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LucyP
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| Posted: Oct 17 2007 at 5:09am | IP Logged
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Our precious 6 month old baby girl came home yesterday (16th) - we met her on the 12th. We also have a 3 1/2 yo boy who was adopted and is "sensitive" and needy around change.
Things are going okay but I am just overwhelmed by great waves of panic every so often. I don't know how to live life with two needy children. I can't work out how I will ever wash dishes, cook or clean. AT the moment my darling husband is being maid and cook and boy distractor, but in a few days he will be at work for 48 hours at a time and I will be alone.
I've been praying lots and it helps. Every request to Our Lady or a saint dear to my heart has been answered. That's wonderful, but I feel so shell-shocked! What staregies help you?
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hylabrook1
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| Posted: Oct 17 2007 at 7:17am | IP Logged
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Lucy -
Please don't be so hard on yourself. It will take time, but you and your family will reach a new equilibrium. Things WILL fall into place. IMHO, your priority right now is spending time with your dc. Cuddle, play, read with your son. Don't worry so about meals just now. Pizza, semi-prepared foods from the grocery store, whatever works for the near future. Maybe friends from church would be able to bring you a few meals -- you do have a new baby, after all. 
And pray. Not that that's meant as an afterthought; this is very high priority, especially just now. Pray for patience with yourself, with your little ones, for your son's adjustment, and for anything and everything that crosses your mind or your path. I'll be praying for you as well.
This is a wonderful, exciting time in your life! Congratulations on your new daughter!
Peace,
Nancy
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Lara Sauer
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| Posted: Oct 17 2007 at 9:39am | IP Logged
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Congratulations on your beautiful new daughter! My sister-in-law had a beautiful needlepoint in her children's bedroom that read:
"Cleaning and sewing can wait 'til tomorrow
for babies grow up, I've learned to my sorrow!
So quiet down cobwebs and dust go to sleep,
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep!"
Give yourself permission to simply love your new baby! A big part of a mother's job is to simply be present to her children. God makes it so easy for us to fulfill the corporal works of mercy. They are practically a "job description" of a mother's day: feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, clothe the naked, instruct the ignorant.
Spend time on the couch or in bed with your little boy and your new darling daughter getting to know her. Show your young son your baby's eyes and her nose, her hands and her toes. Teach him to gently touch her and give her little kisses. Let him see that she is his baby, too. Read your little boys stories while feeding your little girl, and use the time that she is sleeping to give your litte boy extra hugs and kisses. Teach him to help you by having him bring you the diapers and the wipes when the baby needs changing, or have him put her soiled clothes in the laundry basket, because "he is a big boy!"
Most of all, be patient with yourself. Set a timer for 15 minutes and clean things in small batches. A bathroom today, a bedroom tomorrow...slow, small incremental tasks for very limited amounts of time.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE those beautiful children!! When you have doubts, have peace and know that many near and far are praying for you and supporting you in the beautiful vocation that is motherhood!
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You can take the girl out of Wisconsin, but you can't take the Wisconsin out of the girl!
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chicken lady
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| Posted: Oct 17 2007 at 9:50am | IP Logged
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I have never adopted, but your feelings sound similar to what I have experienced after every birth. The first time I am left alone is always scary, no matter how many times I have done it before. My advice, you can take with a grain of salt as I have never been in your moccasins  Pray, do the next right thing, one at a time. His grace is sufficent for today. Try not to think about what will happen in a couple of days, focus on the present moment. Now this is a mental exercise, keep moving your brain muscles and it does get easier. Before you know it, you will have a routine and you will be past the new mommy phase, you will be helping other new mommies cope.
Be assured of my prayers and CONGRATULATIONS 
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doris
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| Posted: Oct 17 2007 at 5:18pm | IP Logged
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I can really relate to the panic. My three are all 20 months apart and I vividly saying to my mother when I was expecting number 2, 'I don't know how I'm going to cope!' She replied, sagely, 'You will.'
As others have said, just concentrate on the children and the rest will take care of itself. And make sure that you are looking after YOU, too.
As for the cooking and cleaning -- I don't think I did much of that when I had two very small children. I really didn't. Easy meals, cursory cleaning (and paid help when we could afford it).
My children were needy, too, in different ways. I also remember not being able to move from the bed in the post-afternoon nap phase because both children were so miserable that I was just marooned there, cuddling them, for what seemed like hours (and was, sometimes!).
Sorry, what a Job's comforter! This is all just to say that I'm sure that all will be well. Praying for you.
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Home educating in London, UK with dd (2000) ds (2002), dd (2004), ds (2008) and dd (2011).
Frabjous Days
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Lisa R
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| Posted: Oct 18 2007 at 5:24pm | IP Logged
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I have no different advice but just wanted to congratulate you!!
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God Bless!
Lisa, married to my best friend, Ray and loving my blessings Joshua (17)and Jacob(15), Hannah(7) and Rachel (5)!Holy Family Academy
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Helen
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| Posted: Oct 18 2007 at 9:18pm | IP Logged
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Lucy, I don’t know exactly what happened leading up to your adoption, but I know for me, I find it very hard to *really* believe that I will end up with a child through adoption.(I’ve had many adoptions fall through.)
And so, I find that I don’t really give myself the opportunity to hope and expect the child until the child crosses my threshold. If you have similar feelings then it’s not surprising that there is this initial upheaval when the child arrives because many things are being worked out at once.
It takes time to get to know one another. I think at my house we’re just hitting our sweet spot now with our newest daughter and we’re approaching the one year mark.
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Pamin OZ
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| Posted: Oct 18 2007 at 11:50pm | IP Logged
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No advice but I am right there with you, with two little kids (and two bigger ones, who are my wonderboys!) and great gobs of panic.
It is hard, isn't it? I pray God will strenghten us both in ways we don't even know about yet.
Pam
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amyable
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| Posted: Oct 19 2007 at 6:47am | IP Logged
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Right there with you too with my 3 week old! 
In the past, it has helped to *really* take my days moment by moment. "Can I survive the next 30 seconds without crying/loosing my mind/having a nervous breakdown/needing to call dh?" "Yes? (the answer was always yes for 30 seconds if I was honest with myself, LOL) OK then, we'll revisit the question then. Until then, let's live life.What can I be doing?"
I knew I was doing good when my self questioning went to "ten minutes without having a breakdown" and even "can I survive until dh gets home?" "Yes? Hey, you are really making progress here Amy!"  But yes, many days were spent asking myself "can I survive the next minute with grace?" It really helped to "keep me in the moment" and not worry about the rest of the day, or week, or lifetime.
Bringing the children into what needs to be done (i.e. getting "help" from my 2yo to wash the floor, etc) has been helpful in taming the needy child/needy mom problem too, although I don't use it as much as I should.
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The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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hereinantwerp
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| Posted: Oct 22 2007 at 12:14am | IP Logged
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With my 3rd (and most recent ) child I vividly remember walking from room to room with her on the day we came home from the hospital, just openly bawling my eyes out. I just bawled and bawled for about 2 days. I felt ridiculous, and I felt overwhelmed, and my two older sons and my husband just got very, very QUIET, and helpful . . .
to be honest I don't do new babies very well. I'm not all that sure why as I have wanted to be a mother so much. But when I actually have them I seem to go to pieces! but really in a few days, I was fine, we settled into a basic routine, and it wasn't as hard as I was building it up to be!
but----be sure and take all the help you can get! With your husband gone for long stretches, stock up on SIMPLE but nutritious foods (frozen vegis, scrambled eggs are "no brainer" favorites for me), and use paper plates for a while if it helps you not to panic! And be gentle on yourself. I think wacked-out emotions (and, at least for me, wacked-out dreams of forgetting the baby somewhere, etc.!) connected to motherhood are fairly normal! The desire for motherhood runs so deep, but then the reality of it arrives, and it can feel pretty overwhelming.
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Angela Nelson
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: How do you cope with new mother panic?
