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Bridget
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I'm expecting our seventh child and have had quite a bit of
morning sickness. The only way we have managed is for the
older children to pick up some of the work of caring for the little
ones. This has gone really well and they have done better than
I hoped.
The three olders help the three youngers get food, drinks, coats
on, and with getting dressed in the morning and evening. They
also change wet diapers.
This has helped the olders develope a greater sense of
responsibility for the family and an increased confidence in
helping.
I was wondering what specific responsibilities other families
give to their older children to help with the younger ones.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Elizabeth
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I'm not hugely organized in this regard. I tend to assign tasks as they present themselves. For instance, when we are leaving the house, I quickly pair and older with a younger and ask that they help with coats, shoes, clean faces, etc. Our bedrooms are divided such that each younger child sleeps with an older child and the older child is there in the room whenever the younger one is. together, they are supposed to keep the room clean (at least that's the theory). This works well except in the case of Nicholas and Christian. There, some reversal takes place, since Nicholas has a far better sense of order than christian. We all have a sixth sense about keeping an eye on the little ones. I have a hunch, (and a little bird confirmed my suspicions) that it was the big kids who kept the house running the week I was in the hospital after Katie's birth. I think they are going to be great spouses some day.
I do worry sometimes about giving my younger children the same experience with babies and children. They won't have the natural learning opportunities that their siblings do. My eldest four are real pros with little ones.I want the same experience for the little ones.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Molly Smith
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We just had our first forray into this arrangement while out of town last weekend. Jeanne (9) was partnered with Timmy (5) and Mattthew (almost 7) was partnered with Sarah (2). It was neat because up until now I've always just put the extra responsibilities on Jeanne, but I realized just how helpful and responsible Matthew can be. Matthew can be a helper, and Jeanne can have some relief.
Did you see the Discovery Channel special on the Duggars, who were expecting their 15th? Each younger child had an older child who helped them with everything--teeth, hair, dressing, make bed, chores, food, etc. The youngest was always partnered with Mom and received a sibling helper when a new sibling arrived. It worked great for them! Neat show, by the way, if you can catch it.
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Molly Smith in VA
Mom to seven beautiful children, ages 1-14
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Bridget
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[
Did you see the Discovery Channel special on the Duggars,
who were expecting their 15th? Each younger child had an
older child who helped them with everything--teeth, hair,
dressing, make bed, chores, food, etc. The youngest was
always partnered with Mom and received a sibling helper when
a new sibling arrived. It worked great for them! Neat show, by
the way, if you can catch it.[/QUOTE]
I really want to see it! We don't have TV.
I have asked 3 different people to tape that show for me! Each
time they have a tech problem. I would love to see it if anyone
can tape a copy for me. I would be happy to pay for the tape
and shipping.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Molly Smith
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Bridget, if I see it coming on again I will TiVO it and see if my dh can figure out how to copy that to a VHS. It was a very inspiring story and definitely worth viewing. I'd like to see it again!
Also, regarding partnering the children, up until last week I'd paired the older girl with the younger girl and the older boy with the younger boy. The girls did fine, but the boys are only 21 months apart and they just fought. Pairing them by age instead of by gender worked much better. Maybe a clearer mind would have seen that sooner, but I'm pretty foggy these days. This gives Matthew (my biggest challenge in life) a chance to be responsible and respected instead of fighting to be top dog (he rarely won).
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Molly Smith in VA
Mom to seven beautiful children, ages 1-14
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Willa
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An older Catholic dad gave us that advice about pairing our olders and youngers back when we had just four. For some reason, we never actually did the pairing in a formal way. I think I had a false vision that a REAL mom should do everything herself. Plus, my later kids seemed to arrive at longer intervals, about 3 years apart, so I never really had two "babies" at the same time after the first three who came pretty close together.
Now, I have two "babies" in a way since my youngest is 2 and Aidan, who's five, is about 2 in his self-care and impulse control. So very late, I've started assigning olders to youngers but since I have five "olders" I alternate assignments depending on what's to be done. It's sort of informal, but it works. For example, when we go to the library one kid dresses one "baby" and one dresses the other. Then they put them in their car seats. Boy, what a relief it is not to do it myself.
All the olders keep a look-out for the youngers, for example following them when they start climbing the stairs, but when I know I will be "off-watch" I assign an older to supervise the babies formally.
Also, we have a chore rotation that includes a slot for "Mother's Helper" so one older child each week has hardly any regular chore responsibilities, but they are "on call". I ask them to run for diapers, watch toddlers, let the dog out or whatever comes up that doesn't have a place in our regular chore routine.
So the"Mother's Helper" of the week gets a lot of the miscellaneous baby responsibilities but I try not to make this slot too much of a burden. Right now they enjoy it and look forward to their "Helper" week as opposed to scrubbing bathrooms  and since I think it's a gift to be cheerful about obeying direct, random requests, I don't want to discourage their willingness.
I've also starting assigning the oldest kids (teenagers) outside time with Aidan, who loves going out but is severely lacking in judgement (so I wouldn't send him out with any kid younger than a teenager).
One other thing we've started doing is assigning each older kid a little "class" or therapy session with Aidan. My daughter teaches Aidan and Patrick music and singing, and also reads to them and tells them interactive stories . My oldest son does a lot of Aidan's feeding therapy and can also do most of Aidan's special medical care if I'm not around. He's also the only one besides me who can SOMETIMES get Paddy to sleep. My middlies play with the babies a lot already so I haven't added anything formal on right now for them.
It does help to have teenagers so I don't want to discourage those who have mostly littlies.... I remember when I was there and I sometimes felt like the family was an inverted pyramid -- everything resting on the point... ME 
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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Meredith
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Well...I 'm almost qualified to participate on this list with #4 due in late March or Early April, but I just want to say Hooray for this forum and thread! I have always read about how larger families function and the pairing idea has always stuck in my mind.
Willa, I LOVE your chore ideas and especially the Mother's helper. I tend to always ask my oldest, one and only dd to do all the running and getting because her lst younger brother tends to be a straggler, is this a six yo boy thing or what??  Anyway, with boy #3 coming I don't want her to feel like she's the only one who can help out. I think we'll start the mother's helper rotation now so they are well prepped! Kind of like baby boot camp Hope to lurk more until we're official, until then TIA for the great ideas 
*JMJ*
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Meredith
Mom of 4 Sweeties
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Bridget
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There is something special about olders looking out for
youngers. My children were all around the table this morning,
eating pretzels and reading a DK science book together.
The two youngest were on the laps of their older siblings who
are in charge of them. The olders were talking about the book,
while feeding pretzels and drinks to their charges as naturally
as we parents do it. Never missing a beat in their conversation.
Later I heard one of the olders giving a theology lesson on the
Trinity to the five year old. 
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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teachingmyown
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Do any of you find that your "olders" get a little resentful about helping? Maybe I should be asking this in the teen forum? My oldest(13) is almost five years older than the next child and a lot of the weight of helping has always fallen on him. One of his favorite lines these days, now that my daughter is almost 9, is that she needs to be the one helping with the little ones because she is going to be a mother some day. He also declares that he will never have children.
Oh, I guess I didn't introduce myself. For those of you who don't know me, I am Molly Davis, a homeschooling mom of 6 ages: 13.5, 9, 7, 5, 3 and 18 months.
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Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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TradCathMom
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What has helped me immensely is to assign each child (age 5 or older)a room to keep clean for the day (along with their rooms). So if the living room is looking pretty bad I just check the chart on the fridge and call that one. Those under the age of 5 are paired up with someone older.
I also have a helper each day and they help prepare meals. They help cook, set the table, fill plates, etc... They love that job. I didn't realize how many little things I did that really could have been done by any of the children.
Now if only I had more children over the age of 5 LOL
I really think starting the children young in their jobs helps alot. The ones under 5 do have jobs but they are "little things" but every little bit helps around here.
Julie
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Mother of 11
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alicegunther
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Bridget wrote:
There is something special about olders looking out for
youngers. My children were all around the table this morning,
eating pretzels and reading a DK science book together.
The two youngest were on the laps of their older siblings who
are in charge of them. The olders were talking about the book,
while feeding pretzels and drinks to their charges as naturally
as we parents do it. Never missing a beat in their conversation.
Later I heard one of the olders giving a theology lesson on the
Trinity to the five year old. |
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Oh Bridget, this is what it's all about isn't it! You are so blessed.
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Love, Alice
mother of seven!
    
Cottage Blessings
Brew yourself a cup of tea, and come for a visit!
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teachingmyown
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My 7 yr old ds came in the room this afternoon to tell me that he was really a teacher. He explained that his little sisters did not understand the proper procedure for putting shoes in the shoe stacker so he had to teach them. He went on to tell me, in very precise language, just how each shoe was to be put away! It was so sweet!
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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momtomany
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elizfoss wrote:
| I do worry sometimes about giving my younger children the same experience with babies and children. They won't have the natural learning opportunities that their siblings do. My eldest four are real pros with little ones.I want the same experience for the little ones. |
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I'm a mom of ten and have done the pairing with good results. I have also worried about the younger ones not having those same opportunities to nurture. I know that my yougest dd would just love a younger sibling to help care for. I would love to see that too, especially since we lost our 10th baby at nine days old. I would be thrilled with another blessing.
As for the younger ones not having the same chance to nurture, I have thought about this a lot. I think that they will learn lots of loving behavior since they have loving parents and all those big siblings modeling it for them. I find as my older ones get past a certain point, around 18, that they suddenly get quite appreciative of family again. Another thought: those of us with large families will probably have the older children starting families of their own with plenty of opportunities for the young aunts and uncles to practice those nurturing skills.
Also if we can be involved in a Catholic homeschooling group with large families or a La Leche group, there are plenty of babies there! It's not the same as the day to day living within the family, but it would be more contact then many children would have with very little ones.
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Mary Ann in PA
wife to MIchael, mom to Elizabeth, Becca, Tim, Peter, Andrew, Sarah, Matthew, John, Leah and Joseph
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Elizabeth
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Dear Mary Annm
Just today, I went into the kitchen where Katie, My two-year-old, had a baby doll in a doll's high chair, a baby doll on her lap (at her breast) and one in an infant seat she had pulled up from the storage room. She was pretending to read them a story. What was really funny was that she had her foot on the infant seat and would rock it and "shush" the doll down there every so often. she's my youngest! I have no idea where she saw this in action! Perhaps they remember?
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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my4farmgirls
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Elizabeth wrote:
I do worry sometimes about giving my younger children the same experience with babies and children. They won't have the natural learning opportunities that their siblings do. My eldest four are real pros with little ones.I want the same experience for the little ones. |
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Elizabeth, I have watched families the size of yours, with kids "spaced" the way yours are. I think the most beautiful part is that by the time you are really through with babies of your own, hopefully, you will have grandchildren to take over that position. I have thought about it in terms of always having a baby around at Christmas. There's nothing like those little ones to really make a holiday.
I hope I am not making you feel too old or anything like that. I have just spent way too much time thinking about just the "right" way to have a family.
Another way to keep your youngest kids taking care of babies is to become friends with a family that is still having babies and help out the mom. This has happened to me. My friend with 7 kids has taken my family in and now my girls have 4 older "brothers" and a couple extra "sisters". And one more brother mixed in between them. Those kids have set such an example for us on how to take care of and love each other. My girls adore every one of them. Who would think you could get 14,12,and 10 year old boys to come to tea and poetry with my little girls? Yet they love it.
We took care of a friend's two year old boy yesterday and my kids all took care of him. We have also helped out with an unwed mother's newborn. So the opportunities are out there.
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Katy
Mom to 4 beatiful girls (8,6,3,2) and two saints in heaven
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Older Children Helping Younger
