| Author | |
Lisbet
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2006
Location: Michigan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2706
|
| Posted: Sept 26 2008 at 3:50pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
Ladies, I need your advise here. There is a mom in our parts that has said some very mean spirited anti-Catholic things to me and some other Catholic moms. This was initially about a year ago. I stepped up and presented the truth about what she was saying and then I didn't see or hear from her for quite some time. (She is not someone I know very well, just from 'around' different homeschooling activities.)
Well, a few months ago, when our parish begin a regular Tridentine mass, we had many curious visitors the first few weeks, but, I was astounded to see her and her family in a back pew when I had to take a baby out one Sunday!! Unfortunetly I was very distracted by her presence, and perplexed. When it was time for communion, I was even more astounded to see her and her family approach the altar rail and receive Our Lord!! ~So, okay I thought, maybe she is a Catholic that has 'issues' with the Church and it is certainly not up to me to judge her state of grace for receiveing communion.
Well, I happened to ask someone that knows her better whether or not she was Catholic - and it turns out that she was not raised Catholic at all - and she has many many issues with the Church. She was in RCIA for awile (her husband is a fallen away Catholic who also received communion on this day.) but had a disagreement with the priest and didn't 'finish' - but no one knows for sure whether or not she was received into the Church - but it seems unlikely that she was.
This bothered me a bit, but I let it go - Until today when I ran into her at the market. After some small talk she asked me about the monthly homeschooling mass that is at our parish. She said she really wanted to attend next month. I gave her the information, and the exchange ended there.
But, here I am left wondering if and what I should say to her about non-Catholics, or fallen away Catholics receiving communion? Do I have a responsiblity to say anything at all - I feel that I do. I really do not know her well at ALL. This is only the second conversation I have ever had with her, the first being me defending her slander of the Church. I'm thinking maybe an email along the lines of "It was great to see you the other day. I hope you can make it to the mass. I didn't even realize you were Catholic - what parish do you belong to?"
I have a month before this mass, and I really don't feel that I can in good conscience let this go. What do you think???
__________________
Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Martha
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 25 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2291
|
| Posted: Sept 26 2008 at 4:02pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
oh my.
well....
maybe your stepping up really hit home??
what kind of priest do you have there?
could you kind of take him aside and say, "hey could you take a moment to get to know so-and-so? I'm not sure she's actually catholic or completely RCIA? I'm worried she doesn't know the "rule" on this?"
would he be willing to reach out and see what happens?
because really, and ideally, this is between her and him/God.
otherwise, maybe it could come up in conversation somehow? You could just sorta say, "oh so and so isn't actually catholic yet so they can't receive yet, but we're looking forward to their completion of RCIA so they can!" This way you aren't actually calling her on the carpet, but she is given the knowledge she might need?
I don't know. I spazed when my wiccan sister told me she received "the wafer" once in a while. 
but your situation is different. It very well might NOT be willful sacriledge and could be a sign of conversion, so I understand why you want to tread lightly.
__________________
Martha
mama to 7 boys & 4 girls
Yes, they're all ours!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Sept 26 2008 at 6:00pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
well.. doesn't the missal (grumpy baby distrupts my powers of spelling, I can't tell if that's right or not) say something about this? Since you don't know her well.. perhaps you can just hand her a missal open to the right section and say I can't recall if you've made it through the conversion process and wanted to pass this along.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JennGM
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 17702
|
| Posted: Sept 26 2008 at 6:19pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Lisa, is there a way you can have her read this?
Guidelines for the Reception of Communion
This is the standard that is posted in all the Mass programs for weddings and funerals, the kind of masses that have a variety of people attending. I think it would be less personal, and you not taking issue, just showing what the etiquette is in this situation.
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Sept 26 2008 at 6:45pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Yes what Jennifer said.. I think there's an abbreviated form of that in the misselettes at church.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Michaela
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 25 2005
Location: Washington
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2052
|
| Posted: Sept 26 2008 at 7:08pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Lisbet wrote:
I'm thinking maybe an email along the lines of "It was great to see you the other day. I hope you can make it to the mass. I didn't even realize you were Catholic - what parish do you belong to?" |
|
|
Lisa,
That is along the lines of something I'd do.
I think it would cover everything...a charitable email expressing your surprise because you didn't know she's Catholic. You are asking her a question that she may take the time to respond to. You may even word it in a way to express receiving Our Lord.
She may have taken classes somewhere else. It can be very very private for some nonCatholics converting. Their friends and family get defensive and she may not have shared that
She may WANT to convert, and not understand that we don't have an open communion. We don't believe we are receiving a "symbol" that everyone can receive.
Right now, you don't know.
You can be straight out (charitably), Lisa. Explain your surprise because the last time you two spoke she expressed _________. You had no idea that she was a Catholic.
__________________
Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Lara Sauer
Forum All-Star
Joined: June 15 2007
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 679
|
| Posted: Sept 26 2008 at 8:00pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I would err on the side of charity and intense prayers for her, rather than confrontation. It is a very fine line to instruct someone in a matter such as this and requires an incredible amount of tact and gentleness.
A similar situation arose between two of my sisters-in-law, one is Catholic and the other fallen away. The sister-in-law who was fallen away was receiving the Eucharist whenever she came to a Mass for a family event, i.e. wedding, baptism...The sister-in-law who is Catholic confronted her about the situation and it was not received well by my other sister-in-law at all. A lot of hurt feelings and judgmentalism...etc, etc.
Anyway, long story short, I ended up stepping into to help smooth over feelings on both sides. It was painful to watch, and I think that it sent the fallen-away sister-law further from the Church. This was at least 10 years ago, and I know that the hurt feelings are still there. Very difficult.
It is not that the issue shouldn't be addressed, but that it will require incredible sensitivity on the part of the person who addressed this woman. If she is moving towards the Church, she needs to feel the gentle embrace of welcoming before she feels the sting of correction, if you know what I mean.
I think that Martha's advice to introduce the priest into the situation would be the most prudent...and in the meantime, if it were me, I would offer up prayers and penance aimed at reparation, on the chance that our Lord is being offended by the actions of this women.
For some reason the statement..."Let the little children come unto me and do not hinder them" for some reason is coming to mind.
In the meantime, I will pray for you to discern the situation. I hope that our Lord blesses you with His peace and removes all of your anxiety over this situation.
Peace and prayers.
__________________
You can take the girl out of Wisconsin, but you can't take the Wisconsin out of the girl!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Angi
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 23 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 521
|
| Posted: Sept 26 2008 at 8:25pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
At our wedding we had many fallen away Catholics. My father's family is/was Catholic for many years, but had not attended Mass for a long time. My husband's family was Methodist. I converted 4 years before our wedding and hubby 2 weeks before (with special permission from the Bishop).
Anyway, our priest invited everyone to the altar. He mentioned that if anyone is not Catholic, or Catholic and not in a state of Grace, that they are welcome to come up and receive a blessing. Could something like that be said? I do attend a Trid. Mass, but I know priests have said something similar at regular Sunday Masses.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
MrsM
Forum Pro
Joined: May 05 2008
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 202
|
| Posted: Sept 27 2008 at 5:39pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
We had a similar situation as Lara, except it was my own dh who approached his (non Catholic) sister. She hasn't spoken to him in 13 years, and this is a small part of that (they had a difficult upbringing and it's left her very scarred  ). Even treading gently is not always enough to avoid hurt feelings, which is why I agree that prayer and involving the priest in the situation is such great advice.
__________________
Lynn in California
Homeschooling dd13, dd11, ds10, and ds8
Mom to Miracle Baby ds3
Mom to darling Elizabeth and Francis, held in Mary's arms and always in my heart
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
snowbabiesmom
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 29 2007
Location: Maryland
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1154
|
| Posted: Sept 27 2008 at 8:30pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Lisa, before I came into the church, Easter 1996, I was very active in our Methodist church and when I would go to Mass with my ( then boyfriend.. now dh) I completely didn't get it why I couldn't go have "communion" with the rest of the church... after all in a Protestant's mind.. It is called "God's Table.. and all were invited" according to how it was portrayed at the Methodist church... Only after entering the Catholic church through RCIA a year after we were married, did I realize my error....the priest told me even though those times I received Jesus and wasn't Catholic, I was not able to receive the graces that come with being in a state of Grace and in the fullness with the Church.. ( Basically it wasn't doing anything for me spiritually .. other than in my own mind.) Sad that I didn't try to listen to what John said to me when I stood up to go forward with him back then. I think I was more Embarrassed to be left in the pew..( strong willed, but God's grace found me anyway, years later)
I would say to start light with the questioning, pray for grace, guidance, and wisdom on answering, and if possible pray to the Holy Spirit for the right time and place to speak from your heart.
Prayers for this, I know it weighs on your heart, as it does to John and me now when we see his sister go forward, who does not practice her faith.
__________________
Kaleigh'97,Brett'00,McKenna'02,Reesie'04,Madelyn'07
+Luke'05,+Mark'08,+Karoline'08
+Matthew '09,
Nico'13;Zelie Oct'14, *Mary Joseph Jan'16
God's Canvas
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Non Catholic Communion Q
