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Karen T
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| Posted: Feb 27 2005 at 10:13am | IP Logged
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My 6th grader (1st yr of homeschooling this year) is very very bright, but one of the reasons he had trouble learning math in public school is b/c of his giftedness (which is not the math/engineering type, more creative writing type) he always felt like he should automatically understand things the first time around. If he didn't, he refused to ask for help, either from the teacher or from us. Consequently, since math builds on previous concepts he got farther and farther behind. This year has been a struggle to overcome that idea. We've made it through fractions and decimals and are about to do percents, but at least twice a week I have trouble with him basically refusing to do the work, if he doesn't instantly understand it, or gets the first one wrong, etc. He really does understand most of it, once he takes the time to read the directions carefully and really look at the example problems. Even with his problems in ps, he was still in the highest level of math for his grade, b/c he always tested well (he's a good guesser, too).
I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this type of attitude and what was successful in overcoming it. His teachers at ps felt he had very low self esteem, which is their answer to everything! I can see how that fits with this, but at the same time he has a very superior attitude about a lot of stuff (covering up?) so it's hard to really build him up without encouraging pridefulness, yk?
Karen T
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Leonie
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| Posted: Feb 27 2005 at 6:21pm | IP Logged
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One of my ds ( Thomas, just turned 12) doesn't like to *not know things. So, he would rather not do something ( like a Maths algorithm) if he thinks he can't understand it.
With Maths, what works for Thomas is not a typical course or book but problem solving. IOW, I guess he learns his maths concepts by trying to solve a problem.
Since there is often no one right way to solve the problem, he doesn't feel any upset over knowing or not knowing - it becomes something we or several people can work on together.
We like a couple of problem solving books - the Figure it Out series and Math By Kids by the Richmanns ( from Pennsylvania Homeschoolers).
Maybe your ds would like some of these, instead of a straight maths book?
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Leonie in Sydney
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Karen T
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| Posted: March 03 2005 at 10:30pm | IP Logged
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Leonie wrote:
We like a couple of problem solving books - the Figure it Out series and Math By Kids by the Richmanns ( from Pennsylvania Homeschoolers).
Maybe your ds would like some of these, instead of a straight maths book? |
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I'll take a look at these. I'm not sure what would appeal to Shane; I haven't been able to find what motivates him yet! Thanks for the ideas.
Karen T
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: March 04 2005 at 12:01pm | IP Logged
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Karen T wrote:
His teachers at ps felt he had very low self esteem, which is their answer to everything! I can see how that fits with this, but at the same time he has a very superior attitude about a lot of stuff (covering up?) so it's hard to really build him up without encouraging pridefulness, yk?
Karen T |
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Hi Karen,
My husband and I talk about this issue regarding ourselves, LOL! When we were children, since we did many things well, we worked to avoid what we couldn't do well. My 12yo daughter has this same inclination. In our situation, we describe this as a place to practice humility. We don't see it as a "self-esteem" issue but one of pride...to think that we should be able to do everything and anything well immediately isn't truthful. In a way, it disrespects the strengths and gifts of others. Perfectionism sure has its gifts but the down side is pride. Dd had to grown in her ability to handle being "wrong." At first we kept being "wrong" to a minimum by doing math as Leonie describes. Eventually Dave worked with her as a "team" being an example of "good enough" work and "making mistakes." We also talked about "making mistakes" within the context of our days (especially during our family prayer times where each family shares one sin/mistake for the day and how we hope to improve.)Within the last few months, she has had the confidence to tackle the math work herself...hooray! Our experience may not fit yours, but I at least share that you are not alone. There are others who have a bright child who struggles doing math work and it turns into a family concern  . I'll look forward to hearing back from you about what you find that works for you.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Karen T
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| Posted: March 04 2005 at 10:46pm | IP Logged
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Thank you Angie, that makes a lot of sense. I was also a bright child and a good student, and my mom was very careful not to "let me get a swelled head" as she called it. To that end, she actually never told me until I was an adult what my IQ was, or anything similar. My parents also really downplayed my good grades, b/c my older brother who has cerebral palsy (with average intelligence but learning difficulties) had so much trouble in school.
When we realized how bright ds is (and I'm talking WAY smarter than I was, at least as tested) I fell back on my mom's methods I guess, and while encouraging his best, also tended to focus more on his behavior, which I think is far more important anyway! But the downside is that I probably was too negative on that while not celebrating his academic successes enough.
It's funny, though, about perfectionism. Ds is very content to do less than a perfect job, far less than his best, on chores, etc! He doesn't see the connection between that type of work and his reputation or self-esteem.
Karen T
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: March 05 2005 at 7:00pm | IP Logged
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Karen T wrote:
It's funny, though, about perfectionism. Ds is very content to do less than a perfect job, far less than his best, on chores, etc! He doesn't see the connection between that type of work and his reputation or self-esteem.
Karen T |
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You should see my daughter's room, LOL! Let's just say that "tidyness" and "organization" aren't where her perfectionism shines  . Aren't people so interesting! With all our individual strengths and challenges, we'll never be bored. Our family approach, that we all have our stuff to deal with, really seems to help us all stay honest and to get out of bed and try again...whatever that is for each person.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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4Real Forums : Living and Loving Numbers
Topic: 6th grader and mental hang-ups
