| Author | |
Leocea
Forum Pro
Joined: July 14 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 146
|
| Posted: May 27 2008 at 4:39pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
I want to thank those who responded regarding my recent loss of a 12 week gestation baby. I am comforted knowing that others have come through this with their faith intact.
I am wondering if, being open to life, this is just something we should expect. That God will keep a few or call them home earlier than we expected. Is it a statistical thing, that out of 6 pregnancies, I have four children? How many losses is normal to have, if you are healthy and have no underlying problems? I have read some miscarriage support boards, and am scared when I see some that have lost 6-8 pregnancies! I know that nothing is guaranteed, but is this normal for large families?? I realize noone here (or anywhere!) has a crystal ball, but if I am healthy, I can expect to have more babies, right?! I feel old, although I will only be 35 in June. My oldest was born when I was 20. :-)
How do we respond with peace in our hearts, and keep the fears at bay when expecting again?
I am feeling well physically, just tired mostly. Emotionally, it is different every day. I am sad, frustrated, and starting to get mad a little, I think.
My anxiety problems are surfacing again, and I am seeing my regular doc about that tomorrow. That will not get rid of my fears, I know that only God can truly help with that.
How do you do it, though? I have a good friend that just doesn't worry! She has had one early loss, and is having her 7th child in the fall. She has gotten to a place where she realizes that she can't control it, so she doesn't worry about it. How do *I* get there?
Is it even possible with my personality?
Anyone have any ideas?
Thank you for reading my rambling posts, I am just searching for answers that probably don't have answers this side of Heaven.
In Christ,
Leocea
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JennGM
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 17702
|
| Posted: May 27 2008 at 4:51pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Leocea, I am so sorry for your loss. I am a neophyte compared to some of the other moms here. But I have had similar questions like you. There have been many times that I thought a crystal ball would be so right, so I would know all the times I would be hurt. Then I could protect myself, so I think.
But now I know it's better this way. Each cross has come a little at a time. I had no idea it would take me until age 33 to find the right man to marry. And then to have trouble conceiving, have very difficult pregnancies and births, two miscarriages, and severe food allergies in my son. It would be overwhelming to carry it all, know that it will happen. And when I look at others, I then realize my crosses are little compared to them!
I have to remind myself to live in the moment and keep my eyes on my own problems. Jesus' grace is sufficient for us for this day. Don't worry about tomorrow. Deal with your sorrow and pain that you carry today, and don't worry about protecting yourself from possible future hurts. God will take care of you, and Our Lady is embracing you now, holding you in her mantle to give you comfort.
Holding you in prayer...God bless.
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JennGM
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 17702
|
| Posted: May 27 2008 at 4:57pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I hope that didn't come off as preachy. I'm sorry if it did. I was writing for myself, because I have to remind myself that I Can't Cushion myself from the next cross. I want to, but I can't.
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
bfarmmom
Forum Pro
Joined: Oct 12 2006
Location: Kentucky
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 354
|
| Posted: May 27 2008 at 5:28pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Leocea,
I have just read your posts and I want to say I am so sorry. I also understand what you are going through. My first 6 pregnancies were great, no problems, and then all of a sudden I had two miscarriages in a row and not to get to personal, but it has taken longer to concieve again. We are expecting again. Praise God. I am about 6 weeks now. I understand when you say you feel old at 35. I had been feeling the same way, I am 37. You almost feel like your body is giving out on you. But you are not old.
Take time to heal emotionally and be easy on yourself. Make sure nutritionally you are getting what you need via food and supplements. This will make a big difference in how you feel physically and emotionally. I did this and it has made a huge difference.
I daily have to remind myself that God is in control. I know this of course but I constantly pray. "Jesus I trust in You" I have since my last miscarriage. And I am trying to "fear not".
I know I am rambling and I hope I made some sense. Please know I am praying for you during this time.
__________________
Peace,
Kirsten
ds13,dd12,dd10,ds7,dd6, dd 4, ds 2
Sonlight Garden
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Leocea
Forum Pro
Joined: July 14 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 146
|
| Posted: May 27 2008 at 6:06pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Kirsten,
"Jesus I trust in you" is what I said to myself the entire time last week!! I was so scared, and I fear that again.
I trusted Him, and He led me through it. I feel like I am failing Him, to not trust Him now, even more! Shouldn't my anxiety be lessened, knowing He was there with me?
Jenn, you were not preachy! I need real advice from real moms, that's what I asked for!
Thank you for your help, it IS helping, I am just up and down so much right now.
It just took me so many years to see where I belonged (the Catholic Church) and to help my husband find his way too. Then, after over 10 years of thinking that he wouldn't want any more than 2 children, he changed his mind after I prayed a rosary novena. Well, now I feel like we are running out of time. I want to be the mom of 8 or 9 or even more that speaks at conferences and helps the younger moms! I want to have a baby on my hip until my fertile years are over. I want, I want, I want... I know in my heart that it is not about what I WANT, but I can't stop wanting it!
Sorry, this is just so hard to put into words, I just need to accept that I am not in control, and I can't seem to do it. All of you are helping a lot, really, thank you so much. What do women without faith do? How do they cope, and get through these kinds of things?
In Christ,
Leocea
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
folklaur
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2816
|
| Posted: May 27 2008 at 6:32pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
 I'm so sorry.
It is so hard to tell, and I don't know if anyone can answer the questions you have... I know of two different moms - one who has 4 souls in heaven, and only 2 here on earth, and another with 4 on earth, but 16 souls in heaven. Her faith and perseverance leaves me humbled and speechless. And yet, I also know of Moms in my homeschool group with 7 and 8 children, and no m/c at all.
I understand your wants!!! I have them too. I have three children here, one soul in heaven, and I so very much want to have a big, big family! But due to some complications with my uncooperative body, we aren't supposed to get pregnant again.
You will be in my prayers.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
LLMom
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 19 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 995
|
| Posted: May 27 2008 at 6:36pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Leocea,
I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard. Somehow, with each pregnancy, God pulls us through, whether we carry to term or not. I have 7 living dc and have had 5 losses. Each time I felt like I couldn't bear another loss, and then He pulled me through each time. And yes, for me, every pregnancy had an element of worry, but I knew that He was there for me. You become stronger each time. I am almost 42 and wish for another. I had a loss 1 1/2 years ago and no pregnancy since. I hate to end my childbearing years with a loss, but it may be God's will and I will have to accept that. That will be hard for me, but again, I know He will pull me through and He knows best. Keep trusting. Pray to the BLessed Mother; she knows your pain.
__________________
Lisa
For veteran & former homeschool moms
homeschooling ideas
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
cheesehead mom
Forum Pro
Joined: Aug 08 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 374
|
| Posted: May 27 2008 at 10:28pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Leocea--May God comfort you. 8 pregnancies here 2 in heaven. I often say that as profound a feeling it is to give birth there is also an almost indescribable sadness to have your child die within you.
On a practical note, most OB's, or Family practioners do not consider miscarriage an issue until you have 3. You may, if you do not already, look for a doctor who has trained through Pope Paul VI's fertilitycare programs. They will address any infant loss. They have had a lot of success preventing some miscarriages. Here is the link:
http://www.fertilitycare.org/locations/usa.htm
Laura in WI
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Lisbet
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2006
Location: Michigan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2706
|
| Posted: May 28 2008 at 7:20am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Well, having just been through my 7th early loss 3 weeks ago, with 9 live births, (one was a twin loss, resulting in the birth of one baby.) for me, it has not gotten any easier. I accept, I trust, but I still grieve, seriously grieve.
My husband talks statistics to me all the time. It just stands to reason that if you are open to life, your 'chances' of loss are higher than those that close themselves off to children. We are open to souls, souls to fill heaven - not just earth.
I don't think there are any profound words I can offer, just my sympathy, understand, and support. It sounds so easy to say, but Trust is really all that we can do. You will remain in my prayers.
__________________
Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
sewcrazy
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 17 2006
Location: Illinois
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 735
|
| Posted: May 28 2008 at 7:48am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I offer my sympathies also. Unfortunately, I know all too well that there are no guarantees. I have 4 living children, 1 SIDS baby, 1 twin loss, 2 still births, and 4 mc. After my last mc 18 months ago I have had no signs of being fertile again, and I am only 36.
I have always comforted myself with the fact that my babies that didn't survive until birth are actually the blessed ones. They get fast tracked to heaven without having to suffer here of earth.
My children and I often talk about their brothers and sisters in heaven, and how they are lucky to have such a host praying for them. My dd (who was 7 at the time) said something very wise: "Mom, do you ever wonder why God feels that we need so many people in heaven praying for us?" God does know that we need the prayers!!
Hugs to you.
Trust in Him
LeeAnn
__________________
LeeAnn
Wife of David, mom to Ben, Dennis, Alex, Laura, Philip and our little souls in heaven we have yet to meet
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
LLMom
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 19 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 995
|
| Posted: May 28 2008 at 10:27am | IP Logged
|
|
|
LeeAnn,
You are amazing! Your love for children is such a blessing. (as is everyone's here) Its so refreshing in this culture of death.
__________________
Lisa
For veteran & former homeschool moms
homeschooling ideas
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: What should I expect with this lifestyle?
