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enjoythejourney
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I haven't posted in awhile. Those of you who know my story know that our family is on a faith journey. We've been mainstream evangelicals for a long time (before that, I was raised Quaker). We have been attending Mass more often lately and my husband and I have talked about the process of converting, and I will be completely honest and say we are still not 100% sure what we will do. I feel so drawn to the church in so many ways, the main reason being it is the original church and I do not see the backbiting in the Catholic church that I saw in almost ALL the evangelical/protestant churches.
Anyhow, as we've quietly discussed our intentions with former church members, friends and even family (!) we have been met with a huge amount of resistance. We live in the Bible belt south, where unfortunately alot of Catholic bashing (in words) is practiced. Our friends and family have been less than supportive.
I have found that many of our HOMESCHOOLING friends have been the hardest to deal with, as most of them are the very stereotypical evangelical types. I love them, I truly do, but they absolutely do not understand anything DIFFERENT from their own paths.
I guess what I'm asking is that for those of you who converted, or live in the south, or both...
HOW DID YOU DEAL WITH IT? I want to turn the other cheek and be meek about it, but it makes me angry if I am honest with myself. I'm so tired of other people pushing THEIR spiritual walk on our family.
Just curious if anyone has advice or helpful things for me to read, do, see, say....I'm feeling very alone! (I have a devout Southern Baptist grandma who refuses to even think about me becoming Catholic).
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Lindsey
(here to learn more about the RCC)
Mom to:
Cleo (7)
Marcy-Marie (4)
Reece (3)
http://justenjoythejourney.blogspot.com
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msclavel
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No advice as I was born and raised Catholic, but many many prayers for your family.
Well, maybe one bit of advice. I have often found that what people bash and dislike about the Catholic Church is often a complete misrepresentation or distortion of the truth. Perhaps as you learn more and more about the faith, you can clear up the mistaken notions your friends and family may have about the Catholic faith.
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nicole-amdg
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I live in the South, but I think I have an advantage in being a cradle Catholic that Protestants have generally been polite to my face about my Catholicism. I didn't have to deal with the friction of diverging from a once-shared path. But I have met people who like to argue, and in this area, I must admit to letting reactionary pride in my faith sometimes get in the way of charity. So on some level I think I can sympathize.
In dealing with people, perhaps you can remind them about your personal responsibility to follow wherever Christ leads. It's possible that your journey makes them feel judged by a sort of logic that goes, "why would you leave evangelicalism unless you think it's somehow wrong," which means they're also somehow wrong. Maybe reminding them that God speaks to us in different ways can ease the friction.
Some people feel secure enough that they don't feel judged--they just want to show you where you're wrong. Studying the faith is your best defense. If you can't state some belief or practice succintly, don't let it rattle you--Just say you'd like to learn more about that and get back with them. There really are answers for any objection they may raise. (This assumes they are at least being charitable in the discussion.)
Unfortunately, some people don't want to talk rationally about it, and sometimes these are people very close to you, as you find. It's not much comfort to know you're living what Jesus said about coming to divide, but it can strengthen you. With some you may eventually just have to say, "I have to go where the Spirit leads me," and sweetly change the subject. Whether they feel betrayed or are worried for the state of your soul, chalk up as much as you can to their love for you and try to remember that it's not easy for them to see you take this path. Maybe God will use your witness, your example, to move their own hearts in some way.
You probably already know all of this but I'm always surprised to find how much it helps me to read what somebody else says about something I already know. 
If you haven't already read Rome Sweet Home by Scott and Kimberly Hahn about their journey from evangelicalism into the Catholic Church, it's a good read. I loved it. I think the Surprised by Truth books edited by Patrick Madrid are also good. Reading others' conversion stories may console you or give you some ideas about how to handle your particular cross.
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Nicole
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Martha
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well I'm a convert in the prot belt
married to man who has not converted (yet I pray )
I have found it neccessary to immerse my family in the Church. Catholic curriculum, catholic support group, catholic this and catholic that. I find this balances out the plethora of anti/non-catholic sentiment in our lives to the point that I mostly just let it go or am able to have a few handy replies at hand.
Much of it depends on honest sentiment.
If I think someone is simply making an honest question/statement, then I'm more likely to give a simple answer.
However, if they are just being rude and snide, I will not enter a conversation with them on the matter. Most likely I'll simply pretend I didn't hear and change the conversation or say "oh. well, look at the time, gotta get going.. "
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DominaCaeli
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Nicole and Martha give such wonderful advice here, Lindsey! I converted to the Church from evangelical protestantism a few years ago, and my family, who had raised me to be fairly anti-Catholic, was, I think, pretty heartbroken. I also had to leave a leadership position in my church's youth group, and our pastor and my friends there truly thought I was crazy to be converting. My parents and a few friends did openly challenge my decision, and it bothered me at the time.
I realized, though, that in most cases, they were "bashing" me and my decision out of actual concern for my soul; some of them truly thought I was heading into apostasy! So of course they had to say something. I would have done the same. (In fact, I did do the same--to my poor husband, whom I tried to convert before he ended up converting me! )
With many friends, I had to just politely defend the Church's teachings as best as I could and then change the subject. Honestly, I am no longer friends with most of them, since our relationship mostly revolved around our faith lives. Very few of our family members are Catholic and several are quite anti-Catholic, which makes things tense at times, and it can be lonely as well. But it is worth it! You are blessed to have your husband journeying with you; my husband and I lean on each other as best as we can.
Lindsey, I am praying for you--truly. This is a difficult cross to bear, but you aren't alone! There have been so many converts in recent years, and there are some wonderful books out there; Nicole mentioned a few. Just get your hands on whatever apologetic materials you can and try your best to trust in the Lord.
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Celeste
Joyous Lessons
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Martha
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It may help to look at this with the same pov as homeschooling.
Before hs-ing we had friends from public/private school.
As we came to consider hs-ing, many bashed it and, indirectly, us for considering and then committing to hs-ing.
It hurt at the time, but I've moved on and deeper into my faith and now I no longer feel the prick of their needling anymore. Well, not nearly as acutely or often at least.
Some, many, are no longer a part of our lives. Most not for reasons of anger, we simply no longer had a common bond and grew apart over the years as happens in life no matter what path you take.
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Martha
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cvbmom
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Martha wrote:
It may help to look at this with the same pov as homeschooling.
Before hs-ing we had friends from public/private school.
As we came to consider hs-ing, many bashed it and, indirectly, us for considering and then committing to hs-ing.
It hurt at the time, but I've moved on and deeper into my faith and now I no longer feel the prick of their needling anymore. Well, not nearly as acutely or often at least.
Some, many, are no longer a part of our lives. Most not for reasons of anger, we simply no longer had a common bond and grew apart over the years as happens in life no matter what path you take. |
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So true, so true...
God bless,
Christine
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Anne
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As a cradel Catholic I am in a HS coop with a non church goer and a Morman. We respect one another's differences and even let our children know, when the issue comes up that we believe in different things and that is ok. We are great friends and I feel it hard in this day and time to really feel comfortable discussing religion in a social setting. Political correctness and all. 
I married a non Catholic in the South where we still live and I have my own issues in these 4 walls about Catholic bashing. My answer to all of this is Prayer Faith Hope and Love .
I hope this helps. If anything I second the book Rome Sweet Home by the Hauns. Awsome book. I need to read it again.
Good Luck
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Anne in TN
WIFE to Brett (91)
MOM to Rebecca(97), Catherine (99), Grace (99), Stephen (00) & 2 Angels in Heaven.
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Erin
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Lindsey
How amazing that you have written, I have been thinking of you alot this week and wondering how you were going. I was going to post and ask if anyone knew, and then you write
I have been told by a dear friend who converted to Catholicism last year that she finds many homeschoolers accept her as Catholic although they are not too thrilled, but when they find out she is a convert (she was Baptist) then they are less than thrilled. It is like she is a traitor, (her words)
Regards her friends she has lost some in the process and some have stayed friends although they can't understand. But then she has also been able to so some powerful witnessing to friends who just simply want to understand, and they are going away saying, "you know I never read that in the Bible."
Continuing to pray for you, I'll now add your grandma as it must be very difficult for her to understand.
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Erin
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mariB
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I was raised Catholic but left the church along with my husband for three years and experienced a lot the "bashing" that you are talking about. At one point, the evangelical church we attended had prayer time in which we prayed for all the preachers in the area and their churches. They refused to pray for the local Catholic church and their priest. That was an eye opener for me.
In the Catholic Church, Good Friday service is so beautiful because we pray for those who are Catholic, those who believe in God, those who are Jewish, those who do not believe in God, etc.
The beauty of our faith that is so different from the evangelicals is the acceptance of suffering. The apostles and martyrs had to suffer for the faith.
A beautiful book I am reading now is called Following of Christ(written in the 1300's) by Gerard Groote.
Here are some quotes:
"No great trust is to be placed in frail and mortal man, even though he is useful and friendly: neither ought you to be overcome by great sadness, if at times he is against you and contradicts you. Those who are with you today may be against you tomorrow, and vice versa: for they are as changeful as the weather.
Place your whole trust in God: let Him be your fear and your love. He will answer for you, and will arrange everything for the best." (page 79)
Sometimes people are so closed off that no amount of explaining will change their minds. We lost a lot of our evangelical friends but God blessed us with beautiful Catholic friends. God is so good. When you follow his holy will (which can be SO difficult at times), He will be there with you to guide you and give you peace.
I have not regretted for a single minute our decision to come back Home.
I will pray for you and your family that the Lord will give you strength and peace. I have read your posts in the past and your love of the Lord is so encouraging and is such a great witness.
Blessings, 
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marib-Mother to 22ds,21ds,18ds,15dd,11dd and wife to an amazing man for 23 years
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Ouiz
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God bless you, Lindsey! (I loved your Advent blog last year!)
I'm here in SC. I was raised Catholic, but started attending a PCA church in college and went there for 10 years. I loved it and the people there, and maintain many friendships with folks there. It was a time of great blessing for me.
However, it was pretty plain that God was calling me back to the Catholic Church, which I did almost 11 years ago.
Friendships are one thing, but homeschooling is a different camp!
All the homeschoolers in our area are evangelical. The accountability group is evangelical. I can't even join the support group in our area because they require people to sign a "statement of faith," which is purely evangelical. The women I come in contact with, although VERY nice people, often don't understand the offensiveness of the materials they are using... and that can cause conflict.
I have had my share of ugly conversations, inadvertent bashing, and just plain ignorant remarks...
I have found that praying before opening my mouth (!) works wonders. Other than that, I welcome the chance to share the beauty of the Faith, because apologetics is something that is near and dear to me. Too often these women have never met someone who could "defend" Catholicism, and it opens up some really great conversations.
I don't expect to change the world, but if one person comes away from the conversation less inclined to believe that Catholicism is the "great you know what of Babylon," I'm happy!
I saw that many recommended Scott Hahn's book. I would also wholeheartedly recommend the book, By What Authority? by Mark Shea.
May God bless you and your family!
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Ouiz
Blessed to be married to the man of my dreams and mom to 8 wonderful children here on earth
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Chez Ouiz
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LucyP
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Praying.
I know something of what you are experiencing. What helps me bear it is to know that I once said, thought and felt what these others are now saying, thinking and feeling. For years I thought Catholics weren't even Christians at all, then I "graciously" accepted some Catholics can be Christians but most are not because of the "faults" of the Catholic Church - and then FINALLY I was awoken to the truth and realised what an idiot I was.
To be honest I just find the opposition boring! I can't be bothered to sit saying "actually, Catholics can read their Bible - in fact they are supposed to", and "no, that was never actually the official dogma" and "thank you for sharing your thoughts".
I just cringe to think of what I said to others in my time.
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CKwasniewski
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I'm a convert too, and the only advice I'd give you, other than what these wise women have said is this:
1. set your boundaries--interior and exterior
2. Enforce them as necessary.
You need this for your mental peace.
By interior I mean, let go of other people's opinion, criticisms and so on. Give your pain to Christ for their conversion. Get it off your chest and then get on with life.
By exterior I mean that you may find some friends or even family shun you, or you may prefer to avoid their company. That's okay--no one requires you to deal with these people--yes, even family who are in your face. After a while you begin to see that with certain people there is NO common ground. God will provide other friends--and Himself! Which is more consolation than anything else....
I'll pray for you. I know its hard.
blessings,
CK
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Bookswithtea
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Erin wrote:
I have been told by a dear friend who converted to Catholicism last year that she finds many homeschoolers accept her as Catholic although they are not too thrilled, but when they find out she is a convert (she was Baptist) then they are less than thrilled. It is like she is a traitor, (her words) |
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This is so true, and its definitely true that the hsing community is where its hardest, mostly because these are passionate people who live what they believe.
I converted just over 6 yrs ago in a state (not the south) where Catholicism is just not well accepted by other Christian communities. Some friends drifted off or just said goodbye. Some had no problem with it although they thought we were crazy. My closest friends...well, we had some really really hard discussions, but we got past it.
I know of a yahoo loop with lots of hsers that is full of women at various points on the journey. They encourage each other, and there is no pressure to convert. Perhaps it would help?
catholicspitfiregrill@yahoogroups.com
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~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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Alice R
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Hi Lindsey,
I am not Catholic and should not really be posting in this area but I read it sometimes and I remember you Lindsey and your questions/journey.
I gotta tell you, I think anytime someone converts...the people you leave behind are not happy.
I was raised Lutheran, was Baptist for about 20 years and am now attending a very conservative Lutheran church. The Baptists are not happy with me either and Baptist to Lutheran is not that big of a switch. I made this annoucement at a homeschooling group (mixed faith) and the Baptists were pretty shocked.
Some people want to pick a fight and other people who are truly devout are really concerned for you and your spiritual well being. It is those sincere friends that you just have to extend kindness and grace. I'm sure they mean well. Anyone who has love and joy in their faith wants the whole world to share in it.
The best way to deal with this, I've found, is to acknowledge what their concerns are and truly answer them with Godly answers in your new faith. Plus, sometimes all of those questions make you really think and seek answers. Not a bad thing.
Blessings on your journey.
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Mom to Nathaniel (10), Noah (8) Alise (6) Rebekah (3)and expecting another blessing Faith, Grace and Family
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Kristen in TN
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Dear Lindsey,
I don't have any words of wisdom, but I will certainly pray for you and your family. We lived in Front Royal, Va (ever heard of that place, sometimes referred as Catholic central or other such names) and almost 2 years ago moved down to the Bible belt (southern, middle, TN). Let me tell you, it is culture shock!
I do know a family who is almost in your shoes. They have been through RCIA twice, go to weekly and sometimes daily Mass, and the children are in CCD, but they have not entered into the church due to family pressures. I pray for them too and I'll think of you everytime I pray for them.
God bless you and your family while on this faith journey.
Kristen in TN
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Barbara C.
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I completely understand what you're saying and sympathize with what you're going through. I was raised a cradle Catholic in Louisville, Ky which has several Catholic elementary and high schools which I attended. I went to college 90 miles away in another part of the state. It was like entering the twilight zone. There were only three Catholic churches (one of which on campus), two grade schools, and no high schools.
Most of the people I met in college were Baptist and they would accuse me of worshiping Mary and the saints, not being properly baptized, and ,my personal favorite, not really being a Christian. It was tough at times, but it also really helped me develop my faith as I was put in a position to explain it and defend it. There are some people out there, though, who would rather just believe their misconceptions. It is like dealing with anti-homeschooling people in a way. You have to decide when to speak up and when not to waste your breath.
I know that it's not easy what you're going through. My grandmother, who had issues anyway, was not happy that my mother married a Catholic, even though she never converted. My grandmother used to tell us we were going to hell for being Catholic or having a beer in the refrigerator. She used to send unsigned notes with Bible passages scolding my mother. Her harassment finally pushed my family to cut off contact with her for a period of several years.
I really pray that your family and friends can learn to gracefully accept your decision even if they don't agree with it.
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: dealing with Catholic bashing?
