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monica4patience
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| Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 1:52pm | IP Logged
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DS13 is refusing to do his saint report for Confirmation class. He was scheduled to do it last year but he was in severe decompression from 7 years in school (we brought him home to school Fall 2012). We were also trying to figure out his learning disabilities, so he had a reprieve.
I happened to have a conversation with the DRE. She was asking how he liked Confirmation. I said he hated it. He had difficulty attending to the lecture; didn't even know his disciple group leader's name; never brought anything home. When I responded to her question of the saint report I said he didn't do it last year and we hadn't heard anything about this year. We got an e-mail on Thursday that his report is due this Wednesday. He is absolutely refusing to do it; won't even talk about it; and just shuts down (as he did last year with school). I don't know what to do about this.
My son is usually an easy going kid. Very out-going, socialable. but when it comes to anything to do with presentations or writing, he shuts down.
Any suggestions?
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~Monica (58)
DH(62), married 34 yrs.
DD23, DS21, DS13 (all adoptees)
New to homeschooling 11/12.
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Barb.b
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Well, this won't help but - I really don't see why he has to do a saint report for confirmation! Really makes no sense to me. It is so far away from focusing on what confirmation truly is! So, why not do it together. Really, this is a busy work assignment. Watch a saint movie. Then you be the "secretary" and sit at the computer and help him write it to get it done! It seems it would be a shame for a writing assignment to get in the way of the much needed graces received at Confirmation!
My dd also hates the confirmation process at church. Sooooo many meaningless things to do!
Barb
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Barb.b
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| Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 2:43pm | IP Logged
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Do they know at your parish that it is no longer a requirement to pick out a confirmation saint name?
Also, don't worry about it being an "A" paper. I am sure the dre will get many poorly written papers!
Also, Have you shared with the DRE what you shared here? Especially share the he has learning disabilities! They absolutely CAN'T make a kid with learning disabilities write a paper!!!! Maybe he could do something else instead of the written report? I do know that they have no business denying him confirmation based on not doing a paper. So, go to the DRE and discuss things. If she is a brick wall - go to your priest. If he won't waver - go to the dioceses. . .
Really makes me mad when parishes have these obstacles in the way of kids getting confirmed!
Barb
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monica4patience
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| Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 4:14pm | IP Logged
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Yes, I have shared with her. She says they've been working hard to appeal to all kids and working with special needs kids. Although they're thinking the really "special needs" kids (like my DS21 who is Bipolar/Autistic and couldn't attend evening classes). I don't think they really are thinking of learning disabilities or they would have choices for the saint project.
Part of this project is also presenting the paper. DS13 struggles with writing, but also is intimidated by this class of 70, many of whom are highly catechized and possibly not afraid to correct a student. In any case, he is quite intimidated by the presentation and report.
What would you consider as an alternative to the written and oral report?
__________________
~Monica (58)
DH(62), married 34 yrs.
DD23, DS21, DS13 (all adoptees)
New to homeschooling 11/12.
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Barb.b
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| Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 4:59pm | IP Logged
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Gee - I didn't know about presenting it!
Is he good with computers? I am not so bear with me but how about a power point type thing with pre recorded audio so all he has to do is start it for them to watch? He could get it on a dvd for it to play in class.
Is he artistic? He could do a detailed poster - but that would entail presenting it!
I still can't believe your parish requires this! I am not sure they are working hard to appeal to all kids or they wouldn't require a written report that needs to be presented! I am sure with a class that size there are others struggling too!
Barb
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Barb.b
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Monica,
How long does the saint report need to be?
Do they give any guidelines?
Barb
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monica4patience
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| Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 5:54pm | IP Logged
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Yes, there are guidelines. It's to be double-spaced, one to one & 1/2 pages with 5 minute presentation. Teacher uses power-point to do his lecture. I know nothing about powerpoint. Will talk to DS about what he may want to do before presenting options to teacher.
No he's not really into computers and software. he's not artistic. He's been groaning about doing lapbooks or notebook pages for homeschool.
He is athletic but don't see how to use that skill with St. Ignatius!
__________________
~Monica (58)
DH(62), married 34 yrs.
DD23, DS21, DS13 (all adoptees)
New to homeschooling 11/12.
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pumpkinmom
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I would see if he can just give the presentation to the teacher and/or DRE or perhaps classmate(s) that he is comfortable to do so. Being able to give a presentation is not a requirement of Confirmation. I would hold his hand and give much help through the process of writing the presentation and preparing.
I have one that refuses to get up in front of a crowd and I've had to tell our DRE a couple of times that he wouldn't be taking part in stuff. Honestly, they can't make him or refuse the sacrament; you just need to stand up and say "hey, I'm the parent here and this is how it is going to be!"  The situations I've been in showed me that the DRE and teacher truly believed that the child could be talked into it; they just didn't understand how severe his fear was.
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 9:55pm | IP Logged
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70!!! Are they all one class? What class is going to sit through 70 presentations?
My daughter had to do a saint report, supposedly for presentation. She worked really hard on it and then the teacher changed her mind and no one presented anything. This definitely helped the half of the class that hadn't done the report.
I would definitely talk to the teacher and the DRE. If their plan is to accommodate special needs and learning issues, it's time for some accommodation.
I think I'd also try to find out why my son didn't want to do the report - there must be a reason, and if it has to do with his learning issues, that would be helpful to know. It might be about something else, like the other kids in the class or the class size, and that would also be helpful info.
I am praying for you and your son. Our Confirmation class experience was okay for our son, but things didn't work out as well for our daughter. She stuck with it in spite of the students and teacher, because she really wanted to receive the sacrament, but it was a difficult experience. Both of us can really empathize with you!
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Barb.b
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pumpkinmom wrote:
I would see if he can just give the presentation to the teacher and/or DRE or perhaps classmate(s) that he is comfortable to do so. Being able to give a presentation is not a requirement of Confirmation. I would hold his hand and give much help through the process of writing the presentation and preparing.
I have one that refuses to get up in front of a crowd and I've had to tell our DRE a couple of times that he wouldn't be taking part in stuff. Honestly, they can't make him or refuse the sacrament; you just need to stand up and say "hey, I'm the parent here and this is how it is going to be!" The situations I've been in showed me that the DRE and teacher truly believed that the child could be talked into it; they just didn't understand how severe his fear was. |
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Agree with this - especially the part that they can not make him do this in order to receive the sacrament!!! If no one in your parish will give in - then start talking to people at the diocese level! They are NOT supposed to put obstacles in the way of receiving sacraments! Truthfully, this saint report and presentation ARE STUPID! I kind of admire your son for refusing!
Barb
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monica4patience
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| Posted: Dec 11 2013 at 12:11pm | IP Logged
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Paper is due today. I've been in a fibromyalgia flare and not getting much done. I just emailed the teacher that I've been sick and he would turn in his paper next week. He nneds to dictate paper to me due to dyslexia. Also, said that he would not present the paper because of his hesitant reading and not wishin to embarass himself.
I just decided to use my parental rights and not go through channels, etc. I do not have any patience right now (also battling with DS21's community mental health workers), I just do not have the energy to deal with it all. If they really want to support the learning needs of the kids, then work with the parents.
Thank you all for your support; especially the part about the paper not being a requirement for the sacrament. That helped me put it all in perspective.
__________________
~Monica (58)
DH(62), married 34 yrs.
DD23, DS21, DS13 (all adoptees)
New to homeschooling 11/12.
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monica4patience
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| Posted: Dec 11 2013 at 12:15pm | IP Logged
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Barb.b wrote:
| Do they know at your parish that it is no longer a requirement to pick out a confirmation saint name? Barb |
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The saint paper doesn't need to be their confirmation saint name. He originally chose St. Michael, but we couldn't find enough information. Then St. Ignatius of Loyola was suggested.
He choose St. Sebastian for confirmation names. He's the patron of athletes and soldiers. DS13 is very athletic and used to dress up as a knight when he was younger.
__________________
~Monica (58)
DH(62), married 34 yrs.
DD23, DS21, DS13 (all adoptees)
New to homeschooling 11/12.
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guitarnan
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Lovely Confirmation name, and such a valiant patron saint!
I am praying for your health issues and for your family this week, Monica!
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Confirmation classes
