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kathleenmom
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| Posted: June 07 2005 at 7:44pm | IP Logged
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Good evening ladies. I am so blessed to be able to officially visit this forum. Our #4 was born 4 weeks ago. John Patrick is our newest addition and we are all quite taken with him.
Here is my problem: We didn't really adequately prepare our #3 for the transition that would occur when the new baby came. I envisioned letting her remain in our family bed with the addition of an arm's reach co-sleeper. However, Jack (baby's nickname) makes a considerable amount of noise in the night and it wouldn't do for the 3 year old to sleep in there at the moment. So, since Jack's birth she has been shifted from pillar to post...sleeping with visiting grandmas and with her dad and now with her other two siblings. The delicate balance that had been worked out betweetn the two older siblings 5 and 7 has been completely destroyed by the introduction of the 3 year old.
My dh is adamamant about making this sleeping arrangement work as he is ready for her to move in with her siblings and thinks this is the best long term solution. However, night time is a real struggle around here for the last month. There are untold numbers of contingents arriving from the bedroom complaining about various infractions and insults.....she's got her head on my pillow, he's being too noisy, she has her feet on me.
Does anyone have any clever ideas about how to make this transition easier? Should we use more incentives or just lower the boom and if so how? My dh is very long suffering and has far more patience than I do in these sorts of situations but he even asked me to see if I could glean some wisdom from some veteran moms.
God bless,
Kathleen
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DH Daniel, Sophia Brigid (97), Russell Powers (99), Honoria Jane (02), John Patrick (05), Brigid Mary Feb. 24, 2007!
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teachingmyown
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Joined: Feb 20 2005
Location: Virginia
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| Posted: June 07 2005 at 10:00pm | IP Logged
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Kathleen,
I am sure you are exhausted! A new baby and all those new family dynamics. It is a time of blessing but also a time of adjustments that are hard when everyone is sleep-deprived.
My husband would laugh at me giving advice here, as our sleeping arrangements have been less than desirable for awile. He sleeps most nights on the couch, (it's a comfortable couch!) because there is usually at least one child in bed with me.
But I will try to help you anyway  . How about a toddler bed or just mattress next to your bed? You could soothe your 3 yr old to sleep there and then she wouldn't be as disrupted by the baby during the night. I am sure things will settle down with Jack in a week or two anyway.
I had a co-sleeper for the last baby and my toddler would fall asleep in my bed and then we would move her to the toddler bed in our room.
Another idea is a toddler bed in the room with the older children. Again, you could lie down with her to put her to sleep or maybe get some nice bedtime stories on CD to play for all three older children. Right now, I have my 9 yr old, 7 yr old, 5 yr old and 3 yr old sharing a bunk bed, three of them on the bottom, and they go to sleep each night listening to Jim Weiss.
It will work out in time, one way or another. I would just say that your 3 yr old needs extra cuddling and reassurance now, so anthing you can do to make her happy in her new role will pay off.
I am a real softy and I know others do well with a firmer approach, so take my advice in that light.
Good luck! And don't forget to take care of yourself! #4 is a big adjustment, so be patient. 
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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ALmom
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| Posted: June 07 2005 at 10:20pm | IP Logged
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We've had different experiences with different children.
One thing you might think of is the possibility that 3 yo might actually decide to move from the baby's noise. That happened with one of ours that we thought would never move on - I think she was a little older than 3 at the time so might not happen with you and you sounded like you definitely wanted 3 yo moving.
One thing we have noticed is that EVERYONE except the teens who have grown wiser move into our room for a few weeks after a new baby, get tired of being awakened in the night and move back to their rooms.
One thing that has helped our almost 3 yo is that we read night stories in the boys room. He likes to listen to everyone's stories and we have a mattress on the floor for him there. Basically, we make him put his head on the pillow for story time (after his cuddly one) and he usually falls asleep there as we are reading the longer older children's books. He usually wakes up around 5 AM and wanders back to our room at that time.
Things somehow have taken care of themselves at our house so I'm not sure if that is a lot of help. Could some of it just be temporary excitement with new baby and lots of visitors?
Janet
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Bridget
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| Posted: June 08 2005 at 7:07am | IP Logged
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I may not be much help because we don't really 'do' co-sleeping. I have found that I sleep better and am a better mother if I get several solid hours with no children in bed. It is important to Kevin and I that we have some time alone each night. Of course, we have our newborns in with us and a couple times a week someone with a bad dream will come and join us during the night.
I'll just share what our night time routine is like in case there is something that will help.
Even in cold weather I try to make sure everyone gets outside in the late afternoon or evening. After dinner we all have clean up chores, even the 3 year old. We do baths most nights, if the little ones aren't really dirty I just let them splash in the tub with their toys. Olders can shower on their own.
Often we read aloud after baths and showers.
We pray a rosary, or at least a decade, each night gathered in the living room. Often the 3 and 1 year olds fall asleep during prayers. Then brush teeth, diapers or last bathroom trip and bed.
The olders read in bed for about an hour and the younger ones usually fall right to sleep in spite of the light being on. There is a fan for white noise in each of the children's bedrooms that seem to help them sleep.
sometimes the boy room gets rowdy and we have to go up and get them settled but it's not too often.
We have 2 girls in one room and 3 boys in another. the 1 year old is still in the crib in the baby room but will get moved to the boy room in a few months, close to his 2nd birthday, to make room for the next one.
Then we will be at the transition stage you are in.
One of us will probably lay down with him, or maybe one of his older brothers will. We may read him some books, rock him, whatever it takes to settle him. We will have to sit outside the door to promptly return him to his bed when he gets up. He may get a swat to remind him of that obedience thing. We expect to have to work on it for at least a few nights and try to be very matter-of-fact about it.
He may make the transition easily since he adores his big brothers and they are all good at taking care of him. We'll see..
In the past it has taken about a week for the children to settle and adjust to the new arrangement.
God Bless your family and John Patrick! Oh, I can't wait to be holding a new baby again!
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: siblings and sleep problems
