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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Aug 25 2008 at 7:20am | IP Logged
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My 5, almost 6, year old will not participate in mass. She will not say the prayers I know she knows, refuses to offer the sign of peace, etc. It is getting embarrassing. I have been very low key and just waited for it to happen. I have been a little less low key and mentioned she should participate and that she knows the Lord's Prayer. I have asked her to shake just one persons hand at peace, and no.
Sigh. I am at my wit's end. Ideas. Anyone else been there? Keep waiting?
Anne
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Anne, married to dh 16 years!, ds,(97), Little One (02), and dd (02).
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Aug 25 2008 at 10:23am | IP Logged
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Is she very self-conscious? I've known another child that would do nothing because they felt so "on the spot". Even though logically doing what everyone else is doing would make you more invisible.. the inclination seems to be to stop doing anything at all for fear of it being noticed.
And if it's that, I'd treat it differently than just refusal or stubborness.
Since we have a coffee hour with donuts after Mass on Sundays.. I might try "only those who are participating (or trying or too young) get to have donuts afterward" type of angle. One of our rules at Mass is "if you play during Mass you don't play (and get donuts) after Mass" and it works incredibly well after you prove you mean it.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: Aug 25 2008 at 10:38am | IP Logged
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Is she being SHY or stubborn???
Are these the only two ways she refuses to participate? Or are there others?
I would make a distinction between....
***being polite and respectful during Mass (which are non-negotiables) Shaking hands with at least ONE person would be a respect/polite-thing. And, I would expect even a shy 6-yo to do this. Maybe practiciing this at home?
AND
***outward/inward signs of piety, which you can't "force" (like praying, etc.)
We also do the "reward" after Mass for those who have behaved and participated. And, they absolutely know we mean it. 
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Suzanne in ID
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Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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CatholicMommy
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| Posted: Aug 25 2008 at 2:58pm | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
| Is she very self-conscious? I've known another child that would do nothing because they felt so "on the spot". Even though logically doing what everyone else is doing would make you more invisible.. the inclination seems to be to stop doing anything at all for fear of it being noticed. |
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Did you know me as a child??? That so describes me! Even to this day I have to force myself to participate in some things - really breaking out of my safety zone. I don't know what the issue is, but I do know that my mother pushed and nagged and other adults teased and antatgonized rather than supporting - and that only made it worse.... Obviously, as an adult I'm "getting over it" but it's still a struggle.
I admit I don't know exactly how to help the little girl, but I do know that on days when my son just won't participate, I hold him so that he still doing everything "through me" - he seems more comfortable after that and will usually participate for the rest of Mass. I've also found that he has better times of day than others (early morning is not good, but late morning as well as evening times - he really gets immersed in the Mass more-so than others).
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isjalu0826
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| Posted: Aug 27 2008 at 10:34am | IP Logged
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My son is like that exactly. When he was three, he couldn't get enough of giving the sign of Peace. NOW, forget about it. He about hides under the pew. He is going to be 6 in November. It is very annoying to me, more embarassing than anything else. But for him, it is a shyness and a basic 'overwhelm'...because he does know and say his prayers and does know what is going on. We attend morning Mass at least once a week and he is much more attentive then. Sunday Mass is different for him I guess... Maybe it's all the people and the music and such...
That said, it was HIS idea to take the gifts down during Offertory this past weekend. For a shy child, can you imagine? That said, he did walk up the aisle eyes down the whole time...I was so fearful he was going to trip and fall!
Sometimes I think it's my discomfort over being 'judged' about his behavior (which I'm not being---I have often gotten ready to apologize to the people behind me only to be told before I get a chance "He was so well behaved!")
I think all children are at different points in their life. The best I can hope for is proper behavior and I know the other things (sitting/standing/responses) will come in time. Though I never give up!
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Particpating in mass
