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LucyP
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| Posted: June 17 2008 at 7:45am | IP Logged
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Please any advice from experienced mamas?
How would you advise we handle our 4.5 yo's obsessive questions? He will ask literally a hundred times a day about something - or not so much ask as say "I want to go to the dinosaur park", "I want a scooter".
We've tried:
* ignoring totally and only responding when he changes the record
* responding and saying "I'm not answering that question" or "what did I say last time you asked"
* we've tried talking about it [why do you want one, how many pennies do they cost, have we got that many pennies etc]
* explaining we can't do/have x, checking he understands, and then immediately he says "but mama can I have a scooter?"
* Distraction doesn't work, either. He'll accept the diversion, then sit there with icecream, a toy, a hand of snap cards and say "but mama, I still want x"
* Nor does absenting myself physically. If I walk out of the room he follows - if I go in the garden he follows or hangs out of the window shouting.
It is constant and exhausting. We truly are talking many, many dozens of times a day - over a hundred many days I am sure, and not just the one question either, often a couple with one as the "major". It's not always about having an object (lollipop, scooter, trip} but having a story or why our neighbour is having a baby or is PopPop at work or at home.
Just not sure what would work and fit with his needs - any advice? Lucy
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: June 17 2008 at 8:00am | IP Logged
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Make him do more of the work in answering?
Give him a look and ask HIM to give you the answer.. especially if it's something he's already asked and gotten an answer for.
And be sure to find some other ways of engaging him in conversation. Sometimes kids get stuck in a pattern because they're getting a response that is rewarding (you're talking to him!) but it annoying to the rest of us 
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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SallyT
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| Posted: June 17 2008 at 8:47am | IP Logged
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4yos seem to be great askers, and conversers generally. And boys seem to be more persistent than girls (in our family, anyway -- the girls do the drama, but the boys hammer and hammer at things).
My usual answer to most questions, especially if I've been asked them repeatedly, is, "What do you think the answer is?" or some variation thereof. If it's an "I-want" thing, which we also get a lot of, I tend to say, "Well, think about that for your birthday/Christmas." Or, "Is that what you really want for your birthday/Christmas?" Turning the question back onto him so that he has to answer may slow down the flow a bit.
And he may just be taking up conversational space. That is, he wants to have a conversation, but has only a limited number of available subjects readily at hand. What Jodie says about starting other conversations/giving him other things to talk about may really help in that regard. When my kids start falling into that rut, I might sit down and read with them for a few minutes, just to direct the flow a little. The constant questions generally tell me that what they really want is to talk to me and have me listen, so I try to respond to THAT, rather than the questions themselves, as much as I can.
FWIW, my 10yo son STILL does this, only he talks to me about Star Wars. Continually. Following me from room to room. Talking, talking. Or else he talks about the election or the price of crude oil. Anything to be talking to me without cease. He's so dear, and he's really a pretty interesting conversationalist a lot of the time, but it all gets a little wearing. I guess this is the price of having nice, bright, engaged children who love us!
(and my littles have just gone home with my mother -- we're waiting for my husband to come home from adoration so we can leave on our 5-day house-hunting mission. It's so quiet, and I miss them already, boo hoo!).
Sally
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mama251ders
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| Posted: June 17 2008 at 10:42am | IP Logged
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We have lists hanging up in our kitchen and when the kids say they want something or want to do something, we tell them to put it on their list. We have yet to actually do anything with the list (we never even implied that we would!), but just the act of writing it down seems to help. I know at 4.5, he may not be able to write it down himself, but he could draw a picture or pretend to write it (that's what our 5yo and 3yo do). If they really want to actually put something on the list, I will sit down with them at a quite time and write down everything they want on their list (I usually set a time limit). After awhile, the older ones just started writing stuff down instead of telling me about it all the time. That was very nice!
Blessings,
Betsie
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Benny, Braidon, Olivia, Anna and Saragh
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organiclilac
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| Posted: June 17 2008 at 12:43pm | IP Logged
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When my son does this, often what he needs is to hear that I really understand what he wants, even if I'm not going to give it to him. Even though it seems like it should be obvious that I know (since he's said it a zillion times!) he needs to hear me empathize with him. So, taking a minute to say, "I know that you really want a scooter! It is very disappointing when we can't have what we want. I am so sorry that you feel that way." etc. It is something that I usually have to do more than once if it is a very big desire - but will cut down on the nagging in the long run.
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Tracy, wife to Shawn, mama to Samuel (4/01) and Joseph (11/11), and Thomas (2/15)
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Endless - & I mean endless! - questions
