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happymama
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| Posted: Feb 14 2008 at 9:08pm | IP Logged
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An issue on my mind & heart lately is the socialization (for lack of a better term) of my oldest child. Since moving to a new place 2 years ago (where we didn't know a single soul,) I've tried everything to have playmates for him - playgroups, church, library, neighbors, etc. Home schooling is rare here, nearly all the other 3-5 year olds we know are in pre-school and "too busy" to come play.  My dh is more concerned about this issue than I am. My 5yo is one of the happiest kids I've ever known, smart, polite, and NEVER bored. He plays all day with his brothers. My dh's primary concern is that he's always in the "dominant" position, whatever they play. He does need to learn to play with kids his own age, and older. If it were up to dh, btw, we would NOT be home schooling. That's why I feel like it's an issue (or a non-issue) that I still need to "solve" if I'm going to still get to home school. And no, dh is not going to read any books touting the benefits of hschooling! Anyone care to comment?
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mathmama
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| Posted: Feb 15 2008 at 6:13am | IP Logged
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At his age he is probably too young for team sports, but what about gymnastics. My dd is 3 and she takes a class. Also, I don't know where you live, but I know my nephew started taking hockey lessons at about 3.
These lessons cost money and the gymnastics would be cost prohibitive for us if they weren't being paid for by my mom. So, if that is an issue, you could always ask grandparents or whomever to give $$ towards the lessons instead of toys for bday and Christmas.
These are just the ideas I have. To me it sounds like your ds is a very well socialized boy, but I understand that sometimes it takes a while for others to get on the "socialization is a non-issue bandwagon"  Good luck!
Beth
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Matilda
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| Posted: Feb 15 2008 at 8:03am | IP Logged
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We did gymnastics when my kids were young and my son took a very, very beginner fencing class when he was about that age.
I remember having some of those same concerns but I had a very good friend ask me, "What makes you think he needs to learn it RIGHT NOW?" Maybe if your husband can't let go of this concern completely, he might be convinced to wait a little while before worrying too much. If your son was in school, he certainly wouldn't be socializing with children older than him and it is quite possible that he would still be the dominate child in the classroom. He is only 5, life's lessons are going to come hard and fast soon enough.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Feb 15 2008 at 10:08am | IP Logged
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The suggestions are things I would do.. and have done for other reasons.
Preschools will likely be out during the summer.. so perhaps you can start making contacts but keep them real laid back until summer when the kids should have more time?
Swimming lessons in summer.
Do you have a parks and rec dept? we do soccer through ours and they start at kindgergarten age and fairly minimal cost.
What age do the boy scouts (cub scouts) start having programs for? that's relatively low cost as well.. I'm thinking it's first grade though.
But perhaps, just letting your dh know about these options coming up would help alleviate his fears.
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SallyT
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| Posted: Feb 16 2008 at 12:08am | IP Logged
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It's funny, I've been thinking lately (mostly because I've done this myself) how we tend to view oldest children. I remember how old and grownup I thought my first daughter was at 4 and 5 -- she was a big sister, after all, and the oldest kid we had. I think I felt that she had to get out and do all kinds of things, and mix it up in the world, because she was so . . . old! Grownup! Been around for a long time! Etc.
But as someone else said, 5 is really young. It's indicative of something that many activities, especially for boys (like Scouts) don't start until age 6. That can be frustrating, until you consider what boys' maturation is like -- slooooooooow in the beginning. (I've just been reading a book called Boys Adrift, by Leonard Sax, so I'm all over these ideas right now). The fact that many good social outlets for boys don't start any younger than 6 may be a function of someone's recognizing that boys younger than 6 really aren't ready to begin taking on something that structured, or with that level of commitment.
One thought: does your local library do story time? We've just started going to story time at our library, and my 5yo son has hooked up with a couple of boys there -- in fact, he loves to go and is beside himself with excitement to get to sit by Logan and Joseph on the carpet. This week, Logan and his mom hung around after story time to look at books, so my son hung with them a bit while I helped my 4yo find books for herself. (I see you mentioned library -- so maybe that's an option you've already exhausted).
We've also done YMCA soccer, which begins at age 4 -- very laid-back and non-competitive. My older son enjoyed this, though we found that his team buddies really never translated into come-over-and-play buddies.
How much does it matter for playmates to come over? What about just hanging out at the park and playing with whoever's there? My kids have always enjoyed doing that -- they'll make a good buddy for an hour, have fun playing with each other, and then we go our separate ways. While it would be nice to think of making lifelong friends on the playground, as far as socialization goes, that make-a-friend-for-today experience seems like a useful one.
Well, it's late, and I'm being scatterbrained, but I'll keep you in my prayers, for a happy resolution to the tension over homeschooling and socialization.
Sally
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Mary G
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| Posted: Feb 16 2008 at 12:57pm | IP Logged
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Happymama -- I just wanted to say that socialization issues go way beyond homeschooling or not ... I watch a little boy almost every Friday. He is almost 6 and his little sister is almost 2 ... his parents both work and so he is at school or babysat while little sister is babysat somewhere else.
This little boy is very nice but DOESNOT like to give up control or not be in charge. He told me yesterday that he didn't like coming to my house becuase my kids aren't doing what he wants. I told him he needed to tell his parents -- turns out they want him HERE so he can learn to be in the middle of the pack rather than alpha all the time!  He has the same problem at school.
My advice is to have dh play games with him more -- sports or hobbies or puzzles or whatever ... fact is, God put him as the eldest and he needs to be the one in charge for the youngers. At 5, this is NOT a bad thing.
There are lots of groups and activities you could get him into but that might not solve the problem as evidenced above with the little boy I watch. You might want to get a copy of Alice G's book that is due out this Spring -- Haystack full of Needles: A Catholic Home Educator's Guide to Socialization -- sounds like it's just what might help!
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: Feb 16 2008 at 1:27pm | IP Logged
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Mary G wrote:
My advice is to have dh play games with him more -- sports or hobbies or puzzles or whatever |
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or....is there an "organized activity" that dh would want to take him to on the weekends?
Mary G wrote:
... fact is, God put him as the eldest and he needs to be the one in charge for the youngers. At 5, this is NOT a bad thing.
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Yes! In fact, it's WONDERFUL! I often think of how different our lives would be if dd #1 was not the ringleader that she is!
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Suzanne in ID
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: socialization needs for a 5yo?
