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Tina
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I am a cradle Catholic raised by a devout Catholic mother and a agnostic (for the most part) Dad. I remember the days of the communion rail, although it was gone before I received, and I remember the bells during the Consecration, although they are now gone too, and I remember seeing everyone only receive by mouth, but when I made my FHC, we received in the hand. As the changes came, my mother taught us to change with them. I have recently started to receive communion by mouth again. It just feels like the right thing to do. When the holding hands during the Our Father started, I think I was a teenager. We, again, just went with the flow. But in the past few years at the church we belong to now, I've noticed many families that I am friends with do not hold hands. My mom is all for it and doesn't see a problem with it. My kids don't have an opinion either way, except my dd9. She gets upset when I don't hold her hand (she is very affectionate by nature). I want to have a good reason for changing this on them.
My question is.... can anyone tell why we should or shouldn't hold hands during the Our Father? I want to do the right thing and be able to explain why.
And one more question.....as a cradle Catholic, I just went with the changes and didn't really ask a lot of questions. Now as an adult, I want to find a good resource for discerning the changes being made in the Church. I know I don't like the whole female altar server thing at all, for one. Where can I find out what I should be teaching my kids, despite what the person in the pew next to us is doing?
Thanks for any help or advice you can offer.
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aussieannie
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Tina in regard to holding hands during the Our Father I always understood it to be a slightly confusing gesture that respresents unity in Christ when in fact receiving the Eucharist is that is where the true and complete unification of the community of people to Christ takes place - so it is confusing as the holding hands can make people feel that is the place where we 'join together.'
In Australia the true understanding of what the Eucharist is has greatly fallen away - a great portion of believers see it only as a sign or symbol  Holding hands at the Our Father is possibly another point at the Mass that doesn't help this lack of recognising the True Presence and our uniting with the Lord and with all in the Mystical Body of Christ. (I am not saying those who do hold hand don't have a correct understanding of the Eucharist, but that for those who don't have the correct prespective, this may not be very helpful.)
Here is an article that mentions these points and more: Holding Hands during Mass
Those who do hold hand are most likely completely unaware of this fact and have only the best and most beautiful of intentions in what they do, God would bless them for their heartfelt intentions for sure. It is just a case of the priest not explaining this point to his congregation.
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MacBeth
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As I understand it, it began during the recitation of The Lord's Prayer at AA meetings, and splashed into the Mass. It is definitely outside the GIRM. Go figure.
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MacBeth
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MEant to add that Fr. Z's blog frequently hosts discussions of these matters in a civil and educational manner. It's a great resource. Check his archives.
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Sarah M
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The apologists on Catholic Answers spoke on this about a year or so ago. I think the gist of what they were saying is that holding hands during the Our Father is not liturgical (that is, written into the liturgy), and therefore is not to be encouraged. One of the apologists (sorry, can't remember who) suggested folding hands in a prayer position when the Our Father starts to discourage others from grabbing your hand  . They mentioned that it is really the Priest's duty to educate the parishioners about appropriate practice...
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K&Rs Mom
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Sarah M wrote:
| The apologists on Catholic Answers spoke on this about a year or so ago. I think the gist of what they were saying is that holding hands during the Our Father is not liturgical (that is, written into the liturgy), and therefore is not to be encouraged. One of the apologists (sorry, can't remember who) suggested folding hands in a prayer position when the Our Father starts to discourage others from grabbing your hand . They mentioned that it is really the Priest's duty to educate the parishioners about appropriate practice... |
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This is pretty much what we do, folding hands so people don't reach & assume (though I will hold the kids' hands if they want, but that happens throughout the Mass). Our parish used to hold hands, but about 2 years ago the pastor explained why that isn't really right, nor is the prayer position the priest uses (hands out & raised). His explanation for why to discourage it was that it can be distracting, with some people focusing more on each other than on God, and that even though we celebrate together, Mass is also a time when we connect with God individually, so this prayer is somewhat between me & God even though it's at the same time as everyone else. OTOH, my mom's parish (different diocese) still encourages holding hands. Both still have bells at the consecration - I didn't know that had been discontinued in some places.
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Sparrow
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aussieannie wrote:
In Australia the true understanding of what the Eucharist is has greatly fallen away - a great portion of believers see it only as a sign or symbol
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My friend married an Australian woman and lived there for a few years, and when they became interested in Catholicism, they visited their local parish. When time for Communion came, they told the woman (EMHC) that they weren't Catholic and that was their first time at Mass AND SHE TOLD THEM TO GO AHEAD AND TAKE COMMUNION!!!! They were upset to learn they shouldn't have done taken it. It was very frustrating to me.
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Sparrow
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I'm a convert and while my parish is fairly conservative in many regards (we have bells during consecration [I didn't even realize some parishes don't!], we kneel after Agnus Dei, many receive on the tongue, etc) most of the parishioners hold hands during the Our Father. I'm usually holding a baby and we sit in the very front where not many other people are, but my daughter loves to grab my hand or her baby sister's hand. AFAIK, our priest has never discouraged it.
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PDyer
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K&Rs Mom wrote:
| Our parish used to hold hands, but about 2 years ago the pastor explained why that isn't really right, nor is the prayer position the priest uses (hands out & raised). |
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Interesting. Our bishop (at the time, when the GIRM was being revised) requested the laity use the orans posture when saying the Our Father. I haven't encountered the posture in any other diocese we've traveled through, though.
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LeeAnn
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I see both of these done at our parish (orans and hand-holding, mostly handholding). One benefit of being in a small church, each row is only eight chairs across so when we hold hands it tends to be only with our own family members. This is another suggestion from the Catholic Answers crew. Holding hands with your spouse or children might be appropriate, but handholding with the entire congregation, going out of your way to cross the aisles and reach into the choir and sanctuary, etc. is going too far and making a wrong liturgical statement.
My kids see others holding hands and they grab for mine. But otherwise I fold my hands and close my eyese. Otherwise I get irritated at people thinking about it and that's not what you want to be feeling at Mass! 
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SallyT
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We actually kneel through the entire eucharistic liturgy, from the Sanctus until it's time to go to Communion. My husband also receives kneeling.
Sally
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Tina
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I want to thank you ladies for responding to my question! It's amazing how different things can be from parish to parish. This isn't as "cut and dry" as I thought. Thank you for all the links. They help to clarify things a bit. I found this site and it seems to say, if I understand it correctly, that according to the GIRM, there is no reference to what one should or shouldn't be doing with their hands. It seems they leave it open. And it seems that, like Sarah said, it's up to the priests to say something to discourage it? I don't think ours ever will. So many people still do it and since it's not breaking any "official" rules, he probably won't want to upset people. I do wish it was more clear than this. I also found this document but it's from 2003. Is that the most current one? How often to they change this? Boy do I feel clueless!
Thanks again for all your help! I think I will explain to my kids that it is not part of the Mass, but that if my dd9 wants to hold my hand, she can. My other children I will encourage to bow their heads in prayer.
Thanks again!
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Jenn Sal
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Our priest spoke about this a few months ago. He made it short and sweet. He explained that during the "hippie" times when folk music crept into the church, so did holding hands and other had gestering during the mass. He suggested that people could hold their hands up like the priest or fold them in prayer, but not to be spending their time looking to hold someones hand. I was glad he had said that, but my family is one that folds their hands. I have, at times, felt that people get offended by that. And I have to explain to my children that we fold our hands a few times a month, because people are wanting to reach out for ther hands. It's frustrating to me that such a reverent time of the mass, there is confusion. Makes me think it's the d---- that is creeping in to pull us away from the beauty.
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donnalynn
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Ah yes Tina - this goes into the little category in my brain that I call "Catholic Posture Wars"  .
For the Our Father we hold hands as a family - we keep our hands low and do not raise them high like some do. I have told my children that the "orans" position is reserved for priests. I'm not sure what I would do if my Bishop requested it  . I suppose I would err on the side of obedience.
We also err on the side of kindness - if someone offers their hand we take it - we don't go looking for it but I'm not going to refuse to take someone's hand.
One time I was way at the end of the pew and the woman at the other end came and got me! That's why I call it the posture wars!
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sunny
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Already many great answers have been written in repsonse, but I like the simple answer that was given by a priest, friend of mine...the Our Father is a "vertical' prayer and not a "horizontal" prayer.
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Holding Hands During the Our Father
