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mary theresa
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| Posted: Dec 11 2007 at 5:39pm | IP Logged
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So, my 21 month old simply won't eat dinner if its not a few selective favorites (aka noodles). Absolutely no veggies. Not much of anything at dinner.
So, if she refuses to eat the dinner I make for her, should I put her to bed hungry? is she too little for that?
I don't want her thinking that if she says no she can just have yogurt or cheese or something she likes . . . then she's dictating her menu and she's already prone to controlling tactics. 
But I feel bad putting her to bed hungry all the time (does she get the connection yet?) plus she's a bear in the morning when she's starving.
I'm sure there's another thread about this, but I don't have time to look. sorry!
What would you do?
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Mary Theresa
mother to 3 little girls --March '06, Dec '07 and Jan '10
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dawn2006
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| Posted: Dec 11 2007 at 8:57pm | IP Logged
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I like this website that talks about 'division of responsibility' regarding eating. There is a link to the author's Division of Responsibility on the right hand side of the screen.
ellynsatter.com
To answer you questions: I definitely think she's too young to put to bed hungry. She's too young to really grasp the cause and effect of that consequence. If she eats fruits fine than I wouldn't worry too much about not eating veggies. One day she'll be old enough for a 'one bite' rule. I also think that she won't see having yogurt/cheese after dinner as a battle she's won UNLESS you've presented it as such. Does that make sense?
You ask "what would you do?" How about I answer "what DID you do?" ROFL! I've been through the entire continuum of possible parental responses!! I've only recently truly embraced a more relaxed approach to mealtime and it brings more peace. I just figure that they need to get protein (so cheese/yogurt/milk qualifies!!) and grains and plenty of fresh foods (even if that's more fruits than veggies). And I heard a good rule of thumb one time about looking at how they eat over a two week period rather than a daily time frame. HTH.
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Dawn Farias | wife to Ariel | mom to Gabriel 9, Daniel 7, Elizabeth 5, and Michael 3 | blogger at Be Absorbed | native Texan but currently living near Seattle
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cvbmom
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| Posted: Dec 11 2007 at 9:00pm | IP Logged
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Sorry, no helpful information here. My 2 year old will only eat peanut butter and jelly for dinner. She even told Grandma that she just doesn't like dinner. She likes breakfast (cereal or pancakes) and lunch (peanut butter and jelly, yogurt and nuts, etc.), but not dinner. I tried the putting her to bed hungry thing, and she would wake up in the morning vomiting she was so hungry. It didn't work! I am eagerly waiting to hear what other have to say about this one
Sorry for the lack of help, but hey, you aren't alone!
God bless,
Christine
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mellyrose
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| Posted: Dec 11 2007 at 9:48pm | IP Logged
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I do my best not to argue about food, and I never even tried when my kids were that young. I think arguing over food sets people up for issues as adults that are difficult to deal with (overeating, etc.) I tried to make sure they were receiving a good balance over a few days, and I offered many things. Personally, I would not let a 20 month old go to bed hungry -- the cause/effect would make no sense at that age.
I took the same approach with both boys -- and they are worlds apart in what they eat - So I think so much is just personality. My oldest would eat mac & cheese every day if I let him, and when he was a toddler, he probably did. My middle boy rarely touches the stuff. My oldest has 2 or 3 veggies he'll eat, my middle boy will eat pretty much any vegetable. Both eat most fruits. Nate will TRY anything with an open mouth & mind, Colin has to be coaxed to try anything new. It's just their personality.
I offer healthy foods in small portions, with more available if they are interested. At 5 & 7, I insist that they try every food I offer, but it wasn't as big of a deal when they were toddlers.
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Melanie in AZ
Colin (11/00), Nate (05/02), Lydia (04/07)
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mathmama
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| Posted: Dec 12 2007 at 7:21am | IP Logged
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My 3yo, who is a really good eater, went through a time when she wouldn't eat much at dinner. I found that part of the problem was that she liked the parts of the dinner, but when it was put all together she wouldn't eat it. So, I would try and keep things seperate, in fact I still do that now with some things, like burritos, or whenever we have something over rice. Trying something like that might work for you. Another thing I do still now, is while I am making the dinner I give her a taste from the pot. She is always willing to try anything when I spoon it right out of the pot (I think it is the novelty). Then when it is on her plate it isn't so foreign to her.
Is she still nursing? Does she eat a good amount during the day? She may just not be all that hungry. If you think she is hungry and just trying to not eat what you have offered and is looking to get what she wants and you are concerned about her getting a balanced diet try this. Get her to eat things similar to her dinner during the day and then the favorites at dinner. Just plan her diet during the day so that yogurt or cheese or whatever for dinner will still give her a balanced diet for the day. I do think that she is too young to put to bed hungry. And dinner time isn't a real good time for battles; everyone is a little tired from the day and DH is coming home. Just do a little planning behind the scenes. I think that the time will come when she wants to eat what everyone else is eating. Things like this, that I would stress about, would pass so fast, but when I was in the midst of it it was really trying and seemed like it would last forever.
Good luck!
Beth
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Anne McD
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| Posted: Dec 13 2007 at 8:09am | IP Logged
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I'm having a lot of trouble with my four and a half year old with this. We tried the going to bed hungry thing with him, but he didn't care. He is strong willed enough that if he has to choose between eating something he doesn't like and going hungry, he'll go hungry. He's very skinny, however, so at this rate, I'm feeding him anything he's willing to eat. For the first time last night, instead of making everyone's plate at the stove and serving that way, I put served the food to the table, making sure there were choices I knew he would eat. That way, the kids have several healthy choices to make for their meal, they have some sense of control, and they still eat well. Food is a tough one-- you really can't control what goes into their mouth (or out of it for that matter, huh? )
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: she won’t eat dinner
