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Maddie
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| Posted: May 29 2008 at 10:45am | IP Logged
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when your problems are crushing? I can literally feel the cross I'm carrying and it's hard to remain cheerful and optimistic and trust that God will care for all our needs. When friends call or email and ask how things are going what do I say? My health is well, thank you? I hate acting like a Pollyanna and acting as if nothing's wrong, then later when a friend finds out how difficult things really were they wonder why I didn't say anything?
I hate to be a whiner and a downer for everyone. I could win a prize for whining if I really let go! I can out whine just about anybody but I am really trying to use this cross to grow spiritually but it is so hard. Some days I just give way to the weight of it all and the next day I reproach myself for not trusting God better.
Does this make any sense? When life is crushing you what face do you put on for the world and still remain honest?
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~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
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Taffy
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| Posted: May 29 2008 at 11:04am | IP Logged
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I will usually reply with something like - "Well at least I'm on the right side of the grass", or "Well, I'm still alive so I guess I'm doing OK". That usually lets people know in a light-hearted way that things might not be the best but leaves it up to the other person if they want to let me whine. 
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Susan
Mom to 5 on earth and 1 in heaven
Susan's Soliloquy
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Vanna
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| Posted: May 29 2008 at 11:13am | IP Logged
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I have a tendency to be Eeyore rather than Tigger. It's very difficult to not give into the negative/dark mood when things are not going well. I can tell you from experience that it does not help to dwell/whine/talk about the bad stuff all the time. I have found that writing it down in a journal, praying about it and letting it go is the best. It seems the more I discuss the bad, the bigger it gets.
If someone asks how things are going, I'm sure you can find one good thing in your day to comment on..."Oh, my dc made me laugh today when he/she did [fill in blank]." It will answer their question and help you by reminding you that all is not bad.
((hugs))
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: May 29 2008 at 12:22pm | IP Logged
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I hear you, Maddie! I don't know what the answer is. I guess somewhere in the middle of whining and sucking it up.
I try to start off a conversation positively, but there are those days that I can't hold it in and I feel like a dam that has burst. There are only a couple of people who get the privilege of hearing me whine.
I feel uncomfortable letting others who aren't so close know when I am struggling, so I do put on a bit of Pollyanna for the world. (Just not here!  )
My answer to "How are you" is something like "Well, I'm hanging in there!", which can mean all kinds of things, especially when you're a mom of eight. It leaves the door open for the other person. If they really want to know, they will ask more. Otherwise, we can just leave it at that.
All this rambling and no real answer. I'm sorry. But it felt good to commiserate with you! 
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: May 29 2008 at 12:26pm | IP Logged
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Just wanted to add, you need to let it out to someone, and maybe not always the same person. A spiritual director is probably the best choice. Otherwise, a compassionate and wise friend. Thank God I am blessed with a few of these.
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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snowbabiesmom
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| Posted: May 31 2008 at 3:42pm | IP Logged
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Maddie, I am going through this right now. It is hard to put on a smile when inside you are not feeling right.
Something that you could do is write out a list ( and hang it where you'll see it like the frig) of things for you to offer up.. a sacrifice focus for each day...If you need help you can pm me.
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Kaleigh'97,Brett'00,McKenna'02,Reesie'04,Madelyn'07
+Luke'05,+Mark'08,+Karoline'08
+Matthew '09,
Nico'13;Zelie Oct'14, *Mary Joseph Jan'16
God's Canvas
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Willa
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| Posted: May 31 2008 at 4:06pm | IP Logged
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I've been on both sides -- the person with crosses to bear and the one with friends who have them.
Speaking now as the person who has friends with crosses -- I would much rather know what those crosses are and what to pray for, IF the person is comfortable talking about it. I would never pry, but I can usually tell when someone I am fond of is not feeling right.
Now, as the person who has a few crosses to bear myself -- I don't usually like to talk much about problems when they are on-going. It hurts too much for me to talk then, at least venting in detail. If someone is a close friend I usually try to share a bit just so they don't feel excluded.... so they know why I don't seem quite myself.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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knowloveserve
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"Fake it, till you make it!"
E.g: I don't feel very cheerful and patient when my kids are being raunchy in the grocery store. But I feel so strongly about showing a positive example of mothering that I "ACT" more patient than usual. I use a softer tone of voice than I normally would, I thow in terms of endearment when I have to reprimand: ("Sweety you need to stay in the cart"), I smile at the cashier and am conscious to not furrow my brows as I walk the aisles. Doing all this-- faking all this-- actually helps me BE a better mother. I am not NATURALLY any of these things, but they are what I aspire to and I may as well put on the shoes until I grow into them!!!
How often do you see moms at the store and see them happy or calm? The moms I see are usually frazzled or impatient or plainly exhausted at just being there. When people see me, I want them to wonder what's different... what does she have? How can she be happy with all those kids hanging on her? And God willing, I get the chance to say WHY.
If a stranger asks me how I am and I know "Fine" would be a lie, I say something with a laugh like "Oh, who stops to do introspection anymore?!" or "Livin' the dream!" or the somewhat damper: "As well as can be expected I suppose."
When a close friend asks me how I am and I am struggling a lot I term it spiritually: "Oh, God is trusting me with some big crosses lately!" or "This is my path to heaven right here!" or "I'm working off some purgatory time." Etc.
I wrote this post regarding gratitude for trials some time ago, I hope it helps.
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Ellie
The Bleeding Pelican
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TracyQ
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| Posted: June 04 2008 at 3:18pm | IP Logged
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I guess I try to be honest, but somewhat reserved. For acquaintances, I say something like, I'm doing Ok, thanks for asking. I usually am doing OK, to me that's kind of a nondescript type of definitition, in the dictionary.com, mediocre, not good, not bad. I don't want to make them uncomfortable, so this is about the best answer.
For someone who is close to me, I say something like, *I could really use some prayer.* I'm doing OK, but going through some difficult times right now, and would love it if you could pray for me. Thanks so much for asking.
Usually I wear my heart on my sleeves, so people tend to be able to know how I am just by my actions, I guess.  I'm quite emotional at times. But I'm working on it.
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Blessings and Peace,
Tracy Q.
wife of Marty for 20 years, mom of 3 wonderful children (1 homeschool graduate, 1 12th grader, and a 9th grader),
 homeschooling in 15th year in Buffalo, NY
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: How to remain cheerful and trusting
