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MB in MD
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| Posted: Jan 08 2009 at 10:38pm | IP Logged
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Our 2-1/2yo ds is about to tip me over the edge. We have a gate on his bedroom because he is such an intrepid explorer and mischief-maker, but lately he's come up with a foolproof way to get Mom to come into his room after putting him down for a nap or for bedtime: He takes off his clothes and poops and/or pees on the floor. At first I thought he had wanted to go to the bathroom (I potty -trained him in November) and couldn't get out of the gate, but it has become very obvious that it is quite deliberate and has nothing to do with 'can't hold it a moment longer.' ARRGH!
I could drop the nap, I suppose, but the thought sends shivers down m spine -- those quiet hours in the afternoon while he sleeps are the only time we can do things like, say, art projects or science experiments or anything that requires more focus, because he is super distracting during 'morning school' just by being his normal very active, curious self. And what about bedtime?? If I take down that gate, how do I get him to stay in his room?
I am feeling defeated... I'm out of ideas. Got any for me?
-- Mary Beth,
Mom to the 3M's, '98, '03, '06
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Milehimama
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| Posted: Jan 08 2009 at 10:55pm | IP Logged
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I don't know what kind of discipline you use/consequences, but could you set up a potty chair/chamber pot in his room (in case he really does have to go) and institute consequences for not using it?
One of my children was like that - not pooping and peeing, but he definitely knew how to make Mom come in (he'd open his window and yell 'help me').
He might be ready to give up his nap, but you can still require "quiet time". Are you familiar with the Duggars and their "blanket time"? They train their children to play quietly on a blanket (one contained, well defined area). If I recall, they start small, a minute or two, and go from there. It will take a lot of perserverance, consistency, and patience... I wish I had better advice!
Another thing to consider, have you considered assigning "buddies"? One child plays with the little one while you do reading, etc. with the other, then they switch. You are able to focus a bit, they learn cooperation.
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Milehimama in Houston
Mother of 11 - 8 Church Militant and 3 Church Triumphant
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: Jan 08 2009 at 11:41pm | IP Logged
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Well...if you drop the nap......bedtime @ night wont be a prob  . He'll pass out at the dinner table.  And, there are good ways to handle the little ones during quiet time. There are some past threads I'll try to find.
Are there any big changes going on the family? Is he going through any other discipline things besides this? Does he need any extra attention for any reason? If none of this is the case, then.....
Is he ready to stop napping? I know YOU aren't  ....but is he? (IOW, can he make it through the day without completely melting down if he doesn't nap?)
If the answer is no, then there are two options:
1. Get him to sleep another way. ie: have him lie on your chest and fall asleep, while you read and have your quiet time. (i'm just giving an example.....we can brainstorm more options for this.)
OR
2. Stop the poop/pee in the bedroom. Then the question becomes, how to handle the poop and pee in the bedroom: Who is going to clean it up? And, How?
Option #1
As soon as you find out that he "voided" on the floor, insist CALMLY and with absolutely no emotion, that he clean it up. He needs to touch it and wash anything that got dirty in the process. With cold water. And, not just for 10 seconds. This needs to be drudgery, as poopy laundry should be. You are trying to hold him accountable for his mess. You can then go in later when he isn't watching and really clean. The key is: you can't yell or be mad at all!!!! It is a natural consequence. You can also repeat the same phrase over and over:
In a plain, half-cheery voice, you say, "When we get poop on the floor, we have to clean it up!"
Him: Cry, whine, complain, etc.
"Yep, when we get poop on the floor, we have to clean it up!"
Keep saying this over and over.
And, your initial reaction could be something like this:
"Oh dear. You pooped in this corner over here. Hmmmm.....well, if you make a mess, even if it's poop, you have to clean it up. So, let's go over here and get some toilet paper and a bucket and you can clean it up!"
Option #2
The other thing you could TRY, would be to have him sit on the toilet for, say, 5 minutes, every 15 minutes for THE REST OF THE DAY, when he does this. Because........"Oh, dear. Hmmmmm......I guess we should do potty training again. (sigh) I think you need some help remembering where to go to the bathroom." Set timer, insist he sit, etc.
Painful and annoying tactics that will basically consume your whole day, but be worth it in the end.
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Suzanne in ID
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ladycarobe
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| Posted: Jan 09 2009 at 1:45am | IP Logged
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Suzanne,
If you can find the past threads about 2-1/2yo's and quiet time, I would be very grateful. I tried but didn't find them.
My 2-1/2yo recently gave up her nap...and quiet time is a disaster  and I really need some rest. I injured my tailbone during delivery  and I need to rest otherwise I'm in even more pain the rest of the day.
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best wishes,
Ladycarobe.
mom to dd6 , dd4  and dd2  and pregnant.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 09 2009 at 2:02am | IP Logged
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Here's one link Quiet Time
I did a search in the mothering forum with "quiet time" as the keywords.. and checked "phrase" rather than any words or all words.
Seemed to pull up a lot.
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G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
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crusermom
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| Posted: Jan 09 2009 at 7:24am | IP Logged
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I think having him clean up might work. Although - if his main goal is to get you in there that will still work. He might enjoy cleaning up. Two year olds have a very low ick factor. How about a diaper at naptime? Tell him that he is having problems at naptime and needs to wear a diaper. Then duct tape it on him. You laugh. I have had a Picasso (yes, things could be worse than doing it on the floor) in the past.
Mary
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Lori
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| Posted: Jan 09 2009 at 8:29am | IP Logged
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I'm so glad you mentioned a diaper and duct tape, Mary! That was my first thought as I was reading the top of the thread, and by the time I got to your comment, I didn't have to weigh my options of posting something like that, being a "forum newbie"!
We still use the bed for quiet time, all the way up to our 10 yr old...they pick a few books, some quiet (approved by mom) toys, and for older ones, maybe drawing materials/etc, and that's it...no getting off the bed until quiet time is over, except for potty (I'd better not hear you getting up!) or an emergency (boy, the "worst case scenarios" that would come up in discussion over this--"What if an elephant comes in through my window?" Yeah, you can get up for that.)
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MB in MD
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| Posted: Jan 10 2009 at 12:50am | IP Logged
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Oh, ladies, you have made my heart lighter. I'll be wrestling with this problem for a while, I guess, but you have given me some great ideas to work with and you made me LOL with the duct tape on the diapers idea. =Not to mention the reference to picasso. I wasn't going to mention it, but this ds has also done his share of 'artwork' on the walls, windows, etc. yuck-o.
Meanwhile, I had the strong sense that ds ("Little Boy") was pooping and peeing in 'rebellion' to a feeling of being left out. So, working on that theory, we dragged the older boys' mattresses into Little Boy's bedroom last night and had all three sleep together, hoping this would help Little Boy not feel so left out and less likely to pee/poop in the middle of the floor (at least we hoped so -- since there wasn't much floor space left with two mattresses and a crib in that little room). Little Boy was exceedingly wound up and only dropped off to sleep at 11 pm or so last night, so we really weren't sure our idea was any good. But at least no poop or pee. The gate was still attached to the doorway, but it was left open until dh got tired of hearing little pitter-patter feet going in and out and in and out and in and out and he finally locked all the boys in so he could get some sleep.
Naptime today. We waited until after Little Boy had spontaneously used the potty after lunch, then Big Boy offered to lay down with him, hoping that would get him to sleep. (BIg Boy figured he could do some reading while he was in there.) Well, Little Boy did not pee or poop on the floor (success!) but he did not sleep a wink either. After 1 hour, Big Boy gave up.
Tonight, all 3 are sleeping together again. This time I listened to bumps and thumps and pitter-patter and toilet flushing and all manner of other noises for more than an hour, but Little Boy finally went to sleep at about 9:30.
All three boys are excited about sleeping together. Middle Boy told me he felt happy sleeping with his brothers; Big Boy told me he felt closer to his brothers by sleeping togehter with them in the same room. Hmm, wonder when this will wear off? And yet...I have fond memories of sharing my room with 3 sisters while I was growing up, while my 4 brothers shared their room down the hall.
Well, meanwhile, we have avoided some stinky cleaning...
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: 2-1/2 year old challenge - help!
