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Willa
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Interesting post by Jimmy Akin on contraception and chemotherapy
He writes:
It is true (I assume) that the state you and your wife find yourself in is one in which there would be dangers to a child you might conceive, but there are many couples who are in that situation naturally--quite apart from chemotherapy. Lots of couples are in situations--due to genetic factors, physical factors, or other factors--where any child they conceive is at risk. Some are incapable of carrying a child to term, so every child they conceive will automatically miscarry, or they have genetic disorders such that every child they conceive will have birth defects.
Yet the Church has never told these people that they must stop having sex or stop trying to conceive a normal child if, by some miracle, they were able to have one.
The children they have might have birth defects and might die, but these are physical evils, and one thing is true of all physical evils in this life: They are temporary. It doesn't matter how deformed a child is in this life or how short his life is. Those things won't apply in the resurrection. In the resurrection, God will give any child you conceive infinite physical life in perfect health. These factors have to be taken into consideration when making decisions about what risks are acceptable in conceiving a child that might have birth defects or a short life in the present age. We cannot proceed from a caculus that treats this life as if it is all there is and that regards birth defects and death as horrible, irremediable evils. They're just not.
If the choice is between not having a child at all and having one who will live only a finite amount of time, to be followed by an infinity of physical life without suffering then the latter would seem to be the one that benefits the child. Never having existed is a worse fate, if I may put it that way, than living only a short time and then having endless life without suffering.
I hope you see that by posting this I'm NOT trying to "convict" those who have grave and serious reason to avoid pregnancy.
It is just that it was nice reading for people like me who hear more in the literature about justification for avoiding pregnancy, than about support for wanting another baby in spite of the fact that the baby might not survive, might not be healthy, etc.
I long for another baby. When the doctors first told us that our future children were almost guaranteed to die or need a liver transplant, what first rocked my world was that we were to go through life wanting children yet having to consciously avoid them for the sake of their own good. That was a deep pain. Our "surprise" pregnancy with Paddy was a particularly wonderful blessing, especially since through that we were able to come across a rare and then experimental protocol that is now standard procedure for my childrens' medical issue.
Threads like this one have been helpful, and Akin's post supported that. So I thought I'd share.
If you read this, will you say a prayer for DH and me and others who are begging for a new blessing?
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AMDG
Willa
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St. Ann
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Yes, right now, I am praying for you and your dh , dear Willa!
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Stephanie
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chicken lady
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Praying Willa! I think the article was beautiful.
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Karen E.
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Beautiful, Willa. Thanks for posting the article excerpt and link, and be assured of prayers! 
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God bless,
Karen E.
mom to three on earth, and several souls in God's care
Visit my blog, with its shockingly clever title, "Karen Edmisten."
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momtomany
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Prayers, Willa, and thanks for that beautiful article!
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Mary Ann in PA
wife to MIchael, mom to Elizabeth, Becca, Tim, Peter, Andrew, Sarah, Matthew, John, Leah and Joseph
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Nina Murphy
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Thank you so much, Willa, and to Jimmy Akin!
Praying for you nightly, Willa.
(May God send you another asap  if it be His holy Will, and if not---may He give you the strength to bear it  or take the desire away.)
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~~Nina
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Nina Murphy
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[QUOTE=WJFR] It is just that it was nice reading for people like me who hear more in the literature about justification for avoiding pregnancy, than about support for wanting another baby in spite of the fact that the baby might not survive, might not be healthy, etc. QUOTE]
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From one "hard case" to another....I totally agree that it is such a consolation to read these words. People may be thinking them or assume that they are in the thoughts of good people (good people like Jimmy Akin) but to actually see them in print---that a blogger or writer is making a CHOICE to write about it specifically; or to hear them said from a pulpit or from a public speaker makes a *huge* difference. Well, at least for me. 
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~~Nina
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Willa
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Nina Murphy wrote:
| From one "hard case" to another....I totally agree that it is such a consolation to read these words. ....-that a blogger or writer is making a CHOICE to write about it specifically; or to hear them said from a pulpit or from a public speaker makes a *huge* difference. |
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Yep, you said it better than I did, Nina. It is a consolation, and it is a salve to my heart, even if "nothing" comes of it (I am 44 after all!)
I do not pray that the desire will be taken away, precisely, because I think the desire is a good one and directs me higher than my temporal fears and concerns. I am weak, and I DO fear the contempt and raised eyebrows of the medical community and of others. I fear the medical interventions. I fear my own weakness, as you have often written of eloquently, Nina. It means a lot to me to be "credible", yet if God calls me to be a "sign of contradiction", isn't this a higher honor?
Strangely, I was up at 3 am unable to sleep, and posted the Jimmy Akin quote just before going back to bed. Then I dreamed that I met a woman whom I haven't seen for years -- she had met her husband late in life and in spite of their best efforts they had not been able to have any children. In my dream we both looked at each other with tears in our eyes and then hugged each other, feeling something in common with this holy desire to have children that had been frustrated. Her face looked so beautiful, almost transfigured in her sorrow. It is hard to describe, but I felt like I almost saw Our Mother in this old acquaintance's face.
I WANT to keep this sorrow, if it is God's will that we are done with our childbearing and if He does not will that the sorrow be taken away, because it keeps my heart at the foot of the Cross with our Mother, who saw the death of her Only Son, and with Mary Magdalen, who presumably never had any children at all, and with all the other women who have faced sorrow in their childbearing (and who hasn't, really --we are to be "sanctified through childbearing" and doesn't this mean bearing our crosses as well as celebrating our joys?
Sorry to get all mushy -- from one "hard case" to another, as you say, Nina -- it is a consolation to me to know you and others are out there thinking the same kinds of thoughts -- thank you so much for the prayers, everyone!
__________________
AMDG
Willa
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JenniferS
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What a beautiful post. Many prayers for you, Willa.
Jen
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PDyer
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Thanks for posting that article so I could read it again, Willa. I've been pondering over it since it was posted. Time to take it in front of the Blessed Sacrament this afternoon.
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Patty
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Lisbet
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Thank you Willa for posting this. While we have not been faced with hard, physical cases, it's always good to be encouraged I really liked this line:
Quote:
| Never having existed is a worse fate, if I may put it that way, than living only a short time and then having endless life without suffering. |
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Beautiful.
You will be in my prayers too.
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
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jdostalik
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Dear Willa,
You are in my prayers. I truly admire your courage and trust in God. 
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God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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Nina Murphy
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Don't EVER apologize for getting mushy with ME.  I love the way you expressed the sweetness of the longing....the bittersweet in the desires and tensions we will always have as mothers. You're right. 
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God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
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KellyJ
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Thank you, thank you for sharing this, Willa.
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4 lads mom
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Wow, this has been the theme running through my mind the last week.
When we found out last week that our first little girl, out of the 4 boys, possibly has the same genetic issue that her brother has, and may need heavy duty medical intervention....my heart was heavy with the realization that this little one might be in for a lot of pain...many surgeries..and our family might be in for quite the medical merry-go-round...the one that doesn't let you off when you ask....the one that spins so dizzingly fast that you can't get your breath...But I look at all of my children (some have this problem to much lesser degrees than my youngest),and I can't imagine life without any of them....they are the best of both my husband and myself.
When we buried my little 18 week loss, it was one of the worst days emotionally for me. 6 years later, I know that he has brought our family unmeasurable grace and growth...we have a saint among us, my husband and I did our job, we said "yes" to God..and we continued to be blessed by our little one. I am not one to throw myself at suffering, I still whine and complain, I know I don't appear saintly all of the time, (most of the time)... I am NOT like my favorite saint, St. Therese the Little Flower, who said that all suffering had become so sweet that it wasn't suffering anymore. But,I do recognize now, after all we have been through with our medically intense kids, that there is immense value in all of this..the suffering, the joy, the LIFE!! They are amazing kids, I love them so much, they have taught me more than any school..I am becoming who I was meant to be...because of them.
Well, this is sort of rambly, but I know there are people out there looking at my family now wondering, "why did you get pregnant again!?!?! How COULD you get pregnant again?!?" I have been coming up with answers in my head the last week, and then here is Willa and Jimmy Akin talking the same talk I had in my head (well, actually a lot better written!!)...wow!!! Just beautiful...
Thanks, Ladies!!
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4 lads mom
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ps--Willa, I am praying for you!!! Thanks so much for sharing all of this....
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Willa
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4 lads mom wrote:
.many surgeries..and our family might be in for quite the medical merry-go-round...the one that doesn't let you off when you ask....the one that spins so dizzingly fast that you can't get your breath..
... I am NOT like my favorite saint, St. Therese the Little Flower, who said that all suffering had become so sweet that it wasn't suffering anymore.
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Ditto, ditto. You say it very well. Daily prayers for you and your lassie!
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AMDG
Willa
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WayTruthLife
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Thanks for sharing this beautiful piece from Jimmy Akin. We will pray for you, Willa.
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trish
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That brought tears to my eyes. It's sooo wonderful to
read that. I needed to read that. It puts it all in perspective.
Prayers for you Willa and 4 lads mom!
Trish
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Openness to life in the "hard cases"
