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Becky Parker
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We have had four miscarriages. We believe that our babies are in heaven with the Lord. We teach our children that. We even teach them that it is okay to pray to their siblings in Heaven for their intercession. We have talked to priests about this and have never heard that it is wrong.
Recently, my 14yo dd had a conversation with someone about babies who are aborted. Based on what we teach our children about their miscarried siblings, my dd believes that babies who are aborted go to Heaven, like martyrs. The adult told my dd that that is not the case since the babies weren't baptized.
My dd cried and would not talk to me about what was upsetting her until it finally came out. She is worried now, that our babies are not in Heaven either. I have tried to explain the "baptism of desire" to her. But, being the child she is, she went looking in the Catechism and found nothing about baptism of desire for children who are not yet born. Only for those who are born but not able to be baptized before they died. Help!
I'm not doing well at explaining this to her and now my own faith is even wavering a bit. I told her, regarding babies that are aborted, we rely on God's mercy. But it's not helping much. Any advice on this? My dd is very "by the book" on things and I can't find anything in the book to prove it to her!
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Becky
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CrunchyMom
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I'm afraid the church doesn't have an official position on this.
I don't know if I can explain it well, but the church doesn't even have an official position on when a person has a soul. Morally, we are required to *act* as if there is a soul, hence a person, from the time of conception because we don't know.
Similarly, when a baby is born, we modify our actions accordingly, ensuring the baby is baptized in a timely manner, because the Church tells us baptism is essential.
And yet, it is our actions that are bound by the law, not God's. The church also teaches us that God is merciful and just. It is illogical that a merciful and just God would condemn an innocent to hell.
At what exact point is a child culpable and no longer innocent? Again, we just don't know.
Some theologians in history came up with the concept of limbo to deal with this paradox. Some people still believe in limbo, and the Church allows us to believe in limbo if we choose. Perhaps this friend does.
But we are not required to. In fact, Benedict XVI, a tremendous theologian, does not.
For me, it comes down to faith. I have faith that God, in his goodness, loves these little souls and whatever happens, it is good. 
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Martha
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What Lindsay said.
And we are very careful to presume purgatory rather than heaven when someone or any age or situation dies, unless the Chruch clearly states otherwise.
Purgatory doesn't mean someone is not good. It's important to make that clear. Purgatory is simply where we go to cleanse our souls even more for heaven. I don't believe in limbo. I do however think that "worse" case scenario is that an unbaptised soul might spend some time in purgatory.
If your daughter is black and white, then I'd simply tell her the Church leaves this up to God, but it is often generally presumed they would be in heaven or purgatory, or possibly limbo.
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JennGM
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I remember going through something similar to your dd. This is a test of her faith, a sign of her growth in the spiritual life.
This is where we learn that while we do not have definitive answers on this area, we do have definitive understanding of God's mercy and love. This is where we have faith and trust in God's mercy and love. These babies had no chance to choose God, so God will have that in mind.
Just echoing Lindsay and Martha, the only difference here is that we are not sure they are in the presence of God in heaven, beatific vision, as the saints, so we cannot necessarily pray to them as we would a baptized baby who died. At least for now, because at the Final Judgment and end of time there will only remain Heaven and Hell. If the babies are in limbo or purgatory, they will have the beatific vision later.
I had some correspondence with Dr. Jeff Mirus soon after my first miscarriage, and there were wonderful posts on limbo on Catholic Culture regarding this area:
Limbo and the Hope of Salvation
Rethinking Limbo: Reader Reactions
Limbo Again: Clarification of Evangelium Vitae 99
Hope that helps. I guess I'm behind the times, but I always believed in Limbo. I think of it as a very comforting idea. Purgatory is more harsh purification in my mind.
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JennGM
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I will add that I do not think it's an incorrect practice to pray to your little ones in heaven. They may have intercessory prayers to plead for their loved ones.
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Jennifer G. Miller
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mommy4ever
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Our priest urges all mothers of miscarried and aborted babies to pray to their little ones asking them to pray for us. As a spiritual adviser, he said it is good for all to do.
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JennGM
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Adding from the Catechism 1261:
CCC #1261 wrote:
| As regards children who have died without Baptism, the Church can only entrust them to the mercy of God, as she does in her funeral rites for them. Indeed, the great mercy of God who desires that all men should be saved, and Jesus' tenderness toward children which caused him to say: "Let the children come to me, do not hinder them," allow us to hope that there is a way of salvation for children who have died without Baptism. All the more urgent is the Church's call not to prevent little children coming to Christ through the gift of holy Baptism. |
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Jennifer G. Miller
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JodieLyn
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It also helps to read about all the ways God is loving..
And to understand that if there's no proof.. or scripture or such that would allow the Church to state with certitude what happens to the unbaptised children, that they won't say that these children attain heaven.. but they're also not saying that there is not a way.
For myself, I look at all the ways God is loving, that He gave his only Son to save us.. and I simply can't imagine that He would leave these little ones that through no fault of their own had no opportunity for Baptism.
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knowloveserve
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Yes, I take comfort in the hope of God's mercy.
I also believe there is room in our theological traditions to believe in different "levels" (for lack of better word) of Heaven. Not that anyone is feeling DEPRIVED in Heaven... they are experiencing the Beatific Vision to the fullest of their capacity (and there are different capacities). I think it was St. Therese or Teresa of Avila who talked about how a thimble and a bucket can both be FULL of water... and neither would sense anything lacking. But the greatest of saints have larger buckets...
This is all theory of course. We have miscarried babies too and I allow the children to believe they are in Heaven... without getting into all the "levels" of Heaven yet. Are they experiencing the Beatific Vision? I don't know... but I do believe they are without pain and suffering of any kind and their eternity will be thus also...
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MichelleW
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My uncle, a priest, gave me this comfort after our first miscarriage:
In the Old Testament, in the book of 2nd Samuel (this is me paraphrasing...) King David fasts and pleads with God for the life of his sick baby boy. He covers himself in sackcloth and sleeps on the floor getting up only to pray. After 7 days the child dies. David's servants are afraid to tell him that the child has died because they think he will surely do some injury to himself. However, when he finds out his child has died, he washes up, changes his clothes, goes to worship, returns home and eats.
The people around him are puzzled that he fasted while the child was alive but he eats once the child has died. He says, "While the child was alive there was hope that God would be merciful and spare him. Now that my child is dead there is no need to be sad. I will see him again one day."
My uncle and grandpa both sited this to me at different times as a basis for believing that babies go to heaven even if not baptized. I don't know that this story directly answers the question you posed, but it was a comfort to me.
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CatholicMommy
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The key teaching here is that WE are bound by the Sacraments given to us by God specifically through the Son - but HE is not bound by those sacraments.
:)
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JodieLyn
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Oh yes Catholic Mommy, I wanted to reiterate that.. in conjunction with believing in a loving God.. I mean.. the concept of Limbo really came into play as a way to resolve the dicotomy between a loving God and us being bound by the Sacraments.. And as we as a people have grown in the faith, we have been able to realize that we're the ones bound to follow the Sacraments.. not God.
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: Sept 12 2013 at 6:05am | IP Logged
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Thank you so much for all of your helpful comments. This issue could potentially be a great conversation topic for my dd and I. She's still a little hurt by the whole thing, I think. As though we gave her false information.
I really like the reminder that WE are bound by the sacraments, but God is so merciful and loving. I have always loved this beautiful quote by Mother Angelica. It gave me hope when we lost our first child to miscarriage and I have used it often to comfort others. I think Mother Angelica really touches on God's mercy and love. In the midst of my conversation with my dd, I completely forgot about it, so I will have to have her read it.
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Becky
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Miscarried children
