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Kristie 4
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Last year I helped organize a homeschool coop with a bunch of ladies that had been meeting together for chess club for a couple years. We all felt the chess club was needing to be changed up and thought that we would meet for lunch and the afternoon. We had two sessions of activities with different choices for the children in those sessions. All the moms pitched in and it went fairly smoothly.
I know it sounds perfect, but I often came home exhausted and feeling like it wasn't a good fit for us. Some of the things that came up for me were parenting types (I am one of the only Christians in the group and I would say that most of the other mom's are very 'child' centered- not sure if this label makes sense to you, but what I mean by it is that so much was catered and worked around each child that it made it so hard at times to do a lot of the activities), that it is every week (doesn't that sound awful of me  , it is just such a long day and we all seem so tired the next day), and one other thing is that the sort of topics my kids are so eager for (a Shakespeare club etc.) I think will have a hard time making a go in this group as most of the mom's don't wouldn't require their children to learn the lines and such even if their children were wanting to participate.
It's good for me to try to verbalize this here. I don't know how well I am succeeding because it was such a feeling thing each week as we arrived home.
On the other hand, I really appreciate these ladies and we have a lot of fun together. This group is the only group of homeschooling friends my children have (they have fabulous non-homeschooled friends...all of which we have relationships with the families) but none of them are Christian. I don't want my children to live in a bubble, but at the same time I desire them to have relationships with other Christian homeschoolers.
So right now I am at the point where part of me says that it is the right decision to leave the group and participate in some other venues in the city. Another part of me is scared to leave the group (don't know why, probably my own issues ), while another small part is saying that I should stick in and help the group as it grows and changes, working with some of those areas that we as a family would appreciate.
The discussion about A Haystack Full of Needles has got me realizing that this book would probably help me alot in this area.
One idea we had as a family was to create a Shakespeare club that could meet two times a week in our home, with time for the children to hang out after.
My, this looks like a mess to read...please forgive my pre-caffeine brain 
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Kristie in Canada
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Martha
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I have a coop in my home every Friday with 5 other families from 10am to 3pm. It's great. We all agree on what we're going to do and what each parent is going to contribute. Our one rule is that it cannot add to the curriculum load we carry the other 4 days of the week because we feel we do enough core academics as it is. (So no required memorization, readings, and so forth.) I'm exhausted by the end, but it's a well satisfied with a good days work kind of satisfied, not a so stressed I just want a glass of a wine and a quiet padded room kind of exhausted.
I don't think you have to completely leave your nice group of friends? Could you continue with the coop with an attitude of "we're just here for the friends and any other learning stuff is just a happy unexpected bonus", so that what the group lacks doesn't get to you so much? Or could you be honest with them and say the coop isn't meeting your needs, you need to focus on your in-home studies more, but you'd still love to get together for a playdate once a week or so? Will they not want to "play" with you if you don't do the coop? I hope that's not the case.
And while you do that, maybe you could start exploring meeting others outside just that group? Which I think is always a good idea anyhow. People and group needs change, sometimes a lot, and it's nice to have other resources to rely on when suddenly there's no kids your kids age, or the moms go to work, or several families move away for better jobs and what not.
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Kristie 4
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| Posted: Aug 08 2008 at 11:42am | IP Logged
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Thank you Martha.
I think my post came out a little wrong....it isn't that the academics aren't happening (I am totally fine with the kids just hanging. Our chess club was great because the kids played chess for an hour, had snack and then just hung for the rest of the time), it is more the atmosphere. It is just difficult to be in a place where so much is being catered to each individual child in a very skewed way. But, as I think about it, it is just the beginnings of this group. I bet as different families come things will change more. However, we do want to add families slowly and most of the families that are part of the group desire more like minded/unschooling types (not that I am not an unschooling type- I think I am just more open to different options!)
We do need to get to know other homeschoolers as well. It just seems we are so wiped out on Tuesday, trying to pull it together on Wednesday, etc. I really wish our group was on Fridays as that seems like such a nice completion to the week and beginning of the weekend.
More rambling thoughts...
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Kristie in Canada
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Sarah M
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Martha wrote:
I'm exhausted by the end, but it's a well satisfied with a good days work kind of satisfied, not a so stressed I just want a glass of a wine and a quiet padded room kind of exhausted.
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You mean, I'm not supposed to feel this exhausted at the end of every day? 
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Bookswithtea
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Kristie, do you have the option to not attend all day? I have found that coops exhaust our family so much that we entirely lose the next morning to recovery. I pulled out of one that was weekly because by the end of the semester, I thought I was going to lose my mind.  My friends who love these kinds of coops tend to be more extroverted than I am. They love all the hustle and bustle. I get overwhelmed by it (I am a borderline introvert).
I switched to a quieter coop that only meets every other week, and only from 9-11ish. I don't attend even that entire time...only for 2 periods usually. This way my kids stay in contact with their friends, I stay in contact with the moms, but I go home an hour before lunch and I am not tired at all.
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Kristie 4
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Books, that sounds like me. I didn't think I was an introvert but through having so many community events this week I feel like I just need time to myself!
I think a quieter coop would suit us better as well. As well, one that meets on Friday. For me, I like to have days with margin, and I do have some daily to dos for the kids. So when we meet on Tuesday at noon (and we are late risers), that means that day and the recovery on the next day make me feel like I need to be squishing some of the to dos in to the other days. I know that the coop is important of itself, and see the beauty in it, but I also want my children to be attending to the basics in their math, latin etc. I also love to have more margin in our other days for the things of beauty that feed us here. I find that the coop they way it is now just doesn't allow as much of that extra time we love. (The other people in my group, mostly, have the coop as their main thing and pretty much unschool the rest so it is hard to explain this to alot of them.)
Thank you for bearing with my ramblings. It is allowing me to clear this up in my mind more.
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Kristie in Canada
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folklaur
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We had girls & boys club with my last homeschool group - twice a month from 10-1130. And on Fridays. Perfect length, perfect day. We still got little done on Friday, but more than that and I would go a little wonky.
And all day Co-op on a Tuesday? Goodness, that would really mess up my week! And every week?
My kids did attend an enrichment class through the school district on Wednesdays that was all day - 830 - 330 - but all my kids were of the age to go and it was a day for me to catch up, clean, etc. So - it didn't drain me physically/emotionally.
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guitarnan
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Kristie,
Our co-op is considering switching to Fridays for just the reasons you mentioned. We only meet for 2.5 hours and it's still a lot. I like to teach (good thing, huh!) but I come home drained each time. The payoff has been excellent, though - parish friends for my dd, and now we're expanding to high school age, I hope, and my son will have homeschooled friends for the first time since, well, 2004. Worth being tired.
Could you propose a shorter day? I'll bet you're not the only burned out mom. Or, could you start up a monthly or biweekly activity from the co-op membership but separate from the co-op classes? (I am thinking park days, book clubs, model rocket clubs, stuff like that.)
Yours is the first co-op that I've ever heard of that meets all day...food for thought.
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Kristie 4
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That is my idea Nancy. But to look at it as an activity from the membership (but also open to others) I think would be a good idea- that way people don't think I just don't like their company
I think this way, having an alternate group meet on Fridays will still provide the interaction my kids love, so that they will not feel badly about not going to the Learning Centre (our coops not to inventive name - it was the name until we came up with a better one but it just stuck!)
Thank you so much ladies, this is making so much more sense to me and my head and heart are much clearer.
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Kristie in Canada
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Kristie 4
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Nancy, you say the payoff is excellent- this is where I find this group a bit different. Some of the relationships my children have there are not ones I would encourage, while the ones I would encourage are ones we keep up with normally. So this was another sticking point for me.
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guitarnan
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Kristie,
Yes, I do understand that...we tried a Christian co-op at our last duty station and it was a bit different. At the duty station before that, we were in a homeschool group which only met monthly, for a field trip or play date, and that worked quite well for homeschooling newbie me.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Kristie 4
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Hmmmm...boy I have a short memory. Had to dig this one up as I am at the same place again- now with 2 of 4 kids who aren't interested.
On one hand I am loathe to pass up the opportunity and on the other I am sick to my stomach at the thought of another thing on our schedule...
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Kristie in Canada
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MaryM
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Kristie, it is funny that it is almost one year to the day that you bring it up again...
Did you ever get a chance to read A Haystack Full of Needles like you mentioned wanting to do? I didn't read it until this summer - it really was such a refreshing read. I'm so glad I finally got it. We already do many of the things Alice mentions and have a pretty strong group locally but there are just some things about how Alice approaches it that helped me a lot. One thing is that it should be enjoyable and not stressful for anybody. It doesn't sound like that is the way it is for you. So maybe you do need to find (or create) other venues that meet your chidlren's needs/interests. When I am choosing to do those extra group activites I really want them to be nurturing to my family and to us as Catholic homeschoolers. What you described and how you felt didn't sound like it was fitting well.
Praying for you - I know this is hard.
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Bookswithtea
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Well, I was coming to suggest something, and discovered that its the same thing I suggested a year ago!
Somehow, I got talked into teaching a yearbook class and going full time last year. Even though its Fridays/every other week, I found myself mighty stressed out. When I read Suzanne's thoughts in another thread here (I think it was titled Slow Life or something like that??) about frantic versus busy, I saw myself and our life last year. Ick.
And I had a revelation when I was praying about this and other activities. Sometimes activities are good, and when I look at the calendar, it looks empty enough and so I fill it with the "good". But then I find I don't have time to visit with grandparents, help out a friend who needs an ear or a meal, help out at the local food bank, etc. I don't know what other activities you have going, but if you have other ones, I'd feel free to just drop it entirely.
I am going to stick it out this year, but I am going back to my 2 classes only-rule, and I am going to try to put grandparents and volunteering on the schedule. I cut another activity entirely (sewing clinic...instead I am setting up a sewing station in the craftroom). I am *not* teaching this time. We are sticking with 4h, which is everyone's favorite activity, but that doesn't start till early March, so I am even contemplating stopping the coop in the winter so that we aren't doing two activities at the same time. I think I'll make that decision after I see how it goes with the volunteering and grandparents plan.
Anyway, I don't know if any of this helps, but that's the conclusion I've come to for this year...
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jdostalik
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Kristie,
If half of your clan doesn't want to do this and you don't want to, either...I'd bail and not feel badly at all. In your case, looking at all the externals, it seems clear cut. Praying for you as I have a decision to make about our activity level this week, too.
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Kristie 4
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Yup, clear cut!
Just sent out the 'cancellation email'!
Whew! I feel great here!! (My last child who was into the coop let me know this morning that he didn't want to do it either!)
Until next year this time?? 
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Kristie in Canada
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Cay Gibson
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Kristie,
I understand every word you wrote. We have fluxed between co-ops the past 12 yrs and our group has finally settled into a rhythm and responsibility all its own.
And it's wonderful.
A few families drop out because it is exhausting or doesn't fit their lifestyle (at this time). One of the heads of our co-op just announced yesterday that she is joyfully expecting baby #9. She is our "math" teacher and teaches all levels of high school math. Please keep her and her pregnancy in your prayers.
Here were my my thoughts last year and my thoughts this year.
We have found that co-op has truly settled many restless high school spirits and they have benefited from the socialization and comradary.
Co-op has also benefited my family in the sense that we go that one exhaustingly glorious day then the rest of the week we are free to unschool and learn at leisure. It's a win-win situation...for us.
I don't want to encourage or discourage anyone from doing co-op...but at least give it a try before deciding. Like I said, it took our group 12 yrs to grow in knowledge and our children to grow in familiarity before we met our groove.
Patience is a virtue.
Btw, Margot is planning a full-fledged edition of mater et magistra focusing on co-ops in the near future.   I'm sure it will be a blessing.
[ETA: Three of our board members are having a meeting this morning w/ Fr. B in hopes that a Catholic facility will open for our group. We'd appreciate all your prayers. As most of you know, Catholic facilities are hard to obtain due to insurance/liability issues. This would be a "perfect" location and also offer a few perks which we need...especially for a wheelchair bound member. Thank you!)
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Cay Gibson
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Kristie,
Sorry, I was typing (and getting interruptions  ) during the time you posted.
If you are at peace, that's very important. It's wonderful to have the privilege to decide these things and be in charge of our children's education. It's also comforting to know that we have the freedom to re-evaluate our situation each year.
Remember, YOU are your child's best advocate.
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Cay Gibson
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Going back and forth on coop decision....
