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Jamberry77
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| Posted: July 14 2005 at 11:02am | IP Logged
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Hello Ladies,
Here is a narration by our son. Is this too detailed for one chapter? I always dread narrations from him because they are soooooo long. I was typing one narration per week but lately I've been encouraging him to draw a narration instead as it's easier for me. He is very gifted in reading and reads all the time. Any tips for his narrations? Should he be paring these down to fewer facts? I am proud of him for remembering so many details but I get tired of all that typing!
Thanks for any advice.
Kelly Lang in NC
Pegeen
Chapter Nine: A Wild Ride
By Hilda Van Stockum
A narration by Thomas Lang, age 7
July 14, 2005
This is a narration about a girl named Pegeen. One day at school she was sitting in her chair when she heard shouts. Teacher turned around and saw Francie, Liam, and Shamus fighting. Francie shouted, “He called us half penny heroes!” Liam, in turn, cried out, “He said Pegeen would die at the sight of a mouse!” Shamus mumbled, “They called me spickle-face and tomato head.” (He had freckles and red hair.) Teacher punished them by making them stay in at recess. When recess came, three dejected little boys were still sitting at their places writing the sentence, “I must not shout or be rude in school” fifty times. Suddenly they heard shouts and screams unlike the usual clamor made by the children playing games outside. Teacher looked out the door to see what was the matter and Shamus, Francie, and Liam got up and tiptoed behind her to see. What a sight met them!
There, seated on the back of wild Clementine, and being frightened away by her wild steed, was Pegeen Murphy! Pegeen was shouting at the top of her lungs, “Who’s afraid of a mouse now? Catch him, Clementine, catch him!” Shamus screamed but Clementine, hearing the scream and seeing the brilliant red hair of its owner glittering in the sun, grunted and raced after Shamus. Shamus screamed and ran into the schoolhouse and under a bench. Clementine raced in after him but soon all the anger had left her for never before had she been in a schoolhouse. She licked off a poem the teacher had just written down on the blackboard for the next grammar lesson. Then she knocked over a bottle of ink and drank the ink. Then she caught sight of the teacher’s blue hat hanging by the door and walked over. She picked it up in her mouth and backed out of the schoolhouse with it. Blue was Clementine’s favorite color.
The teacher, when she saw her beautiful new headgear hanging from Clementine’s mouth, screamed and rushed forward to save it but Clementine was too quick for her. The cow rushed toward home but didn’t stop at her own house. Mrs. O’Flaherty saw her cow gallop by and ran out. Clementine rushed into the O’Sullivan’s yard and made a wild gallop around the house. She was halfway around her third trip. Mother tried to catch her as she raced by. On the fourth trip Pegeen finally leaped off. Mrs. O’Flaherty came running up and and had an argument with Mother about things like Pegeen had been trying to kill her cow. Mother objected that Pegeen was probably almost half dead by now and she was going inside. Mrs. O’Flaherty departed with a few last angry words then she turned to her cow and whispered, “Don’t mind what those mean old people say, dear Clementine.”
Pegeen saw Patricia’s clothes on the broken clothesline dragging on the ground and she tried to wash them but unfortunately they shrunk. While she was at it she decided to wash the floor although that didn’t work so well because she put earth on it instead of sand. (Her grandmother always used sand on the floor after she cleaned.)
Mother came in and when she saw the floor all covered with dirt, and even more dirty than before, she was angry with Pegeen, and although Pegeen tried to explain all the benefits of earth, Mother would not be persuaded to change her mind. Bridget was dressing her doll that evening when she noticed that most of the clothes were tight-fitting on her doll and some didn’t fit Patricia at all. Bridget was pretty angry because she knew that Pegeen was at the bottom of it as was most of the cases. Pegeen put herself off by saying, “But Clementine did it!” “All right, blame the cow,” said Bridget, “but if you do that again….” After Mother talked with Bridget, Bridget decided to forgive Pegeen.
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alicegunther
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| Posted: July 14 2005 at 11:05pm | IP Logged
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I *love* all the detail! My oldest was the same way, and she grew into a very good writer. Many thanks for sharing this great narration!
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Love, Alice
mother of seven!
      
Cottage Blessings
Brew yourself a cup of tea, and come for a visit!
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saintanneshs
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| Posted: July 18 2005 at 5:13pm | IP Logged
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Kelly, I can't answer your questions since I'm just beginning to do narrations with my boys, but I think your son's narration is excellent! He put so much into this...I would have nothing but praise for him. 
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Kristine
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4Real Forums : Language Arts Come Alive
Topic: Too detailed?? a narration from Pegeen
