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mommy4ever
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| Posted: Dec 12 2011 at 12:56pm | IP Logged
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I am waiting to hear back from Fr. Michael, for our next meeting to further proceed with the radical sanation. We need to reschedule as we have a few too many things. I need to remember to bring a calendar with me.
Now there is something that we need to discuss, something I really REALLY don't want to discuss. This is something that only the people who were involved then... would know.
It is a really unexpected question, and some how irrelevant IMO. I did ask another priest from another diocese, and they don't have it on their forms, so he didn't have any idea how it was relevant and asked me to keep him posted(lol)
However, I don't want to have the radical sanation approved with false or omitted information on the forms, because I wouldn't ever know if it were truly valid, I want it valid with no doubts, or I could never return to communion if I had doubts.
This is extremely difficult for me to talk about with out breaking down, even thinking about it is hard. I can make it through the most basic of facts but I simply state the very basic facts, it doesn't present what really happened. It's amazing how quickly life falls apart when you put your trust in the wrong person.
I really don't want anyone else to know this. How can I give full disclosure, yet preserve privacy?
I thought I was ready for all of this. I don't open up to people easily, nor do I trust readily. This would be a massive leap of faith that it won't get repeated.... I don't know what to do.
This has been eating at me all weekend. I hope Fr. Michael is able to see me a little earlier tomorrow, rather than having to wait a week to address this.
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: Dec 12 2011 at 1:14pm | IP Logged
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Praying for you!
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
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MaryM
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| Posted: Dec 12 2011 at 1:46pm | IP Logged
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It sounds complicated and I have no idea what to say to help. I do hope father can meet with you asap and you can resolve this question. I will be praying for you. 
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Mary M. in Denver
Our Domestic Church
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stellamaris
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Well, I hope you are meeting with Fr. privately to discuss this very difficult event from your past. Please do speak with him about it; will he speak with you under the seal of confession at this point? It is so hard to speak of some things, but I have found that when I joined the Church and confessed things from my past that were troubling, I received such peace and a true lifting from my heart of shame and guilt. Praying that God will strengthen you and guide you so that you, too, might be set free.
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Caroline
Wife to  dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
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cathhomeschool
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| Posted: Dec 12 2011 at 3:17pm | IP Logged
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Praying here that the Holy Spirit guides this situation and gives you courage and peace. May our Blessed Mother intercede for you. 
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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Grateful in VA
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| Posted: Dec 13 2011 at 11:35am | IP Logged
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stellamaris wrote:
Well, I hope you are meeting with Fr. privately to discuss this very difficult event from your past. Please do speak with him about it; will he speak with you under the seal of confession at this point? It is so hard to speak of some things, but I have found that when I joined the Church and confessed things from my past that were troubling, I received such peace and a true lifting from my heart of shame and guilt. Praying that God will strengthen you and guide you so that you, too, might be set free.
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I agree. My first confession after 20 years was a doozy. Father did not seem shocked, dismayed or disgusted by anything i told him. He was glad I had returned to the Church and absolved my of my many sins with much kindness. It brought me so much peace and joy.
I pray you find the process you are going through to be as uplifting as i did.
Praying your meeting today goes/went well.
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KauaiCatholic
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echoing the others with offers of prayer for this situation. and while I may not exactly understand, I do know this: God offers us SUCH a beautiful gift of peace when we finally open the door on large, looming, lifelong secrets. but it is a scary process. my heart goes out to you. may you be wrapped in blessings throughout this time!
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Viviane
Grateful mama of Jonah Augustine ('01), Sophia Marie ('05) and Luke Dominic ('10)
We can do no great things; only small things with great love. -- Blessed Teresa of Calcutta
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aussieannie
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Praying for you, may Our Lady be your powerful intercessor!
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Under Her Starry Mantle
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lapazfarm
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Just remember that God passionately desires for His children to return to the sacraments. Have faith and mountains WILL be moved to bring us to Him--even mountains of our own making.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
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Maggie
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| Posted: Dec 13 2011 at 8:34pm | IP Logged
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It is vital that you meet with Fr. Michael and not. omit. anything. Please disclose everything.
I am speaking from experience. In that past, before I was well-formed, I would omit things in Confession or spiritual direction because I was way too disgusted with myself...or embarrassed. This proved to be extremely detrimental to my spiritual life...and affected a great many other things.
Now...I am a complete and total open book in spiritual direction and Confession.
Recently, I had a difficult session for spiritual direction. I told the priest that I did not want to talk about what I needed to talk about...but I told him what I needed to say. In the end, he wanted to know why I was so hesitant to tell him. I told him my reasons. He was SO. VERY. GENTLE. And if this priest is only a fraction of the love and mercy that God the Father has for us...I cannot imagine the Love we will encounter when we die.
With that being said...he was then very firm with me and told me to never. ever. under no circumstances. am I to hold ANYTHING back. I need to trust his discretion. And I do. And I never hold anything back.
You also need to trust your priest's discretion.
While I do not know your details...I think you are burdened by a past that is to be given to a priest. Let him be your Simon. Let him unburden you and help you carry your cross.
I hope I didn't misunderstand you...I will pray for you.
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guitarnan
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One of the many wonderful priests I have known told me something about his experiences in the confessional that I will never, ever forget. He said that he has heard confessions of every type of sin, but that what the penitents usually don't realize is that he, the priest, truly is only the means by which God forgives us. He told me that God graciously gives him, the priest, the gift of not remembering everyone's specific sins...and it is truly a gift; who could bear such a staggering burden but Our Lord Himself? This priest mentioned that his brother priests have told him that the same thing happens with them. They typically don't recall individual sins attached to specific people.
I found this amazing and consoling. It really is God who forgives, and God Who listens when we confess to Him. The priest is an instrument of God's mercy and forgiveness.
If your priest will consent, do consider discussing this difficult matter under the seal of the confessional. your priest can never reveal what you tell him, and it's quite likely that he will be given the particular grace to not remember the details of your conversation.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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mommy4ever
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| Posted: Dec 13 2011 at 10:14pm | IP Logged
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Thanks everyone, everything is going smoothly.
We spoke of everything 
Since we were filling out a form, it was somewhat brief, but I gave full disclosure, and answered everything to the best of my ability. Even that little amount was incredibly hard, and tears were surfacing.
We'll be speaking again after Christmas, he was apologizing for the delay in the process. I told him I'd waited 15 years to start the process a few weeks won't make much difference.
Fr. Michael is incredibly kind. He is asking what he can do for me, outside the scope of the paperwork we're filling out. I told him I really didn't know. So, he offered some suggestions, advice. Seems like I may be spending more time there.... I'm really not sure I'm ready for this!
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Pilgrim
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Holding you in prayer! Many of us here have traveled the wrong path in our younger days, and only have the utmost care for others who are facing the current difficulty you are facing. I know how resurfacing the past can be ever so difficult, but the beautiful reward on the other side of this is that you will have all the graces of the Church then available to you to heal all you have endured. God, in answer to your sincere prayers now, as you go through this, will give you graces during this time, but just keep remembering the even greater sacramental graces abundant that will be yours at the end of this time!
May He reward you abundantly for being willing to do what is difficult to return to Him. I'm sure He will. Coming from one who feels I don't deserve all the many blessings and graces He has given me when I returned to him (but also, I don't want to question His gift!  ).
May you have peace the rest of this time of waiting for the process to complete, and have a Blessed Christmas!
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cathhomeschool
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Wonderful! I will continue praying for you through this painful process. Trust in the Holy Spirit's guidance.
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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mommy4ever
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Thank you all for the loving support and encouragement! It means so much.
It's not an easy road.... I could have made it so by simply answering what he 'wanted' to hear. But I couldn't do that, it means more paperwork, it complicates the process some.... It would have been so much easier not to have said anything... but I'd have questioned the validity of everything forever. Not what I want.
Perhaps it helps that he is also who I see in confession, so he knows and he patiently waits for me to bring up what I need to talk about...
Anyway... I'm on a the right track.
A little OT to the post but.....
Question, is it odd that in a parish of approx 3000+, the Pastor, Associate pastor, staff nun and 3 seminarians all know me by name?
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: A little handholding is required
