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LucyP
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| Posted: March 10 2008 at 8:55am | IP Logged
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I will be making my first confession next week sometime, and after seeing the priest today I am still none the wiser. He said to confess my major sins since I was 7 - what does that mean? Do I confess things that are a pattern of behaviour like gluttony, laziness, selfishness, or events like stealing, adultery, fornication? Both? Do you confess things like commiting adultery in one's heart, or only if you did something in real life?
I'm worried it will take a long time 
Fr said I can either go to a confessional or do it face to face - I just couldn't imagine looking at someone and saying my sins...is that shallow?
What do you say? He told me to start "Bless me Father for I have sinned. This is my first confession." but then what? I get nervous and shy very easily, and giggled and fluffed my way through my marriage, and I am very worried I will either giggle or cry or just not be "there" with all my heart as I am thinking about what words to use etc.
I have things to say that nobody knows but God, and I am wondering how to ever look the priest in the eyes again afterwards?
Any help or advice gratefully accepted.
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JennGM
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| Posted: March 10 2008 at 10:11am | IP Logged
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Lucy,
I can't but get tears in my eyes reading your post. What a grace-filled time for you! It's just so wonderful! I'm praying for you.
And let me preface any answer I give to say I get butterflies and nervous before every Confession, and I've been doing it since I was 7, and I'm 41, and confess pretty regularly. It's a humbling act, but I think it's the natural part of Confession.
I prefer a confessional, but have chosen face to face at times to talk some issues over with a priest. If face to face is the only choice, when I list my sins I keep my head down and don't do eye contact, just so I don't get flustered!
So it sounds like Father is recommending you make what they call a "General Confession" which is going over your life and confessing your big sins. First would be any "mortal" sins, like stealing, adultery, fornication, and yes, adultery in the heart is confessable. If you had passing thoughts and didn't give in to them, that is not a sin and not necessary to confess.
Confesing "pattern of behaviour like gluttony, laziness, selfishness," would be good, but that would be secondary to the mortal sins. But bad habits, firmly entrenched, would be something to confess.
It sounds like you're on the right path. I'd recommend writing down notes if you feel too nervous. I make lists for some confessions, because I get tongue-tied as soon as the little door opens. 
I highly, highly recommend Handbook of Prayers by Father James Socias. It's such a great prayerbook, but is really good for the examination of conscience, which you can download a .pdf here. You can do a limited preview at Google Books.
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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DominaCaeli
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| Posted: March 10 2008 at 10:37am | IP Logged
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Lucy,
I too am a convert and shared many of these same concerns.
LucyP wrote:
| He said to confess my major sins since I was 7 - what does that mean? Do I confess things that are a pattern of behaviour like gluttony, laziness, selfishness, or events like stealing, adultery, fornication? Both? Do you confess things like commiting adultery in one's heart, or only if you did something in real life? |
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Put simply, we have the obligation to bring to Confession all of our mortal sins. In the case of a First Confession for an adult, these may be many indeed--I know they were for me!  So, the answer to your question is really both: you can include patterns of sinful behavior AND particular sinful events. Again, though, only mortal sins need to be included, especially in a General Confession. If your priest hasn't already provided you with one, I would suggest using an Examination of Conscience to help call your sins to mind and discern which are mortal. Many prayer books and missals have one included, and there are many online.
LucyP wrote:
| I'm worried it will take a long time |
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It may, and that's fine. Just try to be thorough. I'm guessing that Father isn't just having you come to the regular weekly Confession time, right? It's best to make an appointment if possible so that you won't feel rushed.
LucyP wrote:
| Fr said I can either go to a confessional or do it face to face - I just couldn't imagine looking at someone and saying my sins...is that shallow? |
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It is definitely not shallow. As Catholics, we actually have the right to a behind-the-screen confession, and the Church gives us this right for a reason. We are only human, and as freeing as going to Confession is, it can also be humiliating--especially for a First/General Confession. By all means, if you feel more comfortable behind the screen, do it that way. I always do. 
LucyP wrote:
| What do you say? He told me to start "Bless me Father for I have sinned. This is my first confession." but then what? I get nervous and shy very easily, and giggled and fluffed my way through my marriage, and I am very worried I will either giggle or cry or just not be "there" with all my heart as I am thinking about what words to use etc. |
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After the formula Father has provided, I always add, "I accuse myself of the following sins," and then I just start listing them out. When I am finished with my list, I say, "For these and all my sins, I am very sorry." And then Father goes on with advice or penance.
For your First Confession, I would suggest bringing a list of your sins into Confession with you. I actually did this for several years after my conversion--every time I went to Confession, I had a little (or big!  ) list in hand. I get shy too, and this definitely kept me from feeling flustered. I am just now able to go in without one and still remember what I wanted to say.
And I have cried in the confessional several times--priests are used to it! I have often seen people come out with wet eyes. So if you do end up crying, don't feel ashamed. It is definitely a natural reaction.
LucyP wrote:
| I have things to say that nobody knows but God, and I am wondering how to ever look the priest in the eyes again afterwards? |
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Do remember that the priest hears Confessions all the time--he has heard it all, over and over again! I have also heard many priests say that the sins they hear in the confessional are often put right out of mind afterward, by the grace of God.
Lucy, this is a wonderful time for you--and you will be so relieved when you feel the graces of this Confession! I'll keep you in prayer.
__________________
Blessings,
Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
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Sarah M
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| Posted: March 10 2008 at 11:38am | IP Logged
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Lucy,
Going to Confession for the first time is scary, isn't it? I know- I made mine not too long ago- I think it's totally normal and healthy to get nervous. That's what makes it so good for us- we really have to stare our sin in the face and deal with it. Not an easy thing for any one of us. Believe me.
My priest told me to basically confess everyting that was bugging me. It would be almost impossible to remember quite every sin I've ever comitted since I was seven, since I made my first confession well into my 20's, but he said, "Tell me what's bugging you. If it ever weighs on your mind, it belongs in the confessional." That really helped me know what to confess.
I'm praying for you as you journey further up and farther in to God's forgiving grace!
Love! Sarah
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mavmama
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| Posted: March 10 2008 at 1:27pm | IP Logged
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Lucy,
I remember feeling as you do when I went for my first confession before I converted. I think what the others have said is right on and just wanted to add this: the relief and pure joy you will feel afterwards will be something you will never forget. I pray for Mother Mary's help and guidance before confession and I always feel it. Just as I help my daughters with hard things, Mary helps me.
I will be praying for you!
__________________
Liz
Blessed by 4 wonders
dd11, dd911, ds9, ds8
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Maddie
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| Posted: March 10 2008 at 1:42pm | IP Logged
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I too had to make my first confession as an adult, I was scared to death but afterwards I had such an awesome peace. My priest let me write everything down and just read it to him. It made it much easier as I could keep my eyes on the paper and pause where I needed to to keep myself focused and to choke back tears.
Prayers for you.
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~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
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LucyP
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| Posted: March 10 2008 at 2:07pm | IP Logged
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Thank you ladies! I feel much better. 
Father did suggest attending the service of reconciliation, and doing confession after that, but I wonder if I will feel more flurried knowing there is a queue. I think if I want to be in a confessional I need to go to the regualar confessions after mass, but if I make a special time I have to do it in the interview room at the presbytery.
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Maria B.
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| Posted: March 10 2008 at 3:36pm | IP Logged
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Lucy,
I love you name, so much that I named our youngest "Lucy"! Please know that you will be in my prayers as you make your first Confession. The responses you received from all these wonderful ladies here are so beautiful. Find courage in knowing that the joy you will feel when you walk out of the confessional will far surpass the fears and worries you have right now. Ask the Blessed Mother to escort you into the confessional and know that our dear Lord will be right beside you once you enter. What better company could you ask for than that?!
Hugs and prayers,
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Maria in VA
Proud Mom to 10 Great kids!
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SimplyMom
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| Posted: March 10 2008 at 4:44pm | IP Logged
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I did this recently myself. My priest gave me an examination of conscience to go over and I found it very helpful. I used an online version and I actually typed in notes, printed it out and took it with me. There are several online that you can select from. For me it made it easier because I am tempted to mix in things that are just me being silly and human, simple bad habits with things that are honest sins and to miss a few things that are sins that I haven't developed my personal conscience well enough to feel guilt for. I think this sort of tickled my priest, he knows me well enough to understand my nature and that I needed my notes like Dumbo needed his "magic feather".
I would really recommend making an appointment with your priest for your first confession. This not only gives you a "drop dead" gotta be there time, but it makes it so you know that no one else is waiting and takes off a great deal of pressure.
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SusanJ
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| Posted: March 10 2008 at 4:48pm | IP Logged
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Lucy,
You will be in my prayers as you prepare for Easter. I have nothing really new to say, just want to encourage you . . .
I always get nervous before confession, too! I always kneel behind a screen, if possible. I hated "chatting" with the priest from an easy chair. I just didn't feel all that penitential. I like kneeling. This might sound weird, but I also like the intimacy of the screen. You are really saying your sins right into the priest's ear.
I definitely encourage you to write down your confession. Now I can usually just know that I have five items, or whatever, and that's enough to jog my memory. When I made my second confession I hadn't been in twelve years. I asked the priest for help and he just brought up each "category" of sin for me and let me think if I had anything to confess in that category. If you get flustered--ask for help! But if you write it down you shouldn't have a problem.
Make a good faith effort to remember everything but dont' panic about it. If you remember something two weeks after Easter that should have been confessed, just go again! Just don't willfully omit anything the first time.
I have had many, many priests tell me that they can never remember a confession after the absolution. And, really, you will not say anything the priest hasn't heard.
Confession is so wonderful. I find myself always having the same venial habits to confess every time. It can be discouraging but the grace of the sacrament helps us overcome sin in the future as well as forgiving us from sins in the past.
Prayers!
Susan
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[URL=http://thejohnstonkids.blogspot.com]The Kids' Blog[/UR
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: First Confession as an adult help?
