4Real Forums: 13 yr old lying - I need help w/it.

Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.

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Topic: 13 yr old lying - I need help w/it.

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websterm
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Joined: March 05 2008
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Posted: May 08 2008 at 1:56pm \| IP Logged

I need some advice from you moms! My 13 yr old dd has had some issues with lying over the past maybe 6 months. The 1st time I caught it, I took her to confession and told her she needed to be asking God for help. The second time we did alot of talking about and I called our priest. He told me just to keep talking to her and encourage her to be honest. She has done good for about a month and then it happened again last night. There is an issue with an inapproprate shirt that she borrowed from her step sister. My daughter has not worn it but has had it for a few months in her bag and said she only had it for a few weeks. She left me a note telling me she lied and felt really bad about it. At least she feels some guilt...not that it is making me feel any better that after the fact she is writing me a note??
Couple of things I need help with....I want her to understand why lying is wrong, how do I help her? Do I take her to confession everytime I catch her in a lie? How do we talk about dressing modest when her step sisters do not, and she sees kids everyday who are allowed to wear whatever they want? (my daughter goes to public school...

I know this is lengthy, but I am really needing some guidance if you ladies could please give me your thoughts and suggestions.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Marcia
Home To Learn

Barbara C.
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Joined: July 11 2007
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Posted: May 08 2008 at 2:14pm \| IP Logged

I think she is old enough to understand why lying is wrong. But even when we understand that things are wrong we are all tempted to do them anyway. Many of us struggle with a particular sin over and over again. If it is little white lies, I would just take her to confession and leave it at that. If it is big lies, then I would take her to confession and relieve her of some privileges for a few weeks.

I don't know what to tell you about the modesty thing. I know there's that line between wanting to make sure your daughter dresses modestly and not wanting to say something that may be misconstrued as an insult to her step sisters and their parents. I would think about putting the emphasis on how important her health and well-being are to you and how special she is and avoid being drawn into comparisons with what her step-sisters or other girls are allowed. After all, you aren't responsible for what other girls are allowed to do.

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Barbara
Mom to "spirited" dd(9), "spunky" dd (6), "sincere" dd (3), "sweet" dd (2), and baby girl #5 born 8/1/12!!
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websterm
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Joined: March 05 2008
Location: Oklahoma
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Posted: May 09 2008 at 2:04pm \| IP Logged

Barbara C - thanks so much for your insight.
I agree with you that I don't want to insult her step sisters, her and I have had talks about that.
I like how you said "putting the emphasis on how important her health and well-being are to you and how special she is". Here is the problem - I know this sounds silly, but I'm not sure how to start that conversation. Does that make sense? Everytime I think about starting that conversation, it always ends up just me telling her that I love her and want the best for her.
I guess the lying gets me so upset, that I lose what I want to say and how to say it. I don't want her to continue down a path of lying.

Marcia

Home To Learn

teachingmyown
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Joined: Feb 20 2005
Location: Virginia
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Posted: May 09 2008 at 5:18pm \| IP Logged

Marcia,
A while back we discussed the book Hold on to Your Kids. I read it and think that it may help you know how to approach your daughter. I think working on your relationship with her, and helping her break away from those influences that are pulling on her and leading her to lie.

My ds16 is in public school. It is a daily battle for their minds and souls. But I have found that conventional punishment often pushes them further away.

God bless you!

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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today

websterm
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Joined: March 05 2008
Location: Oklahoma
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Posted: May 14 2008 at 2:46pm \| IP Logged

Thank you Molly! I will be going to get this book! I had read the discussion about it before, and it sounded good. I think now is the time to go and read it!

Marcia
Home To Learn

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