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Jennifer
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| Posted: Sept 29 2007 at 9:09am | IP Logged
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Please share your wisdom with me about tattling. Every day, all day my kids are tattling on one another. He stuck his tongue out at me. She gave me that smile. He pushed me on the swing when I said stop. She wouldn't let me carry the mail. Do you get the picture? In my adult world this seems absolutely ridiculous. But I know kids are not mini adults. So what do you all do about tattling?
Do you ignore them? Do you pray for the naughty child with the tattler? Do you make them hold hands on time out? Am I making a big deal of all this? Help me I'm at my wits end with the constant tattling.
Jennifer
Camp Homeschool
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Sept 29 2007 at 10:55am | IP Logged
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the more attention they get and/or the more in trouble the "offender" gets into.. the more you reinforce to HAVE them tattle.
We do have a rule if someone is doing something dangerous they MUST tell.. which helps with that.
But otherwise.. most of the time a non-important tattle gets something like a "ok" and nothing.. even if I choose to take aside the offender at another time for correction.. but I try not to give "satisfaction" to the tattler.
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Bridget
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| Posted: Sept 29 2007 at 8:21pm | IP Logged
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I try to help them think through whether someone is in danger or something is being damaged. Or how they could have handled the problem.
Sometimes i just say "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Please go put this in the sink for me."
I never tell them not to tattle because I fear they will not have the ability to rightly judge what should be told and what isn't important.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Anne McD
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| Posted: Sept 29 2007 at 8:43pm | IP Logged
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Bridget wrote:
Sometimes i just say "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Please go put this in the sink for me."
I never tell them not to tattle because I fear they will not have the ability to rightly judge what should be told and what isn't important. |
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good point-- we've been dealing with this too. and in the end, its all about distraction, isn't it!
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Anne
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: Oct 10 2007 at 1:22pm | IP Logged
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It kind of depends on the tattling. If it's along the lines of "She won't share such a toy", I will recommmend asking nicely first. (Older daughter likes to demand things rather than ask nicely.)
A lot of times, though, I'll tell them to work it out amongst themselves if it's something minor. Or I'll say that they need to worry more about their own behavior.
That book "Siblings without Rivalry" was pretty good, and I think there was a chapter on tattling.
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esperanza
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| Posted: Oct 10 2007 at 1:41pm | IP Logged
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I try to just empathize with how they feel to validate ...then they seem to figure out the rest on their own.
I will secretly talk to the offender sometimes later if needed.
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Syncletica
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| Posted: Oct 10 2007 at 9:50pm | IP Logged
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Here's an exerpt from raising godly tomatoes:
Tattling
Constance: My kids are always tattling on their siblings. They can't seem to discriminate between what is important and what isn't, so instructing them to report only the important stuff is useless. How do I handle tattling?
Elizabeth: It’s true that young children cannot readily distinguish between what is important and what is not. I fully expect it to take years of parental effort to teach them to be discerning, but I know that’s my job, so I roll up my sleeves and get to work. When I hear a complaint from one child about another, I don't just get annoyed and shoo him off with, "That's not important. Stop bothering me." Instead, I use it as an opportunity to teach the child to weigh and judge judiciously, and to think and act appropriately.
Consider these examples:
Child: Whaaaa, Mom, he hit me!
Me: Are you hurt?
Child: No.
Me: Was he trying to hurt you?
Child: No.
Me: Did he "hit" you or did he just bump into you?
Child: He just bumped me.
Me: Did he do it on purpose to be mean? Or was it just an accident?
Child: It was an accident.
Me: What do you think I should do about him?
Child: I don't know.
Me: Should I spank him?
Child: (beginning to feel a little guilty for tattling in an effort to get his sibling in trouble) No.
Me: Don't report an accident like that if nobody is hurt and he didn't do it on purpose, okay? Now go play nicely and be careful.
Another example:
Child: Mom, he didn't put his shoes away.
Me: Did you put your shoes away?
Child: Yes.
Me: Are his shoes hurting anyone?
Child: No.
Me: Do you think I'll see his shoes where they don't belong?
Child: Yes.
Me: Then you really don't have to tell me do you?
Child: No.
Me: (pleasantly) I do want you to tell me if he does something mean or dangerous, but you don't have to tell me about his shoes, ok?
Child: Okay
Every circumstance is different and your response will also vary according to the age of the child. Try to get enough information to discern the motive behind the tattling, then direct the child to think properly, applying godly reasoning and values, and to figure out whether he was right in tattling, or not.
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Philothea
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| Posted: Oct 11 2007 at 9:09am | IP Logged
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I have a couple of standard responses when this happens between the neighborhood kids:
"Are you telling me this to help (name) or hurt him/her?"
"Did (activity being tattled on) hurt you? Are you injured?"
Sometimes a kid will say "It hurt my FEELINGS." In that case, I tell them that it's okay to say "I don't like that, please stop!" If the other child continues to ignore their pleas, THEN I might intervene, but I always try to get them to work it out themselves first.
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Karen T
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It doesn't always work, but I've told the kids that if they tattle about something that is not dangerous or hurtful to anyone (including pets), that the tattler will get the same punishment as the offender. When I can remember to follow through, it does seem to help.
Karen T
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Oct 17 2007 at 10:34pm | IP Logged
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We do similar things as mentioned above.
We never tattle. We do share our concern if there is "big harm" or "big damage." So...if a child comes running and it sounds like tattling or griping, I interrupt and ask, "Is this big hurt or big damage?" Usually the answer is no.
Now I have to quickly discern if
A. there is a gripe between the two kids or if
B. the tattler just wants to get the other in trouble.
If it is A. then I ask, "Do you think you can work it out yourselves?" Usually, the answer is yes. If not, I say, "OK, I can help. Bring in your sibling and we'll get both sides of the story." This usually ends with a reply, "Oh, I guess we can take care of it ourselves." If they come in for me to hear both sides, I tell them to tell me their complaint in just a few words. The complainer goes first and is not interrupted. Then the other child goes. Then I say, "What do you think? Are you ready to figure this out yourselves or do you want my verdict?" Usually, they go figure it out. If not, I remind them that I am usually tougher on them than they are on each other  . This pretty much takes care of 99.9% of griping.
If it is B. I ask, "Are you concerned about (your brother) or are you trying to get him/her into trouble?" This pretty much stops them in their tracks and they go back to playing.
Funny story, one of my sweet nieces was a joyful tattler. One time she tattled to me on one of my children. I asked her if she was concerned or if she was trying to get him in trouble and she confidently announced, "I'm trying to get him in trouble!" She was a joyful and honest tattler  .
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Tattling
