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doris
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| Posted: June 17 2008 at 5:44pm | IP Logged
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My 4yo dd is causing me some anxiety at the moment. All the while I'm doing sit-down work with my eldest two, she is sitting around, sucking her thumb and refusing to play with anything or take an interest in anything I suggest. Then, inevitably, she's bored, and interrupts us all the time, which gets her into trouble and makes me very irate. Read-alouds, also, are extremely difficult as she interrupts all the time.
She basically can't play on her own, so is just waiting for the other two to be finished so they can play together -- but even then, half the time she is just watching them play and saying she is 'too tired' to join in.
She also repeats questions again and again and again. For example, I might say, 'We're going to Sophie's house tomorrow.' And then she says, 'Are we going to Sophie's house?' And then, 'Is it tomorrow?' And so on, ad nauseam...
I know that part of it is probably attention seeking as she's no longer the baby of the family. Giving her some concentrated attention before working with the other two doesn't work because as soon as I'm not focusing on her completely, she's vying for my attention again.
Help! I seem to be caught in a negative spiral with her. I even enrage her when I'm trying to do the empathy thing -- if I dare to say 'I can see you're angry' when she's mid-tantrum, she rages even more!
Any suggestions?
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Home educating in London, UK with dd (2000) ds (2002), dd (2004), ds (2008) and dd (2011).
Frabjous Days
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Philothea
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| Posted: June 17 2008 at 8:11pm | IP Logged
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Only empathy! My just-turned-4yo son has been in that mode for a while and is just now coming out of it (I hope!). Our youngest was born 11-4-07, so maybe it really is a no-longer-the-baby thing.
You may have to wait it out. I think it will pass. It seems to be headed that way with us, anyway.
One thing that seems to work well with us a lot of the time, though, is to make him my "big helper" and have him help me with the baby. He keeps baby occupied while I get other things done, and he will fetch diapers and toys and whatnot. He'll be a great daddy someday because he actually knows what babies need, when they need it and why. He's not always 100% cooperative with this, but more often than not, I can buy myself a few minutes by having him "babysit" while I do what has to be done. Can you trust her with something like this?
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juststartn
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| Posted: June 17 2008 at 9:48pm | IP Logged
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We've dealt with this. My youngest dd was three when the boys were born. On top of having *a* younger sibling, she got TWINS......and then Daddy left for Iraq right after that, AND then Daddy came home, we moved, etc.
I think part of it is the dethroning aspect but I also know that a lot of it had to do with all of the upheaval.
I'm hoping that things will work themselves out...
Rachel
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Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
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mathmama
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| Posted: June 18 2008 at 5:36am | IP Logged
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doris wrote:
She also repeats questions again and again and again. For example, I might say, 'We're going to Sophie's house tomorrow.' And then she says, 'Are we going to Sophie's house?' And then, 'Is it tomorrow?' And so on, ad nauseam...
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My 3.5yo dd does this all the time. Whoa, it can really try a mother's patience! She is our oldest and does play very well by herself, but lately she has been having problems behaving. It was as if she was trying to get into trouble. And attention wasn't an issue, as dh is home from work for the summer and she was getting more positive and structured attention. She is a very bright girl and dh suggested I start to teach her to read. His thought was that she needed a challenge. Well, we started about 2 weeks ago and her behavior has changed somewhat. We are just learning the letters and their sounds now. She was definitely ready for this. She gets excited anytime I ask if she wants to do her school work. So, I don't know if you do any "school" yet with your 4yo, but maybe it is time to try.
As for asking the questions ad nauseam...I really wish there was a vaccine for this. I would be the first in line  I do think that it is just a stage, though. Good luck!
Beth
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: June 18 2008 at 9:57am | IP Logged
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My four year olds always have the hardest time with a new baby in the house. It will pass. Just pray and try to have patience, as well as the other great suggestions already mentioned.
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Sad little 4yo
