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Maggie
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| Posted: Aug 07 2012 at 5:36pm | IP Logged
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Hi Moms~
My dd (7) is doing Choir Camp at our church this week. Given that I have never left my children in the care of strangers, I have been sticking around and helping out (which is not unusual since I am also the choir's violinist and a choir member, too).
However, the Asst. the the Youth Choir Director does not know me well at all.
After observing how she works with the children (mine included), I have been deeply offended by her tone, lack of common courtesy (ie: barking demands while demanding politeness from them when she give none), her manner towards them, her put-downs. It infuriates me. I have given her two days (total of 8 hours) to prove otherwise to me, but the worst of it happened to my own dd today when she was put down after mustering the courage to stand up and sing a solo in front of everyone. Apparently, my dd missed ONE word. ONE. I was listening and watching, and I did not catch the error at all. Everyone started clapping for my dd (including the choir director), and she STOPPED everyone from clapping to point out the alleged mistake. My dd's little joyful face fell completely.
I hated this. Hated it. Hated to see my pure, innocent dd robbed of her exuberation and joy at memorizing a long song in 1 day and singing it for the entire choir.
The Asst. director then confronted my dd in my presence afterwards and said that if my dd TRULY said the correct word, then she certainly did NOT enunciate it...and she will get it next time.
I was FUMING.
I recognized I was so upset and just had to leave with my dc.
But dh and I agreed this woman needs to be confronted.
1). I don't know what to say because this woman and I do not see eye to eye on children.
2). I am afraid of her retaliating against dd.
3). I just need prayers. I hate confrontation.
Please pray for me. And if you have advice, please let me know...
__________________
Wife to dh (12 years) Mama to dd (10) ds (8), dd (1), ds (nb) and to Philip Mary (5/26/09), Lucy Joy (12/6/09), and Margaret Mary (3/6/10) who entered Heaven before we had a chance to hold them.
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Aug 07 2012 at 6:06pm | IP Logged
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I am praying...don't know if I have any words of wisdom, but I will be praying for you tomorrow!
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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JennGM
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I am praying for wisdom!
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Pilgrim
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| Posted: Aug 07 2012 at 8:03pm | IP Logged
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Will pray for you! It's so hard to through such difficult situations, but esp. when it is for our precious children.
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Wife 2 my bf, g14,b8,g&b6,g4,g3,g1 1/2,4 ^i^
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Aug 07 2012 at 8:24pm | IP Logged
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Be upfront about being upset at your daughter's treatment. It'll be hanging there making whatever you say "suspect" anyway. So say upfront.. I didn't like how that was handled.. but before that I was already concerned and saw.. this and this and that and so on. It'll help your credibility more than either using it as the example or by ignoring it.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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stellamaris
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| Posted: Aug 07 2012 at 10:27pm | IP Logged
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Praying for you, Maggie. This sounds like a tough one! 
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to  dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
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DominaCaeli
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Praying!
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Blessings,
Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
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mariB
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Praying for this situation..may the Holy Spirit give you the words that make a difference...
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marib-Mother to 22ds,21ds,18ds,15dd,11dd and wife to an amazing man for 23 years
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stacykay
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| Posted: Aug 08 2012 at 10:30am | IP Logged
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I have just felt terrible for your dd ever since I read your post.
I wanted to share a couple of links regarding bullying by teachers. This one, on the third page, has the "what to do," portion.
This article says pretty much the same, with an easier-to-read of what to do.
My prayers with you as you tackle this problem!!!
AND for your dd!!!
In Christ,
Stacy in MI
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Maggie
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| Posted: Aug 08 2012 at 1:02pm | IP Logged
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Ok. The conversation could not have gone WORSE!!!!
She thinks I am asking her to play favorites. Absolutely not. She said dd was not perfect and therefore, did not complete the song. I said that a mistake can be pointed out in a more constructive, loving way. She did not agree.
She then countered with telling me that my dd is MEAN!
I asked how? (Especially since I am present for most of the classes and had not seen anything...).
She said dd is mean because she does not let other kids answer the questions!
I said that dd is just excited. After the first day, I did talk with her about this, and this lady actually complimented dd yesterday on raising her hand more.
Darn home schooling! I have not taught dd to raise her hand. I know. I failed.  She does in coops, though for Little Flowers, FHC Classes, etc...she's just really excited about music because she happens to come from a very musical family and just loves it.
I tried explaining that the lady should not assign intentions to a 7 year old. She is not doing this to be malicious--she is excited.
She then decided to tell me that my dd tries to control the class and if she (the lady) was not present, she would be running the whole thing. (Quite the compliment to me child, eh?) 
I'm trying to make light of it because inwardly, I am very upset. Yes, dd has a strong personality, but like I said, no other class like situation has ever been like this. She is easy to reign in--she's just a child, really.
I tried explaining this--she is 7...not 17.
The lady then told me that she was willing to just leave and hand the position over to me. She was very upset.
I tried telling her (in an oh, so gentle way), that I just had concerns as a parent, and I just wanted to give her feedback because I did not think that she was doing these things on purpose--I just wanted her to be more conscious of her tone and manner.
Then she went off on "manners" and how these children do not have manners...and if she doesn't teach them manners, no one will.
I said that was not her burden to carry and while yes, she can expect them to have good manners, there is a positive way to encourage that.
And on...and on...and on...
So...I have yet to hear from the Youth Choir Director (who is only 21 years old--so--he lacks experience with things like this).
The Church Choir Director is aware now. I will speak with Fr. tomorrow.
I hate drama so much. Reason #1462 not to send children to school: drama.
Seriously, in our home schooling groups, if there is a problem, it is handled so much better by the families....
This is something I am not used to...
Couldn't have gone worse...
__________________
Wife to dh (12 years) Mama to dd (10) ds (8), dd (1), ds (nb) and to Philip Mary (5/26/09), Lucy Joy (12/6/09), and Margaret Mary (3/6/10) who entered Heaven before we had a chance to hold them.
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Maggie
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While I would love to pull dd out...the sad thing is...she is willing to take any kind of abuse because she just loves to sing in the choir!  How sad is that?
Any wisdom from you more seasoned moms?
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Wife to dh (12 years) Mama to dd (10) ds (8), dd (1), ds (nb) and to Philip Mary (5/26/09), Lucy Joy (12/6/09), and Margaret Mary (3/6/10) who entered Heaven before we had a chance to hold them.
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Misty
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I have no wisdom only prayers and HUGS! So sorry you are going through this.
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stacykay
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To you and your dd! I am so sorry this lady was unable to listen to what you were saying, and instead became defensive and demeaning.
Your little gal has incredible courage to face this adult and her abuse in order to keep on singing! I would have turned tail and run for the hills!
I will pray that the other adults can be more rational.
And my prayers continue for you and dd.
In Christ,
Stacy in MI
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JodieLyn
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First of all, remember that someone is likely to be defensive to your face and with space and time to think may be able to admit to themselves (though not to you) that you had good points and change may yet occur.
Second, you can certainly support your daughter in this. You're right she is a brave little thing and with help to discern between constructive criticism and sour grapes, she may learn a great deal that will stand her in good stead in many situations all her life.
Third, you've also shown that such things won't continue unremarked upon. And that alone may bring change. Yes, this person may be harder on your child (for goodness sakes, threatened by a 7 year old?) but they will also know that you will be there and that you aren't afraid to speak up.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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3ringcircus
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Sounds like the Asst. Director is taking her job way too seriously. Choir directors do want the LOs to strive for excellence in both vocal skill and stage demeanor, but a church choir camp should be a friendly, nurturing place. Sounds like she's taking the wrong tack, completely. (speaking as a former children's choir director)
Prayers for you and your DD. Sounds like she just might take the overly harsh criticism and run with it despite the delivery.
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Christine
Mom to my circus of boys: G-1/06, D-1/04, S-4/10
Started HS in Fall'12
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4Real Forums : We Pray to the Lord
Topic: Prayers for Hard Conversation tomorrow
