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hereinantwerp
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| Posted: April 07 2008 at 10:20pm | IP Logged
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hi,
I am not a Catholic but I have had a life-long interest/fascination with holidays and traditions. In my secular family I hardly grew up with any (beyond playing cards and eating/drinking too much on holidays--!), so as an adult I have tried to learn about these things but still feel very awkward trying to incorporate them, it just never feels "natural". Over the years we have worked out an advent candle tradition which we like, but beyond that, the rest of the year . . .
I have purchased some of the books Elizabeth mentioned in her book, and also have gleaned some from some of the waldorfy stuff. Our church is not at all into this stuff so I feel "on my own" (though DH is very interested, too!) How do you work this in your day so it fits?? My kids are widely varying ages. It seems like dinnertimes are increasingly "scattered" with activities and etc. Also my husband has a very flexible schedule but often works in the evenings. Early morning is out for me too, I am just not a morning person. I am not homeschooling right now but plan to bring at least my middle son back next year. My "study project" for myself this year is that I want to learn about these traditions and incorporate our faith/the life of Jesus into our days/weeks. I am learning a lot about the traditions themselves and things to do (devotions, recipes, etc.) but I am just having a hard time seeing WHEN/HOW during the day this can happen. What do you do?
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Angela Nelson
Mother to Simon (13), Calvin (9), and Lyddie Rose (3)
my blog: live and learn
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CathinCoffeland
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| Posted: April 08 2008 at 12:57am | IP Logged
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My dh has odd hours too.
for years we have had our family time centered around breakfast (around 9) or lunch.
Lots of ladies around here have regular "tea times" that they use as a starting point.
of course things dont have to centered arounf food ( but its sooo nice  )
currently we have a period of time we call family stretch that is actually just what it sounds like.
after some morning clean up we get together dh included and stretch but pegged to the end of this time is our family prayer/tradition time- we may just light a candle or I will move into book/craft project that fits into our current season. dh is usually headed out the door at this point.
anyways find a time you are already together and on then. simply at first- maybe just that candle or a short story.
A custom might feel odd because it is new but it might feel akward if it is the wrong approach for your family. For instance dh and I have tried for 13 yrs to read the bible outloud together. We still dont 
It isnt what works for us. We read seperately and dicuss it though.
So what about your winter advent tradition works -is it the collecting branches and building the wreath or the readings/songs if any? is it repetitve action you like- ie lighting the candle each night or the fact that it progresses ie-adding a candle for each week?
figure out what is not akward and move from there. Take the element that draws you the building/singing/lighting etc and build a custom around that for another season. if that makes sense.
for example-
if you like the Building- creating/planting a garden-birdbath/ out door shrine etc
Lighting candles- in fall or a specific time you set aside during the year light candles with pictures of love ones who have died and remember them in prayer
if you like the singing i cant help you- i cant sing at all but many hymnals have seasonal related songs check the index at your church.
mostly id say watch what all the lovely ladies have to say on this board- they are always inspiring
Maggie
oh and sorry about the one handed typing 
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Maryan
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| Posted: April 08 2008 at 7:55am | IP Logged
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Angela,
Maggie has good ideas! We vary our celebrations depending upon the feast. Sometimes it's as simple as -- the saint of the day is someone's patron saint, so we try to get to Mass and get a donut. If we don't get out of the house, then we'll read about that saint and have a treat at snack time.
Maybe start small and work from there!
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Maryan
Mom to 6 boys & 1 girl: JP('01), B ('03), M('05), L('06), Ph ('08), M ('10), James born 5/1/12
A Lee in the Woudes
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JennGM
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| Posted: April 08 2008 at 9:12am | IP Logged
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First of all, we prioritize our celebrations. Following General Norms for the Liturgical Calendar there are days that are higher than others. Sunday and Solemnities are first, then feast, then memorial, then optional memorial. Many of us use the general term "feast day" to cover all these. But there's no way that we can celebrate them all. And I think trying to do so minimizes the importance of the higher feast days.
I look ahead to see what feasts are coming up. The big ones we definitely celebrate, then the saints that favorites or patrons we'll mark, too. The big feasts we try to go to Mass, then out to breakfast with close by family.
Maggie has some great suggestions (she's always so practical). She uses the term "pegged" and that's what I was going to say. It's been mentioned many times here on using a "peg" system. You have events during your day that will happen every day. For example, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Getting dressed in the morning, Night time routines, etc.
The traditions of celebrating feast days usually start with food, because it's easy to hang the celebration on this peg that will happen every day. A treat for me is a meal out (so I don't have to cook). But the food aspect is really easy to incorporate. Some of the older feast days have long traditions of foods attached to it (Catholicculture.org gives some great examples).
But even if not traditional, it's not hard to be creative. Fish on feasts of the fisherman apostles (Peter and Andrew), Holy Thursday I had a cluster of grapes and bread at each place. And while preparing and setting the table can come the discussion of the foods and feast day. When dh comes home for dinner he gets a list and sometimes explanations and descriptions for what is on the table from my son.
Besides food, prayer and discussion is important. With our young son the peg for the discussion of the feast days is sometimes at dinner, but also at bedtime. We include the saint of the day in our prayers, and some books that tell about the upcoming (or ending) feast is read.
The extra activities come fewer in between and don't happen for all of them. The aim of all the traditions is to invoke a deeper response inside, helping a child establish their interior spiritual life and helping him solidify his footing in the Faith. We're part of Mother Church, and the feasts are part of our family calendar. We become intimately connected, just like remembering family deaths, birthdays, and anniversaries. Not every event is an external party, but it all should be uniting us closer to God.
I do have to say I now have Pavlov's response when I see upcoming feast days. I look at the calendar and think, "Oh, wow, suchandsuch feast day is this week." Then my mouth starts watering thinking about the sweet treat I'm going to have. 
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Jennifer G. Miller
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Family in Feast and Feria
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isjalu0826
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| Posted: April 08 2008 at 3:39pm | IP Logged
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I was going to say that you given your schedules and such, you should just come up with a time that fits for you. I don't think any of us could really help you there. For instance, maybe there is one night of the week where all of you are home. You could make that one evening a special Family Time (anyway) and if there happens to be a special feast, then you incorporate it there. Even if that one night a week is Thursday night. So what? And the feast you are celebrating was on Monday.
For me here, I just go with the flow. I don't always have a craft or special food, but I usually mark the feast by something, even if all it is is my displaying a picture or book with something for that feast. For instance, for the Annunciation (which was last week), our busyness precluded us from doing anything particularly creative, but I put out my Tomie De Paolo (sp?) book opened to the story of the Annunciation, and I placed my manger scene's Mary and Angel Gabriel in front of the book. And during morning prayers, we mentioned the feast and such...
So, no big shakes. But still... a moment in the liturgical year marked for us, allowing us to still ourselves for a few brief moments...
Compare that to our plans for Holy Week, which were much more elaborate and well-planned out and focused.
I think you have to start small and remember that Simplicity is key. Plus, this forum has loads and loads of ideas that can keep you busy for years to come with things you can do, from one year to the next!
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Waverley
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| Posted: April 09 2008 at 2:07pm | IP Logged
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Wow, what great suggestions!
My only 2 cents is that, although celebrating together as a family is ideal in many ways, sometimes it just doesn't happen. Don't be hard on yourself.
Another way to start a tradition is to establish one with one or maybe 2 children at a time. Perhaps during the little ones nap time, you can start a tradition with an older child of "Tea with Mom" or "Read Aloud with Dad," etc. Or maybe when an older child is at a game or lesson, you take one little one and give that child your undivided attention during the game or lesson. I keep a children's bible in the car and whenever we are waiting in the car (traffic, picking someone up from an activity, etc) the children start chanting "Read, read, read!" Viola, a tradition!!
It doesn't matter as much what the tradition is as much as that you do it regularly.
As for celebrations themselves, my experience is that if I try and make it big or fancy I run the risk of not doing anything!! Maybe start small - just read a bible story that corresponds to a feast day. And I agree with Jenn - don't try and do all the celebrations. Pick a couple that are meaningful for your family and just do those.
Good luck to you. I look forward to hearing the other responses.
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hereinantwerp
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| Posted: April 10 2008 at 12:30pm | IP Logged
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You guys have such great suggestions.
One of our problems is every day is different. If feels like between dh's irregular schedule and the older kids getting involved in sports and things, even on a seemingly free night things often come up! We were trying to do a "Family Sabbath" Sat. nights, just a nice meal like a roast with candles, but it's been several Saturdays now . . . ! So it feels like there is no rhythm or regularity. I guess sometimes that's just how it is. I'm not a person who likes to be too busy, very "homebody", but at this point in my older son's life the Scouts and sports are one of the few positive things, and important. But maybe I could figure out a once a week thing--??? Even if dh or my older son had to miss? I like the idea too of setting something out on the table.
For our advent candle "service" (a little service I wrote borrowing from a book, plus a read-aloud book after), we generally did that Sunday nights before bedtime, w/hot cocoa and xmas cookies. But now dh teaches a class at church Sunday nights.
Dh reads a portion from the "One year Bible" with the boys in the morning, while Lydia and I are still in bed. I guess that's a tradition! But I would like to celebrate more of the life of Jesus through the seasons, and learn about some of the Saints.
I love to cook and have no objection to holidays being food oriented!! Any place here where people's favorite recipes are stored? 
Thanks also for the web references!!
One idea I had was, when I return to homeschooling (probably just my middle son, will be 9, and my daughter will be 3), to incorporate a Bible/Church celebration time at the front end of our school day (We could read through Bible stories or a devotional, and on feast days, do that instead), or once a week as a "school period." That cuts my husband out, but we could share with him at dinner. It would also give me this time to reasearch/maybe make a notebook for myself, how to do these things--if I am comfortable with the content myself, I will feel less awkward with it with the children I think.
Another ?, do you have a favorite book of Saints' Stories for kids? The ones at the library I checked over, the stories were so short (such as only one paragraph for each saint, really no sense of their life at all).
I have another ? about Catholic mosaic but I am going to ask it separately!
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Angela Nelson
Mother to Simon (13), Calvin (9), and Lyddie Rose (3)
my blog: live and learn
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SallyT
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| Posted: April 10 2008 at 6:49pm | IP Logged
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We tend to emphasize seasons -- Advent and Lent, particularly -- though we do special meals for Marian feasts, particularly. I just make a nice meal, use a blue tablecloth -- color symbolism goes a long way (blue for Mary, white for Christmas and Easter, gold or red for other feasts) -- and pretty dishes, and we talk about why we're having this lovely meal. You can also transfer feasts if the actual day just won't work for you.
One of our favorite traditions of the last few years is to do a special meal on Maundy Thursday - at first we had a simple meal with matzoh, read the story of the Last Supper, and washed each other's feet, but in the past several years this has evolved into a full-blown "seder," with an order of service, an elegant meal, the best china, etc. Our "standard" holiday meals, Christmas and Easter, have been spent with family in the past few years, but this one is ours, and the children love it.
If you family likes to sing together at all, learning hymns and chants is a great way to celebrate in a simple way. We sing the Our Father together (using a chant we learned in our Anglican church in Cambridge, before we were Catholic); during Eastertide (from Easter to Trinity Sunday) we sing the Regina Caeli at lunchtime and bedtime; we have the Lingua Angelica Latin program, including CD, and have tried to learn new Latin chants appropriate to the season (Stabat Mater during Lent, Ubi Caritas for Maundy Thursday, Veni Veni Emmanuel in Advent, Resonet in Laudibus at Christmas).
Lots of people here blog in great detail about their celebrations of the liturgical year. On my family blog I have a "liturgical year" label, which would pull up posts about O Antiphons in Advent, Stations of the Cross in Lent, and other stuff. And there are many other blogs which are far greater mines of ideas than mine! Loads of craft ideas out there . . . doing crafts related to a particular feast or celebration is another nice way to get family involved.
I would say just to do your Sabbath dinners even if certain family members can't always be there. I think there's something to the knowledge that a ritual is going on in your house, even if you aren't there, and can't be disrupted by your personal activities. That sends the message that the ritual has precedence and greater significance than the activities (even if the activities go on). I would think that there would be a tremendous source of security in knowing that what's important is important and can't be pushed around by -- anything! That's another way of creating a boundary within which the family operates. I'm as apt as anyone to let things get derailed when life gets crazy, but I really do believe in trying to keep rituals constant.
My kids like Fr. Lovasik's Picture Book of Saints. These are very short and good for younger kids. We also check out Tomie de Paola's books about Sts. Francis, Christopher, Benedict & Scholastica, etc. My older kids like biographies (Mary Fabyan Windeatt, etc) and novelizations, like Evelyn Waugh's Helena. They also just like plain old saints' dictionaries, like the Oxford Dictionary of Saints. That's a little dry for my 4- and 5yos, but the 14- and 10yos enjoy the brief bios. These have the advantage (for older kids, and from a Protestant viewpoint) of cutting through legend to what we know or don't know historically about a given figure. In my view this approach doesn't detract from the sanctity of a givne person's life, and I still love St. Christopher, even if his existence can't be historically documented. But it might help in the "comfort zone" department to approach saints' lives as part of history, and to recognize the anniversaries connected with those lives as a way of marking and celebrating those holy examples in the faith who have gone before -- if that makes sense! Even if you aren't comfortable with the kinds of "interactions" with the saints which Catholics practice, observing their days is still a way of communicating that the light of Christ has illuminated every era of history, through the lives of those who have loved Him.
HTH -- my kids are getting a little wild here, so I'd better pull myself away!
Sally
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: how do you work "celebration" in
