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Tina
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| Posted: Nov 13 2008 at 10:01pm | IP Logged
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My dd6 has a lively, fun personality. She makes us all laugh. She has imaginary friends that she plays with and talks about every day. She also plays with dd9 every day, inside and out, and dd12 occasionally. And she plays well with ds2. She is "herself" with us, and with extended family and people she knows well.
Last year she was so happy to be old enough to participate in many clubs that our homeschool groups have to offer. She did ballet, and a few other clubs, and though she didn't seem to make any friends, she was content. I would talk to her about how to make friends, like the kinds of things she could say to start a conversation. She said she tried, but nothing came of it. But she still enjoyed being a big kid, and getting to be dropped off at clubs, so she could then tell me all about it when I picked her up.
This year, she's pulling back from everything. She quit ballet (even after I made her do one more class and think it over for a week to be sure). She was so relieved that she didn't have to go back. She also now resists going to every club she's in, sometimes to the point of tears.
Now I know part of this is that once I was late picking her up from ballet last year (just 5 min.), and it really bothered her. And once this year I was a few minutes late picking her up from Little Flowers. Both times, she was with a teacher, not alone. She panics, no matter how much I reassure her that I would never leave her anywhere or forget about her. Now,she only wants to do clubs I can stay the whole time for, and even then at times she still doesn't want to go.
Is this normal for her to go backwards like this and want to pull out of things?
Should I make her go, and show her that I will be there to pick her up on time, or even early?
She has no best friend, although we have a neighbor girl who plays outside with her 2 or 3 times a week.
And I should mention that she has been part of a co-op since she was three. She has been with this same group of children and we meet 2-3 times a month. I don't stay with her, although I am right downstairs with the toddlers. She occasionally resists going to this, but once she's there, she really enjoys it.
Maybe it's just a comfort zone thing? I really hate forcing her to go to things, but at the same time, I don't want to encourage her to isolate herself from the world.
Could this just be a passing phase?
Any help would be appreciated.
My children and I are going out of town tomorrow afternoon to visit family, right after dd6 Little Flowers meeting in the morning. Should I make her go? She really doesn't want to.
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~Tina
mom of 3 girls and 1 little man
The Best of Times
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: Nov 14 2008 at 5:59pm | IP Logged
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Tina:
My tendency would be to let her decide if she does or doesn't want to participate in things. I wouldn't force her. She's not isolating herself, as you said she's completely happy and comfortable, lively and fun with siblings and family.
I think it's totally normal for a child who is only 6, to not want to be in things. Consider it a blessing  . My second daughter is 6 and she is like this. My neighbor's 7 yo dd is like this too. They will "branch out" occasionally, but for the most part they are happy at home, not demanding and easy to be with. We suggest, but never insist or push.
She may have been stretched a bit last year and now it's manifesting itself. Kids like this tend to take a bit longer to process things, so maybe it took longer for her to "decide" that these things weren't enjoyable to her. Sometimes kids like this try to "please" others and are quite easy-going, so she did it cuz her sibs do it and you thought it was a good idea....so she gave it a try. But, really, it's not her. ....just throwing out a scenario and reasons, etc.
Also, the being-upset-cuz-you're-late-thing would be a sign to me that she isn't ready for an activity or isnt' ready to do this activity without you. And, if you're not able to be there, then don't do it. Just my initial reaction.
My 6 yo daughter took a pottery classs this Fall.....4 sessions. It was her idea after she saw a show on TV. It was a class of 5 kids with 2 instructors. The kids were really into their work and hardly ever talked to each other.....they just did their thing and thought it was GREAT! A far cry from a Little Flowers group or a gymnastics class where there is lots of activity and monkey-business going on. My oldest daughter would NEVER think that was fun.....5 kids and nobody is talking????  What fun is that?
Children like this are really such a joy. They are so happy to be with their families, and are usually hard workers, very grateful and eager to please!! Instead of ballet lessons, they just want a hot chocolate and a 2-minute-conversation with mom or dad. It doesn't get much better than that!!! 
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Suzanne in ID
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Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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Tina
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| Posted: Nov 14 2008 at 10:54pm | IP Logged
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SuzanneG wrote:
My oldest daughter would NEVER think that was fun.....5 kids and nobody is talking???? What fun is that?
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That is so true of my oldest, too!
Thanks for the advice, Suzanne. I think you just reaffirmed what my instincts were telling me.
And today, I had the opportunity to sit with her and just talk and watch one of her favorite shows. It was just the two of us, which doesn't happen often enough. We talked more than watching the show, and I could just see how happy it made her. She even said, "I love it when we get to talk like this, mom."
She is just wanting to be at home and with family as much as possible right now, and that's ok with me. I'll have to talk with her tomorrow, to let her know I won't push her to do activities that she's not ready for. I think having to go to these things was causing her anxiety, and she obviously doesn't need that.
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~Tina
mom of 3 girls and 1 little man
The Best of Times
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: My dd6 is getting shy/antisocial?
