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Cheryl
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On an early date I told my husband I was never going to get married or have any children. After we talked more about it (and he cried) I realized that I just used to say that because I had a lot of fear and trust issues.
Well, we got engaged eventually and went back to Church. I think maybe we might have wanted 2 children, I don't remember. I first heard of NFP at our PreCana day. I felt it was the right thing to do, so we took the classes and felt open to more than two. When our second was about 9 months old I think we decided to abstain because I was afraid (once again) of being home alone with 3 children. My husband was traveling quite a bit at the time. But God thought we could handle it I guess because my daughter was conceived that month anyway. (I think we kind of bent the NFP rules too.) We are very grateful for her. She is a blessing.
I ecologically breastfed her because I wanted to remain open to more children, but I thought 3 babies in 3 1/2 years was fast (still fearful.) I wanted a larger, but natural spacing between babies. Well, we got it and tried for maybe 5 months for baby #4. At that time, my husband wanted to have a fourth and then stop. I wanted to remain open to life. I had a miscarriage in January.  These faces are good. I couldn't think of any words.
Now we are expecting a baby in March. This pregnancy has been different for me. I am grateful to be carrying this baby, but I've been afraid of another miscarriage. I'm 20 weeks now and starting to feel more excitement about the baby. We are planning to build a large home and my husband is talking about having 5 or six now. I think we should leave it up to God. I'm turning 36 next week. I wonder if I should ecologically breastfeed this baby or not. If I don't, my fertility will return much faster. What have you all done about the breastfeeding and natural child spacing?
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Cheryl
Wife to Bob ('97)
Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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Elizabeth
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Well, Cheryl, I was 36 when my last baby was born so you might want to disregard my advice  but...I nursed her until she two months shy of three. I had lots of advice to wean but I'm really committed to ecoological breastfeeding and I was afraid that I'd wean her or somehow compromise my parenting philosophy and then not get pregnant anyway and I'd regret having missed that closeness with Kirsten. As it turns out, weaning her had absolutely no affect on my charts at all. The nursing cycles look exactly the same as the post nursing cycles. I've tandem nursed three of my babies and been ecologically breastfeeding for five conceptions. Nicholas was conceived when Stephen was a year old and was nursing on demand and sleeping in our bed and my cycles hadn't started yet. Kirsten was pretty much the same scenario...and then nothing. I don 't deny that nursing affects fertility, but for me, I wouldn't sacrifice the relationship I have with my babies (and nursing is an integral part of that) for the sake of my wish for a baby that might not even be in God's plan...it's another of those "no regrets" things. When my first child was really little I met a lady with eight children. Her youngest was about two. As I nursed Michael, she said, with tears in her eyes, "Oh I wish I could have that back. I weaned my littlest in order to get pregnant again and I'm not pregnant and I've bargained away my last baby..." A bit melodramatic but it left a huge impression on me!
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Bridget
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Cheryl, I moved this to a new topic.
I know how you feel about fearing another loss. I think we all feel that way with each pregnancy after losing one. I keep reminding myself that being open to life also means being open to loss.
I have never worried over how to nurse my babies. Breastfeeding is a gift. I nurse them when they want it and i love nursing. I am thrilled when my fertility returns. I always assume that is the spacing God wanted me to have that particular time.
The knowledge we have about NFP and ecological breastfeeding is wonderful and helpful to those who need it. But sometimes it makes things more complicated than they need to be.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Laura
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Elizabeth wrote:
Nicholas was conceived when Stephen was a year old and was nursing on demand and sleeping in our bed and my cycles hadn't started yet.
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Ahhh, shhhh...don't let my dh see this.
No, seriously though, he is very nervous while I nurse and don't have my period. NFP doesn't work while nursing and we don't use artificial bc so he spends the entire time a bit stressed. What's a couple supposed to do when the husband is so worried during this time?
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Laura
wife to Ken and mom to 8 blessings with #9 due July 26,2009
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Laura
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Cheryl,
I agree with the ladies. Nursing is a tremendous gift from God to us. I have always nursed to a year, and I would nurse longer....(see above post!  )
Ahh, if only we could all just trust in God's timing. What a blessing that would be!
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JMJ,
Laura
wife to Ken and mom to 8 blessings with #9 due July 26,2009
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Bridget
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Laura wrote:
What's a couple supposed to do when the husband is so worried during this time?
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Smile at him and marvel at what a great husband and father he is. Tell him he has the most beautiful, bright children in the world!
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Jeanne
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I have nursed each of my children a little longer than the last. I became pregnant with in 4-5 months of weaning each time. For me breastfeeding has been a natural spacing.
I love nursing my children, especially as they get older 1-2. They get so busy and they are off and running this still gives us lots of cuddle time. It is such a blessing from God.
I'm 37 and my husband is 44, I know he gets a little nervous that I could have years of fertillity left, but he does trust in the Lord's timing(this was not always the case--lots of prayer). Most of my friends are having babies into their mid 40's. One friend just found out she is expecting her 8th at 45!
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Jeanne
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kingvozzo
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Elizabeth wrote:
| "Oh I wish I could have that back. I weaned my littlest in order to get pregnant again and I'm not pregnant and I've bargained away my last baby..." A bit melodramatic but it left a huge impression on me! |
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Well, I was just pondering weaning my 25 month old ds. I semi-jokingly told a friend yesterday that maybe I should wean him because I would like to get pregnant again. This conversation has definitely made me reconsider!
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Noreen
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kingvozzo
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Bridget wrote:
I keep reminding myself that being open to life also means being open to loss.
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Oh, this is so true. To truly place ourselves in God's care is not just seeking the blessings that He gives us, but also the heartache and pain. But, the blessings seem to make so much more sense, and are certainly easier to accept.
Bridget wrote:
| The knowledge we have about NFP and ecological breastfeeding is wonderful and helpful to those who need it. But sometimes it makes things more complicated than they need to be. |
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Amen to that!
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Noreen
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teachingmyown
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I have used ecological breastfeeding with all but my first. They sleep with me and nurse on demand and usually continually through the night. I don't start solids until at least 8 months and at least a few of them really did not take to food until at least a year.
All that said, my cycles always return in less than a year and I am always pretty relieved. Not that we have ever had real reason to put off pregnancy, I usually feel that apprehension when they are still so little. My husband only stresses the fact that I am stressed about conceiving and that puts a damper on his plans if you know what I mean!
My last five (including the one I am carrying) were conceived while I was breastfeeding. So in that regard, I guess ecological breastfeeding doesn't "work" for me. I nurse usually through the first trimester and tandem nursed once (not for me  ), usually my milk supply dwindles and they lose interest.
Kateri is 26 months and shows no signs of weaning. And although I am anxious for a few months of sleeping through the night before this baby is born, I am not going to rush her either. She is a handful and nursing has such a calming effect on her.
I love Bridget's answer about nervous husbands! Fortunately, my husband has never stressed another baby. He is SO open to life it sometimes frustrates me and I tell him he doesn't stress because it really doesn't change his life a whole lot, at least not during the infant months!  He just sleeps right through it! But I am thankful for his openness, really.
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Molly
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Laura
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Jeanne wrote:
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I'm 37 and my husband is 44, I know he gets a little nervous that I could have years of fertillity left, but he does trust in the Lord's timing(this was not always the case--lots of prayer). |
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Prayer is the answer.
Wow, though...you ladies are blessed in the fact that your hubands are so open to large families.
Ken always "jumps on board and is fine", but only after first being a bit bummed that I am pregnant again.
But...after the initial "dissapointment" (not really the right word) he truly does adjust and is fine. Maybe worry would be the better word.
I have a friend at church whose husband feels exactly the same way as Ken. I asked her how she deals with it and she said she ignores him. She is in her 40's and wants another. I am praying for her heart's desire, but she teases that sometimes her and her husband's prayers battle one another to reach God's ears! I thought that was histerically (sp?) funny and sadly so true of Ken and I as well.
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Laura
wife to Ken and mom to 8 blessings with #9 due July 26,2009
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Bridget
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I swear Kevin walks around with a swagger for weeks after a positive pregnancy test. He likes to get the female teachers at work all upset by making remarks about keeping me barefoot and pregnant. ...And I wonder why his children look for trouble when they're bored.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Cheryl
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Elizabeth wrote:
| I don 't deny that nursing affects fertility, but for me, I wouldn't sacrifice the relationship I have with my babies (and nursing is an integral part of that) for the sake of my wish for a baby that might not even be in God's plan...it's another of those "no regrets" things. |
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This is a very good point. I agree that the nursing is an important part of my relationship with my children. I felt like my first two babies weaned naturally at 19 and 15 mos. They didn't cry or seem to notice that we stopped. I was already pregnant for the next one both times and I have to admit that I liked having a break before the next baby came. But when my third was born I remember thinking that my poor little 19 month old may have missed out. He was still a baby too. Maybe if I had ecologically breastfed him, he would have still been nursing. But on the other hand, I was relieved to not be tandem nursing.
Now I am hoping that dd 3 will want to stop nursing on her own sometime before the baby comes. I am enjoying sleeping through the night occasionally and would like more of it. I like being able to go out alone at night. I'm wondering if I might want to give up ecologically breastfeeding the next baby, not only to have a quicker return of my fertility, but also to have more freedom. For me, nursing an infant is easy and rewarding, but nursing a preschooler is a sacrifice. That sounds awful, but I've been sore and tired lately. Also, my husband says that it's was easier for him with the first two. If I went out he could put them to bed. Even now my daughter often waits up for me(and talks his ear off or cries if he tries to get her to sleep.) So here are some more questions:
Are your husbands supportive of ecological breastfeeding? Do you ever go out on your own without the baby?(after the 1st year) Can your husbands get your little nursers to go to sleep?
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Cheryl
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Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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Cheryl
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Bridget wrote:
| I swear Kevin walks around with a swagger for weeks after a positive pregnancy test. |
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This is funny. I think my husband is proud too. He wants to tell everyone. He announces it and pays happy fines at his rotary club. He also likes how large my rear end is getting.
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Cheryl
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Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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kingvozzo
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Cheryl wrote:
| I felt like my first two babies weaned naturally at 19 and 15 mos. They didn't cry or seem to notice that we stopped. |
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I guess neither of my first two weaned exactly "naturally." I have been slowly becoming more of an ecological breastfeeder as I progress with my children. With my first, I nursed on demand, but he NEVER slept with us, and when he refused to nurse at 8 month, well, I was a bit confused, but just let him progress to a cup. If I had it to do over again, I would have been more persistant is helping him re-establish nursing.
With my second, I nursed her till 16 months. I would have gone longer, but my father had emergency triple bypass surgery, and I had to go help him. Bringing the baby was not possible, so she was weaned rather abruptly. I immediately got pregnant with #3 (I think I'm rather sensitive to ANY nursing affecting my fertility), and I'm still nursing him.
Funny thing is, I thought he would be weaned in June, (and I'd be pregnant is July) because I went away for 4 days with my girlfriends from High School. After 4 days, I thought he'd be done with me, but several days after my return, he wanted to nurse. So here I am, 4 months later, still nursing, and still not pregnant. I really do doubt that I'll be able to get pregnant while I'm still nursing #3.
I'll admit I don't relish the idea of nursing someone while pregnant, or tandem nursing. But, once upon a time, the idea of nursing a 2 y/o was scandalous to me Really. (obviously, I got over that )
I think it's Sheila Kippling who talks about the gentle transition into nursing older babies. How it seems strange sometimes to see others doing it, but when it's your own, and you've been nursing them for quite some time, it's completely natural
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Noreen
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ALmom
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We've done ecological breastfeeding because of our desire to be there for the babies and their needs. I worried about what to do when I got preg as my history of miscarriages scared me. Those were tense and uncomfortable times - and sometimes I miscarried and sometimes I didn't - sometimes I would begin to put the baby off out of fear and realize we were beginning to gradually wean and it just didn't seem right for the baby that was born but I was afraid for the unborn baby. Other times I would wonder if I should stop nursing when I began to bleed. A medical person (probably the midwife) explained to me that it was best to continue whatever we were doing as sudden weaning might cause hormonal swings. I have been able to relax more with that information and the nursing truely was important for both of us. It also didn't seem to really make a difference in what happened. Some of ours nursed to age 4, some to 2. I tandem nursed once for a short time (but it wasn't the first baby that nursed till 4 - she asked to nurse the day the baby was born, I offered, she smiled and never nursed again). I remember all the comments with my 1st that nursed till 4 - she was going to be marching down the aisle asking for nursing. We smiled and went about doing what we felt was right. No one bothers us now.
Janet
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kingvozzo
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ALmom wrote:
she asked to nurse the day the baby was born, I offered, she smiled and never nursed again).
Janet |
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My now 4 year old started asking to nurse during the summer of 04, after she had been weaned about 18 months. I let her, primarily because we were on an extended (6 week) visit with family, away from our home, and I think she needed the comfort. She did want to nurse off and on for about 6 months, I obliged. The desire went away, for the most part. Every once in a while, she'll try to nurse while the 2 y/o is, but he is very possessive of his time and he pushes her away
I do think doing what feels right for you and the baby is the important thing.
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Noreen
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kristina
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Cheryl wrote:
Are your husbands supportive of ecological breastfeeding? Do you ever go out on your own without the baby?(after the 1st year) Can your husbands get your little nursers to go to sleep? |
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My husband has no problem with my breastfeeding at all. He had no "need" to have to bottle feed. He is extremely helpful with most everything to do with the house and the children that he considers that one less "task."
At 12 months, I begin my "don't offer/don't refuse" type of nursing. I have never weaned a child. At 13.5 - 15 months my boys each weaned themselves because I was pregnant again. Now I have a 20 month old girl who shows no signs of weaning. If I am sitting, she notices and jumps on my lap to nurse. If I try to put her in her crib to nap, she fusses until I remember and take her out to nurse on our bed, where she falls asleep. I think it is because I have been working a few evenings each week away from the home that she is taking her nursing time when it is available. On nights that I am working, my husband has no trouble putting her bed.. she settles right down for him. In fact, one evening she awoke crying and my husband told her that I was not home yet, so she snuggled right in next to him and went right back to sleep!
She is my "funniest" nurser yet. When my husband leaves in the morning, she would wave goodbye to him without stopping nursing. Recently she has begun to turn to give him a kiss goodbye, then promptly turns back to resume nursing.
I have no intentions of weaning her, but having no experience nursing an older toddler, I admit that it is just is so very strange to me. I can't help wonder if she will ever give it up? Selfishly, I wonder what it will feel like to have my body 100% to myself. I have been pregnant or nursing since 1996 and sometimes I find myself in need of a reminder that my body was used by God to grow and nourish these precious ones and that I am so incredibly blessed to be able to do so.
Blessings,
kristina
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Bridget
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I like this common sense article written by Debi Pearl at No Greater Joy. It's called My Two Cents Scroll down a little for it.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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BrendaPeter
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I'm curious as to how it works having a mobile baby in bed with you at night, i.e. do you one of those bed rails so the baby doesn't happen to fall out of that side of the bed when she's on that "side"?
Thx!
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Brenda (mom to 6)
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Ecological Breastfeeding
