| Author | |
amyable
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 07 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3798
|
| Posted: Aug 06 2008 at 2:23pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
Since I don't have any great IRL role models, I'm wondering if what I'm thinking of as "chaotic" and "wrong" is just "normal" and "good" life in a large family...or am I really doing something wrong and I need to change? (OK, I *know* I need to grow and change, but I'm trying, really, I'm trying!  )
So something like this happens every. single. day:
Dh unexpectedly decides to take older three to the pool for the late afternoon (we don't go enough, so we catch it where we can). Mentally switching gears (hard) I help get them ready while cleaning up after the meal we just ate (busy). Oldest two are fighting over the suntan lotion (hey I'm not done yet! - I need some I'll give it back in a minute!  ) Middle child dripping it everywhere. Baby's cranky, #4 incessantly asking loudly why she can't go.
They all leave, I get 3yo started on something so I can put the baby to bed. He has started standing up in his crib and screaming instead of lying down and going to sleep ( and heartbreaking). I go in and check him a few times and lay him back down but don't know what else to do). In between the 3yo has a shrieking fit about something she can't do. Then she goes into the bathroom and pees all over the floor (she must have been holding it for hours at least she went into the bathroom, right?).
Finally the baby falls asleep. Not 4 minutes later we have a huge hail/thunderstorm. Loud. Baby's up. I'm now the one crying!
That's a typical half an hour of life here. Now, it's not always THAT bad, but it always feels that chaotic. And sometimes, of course, it's worse. I hear people complain about their bad days and I always sympathize (because I know it's hard) but inside I'm thinking, "My *every day* is like that!"
Is this just life with 5 under 11? Or do I not have the right authority over my kids (much of the stress is caused by the willful 3yo and the always adding her two cents 10yo)? Or the right routines/schedule...or something?
(I *have* prayed incessantly over this. I'm not really coming up with anything though.) All I keep thinking is I would pay someone to come watch me for a day, or two be a fly on the wall of your homes. I learn by observing! You Tube yourselves, ladies!
Ah, baby is up crying, my quiet time is over!
Love,
__________________
Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Aug 06 2008 at 3:33pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Sounds pretty normal to me
Are there things you can do to limit this? sure.. buy two bottles of sunscreen  And I really like the pump spray bottles (not the constant spray ones) helps with dripping but you need to send them outside to deal with the overspray.
Get rid of any extra "noise" even just soft music playing generally means that someone is talking louder to be heard over it.
I am generally more attachment parenting so I don't put the baby to bed and expect them to sleep.. I cuddle or nurse them to sleep and then lay them down.. ties me up more but does provide for less noise.
And you might talk to your dh about having the olders at least help with clean up before they get ready to go.. more of an ok girls, soon as the dishes are done I'll take you to the pool.. then you're not having to do the clean up alone and you'll feel less harried than when you're trying to do two things at once.
Also as long as it's swim season there.. you might consider keeping a bag or whatever packed so that the getting ready doesn't involve much on your part.. everything will already be collected.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
amyable
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 07 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3798
|
| Posted: Aug 06 2008 at 3:54pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
nak (we need an emoticon for this )
Thanks Jodie. I *think* it makes me feel better that I already *do* 95% of those things you mention as "helps" - but then the other part of me wonders why if I'm doing everything I and anyone else can think of it's still so crazy?  The one thing I will admit doesn't happen here is the "everyone works until the work is done, then you can go have fun." My dh just doesn't get that. As for the baby crying, I have tried to nurse him to sleep, he just doesn't do it, never really has.
But that was just one example, not every crazy moment has to do with the baby sleeping, I was just sharing that one because it stuck in my memory. I could just have easily shared the time that happened right after I got the baby up a half hour ago, where he kept trying to roll over while I was changing him and I couldn't get the snappi to work, and then the 3yo needed help on the computer so I move to that while the baby crawls to the computer and messes up the switches while I'm trying to fix it and yelling for the girls to come downstairs and clean up the mess because I hurt myself walking to the computer, meanwhile dh is on the answering machine saying he'll be late and the 3yo is crying because the baby broke her computer time...
As you can see it's not about any one thing that I can fix by buying more sunscreen (for example, not picking on you Jodie!!  ) It's everything as a whole.
__________________
Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Milehimama
Forum Pro
Joined: July 16 2008
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 202
|
| Posted: Aug 06 2008 at 4:04pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
That sounds like our house today, minus the swimming pool, and add some soggy sidewalk chalk turned war paint.
Neither one of my littles took their nap today - the 2 yo threw a fit over pottying, riled the baby, who cried and kept the 2 yo up, until a thunderstorm rolled in and it was all over.
Days like this make me wonder how on earth I think I'm going to homeschool 5 kids with 7 age 10 and under!
I'm still in the thick of it, too, but what I've found to be helpful is anticipation - not just of things, but attitudes. Sometimes it's helpful to anticipate that #4 will feel left out, for example, and you can take a proactive approach (involve her in something, or whatever.)
Also, this is just a season.
Our family is always loud and chaotic. I encourage each of my children to be their own people, and sometimes it's like herding cats! But I'd rather have cats than "sheep".
BTW - the Duggar's buddy system is a big help for getting ready to go out of the house! It helps cut down on the fighting when each person has an actual task to do.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Aug 06 2008 at 4:10pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
yep.. I think part of it is just learning to "tune out" some of the general noise.. it's almost always noise that bugs me.. or too many underfoot (and I just send them all into another room).
But then I've had people come over and get a "deer in the headlights" look from the busyness on a good day. So I think some of it is just becoming accustomed to it.
I haven't done more because I find the level we're at on most days to be something I can handle (though there are those other days )
But I can remember days when I only had 3 and I'd walk to the mailbox (just at the street across from the front door) really slowly, taking deep breathes and stretching and relaxing my shoulders and neck.. it was so refreshing to be outside with only the noise of traffic a block or so away
Oh and the sunscreen was practical but mainly said to make you laugh and think "if only everything was that easy".
I had one that I gave up just before he turned two and let him cry.. except it wasn't crying it was having a fit because he was mad that I wasn't available for him to use to keep himself awake. First night was 20 minutes, second night was 10 min, third night he gave up on it working and went to bed and right to sleep. I don't guess it's usually that easy.
But I do understand that there are some that it just doesn't work with. I've also used a pak n play successfully but only with my first because the reason it worked was she got to be near me but without any interaction.
I'm not sure how old he is but I've had kids that needed to give up naps pretty young to be able to sleep well at night.. could it perhaps be that he's not tired enough at sleep times? Or perhaps too tired when you try to put him down? I've heard that that can be the case too though mine usually just fall asleep wherever when they get that tired.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
lapazfarm
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 21 2005
Location: Alaska
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 6082
|
| Posted: Aug 06 2008 at 4:20pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Amy, I think it is normal, although some large families seem more peaceful than others. I think there is a wide range of "normal" because we are all so different, you know?
I am in a totally different situation now, with only 2 at home, but it wasn't long ago I was in your shoes. My days were very much as you described.
I did all the "tips" and though they did help, it was never exactly peaceful around our home.
What ended up helping me the most was the days when I just embraced the chaos. On days when I accepted that "this is what my life is meant to be right now" and put on a smile, things went much smoother for me. There was still the the tantrum-ing toddler and the pre-school dramas, and the "puddles" in the bathroom, and the messes everywhere, but... my own inner peace just made all of that ok.
I know you have felt what I mean at times. I think the only trick is to go to that "happy place" as often as possible. Sure, do your darndest to minimize chaos when you can, but when you can't, embrace it.
__________________
Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
amyable
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 07 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3798
|
| Posted: Aug 06 2008 at 4:42pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
JodieLyn wrote:
| Oh and the sunscreen was practical but mainly said to make you laugh and think "if only everything was that easy" |
|
|
So how 'bout 4 bottles of sunscreen for the girls and one of wine for me, and I'll be all set.
__________________
Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
amyable
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 07 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3798
|
| Posted: Aug 06 2008 at 4:44pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I think maybe I've been "conditioned" to see it all as bad growing up, and also anytime we go anywhere around here, or have people over (like my parents, not other moms of many), I get these "pained" looks from everyone. Sometimes it's pity, sometimes its disgust. And this is with the kids behaving.
I'm sorry everyone. I guess I'm having more trouble than usual lately accepting it all. 
__________________
Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
SuzanneG
Forum Moderator
Joined: June 17 2006
Location: Idaho
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5465
|
| Posted: Aug 06 2008 at 4:52pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
amyable wrote:
| So how 'bout 4 bottles of sunscreen for the girls and one of wine for me, and I'll be all set. |
|
|
Wine????  No way. I'm thinkin' a bottle of tequila for a margarita or two! Mama needs a margarita!
__________________
Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
amyable
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 07 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3798
|
| Posted: Aug 06 2008 at 5:13pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
SuzanneG wrote:
amyable wrote:
| So how 'bout 4 bottles of sunscreen for the girls and one of wine for me, and I'll be all set. |
|
|
Wine???? No way. I'm thinkin' a bottle of tequila for a margarita or two! Mama needs a margarita! |
|
|
Well, in reality, I'm not much of a wine drinker. Sangria maybe Fruity stuff. No tequila! Chambord sours are my drink of choice. 
__________________
Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
KC in TX
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 05 2005
Location: Texas
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2621
|
| Posted: Aug 06 2008 at 5:13pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Amy,
I get those looks with my four when I have family over or go over to a family member's house. I think most of that is not being accustomed to the noise level that that many little ones can make. I think adults tend to forget that a group of adults talking can be quite loud too. I agree with Theresa's take on things because that's how it is with me. There are days when nothing seems to go right and I'm cranky as can be but I look back at the day and realize it wasn't the kids, but the way I reacted to them. It's the thermostat vs. thermometer thing. I often fail at this miserably.
Big hugs  and some wine to you!
__________________
KC,
wife to Ben (10/94),
Mama to LB ('98)
Michaela ('01)
Emma ('03)
Jordan ('05)
And, my 2 angels, Rose ('08) and Mark ('09)
The Cabbage Patch
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
SuzanneG
Forum Moderator
Joined: June 17 2006
Location: Idaho
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5465
|
| Posted: Aug 06 2008 at 5:30pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I wanted to make sure I got my smart-alec comment about alcolhol in, in case I didn't have time to type something further.....because....well.....what you described above is quite "normal" around here.
There is this stuff ALL THE TIME! I call it "random nonsense" which is code for complete chaos .
Lovin' Theresa's words. 
Gotta go...more random nonsense taking place!
__________________
Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
marianne
Forum Pro
Joined: Feb 22 2006
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 300
|
| Posted: Aug 06 2008 at 5:31pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Sounds exactly like the scene at my house. It is CRAZY! I am always on the lookout for ways to simplify and control the chaos, but I haven't found the magic bullet yet.
One thing that I keep thinking about, not that I've got this part perfectly down yet, is good child training. The better trained my kids are - behavior, chores, school work independence, attitude - the less chaos I'll have, while having more peace. I am gearing up for a crack down around here.
Some examples of my new rules starting when they come home from Grandma's:
NO asking for snacks. Your 3pm snack will be cancelled if you ask.
Do your chores at the proper time without being reminded or you write sentences (50 times: "I will do my morning chores without being asked")
No fighting or you get sent to your room immediately for 30 minutes.
ect....
These are rules that we already had, but I need to be more consistent with consequences. I am praying that this will lead to more peace in our home. I feel like I'm on my last nerve and we haven't even started our school year!
One other thought about the baby napping: Is it time to drop a nap? You didn't say how old the baby is or how many naps, but usually if one of my kids is fighting their naps, it means that they don't really need that nap so much anymore. Maybe that's not the case at all with yours, but sometimes it sneaks up on you when they've outgrown a naptime.
__________________
\
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
missionfamily
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 10 2007
Location: Louisiana
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1859
|
| Posted: Aug 06 2008 at 6:23pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Amy--Just to make you feel better...Today I was cooking spaghetti squash with roasted garden vegetables for dinner. We finished a good school day, had tea, and I was starting dinner before dh walked in the door. I was feelin' good! 
I went to cut the "spaghetti squash" in half only to find out it was not a spaghetti squash but a freakishly similar looking melon that tastes like a cross between watermelon and canteloupe..."Oh well, it'll make a nice side dish," I thought.
Then I reached for the basket of vegetables for the garden and put them in the pan to roast...lots of beautiful tomatoes, two egg plants, some bell peppers that were small but would season it nicely, a red onion...cooked that up and boiled some pasta.
I took the vegetables out of the oven and went to process them when I remembered dh burned the food processor up making hummus last week. I decided to just mash it all up. When I did, I realized the peppers smelled wierdly spicy. Turns out they were habaneros...the whole batch of sauce was ruined. "Okay, I'll just put tomato sauce over the pasta and throw in yesterday's leftover pasta."
A huge fight breaks out in the kitchen and the kids pull the table cloth off the table...a kid in every corner of the room.
I go to open the pasta when I remember dh took the can opener to work and told me to buy a new one. Open can with large knife.
Let children out of corners...30 seconds pass...baby finds smashed habanero on floor and puts it in his mouth as 5 yo simultaneoulsly rips bandage off broken toe with six stitches in it. Much screaming ensues. No milk left for baby and box of band aids is wet and rendered useless for toe repair.
Trip to CVS for milk, band aids and neosporin...WISH I HAD GOTTEN THAT TEQUILA!
Come home to family happily seated around kitchen table peacefully eating dinner.
YOU MY FRIEND ARE NOT ALONE. I declared my chair the silent zone after dinner and came to the message boards.
__________________
Colleen
dh Greg
mom to Quinn,Gabriel, Brendan,Evan, Kolbe, and sweet St. Bryce
Footprints on the Fridge
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
juststartn
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 17 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1321
|
| Posted: Aug 06 2008 at 6:52pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
5 8 and under here.
Sounds normal. I try to minimize outings. LOL.
Fortunately, we've moved and have only one couple/family we would call "friends" nearby. The weather is generally good enough that we can send the dc outside, so that we can get a few moments of peace and quiet. LOL.
The sentences if the chores are not done is a GOOD idea! Always up for more handwriting practice.
Esp, as I am expecting #6, and am in that "almost going to throw up" stage, and between the fatigue and the nausea, welllll, everyone MUST cooperate, or this ship is going to go down in flames...
Rachel
__________________
Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Aug 06 2008 at 7:14pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
SuzanneG wrote:
| I call it "random nonsense" which is code for complete chaos |
|
|
I LIKE that. Around here we have "tweedle beetle battles" you know those arguments over whom breathed who's air or such  In Dr. Suess's Fox in Socks, tweedle beetles apparently battle for no reason so the various kid clashes typically over "nothing" are tweedle beetle battles.. usually phrased as "oh it's just the kids having another tweedle beetle battle"
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
amyable
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 07 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3798
|
| Posted: Aug 06 2008 at 7:24pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
__________________
Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
lapazfarm
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 21 2005
Location: Alaska
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 6082
|
| Posted: Aug 06 2008 at 7:51pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Perfect!
And Amy, I hope you know that we ALL have those days. I have them now, even with only a couple of kids.
__________________
Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
amyable
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 07 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3798
|
| Posted: Aug 06 2008 at 8:08pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
lapazfarm wrote:
And Amy, I hope you know that we ALL have those days. I have them now, even with only a couple of kids. |
|
|
Oh I totally understand that, and expect to have them *sometimes*. What gets me, and was the original intent of my OP (before I started talking about sangria and beatle battles ) was that I seem to have them *every* day. 
I don't have time now, and may not tomorrow, but I want to tease out some of the things people have mentioned already...
ETA: whoops, make that BEETLE battles. I even went back and changed it to say Beatle! I must have Paul McCartney on the brain.
__________________
Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
joann10
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 10 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3493
|
| Posted: Aug 06 2008 at 8:45pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I missed this discussion until now, and I just wanted to say that everyone's days are so familiar sounding. I usually feel like we are in a whirlwind.
Now that I have every age--toddler to grown up--it has just gotten louder and more chaotic around here. If I just have little kids with me there is little kid commotion. If the middles are around, it is the picking and fighting. Big, grown-up kids just generally whip everyone else into a frenzy-and then leave to go about their own business.
It is also quite a challenge to hear how everyone will get to where they need to be on any given day. We have three full-time jobs, two part-time jobs, one full time community college student, one college soccer player, one Catholic school athletic director,one Catholic school soccer and basketball coach,three Catholic school soccer players---it keeps going-I need a drink now.
I know that we have certainly scared people when they have witnessed our day to day life.
I still am very interested on hearing other people's tips on coping with the chaos. We certainly need help around here.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Is this just life in a large family?
