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misswallo
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For those of you who do this successful, please tell me how you do it. We try to pray it in the evening, but usually only one decade. My baby and 4 year old cause lots of distractions and sometimes a few older ones will cause disruptions (last night one of them started praying with an Irish accent, funny, but not when we pray the rosary) I have talked to them about taking it seriously but is seems there is always someone who will cause someone else to laugh or something like that. Some nights it seems like a big joke. While I love the idea of us all gathered together to pray, it doesn't look like I have envisioned. We used to always have it on in the car as we were out and about, that work pretty well, maybe we should start doing that again. What has worked for you??
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JennGM
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Do not despair! This is about the pace we do it. It is easier in the car, so we'll do 5 decades on the road, but at home we do usually one decade a night except Sundays.
It's never as smooth as I have envisioned. Last night my 5 1/2 year old was trying to sing the Hail Mary as he led it. And we've had the accents, too.
You are not alone. The point is you are praying together as a family. I don't want to make it too much a point of strife and punishment if they don't do it correctly, but keeping it short as a decade for the younger ages makes it easier for the short attention span.
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Aagot
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I don't know, embarassingly, my 14 year old is just as disruptive as my 5 year old! It has become more than a near ocassion of sin for me but I figure, if the devil is so intent on making me give up, I had better keep trying! Have you tried before a meal or dessert, with the food being the "reward"? The car works for us too. Just after lunch has been good sometimes.
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DominaCaeli
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We do ours with Daddy after dinner/before bed. I'll share our expectations for each age:
1yo - play nearby
2yo - play nearby
3yo - sit or kneel next to us
4yo - kneel follow along with the prayers on her rosary
two 7yos - kneel and follow along with the prayers on their rosaries, announce each mystery, lead a decade respectfully
Now, that is our *expectation.*  Sometimes the 7yo isn't listening, the 1yo is climbing all over us, and the 2yo is super loud with her toys or trying to goad the 3yo into playing...but we try to redirect everyone back to how they're supposed to be behaving. (Except the 1yo--she can climb all over us if she wants.  )
Some ideas:
:: Time helps. We have prayed the rosary together in the evenings since my two oldest were toddlers. The ability to pay attention and behave properly has grown over time. So sticking with it will only help, I think. It's a lot like bringing the children to Mass--each has a couple difficult years where you're out with them in the vestibule every week, but eventually they do behave (most of the time).
:: Dad helps. My husband's presence makes the prayers go much more smoothly. If that's an option for you (I know it isn't always), I would suggest waiting until your husband is home and can lead the family.
:: Make it a privilege. My toddlers do not get rosaries to hold. Once the child is old enough to follow along with the prayers aloud and count the whole rosary on her fingers, she is old enough to have a real rosary of her own. My 4yo daughter just reached this point last month and she was thrilled, like her siblings before her. It's very cute.
And just a thought:
JennGM wrote:
| I don't want to make it too much a point of strife and punishment if they don't do it correctly, but keeping it short as a decade for the younger ages makes it easier for the short attention span. |
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I actually have no problem making it a punishment if they're being disrespectful. Obviously, I wouldn't make it a discipline issue just for making mistakes or something like that, but I think being intentionally silly or disruptive (for all but babies/toddlers) is offensive. Our usual response is to have the offender close their eyes, as that usually cuts down on the silliness. But if it continues, we excuse the person from our family area, and they must kneel on the tile behind us for their prayers. That is just enough to keep them in line, usually.
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Mackfam
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DominaCaeli wrote:
We do ours with Daddy after dinner/before bed. I'll share our expectations for each age:
1yo - play nearby
2yo - play nearby
3yo - sit or kneel next to us
4yo - kneel follow along with the prayers on her rosary
two 7yos - kneel and follow along with the prayers on their rosaries, announce each mystery, lead a decade respectfully
Now, that is our *expectation.* Sometimes the 7yo isn't listening, the 1yo is climbing all over us, and the 2yo is super loud with her toys or trying to goad the 3yo into playing...but we try to redirect everyone back to how they're supposed to be behaving. (Except the 1yo--she can climb all over us if she wants. )
Some ideas:
:: Time helps. We have prayed the rosary together in the evenings since my two oldest were toddlers. The ability to pay attention and behave properly has grown over time. So sticking with it will only help, I think. It's a lot like bringing the children to Mass--each has a couple difficult years where you're out with them in the vestibule every week, but eventually they do behave (most of the time).
:: Dad helps. My husband's presence makes the prayers go much more smoothly. If that's an option for you (I know it isn't always), I would suggest waiting until your husband is home and can lead the family.
:: Make it a privilege. My toddlers do not get rosaries to hold. Once the child is old enough to follow along with the prayers aloud and count the whole rosary on her fingers, she is old enough to have a real rosary of her own. My 4yo daughter just reached this point last month and she was thrilled, like her siblings before her. It's very cute.
And just a thought:
JennGM wrote:
| I don't want to make it too much a point of strife and punishment if they don't do it correctly, but keeping it short as a decade for the younger ages makes it easier for the short attention span. |
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I actually have no problem making it a punishment if they're being disrespectful. Obviously, I wouldn't make it a discipline issue just for making mistakes or something like that, but I think being intentionally silly or disruptive (for all but babies/toddlers) is offensive. Our usual response is to have the offender close their eyes, as that usually cuts down on the silliness. But if it continues, we excuse the person from our family area, and they must kneel on the tile behind us for their prayers. That is just enough to keep them in line, usually. |
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Great post, Celeste!!!
We're very similar here! We expect a growing level of respect as a child grows, and certainly understand baby and toddler behavior/noise, but like Celeste, we communicate a need for quiet, respect and eventually participation as our children grow. Bigger kids help set the example.
dominacaeili wrote:
| :: Time helps. We have prayed the rosary together in the evenings since my two oldest were toddlers. The ability to pay attention and behave properly has grown over time. So sticking with it will only help, I think. It's a lot like bringing the children to Mass--each has a couple difficult years where you're out with them in the vestibule every week, but eventually they do behave (most of the time). |
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Exactly this!
Work on good habits a little at a time. Maybe continue with one decade an evening. Set the kids up for success --> "Tonight, we're going to pray one decade of the Rosary. Let's all work on not talking during the prayers. The only talking should be the responses to the prayers." And then get started. If someone starts chatting, I just look directly at them and shake my head "no." They know what I mean. If that doesn't work, I excuse someone from the area. It's a distraction for others trying to pray.
Little steps and bits, one habit at a time.
1) So, I might work on quiet first.
2) Then, I'd tackle (bigger kids) bouncing around during Rosary.
3) Then perhaps you can work on the habit of everyone bowing their head when you say Jesus' name.
And so on. All while keeping the Rosary short.
4) After good habits are understood (and of course kids are never perfect), then I'd start slowly stretching how many decades we pray.
Our family expectations for our kids:
** By 3yo - sit/kneel quietly for at least a decade
** By 5 yo - sit/kneel and participate with responses in a full Rosary (5 decades)
Since we have biggers and littles, we pray a full Rosary as a family, so littles are not expected to give full attention for all 5 decades, but they are asked to start out trying and then the *don't be a distraction* rule is still in place. They may do something quietly nearby while we pray.
Just like it's a good idea to have a special little Mass bag with quiet holy cards and Mass books for Mass - I like keeping a special Rosary basket for littles. You can keep quiet things in the Rosary basket. For the child that is growing into the ability to sit and pay attention but still needs help keeping hands busy while praying, I've always loved Kimberlee's idea of small, individual roses (one for each Hail Mary) and a little basket to transfer them into as you pray.
Things we do not allow during the Rosary:
** Playing with Rosaries. (I'm thinking of things like lassos, throwing and catching, slinging them around, dropping on floor, throwing across the room - these are not allowed.) They are sacramentals, and as such, are afforded respect. They should never be left on the floor. Find a special place for Rosaries and keep them together so that everyone can gather their Rosary when it's time, and so the Rosary has a place after prayer time. My big kids keep a Rosary downstairs, and also in their room since they often pray on their own, too.
** Distracting others during Rosary. And we're firm about it. Not mean. Not loud. But firm. This is a rule that tends to cover everything - if a child distracts someone else, they are redirected once. If they continue, they leave the area/room. If it's a little person (baby/toddler), I just pick them up and hold them during the Rosary. Even my littles understand when Mommy redirects and puts them in a quiet spot for quiet play. We don't stop the Rosary for this. And I don't talk a lot. The kids know the expectations before we start so all that is needed is a short reminder.
We encourage bigger kids (7yo+) to close eyes during the Rosary to help them guard themselves from distraction.
misswallo wrote:
| last night one of them started praying with an Irish accent, funny, but not when we pray the rosary |
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 That is funny, but you're right, not during the Rosary. If this happened here, I'd probably include a little something in my "before Rosary chat." --> "In addition to working on quiet voices during the Rosary, we're going to pray in our regular voice. Causing others to laugh during the Rosary is a distraction and keeps others from focusing on their prayers. If you do this during the Rosary, I'll ask you to leave so that it's not a distraction." And then, mean it. If a child intentionally disobeys, I'd remove them from the room. Physically if I had to. No fanfare or drama - just matter of fact so that it's as little a distraction while Daddy continues the Rosary. It's exactly how I'd remove a child at Mass if they were misbehaving - as quietly as possible without making a big scene for those around me. And then the next night/family Rosary - start fresh. Remember, we're not going to talk during the Rosary, only say the responses to the Rosary, and this time, praying in our regular voices...or I'll ask you to leave again."
For almost all children, it will always be more enjoyable to be WITH the family during the Rosary, not sent from the room. If you have a child that ENJOYS being sent from the room/family, you have a different discipline issue at hand.
Good luck, Missy! This is an excellent undertaking! I'll send up a little prayer for you as you and your dh brainstorm how best to get the ball rolling! 
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knowloveserve
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Agree on the don't give up! More often than not, our family rosary is distracted with all kinds of things and behaviors. Usually the 2 year old is trying to get everyone to deliberately laugh or beating his sister with his wooden rosary (which we of course stop and take away the rosary... but he gets a fresh chance each night)
God asks for faithfulness not success! These distracted, stressful rosaries are a thousand times better than no rosaries.
And I'm convinced eventually, the kids will fall in line. Once we really made it habitual in our home, the craziness didn't STOP, but it did settle some... and I have hopes it will continue to settle.
Things that help us: dimmed lights and candles lit. Sets the mood.
Rosary booklets or aids for the kids to use (that is the 7+ year olds; the 4 and 2 year olds are basically our damage control tests.). Consistent time. I know this isn't ideal or possible for all families. But we make 7 pm Rosary time and that helps get the idea set in their heads (that is... on nights that we don't have Blue Knights or another church activity... In which case we count those in lieu of a rosary)
Persevere! Your efforts will pay off!
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JennGM
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I should add here while I don't want to make it a negative thing, we do correct and expect it to be prayed correctly, according to the age appropriateness.
I had some negative experiences as a child with the rosary, so we take some what my spiritual director says to make it an invitation, not forced, and we show by example.
But like Aagot said, dessert hangs in the balance. They do not HAVE to pray with us, but be in the room. But if they don't pray, they won't have the treat afterwards.
We eat dinner, move to the living room and say our blessing after meals and rosary or part of the rosary, and then come back to clean the kitchen. This was suggested by my spiritual director and it works well. Sometimes if there are laggers at the table we will clean up some first. But dessert comes after the rosary.
It's been working well, with the rough spots of accents and giggles and wiggles....but we intend on persevering and adding more decades along the way. (We already do 5 decades on Sunday or in the car, and in October and May we were doing 2. For big prayer intentions we add more.)
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Mom21
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We say the Rosary during car time. There aren't the distractions of things at home. We have only one kiddo so we don't have the sibling factor! We also started our son with a decade at a time. Once he mastered a full Rosary we moved on to include praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet and the Seven Sorrows. I keep a supply of fingertip rosaries in my purse as well.
And bless that sweet kid who prayed with the Irish accent. I know it's not what he should do during prayer but that made me laugh out loud
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misswallo
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Thank you ladies!! I didn't think I got any responses, until I checked my spam folder..not sure why all of a sudden responses are going there and not my inbox.  Great advice/ideas I think I may start spreading the whole rosary out over the course of the day..in the car or at home, and saving the last decade right before bed. Also..I do need to be more firm, disrespectful/disruptive children need to be excused. Seems like I get angry and wonder why we bother. We have been praying the family rosary for years, but for some reason it's just more crazy than I remember...must be those little boys we have.(4yrs and 1 yr).
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dinasiano
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Great thread! We have a large difference in ages here, and unfortunately I haven't established a family rosary yet, so my older kiddies aren't at all interested plus they are on a different schedule because they go to school outside the house. I am wondering if I should try to do the rosary during the day or should I tackle getting everyone to do it. I should mention my dh is indifferent about it and his come home time is different every night.
I truly admire all of you who are faithfully trying to pray as a family. I know it is very important!
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herdingkittens
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Bumping this WONDERFUL thread with an add-on...
We have a couple of children who over the last 2 years have become inaudible during prayer time. They have nice loud voices anytime else during the day but become silent during prayers, or say their prayers in a lazy manner, putting forth very little "effort". It has grown into a huge frustration, as my husband and I have asked them repeatedly to please pray out loud with the family and there is no change. Honestly, it saddens me that they seem to have lost their zeal for the Rosary. Unfortunately, it has become a focus during prayer time, which I know is counterproductive and I would love to hear some of your ladies' wisdom on this, as I know we cannot be the only family with this issue.
What we have been doing is saying, "If you cannot pray with us, then you will have to pray by yourself in your room while we pray", which we are not very consistent about and honestly say while getting irritated and not being very charitable. 
I like the idea of having dessert afterwards but my husband said, "Yes, but what about all that grey area? What level of participation warrants dessert?" Also, I really don't want to prepare dessert every night! I suppose we could all enjoy a bit of chocolate.. 
Thoughts? (Thanks!!!)
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jawgee
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For those of you with preschoolers, my kids love the Rosary Coloring Page. It's a great way to keep them involved and focused during the Rosary. They like to color it, sign their names, and then give it to the person we prayed for.
Just today my 5YO heard about a friend in surgery and said, "We should go home and pray a Rosary for her!"
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Pilgrim
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herdingkittens wrote:
Bumping this WONDERFUL thread with an add-on...
We have a couple of children who over the last 2 years have become inaudible during prayer time. They have nice loud voices anytime else during the day but become silent during prayers, or say their prayers in a lazy manner, putting forth very little "effort". It has grown into a huge frustration, as my husband and I have asked them repeatedly to please pray out loud with the family and there is no change. Honestly, it saddens me that they seem to have lost their zeal for the Rosary. Unfortunately, it has become a focus during prayer time, which I know is counterproductive and I would love to hear some of your ladies' wisdom on this, as I know we cannot be the only family with this issue.
What we have been doing is saying, "If you cannot pray with us, then you will have to pray by yourself in your room while we pray", which we are not very consistent about and honestly say while getting irritated and not being very charitable.
I like the idea of having dessert afterwards but my husband said, "Yes, but what about all that grey area? What level of participation warrants dessert?" Also, I really don't want to prepare dessert every night! I suppose we could all enjoy a bit of chocolate..
Thoughts? (Thanks!!!) |
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We used to go the frustration route. Sometimes we are a little more stickler on making sure those capable pray with us, but for the most part we give the example of praying well and try to positively remind them to pray, but not make it a frustration point. This is SUCH a hard one to know what to do. Our oldest in particular has never been good at consistently praying. We tried consequences, but came to the conclusion that it was disrupting prayers more than anything, and not causing any great change.
Yes! That's exactly it, they can deafen you any other time, but prayers begin and it's mumbling, and a lot of times silence. But, we did come to notice that even in other areas of life being lost in thought occurs frequently.
I wish I had a great, sure-fire answer for you. Not telling you what to do, as each family knows their children, family, and what their reasons for consequences, and such. Here, I would not send them to their room, as they may not pray, they would not at least hear the prayers and devotions, abd I feel they need to be there for family prayer. I/we figure that at least they are there with the family, and ifthe lack of praying is due to not wanting to pray, then they are at least having to bend their will to be with us during family prayer. Not in a mean way, but "this is what we do as a family". It's tough, because we can't read their hearts. We can have some intuition as a parent, but we can't truly know the level of the devotion of a child, and whether the lack of praying well is lack of devotion, mere distraction, etc. Wouldn't it be nice to have an x-ray to their hearts to know what we need to do as parents, what may need guidance?
When I was a child I used to get lost in thought at Mass, rosary, etc. very easily. So, I try to understand that. I know that I did have a love for the Faith. A great portion of that was fostered by my very close relationship with my grandmother. We used to go to weekday Mass with her and my grandfather, my Mom and brothers, frequently. Sitting with her and laying my head on her shoulder, learning prayers from her, little snippets of truths of the Faith she'd whisper to me during the Mass or rosary after Mass were deep foundations of my Faith and love for the Mass and rosary. These are the things I remember and I want our children to have such positive memories of prayer time. Memories that foster a love for the Faith and learning.
My husband and I have struggled over what level of distraction/activity to allow in the children. We are pretty consistent in that they have to sit mostly still. They do sit better for him than me. But, we both allow a little wiggling. He had thought that they shouldn't be allowed to "play" with my hair(I have quite long hair), I do try to keep a handle on how much they do, not getting carried away, but if they run their hands through my hair and finger it a bit, or touch my face an examine it, play with my earlobe etc. I feel that is bonding and will have positive memories for them that will also bond them to the Faith. I shared with my dh that some of my fondest memories that brought me closest to the Faith were times of snuggling with my grandmother and Mom. And my devotion to the Faith was great(well, still is, of course). I'm not advocating allowing prayer time to be play time, but it is one of the few times a day our children also get us fully sitting down with them, and I feel deeply that making it a positive time, once one has done the ground work of expecting good behavior first, will have a much better effect than a negative, frustrating time, every night/day.
I know the picture one sees in ones head of the family all kneeling around the living room bowed heads praying the rosary with great devotion seems like the ideal, but that's not the only way that leads to good, and for some families forcing that, trying to make it happen with frustration and consequences just will not make it happen, and will maybe even lead the opposite direction to resentment. Having a positive, happy time of the rosary will bring more lasting memories, I think. And I don't mean a "happy meal" watered-down type time of the rosary, with a Protestant ring to it. I mean a time of peace(as much as can happen with the need to keep toddlers/little ones in line ), with positive meditations, little snippets on the Rosary/Faith read before or after, etc. We have also started reading a short story each evening after our prayer time, such as from the Devotional Stories for Little Folks or other things like the St. Joseph Baltimore Catechism. The kids love it and it really keeps a positive ending to our prayers.
Please don't take anything I've said as criticism, I am right there in the same trench with you. We struggle over the same things. I may not be saying it all right, so forgive anything that may seem critical in what I've written, and see only the positive I mean to relate. 
Hoping others have some answers to this as well that will be of help to us, too.
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MaryM
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jawgee wrote:
For those of you with preschoolers, my kids love the Rosary Coloring Page. It's a great way to keep them involved and focused during the Rosary. They like to color it, sign their names, and then give it to the person we prayed for.
Just today my 5YO heard about a friend in surgery and said, "We should go home and pray a Rosary for her!" |
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That is a lovely idea, Monica!
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herdingkittens
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Let me just say how thankful I am for your thoughtful and generous response, Pilgrim! You have hit upon so many great points, and it is so comforting to hear someone express such similar experiences! Also, I am in awe at your ability to express your thoughts so well. So many gifted writers on this board.
Pilgrim wrote:
We used to go the frustration route. Sometimes we are a little more stickler on making sure those capable pray with us, but for the most part we give the example of praying well and try to positively remind them to pray, but not make it a frustration point. This is SUCH a hard one to know what to do. Our oldest in particular has never been good at consistently praying. We tried consequences, but came to the conclusion that it was disrupting prayers more than anything, and not causing any great change. |
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So thankful you addressed this - we've been so grumpy about the whole thing, our own example is not a good one.
Pilgrim wrote:
Yes! That's exactly it, they can deafen you any other time, but prayers begin and it's mumbling, and a lot of times silence. But, we did come to notice that even in other areas of life being lost in thought occurs frequently.
I wish I had a great, sure-fire answer for you. Not telling you what to do, as each family knows their children, family, and what their reasons for consequences, and such. Here, I would not send them to their room, as they may not pray, they would not at least hear the prayers and devotions, abd I feel they need to be there for family prayer. I/we figure that at least they are there with the family, and ifthe lack of praying is due to not wanting to pray, then they are at least having to bend their will to be with us during family prayer. Not in a mean way, but "this is what we do as a family". It's tough, because we can't read their hearts. We can have some intuition as a parent, but we can't truly know the level of the devotion of a child, and whether the lack of praying well is lack of devotion, mere distraction, etc. Wouldn't it be nice to have an x-ray to their hearts to know what we need to do as parents, what may need guidance? |
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THIS is spot on. One of our children has always been very spiritual and is also one to be lost in his thoughts. He would turn up missing at the end of Mass when he was 4/5 years old and we would find him praying in front of the tabernacle. He is not outwardly active in his responses at Mass or in prayer, but he is the same child who spends more time on his knees after communion than anyone else in church - soooo...really, who am I to judge?  Who knows what is going on in his mind and what he is saying to God? I do need to ask the Holy Spirit to help me to understand his needs better.
Pilgrim wrote:
When I was a child I used to get lost in thought at Mass, rosary, etc. very easily. So, I try to understand that. I know that I did have a love for the Faith. A great portion of that was fostered by my very close relationship with my grandmother. We used to go to weekday Mass with her and my grandfather, my Mom and brothers, frequently. Sitting with her and laying my head on her shoulder, learning prayers from her, little snippets of truths of the Faith she'd whisper to me during the Mass or rosary after Mass were deep foundations of my Faith and love for the Mass and rosary. These are the things I remember and I want our children to have such positive memories of prayer time. Memories that foster a love for the Faith and learning.
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What a wonderful relationship - I did not grow up in a home of faith, so this fascinates me. Thank you for the reminder that so much of their faith is picked up through relationship.
Pilgrim wrote:
| My husband and I have struggled over what level of distraction/activity to allow in the children. We are pretty consistent in that they have to sit mostly still. They do sit better for him than me. But, we both allow a little wiggling. He had thought that they shouldn't be allowed to "play" with my hair(I have quite long hair), I do try to keep a handle on how much they do, not getting carried away, but if they run their hands through my hair and finger it a bit, or touch my face an examine it, play with my earlobe etc. I feel that is bonding and will have positive memories for them that will also bond them to the Faith. I shared with my dh that some of my fondest memories that brought me closest to the Faith were times of snuggling with my grandmother and Mom. And my devotion to the Faith was great(well, still is, of course). I'm not advocating allowing prayer time to be play time, but it is one of the few times a day our children also get us fully sitting down with them, and I feel deeply that making it a positive time, once one has done the ground work of expecting good behavior first, will have a much better effect than a negative, frustrating time, every night/day. |
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This cracks me up. This is exactly what it looks like during our prayers - even down to the hair bit. My girls have forbidden me to ever cut my hair - so relaxing to have them play with my hair, and yes it is a temptation to allow them to during prayers. Now, read aloud time is another story! One of the reasons I LOVE reading to them...there is always someone willing to give me a hair styling while I read.
Pilgrim wrote:
I know the picture one sees in ones head of the family all kneeling around the living room bowed heads praying the rosary with great devotion seems like the ideal, but that's not the only way that leads to good, and for some families forcing that, trying to make it happen with frustration and consequences just will not make it happen, and will maybe even lead the opposite direction to resentment. Having a positive, happy time of the rosary will bring more lasting memories, I think. And I don't mean a "happy meal" watered-down type time of the rosary, with a Protestant ring to it. I mean a time of peace(as much as can happen with the need to keep toddlers/little ones in line ), with positive meditations, little snippets on the Rosary/Faith read before or after, etc. We have also started reading a short story each evening after our prayer time, such as from the Devotional Stories for Little Folks or other things like the St. Joseph Baltimore Catechism. The kids love it and it really keeps a positive ending to our prayers. |
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Well said. This is what we want for our prayer time (LOVE the devotional stories idea, btw!!). I think we have been hanging on by a thread in other areas of our life for so long, that it caused a real lack of joy in our family prayer time. We've been too exhausted and worn out to even see clearly - to see that this time together is the most precious time of the day, and that the goal really isn't to have everyone still and silent and postured well, but to really be with our Lord. You know how when things are tough, life gets stripped down to the basics? Well, we seem to have lost the joy in it and have just been down to the words and actions.
Pilgrim wrote:
Please don't take anything I've said as criticism, I am right there in the same trench with you. We struggle over the same things. I may not be saying it all right, so forgive anything that may seem critical in what I've written, and see only the positive I mean to relate.
Hoping others have some answers to this as well that will be of help to us, too. |
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I did not take anything that way at all. I am so thankful for your post - it has given me so much hope and really transformed my husband and I. He was very moved by what you had written and I think the Holy Spirit has really spoken through you. JUST what we needed to hear. Thanks for blessing us!
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herdingkittens
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| Posted: March 05 2015 at 10:37pm | IP Logged
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jawgee wrote:
For those of you with preschoolers, my kids love the Rosary Coloring Page. It's a great way to keep them involved and focused during the Rosary. They like to color it, sign their names, and then give it to the person we prayed for.
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What a wonderful idea! We have used these coloring pages in the past, but to pray it for someone and pass it on is just lovely! If a child ever did this for me I think my heart would explode! How sweet! I'll have to print some more off and put them in our altar for the kiddos to use.
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Pilgrim
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| Posted: March 06 2015 at 7:43am | IP Logged
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herdingkittens wrote:
| Let me just say how thankful I am for your thoughtful and generous response, Pilgrim! You have hit upon so many great points, and it is so comforting to hear someone express such similar experiences! Also, I am in awe at your ability to express your thoughts so well. So many gifted writers on this board. |
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Thank you for that. So often, I too feel overwhelmed by life and so unqualified to share anything with others, but God is awesome in how He can use us to touch/help/encourage each other.
herdingkittens wrote:
Pilgrim wrote:
We used to go the frustration route. Sometimes we are a little more stickler on making sure those capable pray with us, but for the most part we give the example of praying well and try to positively remind them to pray, but not make it a frustration point. This is SUCH a hard one to know what to do. Our oldest in particular has never been good at consistently praying. We tried consequences, but came to the conclusion that it was disrupting prayers more than anything, and not causing any great change. |
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So thankful you addressed this - we've been so grumpy about the whole thing, our own example is not a good one. |
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Yes, we've had times of grumpiness, and it just felt so wrong for prayer time, but we didn't know what to do. Occasionally when everyone, including Mommy and Daddy, are out of sorts the grumpy side comes out more. But, for the most part our prayer times have become more peaceful.
herdingkittens wrote:
Pilgrim wrote:
Yes! That's exactly it, they can deafen you any other time, but prayers begin and it's mumbling, and a lot of times silence. But, we did come to notice that even in other areas of life being lost in thought occurs frequently.
I wish I had a great, sure-fire answer for you. Not telling you what to do, as each family knows their children, family, and what their reasons for consequences, and such. Here, I would not send them to their room, as they may not pray, they would not at least hear the prayers and devotions, abd I feel they need to be there for family prayer. I/we figure that at least they are there with the family, and ifthe lack of praying is due to not wanting to pray, then they are at least having to bend their will to be with us during family prayer. Not in a mean way, but "this is what we do as a family". It's tough, because we can't read their hearts. We can have some intuition as a parent, but we can't truly know the level of the devotion of a child, and whether the lack of praying well is lack of devotion, mere distraction, etc. Wouldn't it be nice to have an x-ray to their hearts to know what we need to do as parents, what may need guidance? |
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THIS is spot on. One of our children has always been very spiritual and is also one to be lost in his thoughts. He would turn up missing at the end of Mass when he was 4/5 years old and we would find him praying in front of the tabernacle. He is not outwardly active in his responses at Mass or in prayer, but he is the same child who spends more time on his knees after communion than anyone else in church - soooo...really, who am I to judge? Who knows what is going on in his mind and what he is saying to God? I do need to ask the Holy Spirit to help me to understand his needs better. |
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This was a good reminder to me! One of our sons is very devout in discussions of the Faith etc. But, at Mass he sits dreaming and mouth hanging open a good portion of the time. I have told dh maybe he is just lost in thought of the Mass. It can seem such a drastic departure from what he says about the Faith, to see him not praying, not joining in when it comes to acting on the Faith.
herdingkittens wrote:
Pilgrim wrote:
| My husband and I have struggled over what level of distraction/activity to allow in the children. We are pretty consistent in that they have to sit mostly still. They do sit better for him than me. But, we both allow a little wiggling. He had thought that they shouldn't be allowed to "play" with my hair(I have quite long hair), I do try to keep a handle on how much they do, not getting carried away, but if they run their hands through my hair and finger it a bit, or touch my face an examine it, play with my earlobe etc. I feel that is bonding and will have positive memories for them that will also bond them to the Faith. I shared with my dh that some of my fondest memories that brought me closest to the Faith were times of snuggling with my grandmother and Mom. And my devotion to the Faith was great(well, still is, of course). I'm not advocating allowing prayer time to be play time, but it is one of the few times a day our children also get us fully sitting down with them, and I feel deeply that making it a positive time, once one has done the ground work of expecting good behavior first, will have a much better effect than a negative, frustrating time, every night/day. |
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This cracks me up. This is exactly what it looks like during our prayers - even down to the hair bit. My girls have forbidden me to ever cut my hair - so relaxing to have them play with my hair, and yes it is a temptation to allow them to during prayers. Now, read aloud time is another story! One of the reasons I LOVE reading to them...there is always someone willing to give me a hair styling while I read. |
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Yes, I love having the children "style" my hair, at least the more gentle children . I do allow them a little freedom to "play" with my hair during prayers because frequently during reading time they don't sit still as much as is required during prayer time. I feel so often if they didn't get that bonding then, during the prayers and sitting still they may not get it, because of their natural wiggly nature the rest of the time. And, it does make them feel connected to prayer, I think in some small way.
herdingkittens wrote:
Pilgrim wrote:
I know the picture one sees in ones head of the family all kneeling around the living room bowed heads praying the rosary with great devotion seems like the ideal, but that's not the only way that leads to good, and for some families forcing that, trying to make it happen with frustration and consequences just will not make it happen, and will maybe even lead the opposite direction to resentment. Having a positive, happy time of the rosary will bring more lasting memories, I think. And I don't mean a "happy meal" watered-down type time of the rosary, with a Protestant ring to it. I mean a time of peace(as much as can happen with the need to keep toddlers/little ones in line ), with positive meditations, little snippets on the Rosary/Faith read before or after, etc. We have also started reading a short story each evening after our prayer time, such as from the Devotional Stories for Little Folks or other things like the St. Joseph Baltimore Catechism. The kids love it and it really keeps a positive ending to our prayers. |
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Well said. This is what we want for our prayer time (LOVE the devotional stories idea, btw!!). I think we have been hanging on by a thread in other areas of our life for so long, that it caused a real lack of joy in our family prayer time. We've been too exhausted and worn out to even see clearly - to see that this time together is the most precious time of the day, and that the goal really isn't to have everyone still and silent and postured well, but to really be with our Lord. You know how when things are tough, life gets stripped down to the basics? Well, we seem to have lost the joy in it and have just been down to the words and actions. |
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That is so hard. I know when my husband worked out at a job, instead of at home, it was so much harder that way. The constant trying to balance the two lives was so hard, as well as added on to that the crosses God allows in our individual lives . It's so hard for both parents, who've worked so hard, and are soooo worn out to just make sure prayer time fits in, let alone bring joy to it, when you feel you can barely function to get the rest of the evening done and collapse into bed.
herdingkittens wrote:
Pilgrim wrote:
Please don't take anything I've said as criticism, I am right there in the same trench with you. We struggle over the same things. I may not be saying it all right, so forgive anything that may seem critical in what I've written, and see only the positive I mean to relate.
Hoping others have some answers to this as well that will be of help to us, too. |
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I did not take anything that way at all. I am so thankful for your post - it has given me so much hope and really transformed my husband and I. He was very moved by what you had written and I think the Holy Spirit has really spoken through you. JUST what we needed to hear. Thanks for blessing us! |
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I'm so glad it was of any help. God is so good to use us to help each other, to share what we go through "in the trenches" and bless each other! Prayers for you both as you do such an awesome job in trying to pass on the Faith with love to your precious children!
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countrymom
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| Posted: March 09 2015 at 1:39pm | IP Logged
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We have found that family Rosary at 7 am before most of the children have breakfast is the way to go for our family. If they wake up earlier, they can have a little something, but formal breakfast begins when the rosary ends. We tried the night thing for a long time, but it seemed we were always throwing logs on the purgatorial fire rather than gathering any graces that we might need We also have older children, so I like to pray together as a family before my son goes off to his job in the morning.
We have a family altar with an old kneeler taken off the pew for people to use leaning on the altar (which is an old buffet) for the second row we have 2 big kneelers. I currently use a chair because I am pregnant and no longer a spring chicken. We light the altar candles and If I had some charcoal, I would burn insence (i need to order some!)
We expect the 6 year old who will make her fhc this May to be a big girl and kneel and pray. We obviously expect the 9, 14 and 17 year old to as well. Of course, anyone who is ill or injured can sit on the couch or pull up a chair. The 4 year old usually sits on the top of the kneeler and somebody cuddles them and they look at a rosary book or something else holy. She does pray a mystery if we ask her to! The 2 year old has to sit with someone and look at books. I will take her out into the kitchen if she is screaming or being naughty to distraction of the others. I figure it is a learning time for how to behave at Mass. But sometimes I just let her toddle around if she is being quiet and not playing with toys.. NO toys during the rosary.
We have some nice rosary books from OLVS, the ones from Fr Lovask and we made one using coloring pages and sheet protectors and a folder. This is a favorite, because the child made it. We also have some old small photo albums that we put holy cards in that they can look at. For the FHC child (and anyone who can read but needs help to stay focused) I highly recommend this book
Rosary Album
Here is a great sermon I listened to last week. In part of it, father talks about the family Rosary and praying with a family
Sermon for 2nd Sunday in Lent
I am along his line of thinking. I know Mary wants me to take care of my babies and be kind during the rosary. If we turn into these militant correction officials during the rosary, nobody is going to love it, and the family won't be getting as many graces as they could.
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Family Rosary
