit - just didn't know how. You could try the hand washing thing as well for an older boy. Try to be at home for most of this. There is enough effective peer embarrassment in the home and this has to be done every.single.time to break the habit.
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LucyP
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| Posted: May 05 2009 at 4:58pm | IP Logged
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I have found that my own children mirror me - so while some inattention and lack of reverance is normal for a 2 and 5 year old, I feel that for us a great deal of it comes from me - if I slump in my chair instead of kneeling or sitting attentively, if I act like it is a chore to hurry through, or if my eyes are all over the room and the children - they think it is not important. I do see my two want to copy me when I am more reverant and devout. Mine love to "set the scene" - light candles, light incense (DS is campaigning for "an incense swinger") and set up cushions for kneeling. But I don't ask a lot - just to be mostly quiet, mostly still, not to swing rosaries in other people's faces, to be attentive for the opening and closing prayers, and in my 5yo case he must also focus for/lead the first and last decades. Sometimes he does very well - other times....oh well! He says he prefers the divine mercy chaplet because it is quicker!
I have issues with your final query too. I just say "oh pure hands please" and get him to go run an errand or something to distract him. I hadn't really thought of the comfort issue Jennifer mentions - maybe my boy needs some looser underwear or such.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: child rearing questions
