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Erica Sanchez
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Maybe someone here has experience with this. I can't say I was blind-sided yesterday because the signs have been present for a long while. But, our priest spoke to me yesterday about Grace and her vocation and that made it seem serious to me.
This daughter is our strong-willed, feisty one. I bought Dr. Dobson's The Strong-Willed Child for her! :) She has really matured in her faith and prayer life and I could write lots of sweet things that happen in between the feisty ones. Anyway, a few yeas ago she was sitting at the computer and said to me without turning around, "Everyone thinks that Emily has a vocation, but what if I do?" I thought, of course it will be you with a comment like that! Emily is our oldest, practically perfect child. In the past several months there have been other signs and little things said that once even made me say to her that I want her to go to college first.
Yesterday, our priest asked if we were okay with him speaking with her and encouraging her. She has been communicating with him for several months about this. We love him and trust him. He gently said that maybe college wouldn't be in the plan and that really the decision would be up to her. He said lots of good things. In the course of the conversation the realization of it all became a bit much and I got teary-eyed and said that I hadn't thought Cash and I would have to be thinking about these types of life-long commitments for any of our children this soon. That my mother's heart wasn't ready to think about sending her baby off to a cloistered order (which is where my baby's heart seems to be focused). We had a lovely talk with her that afternoon and will have more and I was weepy all day. The cloistered part has me thinking about weddings and sacraments and everything she would not be able to attend and just the great missing of her in general.
I know I'm jumping the gun. This might not even happen. But, deep down I think it will. When we were speaking yesterday, my thoughts went to our near-drowning experience with Peter and how God may have used that to prepare our hearts for this since there was a time in there that we thought we'd lose him (and there was a true surrender to God in that moment). I feel like we'd be losing her too.
I have been thinking about the positives too. I have......
I think I need to start a blog! The adoption, Peter, now this....oh my.
Does anyone have experience with this? Any words of wisdom?
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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St. Ann
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Erica  What a lovely post. God is most definitely at work in your family!
Similar thoughts/worries have also gone through my head/heart, but only on the surface... It hasn't been necessary to go deeper - yet. I look at this particular daughter in a different way than the others, knowing she might have a religious calling, wondering how to prepare her and me for the road ahead...
Erica, I have no words of wisdom, but do know that I would love to read your blog if you get to it.
I will keep you and Grace in my prayers.
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Stephanie
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guitarnan
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One of my high school teachers went through this with his oldest daughter, who is now a cloistered Carmelite. I went to a Theology on Tap session where he talked about his feelings when she was preparing to make her initial vows. He choked up, and I am, too, as I type this. He, like you, was thinking about how much he would miss her physical presence in his life, about the family events and all that. She said, "But, Dad, every time we receive Holy Communion, we'll be united in Jesus!" He'd not thought about that part, about their very special places in the Mystical Body of Christ.
I don't know if this is of help or comfort, but it really struck me at the time, and I could tell that he was profoundly comforted by his daughter's words.
and prayers as you accompany your daughter on this journey of discernment.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Mackfam
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No experience with this, Erica - just a prayer and a to let you know that you're loved and that I understand what your heart is feeling!!
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Jen Mackintosh
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SallyT
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I have one friend whose daughter is a cloistered Carmelite and another with a daughter with the Nashville Dominicans. Like you, Erica, my first friend was very blindsided -- not so much by her daughter's vocation, which she knew about, but by the Superior's inviting her to come in, when they had just gone to make a preliminary visit (as my friend thought). It was difficult to say that goodbye without a lot of preparation, and I know she misses her daughter. It's a hard adjustment, especially to that level of separation. But she does radiate a peace about it, knowing that her daughter is where God has called her to be, and is happy. I think He does send great consolation, though obviously it's not easy!
If you have time -- I know your life is busy and you don't often have a hand free! -- you might read Rumer Godden's beautiful novel of cloistered Benedictine life, In This House of Brede. Not that there's a direct parallel to you, though one of the story lines involves a postulant whose mother is opposed to her entering (not that you're in that position, obviously, but the mother's anger does mask a great sadness, I think), but the whole energy of the novel is about how large, and how out-reaching, the cloistered life is, and how people "outside' become a part of the monastery's life and family. I've read and reread it, because it helps my prayer life, honestly (I can be an imaginary Benedictine!), but also because I love the way that it allows a look from inside that life to the outside. I don't know whether it would be a balm or not, but it is a beautiful, meditative read.
Prayers for you.
Sally
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Pilgrim
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God Bless you, your Mother's Heart, and your dd considering a vocation! Beyond the heartache there is a great treasure in having a cloistered vocation in the family! We have a very dear friend who's daughter is a cloistered nun, and we have always treasured having someone we knew could and would pray for our intentions, when passed along, who is so close to the Heart of Our Lord.
I read "A Right to be Merry" when I was young and loved the look into the life of cloistered nuns it gave. I don't know why, but cloistered nuns have always felt close to my heart, I have always had a great reverence and love for those who are called by God to that vocation. I see it as one of the most beautiful vocations(beyond priesthood of course).
When you speak of her feisty side, it brings to mind the fact that St. Therese was also very feisty. She said something once I recall to the effect of that she had within her the capacity to be the greatest of sinners or the greatest of saints, that was the personality God gave her.
May your heart be comforted and held close by Our Lord and Our Dear Blessed Mother, who knows what it means to give up her Child, as you travel the path of emotions this may bring!
One doesn't think a whole lot what the future may bring until such things are upon us. My heart thinks of my own sweet mother and all her heart has gone through "loosing" me, her only daughter, and her sweet granddaughter, our oldest to move hundreds of miles away to get married, in only 7 months after meeting dh online. Yes, we had/have phone calls, but so much of life is missed on each side when so far from each other. Little would any of us have known what God's answer would be when praying for a good husband for me! There are crosses to His blessings often, but yet there is so much good, too. You just have to allow yourself the ability to ride the emotions , and then say "Thy will be done", knowing that He knows best has a plan that is greater than we can imagine. It's making me cry as I write this, from the missing of my own family. Hugs to you, as I know what it will be for you all if she is called to this vocation. But, truly it is such a beautiful thing.
Does she have an order in mind at all? I'm sure you may have seen The Benedictines of Mary, now becoming so well known for their CDs, but if not I thought I'd mention them. I thought I remember that you're family attends the Extraordinary Form, and they are attached to this tradition(I don't know how to say it better). They have a beautiful story, and may be of interest, if she doesn't already have any specifics in mind.
May the Holy Ghost guide you all as He leads her to her vocation!
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JennGM
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Erica, How beautiful! Your emotions are completely normal. If you didn't have them I'd be worried.
I don't know if my perspective will help, as obviously I am not a religious, but this has been my experience.
I considered for many years a religious vocation, and was particularly drawn to the contemplative. I am the oldest of 7. I was very vocal about my intentions. Meanwhile, my sister 14 months under me was exactly as you describe your daughter -- stubborn, strong willed, but quieter than I was. She surprised my mother by saying almost exactly what your daughter said -- she wasn't the only one considering a religious vocation!!!
She was drawn to the Daughters of St. Paul because she was such a reader and writer. They were my second choice but I wanted to try it out because they allowed early entrance and I was impatient. So we entered at 16 and 15, went from Louisiana all the way to Boston.
My parents were really, really super supportive, but it wasn't until later that we found out that it was very hard for them. My father had been in the Carmelite seminary from age 17-22, and so had mixed emotions about the whole idea for such a young age.
I did not do well, and was asked to leave after 3 months (to my relief!). My sister stayed for 5 years through novitiate, but did not stay to take first vows. There were various reason she had for leaving, but one factor was there were internal problems within the order.
It's very difficult to walk this path as a parent. When we left, we were leaving thinking this was it for life. I think that is normal and good. Even though you are given years to discern before you make final vows, I think it's less healthy going in with the idea that you are just "giving it a try".
We had a going away party, and even a "registry" of items we needed to enter that people gifted to us. We gave away all many our things to our siblings and went away. My mother put initials on our belongings when she boxed up the remaining items.
But like I said, I came back in only 3 months. There was a lot of collecting my things and getting a room back and such (my mom had converted it to the school room) and fitting back in the routine. Some of my younger siblings resented the return at first.
In hindsight, my mother and I have agreed that not everything should be given away, but perhaps marked and boxed up until the vocation is finalized...or at least a year.
The hardest part is how to keep the family circle. It's hard to let a child go. They aren't dead, but the relationship is different. The parents need to make some detachment because their child now belongs to Christ and to all members of the Church, not just your family.
But it feels a bit like death and within the family there needs to be a bit of healing. There is a hole in the family "circle" that needs to be closed. Life has to continue without that member of the family.
What we didn't know how to do is keep that sister informed and be part of the family while both were doing their own separate life. She came back after 5 years and felt like she didn't fit in, that she wasn't part of the family any more. The circle had been closed and it was very hard to open.
And she was different...she had been formed for 5 years by someone else other than our family, so her memories and formation were different than ours. The adjustment was very, very hard.
Most contemplative orders that I looked into preferred an entrant to be 22 with work experience in the world or college, but that is different with each order. I'm just mentioning that to say that it might be a very long process to finally get into the convent.
We have a local girl who just entered a cloister this year. First she had 6 months trial, and then she was officially accepted as a postulant.
I second Sally's recommendation of "In This House of Brede". It's just so moving.
Also, read anything and everything by the Poor Clare Mother Mary Francis. Just delightful -- and I find her writings applicable in our own domestic monastery! "Right to be Merry" is her vocation story and a bit about the cloister, and then those stories continue in "Strange Gods Before Me" and "Forth and Abroad".
Sister Mary Jean Dorcy wrote her vocation story in "Shepherd's Tartan". Her vocation was not cloister, but still a wonderful biography!
Copies are now easier to find for "My Beloved: Story of a Carmelite Nun". Very wonderful. Of course, continuing the Carmelite concentration, all the writings of St. Therese are so inspiring.
And then there are the books (and videos) of Regina Laudis. You can see them at their site.
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Jennifer G. Miller
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JodieLyn
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Oh my! how wonderful and how heartbreaking all rolled together
I don't have any experience with this (though I have a son who's been interested in the Priesthood since he was little).
But I do have a strong-willed feisty daughter that I immediately thought of (well more than one  but the 13 yr old is the one I thought of) and she's lovely and vibrant and stubborn as her mother  and sometimes overshadowed by her 2 older siblings. And strong, her current desire is to do firefighting like her daddy, and I believe she could do it if she still wants to when she's old enough.
But she's also fragile. She could be hurt so easily especially when so many people would only see that outer "toughness".
Anyway, it just made me think how this choice could also be seen as a protection for your daughter.
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Erica Sanchez
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Tears as I read your sweet, honest words this morning. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to write them. I will come back are re-read them many times.
And, laughing through the tears too as In This House of Brede is one of the very few books recommended here that I have actually managed to read over the past nine years! I loved that book and will now think of it as something God used to prepare me if this all happens someday.
I do think that Grace would prefer an order attached to the Traditional Mass and at the moment she is very interested in the Benedictine order that Pilgrim linked to. Lights up whenever their literature comes and has several pictures of the nuns on her bulletin board. She will also visit the new home (monastery?) in Oakland, CA of the Discalced Carmelites from Valparaiso, Nebraska. But, she also met several beautiful Dominican sisters from Michigan and knows sisters from several different orders in our local area. I will encourage her to be open to any faithful order.
I think Father has her reading a book about St. Theresa of Avila right now. It is so funny. Last week at bible study, we watched the segment from Father Barron's Catholicism series about four female saints (Katherine Drexel, Therese of Lisieux, Edith Stein, and Mother Theresa). It was so beautiful, so moving! Highly recommend the series, but this segment especially. I thought that it would be wonderful to have all the girls in our group watch it. We planned it for Sunday evening, so when Father was talking to me that same day I laughed and told him the plan. Surely this hour long presentation would only encourage Grace! :)
I am babbling away now...thinking I should jot some of these things down...
Jenn, I am especially appreciative of you sharing your experience. She has mentioned that she wants to be a bit quiet about it all in case her/God's plans change. She gave me permission to share here, though. :)
Thank you, ladies.
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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SallyT
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I would also add that a young woman I knew during her time as a Junior Fellow at First Things, Amanda Shaw, is now a cloistered Dominican, after years of discernment. I only found this out the other day, because my 20-year-old had posted an article on Facebook, on a theology of women, which Amanda had written while at First Things (really wonderful article -- she always struck me as a marvelous, beautiful, thoughtful person) -- anyway, an acquaintance of hers at school came up to her after Mass and said, "I see you posted my sister's article," and filled her in.
I knew from corresponding with Amanda some years ago, after she left First Things, that she had tried her vocation at one Dominican house prior to going to graduate school, and that she'd left after a month -- it just wasn't right: the house, the time, whatever. She had gone thinking, "This is it!" And it wasn't. She went to grad school in literature, which was the last time I heard from her . . . but obviously God was still calling her to the contemplative life, though in a different community. I don't know how far along she is, but that is where she is, which was lovely to hear. But, as Jenn points out, I'm sure it hasn't been entirely easy for her family, for all those reasons.
Anyway, more often than not I think it is a long road, and many people experience what seem like false starts before things become clear. And so much of it seems to involve waiting . . . but also going forward when the call seems to come . . . but also being open to the possibility that the call is to get the person to a certain point for God's good reason, not necessarily to settle the rest of her life. And of course the whole family is waiting and going forward, too, with that call . . .
Prayers for all of you as this time of discernment and waiting opens.
Sally
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JennGM
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Similar to Sally's example, just because one tries one convent doesn't mean the vocation is gone. I discerned for many years and considered several orders, but eventually I was able to see that it wasn't Gods will for me.
In my parish we know several girls who have entered more than one before finding the right fit.
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stefoodie
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JennGM wrote:
| The hardest part is how to keep the family circle. It's hard to let a child go. They aren't dead, but the relationship is different. The parents need to make some detachment because their child now belongs to Christ and to all members of the Church, not just your family. |
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I don't have any advice, but offering prayers. I understand where you are Erica, our 17-year-old has sent in his application to enter seminary in the fall. I kinda know how I'm supposed to feel, think, react. I'm supposed to be thankful, and I AM. But there are moments when I already miss him, and he isn't even gone yet. I wasn't blindsided, he has been thinking about this for the past 2 years, and for all we know he may discern out, but yes, my thoughts about detachment, different dynamics, etc. make me sad sometimes.
Sending you lots of and prayers.
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CSBasile
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I don't have any advice either, but I will pray for all of you. If that is God's plan for your daughter, may He fill your heart with peace and joy knowing that her prayers as a cloistered nun will be very powerful. Who knows, it may be her prayers that save the world from some of the evil that prevails right now!
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amarytbc
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Praying for you. How old is she?
One of our daughters is in a Carmelite cloister (Sr. Teresa of the Holy Face) and another is a Dominican with the sisters in Ann Arbor (Sr. Mary Jordan). You will get tons of grace for supporting her while she discerns and even more if you accept a vocation. It's not at all as I expected it to be. It's far more beautiful and far more grueling than I could have ever imagined. You can email me at cathmomofsix gmail
I have some links that will be helpful and will post them later today or tomorrow when I have time to dig them up.
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Daughter considers a cloistered vocation
