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amyable
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| Posted: Nov 15 2010 at 6:55am | IP Logged
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Maybe "loss of faith" is not the best way to put it. I still believe in God. I'm having a very hard time believing God loves me.
Dh is in horrible pain lately. This is just one of many issues going on. I pray *constantly*, because seriously, I don't know how to deal with this - to live like this...homeschooling in our little house, needing to care for him, needing to be quiet. Now, I *understand* that God's answer can be "no" to healing him. I really do get that. What I am having trouble with is the undeniable "coincidence" that everytime I pray fervently, with faith, for a cure or some easing of the pain, what happens is exactly the opposite. Dh gets worse.
What Father when you ask for bread would give a stone? I don't get it. I can't live like this. Why would God not only not help or not console, but shove my face in the dirt every time I ask for help?
Please pray for us. Love to you all. (pressing "post" with trepidation)
ETA: it isn't just these recent prayers that God has been doing this to, it's been other subjects and for quite awhile...so I needed your prayers. thx
__________________
Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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guitarnan
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Oh Amy...I will offer my day for you today. May the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, engulf you with peace during this very, very difficult time in your life.
You're not alone. Our Lord is with you and we are here to pray with and for you. 
__________________
Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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KC in TX
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I don't have any answers, Amy. Just a great big hug. I only wish I could give you a hug for real. And, of course, prayers.
__________________
KC,
wife to Ben (10/94),
Mama to LB ('98)
Michaela ('01)
Emma ('03)
Jordan ('05)
And, my 2 angels, Rose ('08) and Mark ('09)
The Cabbage Patch
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Nov 15 2010 at 9:17am | IP Logged
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amyable wrote:
| Why would God not only not help or not console, but shove my face in the dirt every time I ask for help? |
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The Father's love for you, your husband and your family is certain. Certain. We are not, however, guaranteed the consolation of feeling this love. It is a bit mysterious and I hesitate to speak of it further. It can be a very dark place. St. John of the Cross spoke of it as "the dark night of the soul." Blessed Mother Teresa spoke of this dry place which lacked consolation. Is there a holy priest with whom you could speak, seeking spiritual direction?
I'll pray for you and your faith, as well as for your husband and your family!
I will ask Our Lady to tenderly shelter your intentions in Her Immaculate Heart.
May the beautiful and rich Sacraments of our Church nurture your faith while you feel so parched and dry!
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy!
, Amy!!
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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SeaStar
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| Posted: Nov 15 2010 at 9:32am | IP Logged
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Oh, Amy-
Dark times are so hard to understand. Sickness and watching someone you love suffer is the worst of the worst. I will be praying for you
__________________
Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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JennGM
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Amy, I've been praying for you, and I'll ratchet up the prayers for you. I *know* you know intellectually all these things, and writing out the theological and spiritual advice isn't necessarily going to change the suffering or the hurt. And I'm not good at words.
From my vantage point God loves you very much and He knows you so well that He has shaped, formed, and individually gifted these crosses for you and your family. To me, you are extra special because it looks like He has Extra gifts and love for you.
Your feelings or gut reactions are not wrong, but completely natural. Saints yelled at Him (St. Teresa of Avila) and moaned and groaned -- to Him. That's okay -- we show Him we are human and this hurts. Keep asking, like the widow or the next door neighbor for bread. Keep shouting and crying to him.
What is needed from you is the act of will, the decision that you accept His Will and love Him unconditionally even when you don't feel it.
"I don't understand, I don't like it, this is hard, Lord, but not my will, but Thine be done."
Mother Teresa had no consolation, complete lack of feeling good for years and years. Dark Night of the Soul for years. God gives this to come deeper to Him...and it's extremely hard. It's all will, and we can't look at feeling as our barometer to see if we're on the right track. It FEELS like we're off and we aren't loving Him or He is neglecting us.
Wome days it's just repeating "Jesus, I trust in Thee" or "Thy will be done" or something like that over and over to show my will overcomes those feelings.
But do take care of yourself physically. Things look bleakest with a lack of sleep, bad diet, and no exercise. Add a boatload of stress, you can go off your rocker. I know from experience.
and prayers for you.
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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JodieLyn
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I completely agree with Jen and the other ladies.. but another way to think about it..
Remember in It's a Wonderful Life when George prays for help and he gets punched in the nose? the punched in the nose wasn't the answer to his prayer.. it just happened before he could recieve that answer.
Have you asked for help from people local to you? the ones that can show up on your doorstep and physically help you? I know it's hard but sometimes we do need to do it anyway and bless those that would love to help if you just say the word.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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hylabrook1
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Dear Amy - I am so sad to hear that you are all having a hard time. My prayers will certainly be added to everyone else's, as well as an offering of my daily struggles.
Peace,
Nancy
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ladycarobe
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Amy, I will be praying for you!
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best wishes,
Ladycarobe.
mom to dd6  , dd4  and dd2  and pregnant.
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SusanMc
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Amy, your post made me delurk to let you know that I certainly will be praying for you. I second the suggestion to reach out for any and all help physically near you.
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momtomany
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JennGM wrote:
From my vantage point God loves you very much and He knows you so well that He has shaped, formed, and individually gifted these crosses for you and your family. To me, you are extra special because it looks like He has Extra gifts and love for you.
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I've been telling myself this for the past few months now, though I feel like saying, "Enough gifts!"
Seriously though, I will be praying for you and bringing your intentions to Mass and novena tonight.
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Mary Ann in PA
wife to MIchael, mom to Elizabeth, Becca, Tim, Peter, Andrew, Sarah, Matthew, John, Leah and Joseph
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Angie Mc
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Amy, you are very dear to me . Here are a few things that have helped me to live as peacefully as possible (and please know that I utterly fail often) with the paradox of being encouraged to ask for what I want (to be the persistant widow) AND to want ONLY what He wants (His will.)
I bow before His perfection. I repeat to myself, "This is perfect" because it is His perfect will, even when, especially when, it doesn't feel or seem perfect to me.
I use reason. Why would I question His ability to take care of me and my loved ones and our concerns? Why would I think that I know better? Ridiculous!
I remember that life is suffering. Praise God we have moments, days, years, and perhaps seasons that seem mostly blessed and easy. But looking over a lifetime, much, much, much is suffering. So many saints encourage us to not become discouraged with this truth!
I read Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence , also available in book format.
I find consolation in the fact that, if what is happening in my life is not to my liking, not my will, then surely it is from God. When all is well there is a great temptation to feel that I managed it all without him...that it was because I prayed hard, or was organized, or did good deeds, or...But this is not true and is dangerous to my soul! All is from Him!
Job 1:21
"Naked I came forth from my mother's womb, and naked shall I go back again. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD!"
Blessed be the name of the Lord, Amy! I am praying for courage and practical relief, as well as an increase in faith, hope, and...
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
About Me
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Paula in MN
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Amy, you are not alone. I don't have any answers, only and prayers.
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Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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Servant2theKing
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Dearest Amy, Your post reminded me of a time, many years ago, when I was struggling so much that I wrapped a tiny box, filled with a list of all our trials and tribulations, and placed it before the Nativity in our parish Church, as my only gift to Jesus for Christmas...my brokeness was all I had to offer Him.
I have learned since then whenever I am struggling through difficult times, such as those you are suffering through right now, that there is immense consolation in contemplating our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ being betrayed by a kiss, thrown to the ground, mocked, scourged, beaten, crowned with thorns, crucified....all for my sake, all because of my sins. It helps me endure my own pain and sorrow, and fills my soul with profound love and incredible gratitude for ALL the unspeakable, unimaginable suffering He endured for our sakes. Recalling His Passion gives me renewed courage and a deepened desire to embrace my own crosses...to live in deeper union with our Suffering Saviour.
There is amazing power and grace in uniting our sufferings with those of our Lord and Saviour...more than we can possibly realize! He loves us, more deeply and profoundly than we can even begin to imagine! He allows us the incredible blessing of entering into His own Suffering, in order that our earthly suffering can bring about grace for the sake of souls...suffering united to Him makes sense...suffering viewed in earthly terms alone seems futile! May all of your sufferings be turned into jewels of grace for you and your dear family.
There is a Light at the end of this tunnel and we WILL make it through this valley of tears...we are traveling the Via Dolorosa with Christ on the Way to Resurrection Glory! Hold on dear sister in faith! You have an army of prayer warriors battling right beside you....you are going to make it!!! May our Lord fill your soul with renewed hope, immense trust and a newfound experience of His abiding and everlasting love for you and your loved ones!
Two phrases help immensely during times of seemingly impossible suffering..."Love never fails" and "Love begets love"! Suffering endured in love + suffering endured with Love (personified in Christ) = Grace.
Amy, the name amyable is well chosen...you are indeed truly able, even more than you think, to embrace the blessed cross God has entrusted to you, by the grace of Almighty God. "Do not be discouraged, do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you may go!" Joshua 1:9
With much love and increased prayers for you and your dear family, fellow cross-bearer and sojourner through this valley of tears.
(Response made with equal trepidation...it can be frightening at times to share such tender aspects of our lives and our souls...but, doing so is truly worthwhile if we are able to encourage one another along this tumultuous journey of life. May the words of all these faithful women of God, and this fragile soul, lift you up and encourage your soul to reach new heights, enabling you to use these difficult times for the Honor and Glory of God, and the good of your precious family)
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All for Christ, our Saviour and King, servant
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DominaCaeli
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Nothing to add to the wise words and thoughts these lovely ladies have offered, but I will certainly be praying for you and your family, Amy.
__________________
Blessings,
Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
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KauaiCatholic
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ditto Celeste ... praying for you Amy!
to those who offered such wise words: thank you! blessings on all of you today and always!
__________________
Viviane
Grateful mama of Jonah Augustine ('01), Sophia Marie ('05) and Luke Dominic ('10)
We can do no great things; only small things with great love. -- Blessed Teresa of Calcutta
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MaryM
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You most certainly have my prayers, dear Amy.
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Mary M. in Denver
Our Domestic Church
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Helen
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May God bless you Amy!!
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Ave Maria!
Mom to 5 girls and 3 boys
Mary Vitamin & Castle of the Immaculate
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Grateful in VA
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I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I am offering up prayers and my own fears for my husband's health(pulmonologist appointment today). I pray that God brings you peace. He is suffering with you and for you.
God Bless
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shineblue
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Dear Amy,
I'm so sorry too...
Lifting up prayers to the Lord for you.....
I thought of you today when I stumbled across something rather lovely.
I found this website recently, quite a blessing really for me because I've added their audio rosaries to my ipod. Anyway, today there is a touching video posted on the blog about Jesus in the Wilderness.
Discerning Hearts
Keep the faith and may God richly bless you,
Marcia
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4Real Forums : We Pray to the Lord
Topic: Loss of faith
