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SaraP
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| Posted: Jan 24 2009 at 2:27pm | IP Logged
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We don't have a TV - for various reasons - and while I don't have a problem with a limited amount of videos/video games per se I would really, really prefer that my kids not spend more than a few hours a week in front of a screen. But I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with how much 'screen time' is happening when we are OUT of the house.
The pediatrician's office has Dora on for the half hour we spent in the waiting room this week and it was the Cartoon Network at the dentist's office last time we were there (in the waiting room for more like 90 minutes by the time all the kids had been seen). I had to be pretty pushy with the clinic where we went for flu shots to get them to change the channel from Goonies which is WAY to scary for my sensitive 7yo and was playing on the bigger-than-my-minivan screen.
I took the kids to a babysitter's house a few weeks ago while I went to the dentist and apparently they watched Sponge Bob for the entire two hours (I need to talk to the sitter about this - and will- but I was surprised that someone whom I pay $15/hour would just park the kids in front of the TV).
Is this just part of modern life? Is there anything to be done besides just being a pain everywhere I go and requesting (insisting) that the screens be turned off while the kids and I are there?
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Maryan
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We do have a tv, but its viewing is limited. So I agree Sara -- it's amazing how tv is everywhere! You can even see it in the cars as you pass by!! 
... but I just thought I'd add my viewpoint on babysitting.
For the few times that we have a babysitter, I prefer that they watch a movie. I'm just worried with my 7 and under crowd of five that it would be too much to handle doing any other activity. It's challenging for me... and I'm the mom! Most babysitters aren't used to watching FIVE active LITTLE boys. So I worry less knowing that my kids will not move if they are allowed to watch a movie. Well -- except for the baby. 
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SaraP
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| Posted: Jan 24 2009 at 3:50pm | IP Logged
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My kids are about the same ages as yours, Maryan, so I see your point about the babysitter. But this woman runs a home daycare so I certainly hope she can handle a crowd of little kids!
A sitter is very rare thing around here so that by itself wouldn't have been a big deal, but it just seems like the kids are *always* zoning out in front of some screen or another and it bothers me.
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DominaCaeli
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| Posted: Jan 24 2009 at 9:12pm | IP Logged
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I totally sympathize with you here, Sara! This is one of my pet peeves when we're out and about--there are TVs everywhere we go. They even have little screens at each pump of our local gas station.  Doctor's offices can be the worst, since you can't really leave and the waiting room is usually pretty small. (I also get bothered by having to keep my kids away from all the germy toys there--maybe I'm just a bit of a control freak. )
If we're the only ones in the waiting room, I usually ask that it just be turned off. If others are there and watching, we try to take the kids to a corner and play a game or read a book together. (My children are still young, so we can usually angle them away from it to keep them from watching ). But it can be a lot of work to keep their interest when the screen is going nearby.
I would love to hear others' solutions to this problem.
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knowloveserve
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| Posted: Jan 26 2009 at 10:57pm | IP Logged
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There are no great solutions. Just make your voice heard to people about it in a clear, but charitable way.
I refuse to shop at Albertsons here because of the TV monitors blaring ads at me at EVERY checkstand. And I told the manager so! Furthermore, I made a point to thank Safeway for keeping their technology push minimal with just a small ad on top of the checkout screen.
When I'm in waiting rooms, I simply turn the thing off if I'm alone... or if others are there and seem disinterested in the TV, I ask if they'd mind if I turn it off. Most seem genuinely surprised... almost impressed. Then I make a point to strike up a friendly conversation with them...
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Erin
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I think we do have to make our voices heard. Vote with our feet but let these places know why we are no longer going. Our local McDonalds has a massive screen and I choose not to shop there so my teens and pre-teens are not exposed to song clips  I have to explain to my hairdresser next time I visit, that the screen goes off or I go elsewhere. Gas Pumps???? 
Ellie
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SuzanneG
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Our McDon has two HUGE tv. we usually go in when there aren't very many people, so i ask them to turn it off, and they do. I've also sent a couple nice notes to the manager telling them we aren't happy with those gigantic intrusions on our "evening out" .
In waiting rooms, I do what Celeste does....ask to turn it off (if we're the only ones there), if not.... then keep the kids in a corner and play a game, or read or whatever.....placing ourselves where they can't see it.
I would be mad if I payed $15 / hour for the sitter to use the tv the whole time. That's crazy. We have family friends who babysit occasionally, and it's one thing for THEM to have the kids watch a videos....they are doing us a favor and won't take money, and need a break. And, we also use the "watch a movie thing" with a babysitter as it's more manageable for them, and not overwhelming. In this case, though, Maryan and I have chosen the movie....it's not being chosen for us, which makes a difference to me.
Also, there is a difference between using the tv/video for a BREAK or a REST and having them zone out for a long period of time.
But, again......if this is your only option.....then you have to weigh the pros and cons....in the grand scheme of things.....it's probably not a big deal.
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: Jan 27 2009 at 11:21am | IP Logged
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About TVs in waiting rooms: I think they're great. My kids watched the Olympics while waiting their turn at the dentist and they watched Madagascar waiting for shots at the doctor. Both times, the screen served the purpose intended by the doctor: they distracted an anxious child. I don't think that's a bad thing. I also think it works better for kids who don't see much TV. They'd never seen that movie, so they were interested and forgot why they were there for awhile. I much prefer they sit with their hands on their laps and watch a video in a medical office than play with any toys that are there, regardless of whether their divided into "well" and "sick" toys . If the show were inappropriate, I would ask them to change DVDs...
A babysitter would be a different story altogether, though I definitely can see Maryan's point, there.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Red Cardigan
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Sara, I'm glad you started this topic! I'm working on a post for my blog on the same topic--it will probably be up later today.
The reason I'm writing about it is because we had two occasions last week where "the screen" intruded; one at a doctor's office and one at a McD's. In both cases the TVs were turned to cable news stations which played horrific news headlines over and over (murders, deaths in car accidents, a doctor arrested for sexually assaulting minors  , etc.). As for turning them off--they were the new flat-panel TVs and were mounted high on a wall, so you'd have to find an employee willing to use a remote to turn them off--and since both places were crowded with people evidently glued to the screens, I doubt the employees would have wanted to do so.
My DH commented that now that these TVs are almost as easy to hang up as a large picture, we can expect to see them everywhere. So many people expect to be entertained wherever they go, too, that getting a group of people to agree to turn the TV off is going to be harder and harder to do. But should our children have to be a captive audience to whatever the adults in the room have decided to watch? I think this is going to be a big issue in years to come.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 27 2009 at 12:18pm | IP Logged
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move to small economically depressed towns the only "waiting room" that I can think of in town that has a tv is the one at Les Schwab (tire store).
Of course my kids are the ones playing "simon says" and inviting any other children in the room to play at the dentist's office.
Sometimes it would be nice to have something to keep them quiet and still
But what I don't like is what Red stated.. our culture is so into "me" that in a room full of people an "overprotective mama" will get little attention if they want to see what's on the screen.
Perhaps this is something to address when making appointments? maybe there's a better time for missing the tv? like first thing in the morning and get there a bit early so that you can have the tv off before anyone else shows up?
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CrunchyMom
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We were in a diner that had some adult themed show on--can't remember what, and we asked them to turn the tv. They were super nice about it and changed it to PBS. I'd rather it not be on at all, but it was a huge improvement. My husband and I chuckled to ourselves about all the adults without children in the world who had their eyes glued to PBS kids
It is the big loud tvs in restaurants and such that make it a completely unenjoyable experience for us. Sometimes there will be multiple televisions all with different things on. Chaos! We just don't go to places like that ever (we don't go often as it is) unless we can sit outside.
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folklaur
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Re: the babysitter. That would bother me. I know even when my 19dd babysits for some large families, she never uses the TV, unless the mom has specifically said to put a particular movie on before bed or whatnot.
Re: the TV. I would definitely ask for the channel to be changed if it was truely inapropriate. But, I would not ask for it to be turned off, etc. We have no real qualms with TV tho. Yeah, it is annoying that they are everywhere, but...not a big deal, I guess. I find magazines but the checkout to be much more problematic...
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SaraP
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| Posted: Jan 27 2009 at 2:53pm | IP Logged
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Elizabeth wrote:
| About TVs in waiting rooms: I think they're great. My kids watched the Olympics while waiting their turn at the dentist and they watched Madagascar waiting for shots at the doctor. Both times, the screen served the purpose intended by the doctor: they distracted an anxious child. |
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It didn't work quite that way for us. My kids were mezmerized while we were in the waiting room, but convincing them to *leave* the screen and go back to the examining room was not pretty.
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folklaur
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| Posted: Jan 27 2009 at 3:04pm | IP Logged
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SaraP wrote:
| that way for us. My kids were mezmerized while we were in the waiting room, but convincing them to *leave* the screen and go back to the examining room was not pretty. |
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Ok - don't get mad. Please. But this is exactly why we don't make TV a big deal. We don't want it to be some..."forbidden fruit" that they don't learn how to deal with in a good way.  kwim?
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SaraP
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| Posted: Jan 27 2009 at 3:11pm | IP Logged
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Laura-
I see your point and it's not a forbidden fruit here either.
We don't have a TV, but as I said in my first post my kids do watch videos or play video games (on the computer) for a couple of hours a week.
But they're little kids - my oldest is 7 - and given the choice between a large screen cartoon and being examined by the doctor or dentist or getting a flu shot, the cartoon is going to win every time! I supposed their frustration over being taken away from the cartoon does eclipse some of their anxiety over what is upcoming, but I'm not sure that's really a net gain.
ETA that my main irritation is what Suzanne mentioned: these shows are being chosen for us and while I can protest and ask that the channel be changed and so on that is only after the kids have watched for at least a few minutes.
Now a few minutes of Sponge Bob isn't the end of the world even if it's not something I would choose to let my kids watch, but the scene my son saw from Goonies was really pretty disturbing - for a sensitive little kid - and that upsets me.
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Betsy
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cactus mouse wrote:
SaraP wrote:
| that way for us. My kids were mezmerized while we were in the waiting room, but convincing them to *leave* the screen and go back to the examining room was not pretty. |
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Ok - don't get mad. Please. But this is exactly why we don't make TV a big deal. We don't want it to be some..."forbidden fruit" that they don't learn how to deal with in a good way. kwim? |
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There is an aspect of "forbidden fruit" when anything is limited. But, my experience with TV has been that it draws you in whether you watch a lot of TV or not. We try to steer clear of restaurants with TV because ALL OF US (not just the kids) are staring at the TV. It's almost an unconscious response.
About a year ago I made this observation at our local JumpZone!, there was a large TV right above where I was sitting. I had my back to the TV, as I was watching the kids play. I observed ALL the kids as they walked by me looking up the TV completely drawn into it. It was not age specific...little toddlers up to 7-8yos all did it. It was a real eye opener for me.
With that being said there is a time and a place for TV. But, I do prefer restaurants/coffee shops without TV's for my sake, as I am probably drawn in quicker than anyone in my family.
Betsy
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 27 2009 at 4:29pm | IP Logged
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And even within that Betsy, some children find tv more captivating than others.. and not by choice.. just the screen grabs their attention and it's harder for some to break that than others.
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Red Cardigan
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My take is here, if anybody's interested.
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CatholicMommy
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My son, as a 1 year old, inadvertently latched onto a stuffed Elmo (non-singing, thank you!) and named it "whiny-whiny". At this point, he had never so much as watched TV even movies - nothing. Later that year, we did start watching very select movies together because I knew he was going to be "fed" TV at Grandma's house and I wanted to set the stage for quality versus whatever-else and teach him that if you're going to watch, you watch and then you discuss it during or afterwards, especially if there are any issues. Just to establish "good" TV habits. Thus far it's worked.
One day - just after he turned 2 (and still in love with that stuffed toy), we were in the WIC office and Elmo's World was playing on their tv. Every child except my son was glue to it, 3 kids were dancing to it. My son was looking at an interesting book about animals (real photos and all). Just to see what would happen, I pointed out in a non-chalant voice, "Look, Whiny-whiny is on television." He looked up, tilted his head, gave the tv a strange look, looked at the other kids, back to the tv, and went right back to the book. He had NO interest whatsoever!
To this day, this is the kid who will totally ignore the television if other children are up and playing. If EVERYONE is watching, he will; but if even 1 person is up and moving around, he's gone from the screen.
Can't ask for more! (well, yes I could - my mother still lets him watch Sponge Bob - and more than 0 seconds of that show makes me ill - and his cousin (11 months younger) watches tv all the time, so it's Dora and SpongeBob and DoodleBops (we discovered them in the ER one day - ugh)..... the list goes on.
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folklaur
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| Posted: Jan 27 2009 at 5:25pm | IP Logged
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Betsy wrote:
There is an aspect of "forbidden fruit" when anything is limited. But, my experience with TV has been that it draws you in whether you watch a lot of TV or not.
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I guess a lot must just be temperment, then? My kids can pretty much watch if they want- they just choose not to. My oldest only ever watches with me when she is home (she doesn't even have a TV in her dorm room at college, as she knew she would never watch it.) The younger two can watch - but don't, usually. Their choice, not because we limit it. But then, I guess we don't limit it because they don't watch much anyway?
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: the screen
