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Christine
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| Posted: April 28 2007 at 1:27pm | IP Logged
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How do you raise a strong-willed, aggressive, vocal, two-year-old boy?
I have had one other two-year-old who threw temper tantrums, but they were mild in comparison to her brothers.
Today, we went to Costco. As I looked for shirts for my husband, my little boy unbuckled himself, stood up in the cart and started to take his pants off. I noticed, pulled them back up, and sat him back down. As I walked through Costco, he intermittently screamed (and I do mean screamed), "I don't like my pants." Once we got in the van, he started screaming and crying. When we got home, he refused to get out of the van. When I picked him up and took him inside, he started grabbing at my face and scratching me. He is now sitting in my lap and hugging me.
This is not the first time that he has displayed such behavior and it worries me. I believe that his behavior stems partly from jealousy of his baby brother, but extra attention and cuddle time do not seem to be helping.
When he acts like this, I put him in our bedroom (he still sleeps in our bed) until he calms down a bit. He has put himself in the bedroom at times. I also pray for him a lot.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Christine
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Meredith
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| Posted: April 28 2007 at 3:22pm | IP Logged
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Oh Christine, as a mom who also has a very fiesty and trouble-follows-me-everywhere kind of two yo, I am totally feeling empathy for you!! I truly think it's just the age, and he'll grow out of it! But this is not necessarily from experience, just my wish for you!!
Praying that you have the right amount of patience for him!!
Blessings!
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Meredith
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Lisbet
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| Posted: April 28 2007 at 3:36pm | IP Logged
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I'm right there in the trenches with ya! My 2 year old guy is very aggressive, more aggressive than most of my others were at this age. I have found food to be a connection to many of his outbreaks, so that helps a bit. I wish I had sage advise. I do agree with Meredith that he'll more than likely grow out of it with direction and guidance from you!
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ShawnaB
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I read once that it should be a parent's "goal" to establish their authority with their two year old, but that no parent should expect to have "accomplished" that goal in the 2nd year. In other words, I think while with a raging, tantruming 2yo, we have to consistantly teach, correct, give consequences when possible, and reassure them that we are in charge, there is not always going to be a clear "winner" or "loser" in every battle. Nor is it a realistic (IMHO) goal to "win" everytime when your 2yo engages his will. Rather,I think the parent of the 2yo just needs to stay the course, teach, love, be patient, and this too shall pass. Careful attention to physical needs is also important during this stage, eg. sleep and nutrition, as a tired, sugared-up 2yo is someone to be feared!! 
BTW, my soon to be 2 ds had a TOTAL melt down freak-out tantrum today at Grandma's house...hitting me, spitting, whacking himself on the head...it was not a pretty scene! And I remember my now very self-regulated 6 year old doing the same thing, and I relax a bit!
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Philothea
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| Posted: April 28 2007 at 5:08pm | IP Logged
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My son is two (he'll be three in June). He acts like that sometimes, too. I really think it's just the age. Every once in a while some of them just have nuclear meltdowns. Usually at very inconvenient-for-mommy times.
I think there is a lot of wisdom in ShawnaB's post.
Just know that you are not alone and meltdowns don't always mean you're doing something wrong as a parent. Also, just because the little guy is upset doesn't mean you have to be. It's his problem, not yours. You can pray for him and try to comfort him, but it is not your responsibility to make him feel differently than he does ... his feelings belong to him and him alone. The tantrum has nothing to do with you. You can try to guide his behavior and set limits as to what is appropriate (i.e. you may scream in your room, but you may not hit people in your anger), but realize that he's not going to stop feeling rage just because you want him to.
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: April 28 2007 at 8:23pm | IP Logged
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You might also want to look at possible physical causes of his behavior. Some kids are extremely sensitive to various stimuli, such as bright noisy stores, clothing that doesn't feel right, abrupt changes in activity. Maybe his pants were really bothering him?
I have had kids who needed tags cut out of everything, who complained constantly about clothes. They can't handle crowded or noisy, bright places and their little brains can't express that so they just freak out, leaving us frustrated and worried. At home, perhaps you are expecting a transition faster than he is able to make it. Things like giving 5 minute warnings and announcing the plans for the day sometimes help. (I do mean sometimes!)
Throw in the frustration of being two and a big brother, and he has a lot to deal with. Is he very verbal? I found that my less verbal kids were harder toddlers.
Try to analyze the situations that set him off and find common themes.You still need to react firmly and matter-of-factly to his tantrums, but you may be able to avoid some, or at least empathize.
He will still be two and it won't magically all end tomorrow, but with prayer, patience and a little proactiveness, you will get through it without pulling out all your hair, or his! 
God bless you!
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Molly
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: April 28 2007 at 8:43pm | IP Logged
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I just came across this post on Danielle Bean's blog and thought you might appreciate it today! 
In for it
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Molly
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 29 2007 at 4:10pm | IP Logged
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Also, two year olds are struggling to be more independant.. so anything you can let them do for themselves will help.
I found things like.. in the stroller.. if you sit down you don't have to wear the seat belt.. and then if they stand up.. "sit down or I'll have to put the seat belt on you" and then do so if they don't sit right back down. I also carry a harness with me.. so I can do the same thing with .. if you don't stay next to mommy (or hold my hand, or hold the cart or whatever) then you'll have to wear the harness.
Mine have easy going personalities but even the easiest had a laying on the ground fit.. and the others more so.. And if I can.. in those instances, I let them have their fit.. and when they calm enough I offer to hold them (help them calm themselves).. sometimes it sets them off again.. sometimes they take me up on it. But usually it's short lived because it doesn't really get them anything. Not even attention (I "ignore" them as far as they can tell )
Got one now who's learning the limits of freedom. I let them have as much freedom as they can handle usually, but if they cross those lines, I limit it more.. for whatever reason I've found that limiting their freedom to be the most effective. (won't stay in the front yard, you can only go in the back yard, won't stay in the back yard, you have to stay in the house etc)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 29 2007 at 4:11pm | IP Logged
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oh.. and even little boys seem to benefit from some good hard playing/exercise.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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Angie Mc
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When I think of "tantrums," I think of the book, Raising Your Spirited Child. My spirited child had tantrums like no other...oh my. Although not all children are "spirited," I do think that all two year olds have "spirited" moments!
What did I do? I started at prevention. Some of my favorite prevention measures include: making sure the child is well fed, labeling the child's anger and redirecting it before it blows up, stopping what I'm doing to give undivided attention to the child, and making sure both child and mom are well-rested. When that didn't work, I tried to minimize the impact. I really had to learn how to detach from the intensity of emotion in order to keep myself sane and to help my child. Believe me, I failed miserably and often. But just like other habits, I eventually did learn skills that helped me with all of my children.
Love,
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Erin
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Is it possible that he is reacting to any food additives? It could be worthwhile keeping a 'food diary' for a week or so noting which ones have colours and flavours. Natural ones can also affect many children. For some dc it may be something they ate up to five days prior before you see a reaction.
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Christine
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| Posted: April 30 2007 at 9:34am | IP Logged
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Thank you!
teachingmyown wrote:
I have had kids who needed tags cut out of everything, who complained constantly about clothes. They can't handle crowded or noisy, bright places and their little brains can't express that so they just freak out, leaving us frustrated and worried. At home, perhaps you are expecting a transition faster than he is able to make it. Things like giving 5 minute warnings and announcing the plans for the day sometimes help. (I do mean sometimes!)
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He is definitely sensitive to some clothes, including wet diapers. In retrospect, the latter may have been the underlying cause of Saturday's melt down.
teachingmyown wrote:
Throw in the frustration of being two and a [baby] brother, and he has a lot to deal with. Is he very verbal? I found that my less verbal kids were harder toddlers.
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Patrick is very verbal and annunciates well (like my other child who threw temper tantrums). My three children who have spoken later and not been as clear never threw tantrums.
erin wrote:
Is it possible that he is reacting to any food additives? It could be worthwhile keeping a 'food diary' for a week or so noting which ones have colours and flavours. Natural ones can also affect many children. For some dc it may be something they ate up to five days prior before you see a reaction.
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I have wondered about food, since he started to eat solids, as he tends to get eczema like rashes on his back and sides sometimes. The doctor has downplayed the possibility of the rashes being food related. I never thought of foods (other than chocolate and sugar) affecting behavior.
I really appreciate everyone's advice and the book recommendation. I also appreciate knowing that Patrick is not the only child who has aggressive temper tantrums. May God bless all of our little ones!
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Christine
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Erin
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Christine wrote:
I have wondered about food, since he started to eat solids, as he tends to get eczema like rashes on his back and sides sometimes. The doctor has downplayed the possibility of the rashes being food related. I never thought of foods (other than chocolate and sugar) affecting behavior.
I really appreciate everyone's advice and the book recommendation. I also appreciate knowing that Patrick is not the only child who has aggressive temper tantrums. May God bless all of our little ones! |
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Well many doctors downplay the effects of food but us 'mums in the trenches' know otherswise.
Now eczema is one I can relate too. If I or my dc have dairy we get eczema. My dd5 becomes unbearable to live with when she has eczema we have screaming and tantrums and horrible behaviour. For another friend her children reacte to wheat. Two big ones to start with. Then again I have another child who when he was Patrick's age reacted in a similar way BIG time to food additives. Read what is on your labels and see if you can find a pattern.
Now not all rashes for some people are food realted. Once again an individual thing. Some dc may be relating to washing powders, soaps etc. These things and the smells of them can also be triggering the tantrums. Too much informations? Sorry 
Having said all the above, have you ever had eczema? I have and it makes me throw a tantrum
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Maria B.
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I have eczema right now and it is driving me nuts! I break out with my spring allergies - tree pollin - all over the back of my neck and chest. Yuck!
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: 2 Year Old Advice
