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LucyP
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| Posted: April 10 2008 at 2:40am | IP Logged
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My baby (all but one) has stopped wanting to sleep. She was always a bit reticent, could not fall into a routine (she had no routine in foster care) and we couldn't impose one without crying which we want to avoid. She slept alone at foster care but screamed and was anxious about separation here so she sleeps with us, as does DS. It was often a challenge to get her to go to her cot but all our "tricks" have stopped working.
Presently, she is screaming every time she is placed in her cot (which we use as co-sleeper), and will stop screaming if she is in our bed but starts when I try to leave the room. She is wakeful for much of the night but screams if she is in another room to see if we are disturbing her  Last night she was awake from 10-12, only dozing in my arms but snapping awake if I tried to lay her down; awake/wakeful from 4am, dropping back off if I held her right then waking after a few minutes to protest; and finally we got up just before 6 so DS could sleep a little longer. This is about typical.
I am putting her down a little later to try and help her sleep longer - she was down at 6.30-7, now it is more like 7-7.30, but last night she screamed so much I didn't put her down until DS went to bed at 8 - he was snoring in moments, she was grizzling and fussing for almost an hour.
She eventually naps for a couple of hours in the early afternoon (1-3 usually) and maybe dozes in her wrap for 20-30 minutes in the morning.
She is not ill, not actively teething. Her sleep is just gradually appearing to get worse and worse.
I am just 
Any ideas? Apart from prayer!
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: April 10 2008 at 6:47am | IP Logged
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I was there years ago. I just gave up and let him sleep with us. I needed sleep more than I needed him in his own bed.
However, I did try these suggestions:
How old is the child? If around 2 maybe decrease the nap? My ds gave his nap up at 2 and actually went to bed easier and earlier for a few years
Get outside in the sunshine every day. Fresh air helps even the littlest get good zzzzzzz's.
Give in to her schedule. I was always trying to get ds to nap at certain times. I let him lead for a few weeks and noted what times he was sleepy and went to bed well, etc. Then I moved our schedule around--as best I could--for him.
Just a thought. If she came to you from foster care could she be worried her little world will turn upside down again? She might really be attaching to you and afraid to see you leave her side because she doesn't want to lose you.
Much sympathy and prayer....
Anne
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LucyP
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| Posted: April 10 2008 at 7:14am | IP Logged
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Thanks Anne. She is one, and usually sleeps 6 hours a night in dribs and drabs - I just don't know if that is enough, even with a 1-2 hour nap in the afternoon.
She does get fresh air daily, and I do try to tire her out. I am trying to grab the sleepy moments but, for example, today she was sleepy at noon, so I put her down and she was awake in less than an hour - this after a 4am start to her day!
I think part of it is the separation anxiety - that's true. Her attachment is ambivalent, I think, and she certainly doesn't cope with me leaving her right now.
We're seeing our health visitor next week and she may be able to give me some reassurance. Really I just want to know is this normal, will we harm her allowing her to go with so little sleep?
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Marie
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| Posted: April 10 2008 at 10:19am | IP Logged
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My 1 year old is also waking alot at night. It might be an age thing (lots of developmental milestones and teeth) in addition to the separation anxiety and attachment issues. My daughter isn't staying alseep without me in bed with her for more that 20 mintues or so. So she goes to bed at about 8/830 and I read for a few hours. Its working for us right now and I hope it won't last too long. Personally, I wouldn't adjust her nap just yet - if she's only sleeping 6 hours at night its may not be enough for her and the nap is probably good for both of you!
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: April 10 2008 at 11:21am | IP Logged
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Lucy,
I don't know how old your other children are, but I was wondering if it would be possible for you to stay with her in your bed from the time you put her down until morning. I know that can be difficult, especially if you have other young ones. But it sounds like she is expecting to be left alone so she never really relaxes. Perhaps after several nights of her waking to find you there, she will be more confident that she won't be left alone and she will be able to relax and stay asleep.
I am not presuming to know much about adoption and attachment, this is just what struck me from your description.
God bless!
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Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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Jess
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| Posted: April 10 2008 at 3:48pm | IP Logged
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My 1 yr old isn't sleeping much either, so maybe the age thing does have a little to do with it like Marie said. I think the nap is probably good right now too and maybe if you are able to lay down with her at night and stay then maybe she'll get into a routine and will be able to sleep more at night.
I know I haven't said anything that the other ladies haven't said, so I guess I'm just saying "ditto" to what they said 
Praying that she will settle into a good sleeping routine!
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Jess
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mama to dd(13), dd(11), ds(9), dd(6), and dd (2), and baby girl born Sept 14!
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SusanJ
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| Posted: April 10 2008 at 4:05pm | IP Logged
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Lucy,
I have noticed that both my kids get worse about their sleep routines just before a big developmental leap. We're going through a trying period with my 18mo, now (ETA: she seems about ready to start talking like crazy). I don't know how long this has been lasting but I know from my own experience that these stressful times always seem endless. I'm so quick to say, "It's always been like this!" or "It's always going to be like this!" I am slowly learning to avoid words like never and always.
I also echo the suggestion to do whatever works for her. I don't have adoption experience but this age is hard on all babies because of attachment issues. If she is relaxed and comforted by you staying in bed with her--do it. Just when you think you will be going to bed at 7:00 for the rest of your life you will find that you can leave her. She'll have grown secure in the knowledge of your presence. And it probably won't take as long as you think. Can you turn on a small reading light after she goes to sleep and get in a good novel or two during this time? Can dh help out with dishes for a few weeks? I'll remember you in my prayers when my dd wakes me to nurse for the nineteenth time tonight!
God Bless,
Susan
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[URL=http://thejohnstonkids.blogspot.com]The Kids' Blog[/UR
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: April 10 2008 at 8:11pm | IP Logged
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When my grandsons came to live with us, I had similar issues with the youngest. I'm certain it was attachment related as well.
I tried lots of things, but the only thing that ended up working for him was to let him stay up late with me, after everyone else had gone to sleep. That way he got plenty of cuddly laptime all of his own, and then when I went to bed, he went with me (he still does, but now I can transfer him to his bed after he falls asleep without trouble. But he is 2 now).
I found that keeping him up later (like 11pm or so) like that meant he slept much sounder, not so much wakefulness at night, and no tears.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: bed/sleep phobic baby???!!! HELP ME!
