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amyable
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My parents are about to lose their home, and for many reasons would find normal apartment life difficult. We have some big decisions in front of us and would so appreciate prayers for discernment. We see two main courses of action, neither of which I like - we can stay in our current house which doesn't fit us and use our money to help my parents stay in their condo, or we can try to buy a house with some kind of in-law arrangement, with whatever financial help they *can* give from social security. Living that close to my parents would be just as much of a hardship for me as staying here. 
I've already got a St. Joseph novena going! I just need God to guide me, because I tend to A) let my emotions get the best of me and B) let my tendancy to be generous stop me from being *wise*. You know, I want to save the world and all. 
Thanks everyone. 
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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guitarnan
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I'm praying, Amy. Discerning the best pathway toward loving care for our aging parents can take a long time and requires much prayer and thought, doesn't it?
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Chris V
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Big decision indeed, Amy.
I don't have any doubt, whatsoever, that God will lead you and your husband in this decision. I will be praying for you  .
You are full of heart, with your concern for your blessed parents, and your willingness to rearrange your life, and family-life, to care for them. It seems as though our very own culture has forgotten the virtue of caring for family, through good times, and not so good times, and throughout the difficulties of change, and aging. Bless you!
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Chris
Happy Wife with my Happy Life
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DominaCaeli
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Praying for you and your husband as you make decisions about this difficult decision, Amy.
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Blessings,
Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
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Carole N.
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Praying for you and your dh, Amy!
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Carole ... in Wales
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Nina Murphy
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Praying for you, Amy, as I know these decisions will also impact greatly on you, and they can be life-changing.
Because I love you, I will go out on a limb and give you one crucial bit of wisdom to remember (which I know you already know but it is good to hear it from a friend as a reminder, right?) and that is: that you want to make sure you are not compromising your own ability to function and carry out your duty to your husband and children.
I just heard in confession, actually, something like this: God does not want you to take something on in the name of Lent, or Charity, if as a result you end up "mortifing" the others around you or if it takes away from your being able to carry out your job adequately. We were talking about food, drink, sleep, things like this, but I think it is a good overall spiritual maxim. We can get confused, well, okay *I* can, about what is pleasing to God or what is truly charity....that is when counsel with a priest is most helpful! And of course, hubby....
Love and prayers and I hope you don't mind my words or that they were out of place! I know this is so hard. Know that you are pleasing to God in caring so much for your parents, and sincerely wanting to do the right thing. XOXOXOXOOX  
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God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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stefoodie
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Praying, Amy. My parents and I are looking at options too, to be implemented a year or two down the road. I understand what you mean.
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stef
mom to five
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amyable
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Thank you everyone.
Nina Murphy wrote:
| God does not want you to take something on in the name of Lent, or Charity, if as a result you end up "mortifing" the others around you or if it takes away from your being able to carry out your job adequately. |
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Nina, that is very wise. My husband has been saying as much also. But I can't get over the fact that maybe if I have my parents living in my basment I'll actually behave BETTER than I do now...I tend to not be the "quietest" mom in the universe. Maybe I would be much more quiet, calm, and gentle by necessity.
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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JodieLyn
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Have you looked at what types of arrangments would be possible to get? That might make a difference in how workable it could be.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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Chari
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Praying!!
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Chari...Take Up & Read
Dh Marty 27yrs...3 lovely maidens: Anne 24, Sarah 20 & Maddelyn 17 and 3 chivalrous sons: Matthew 22, Garrett 16 & Malachy 11
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hylabrook1
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Praying for you all, Amy. I know that the whole situation is very difficult. May our loving Lord lead you to the best path.
Peace,
Nancy
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Nina Murphy
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amyable wrote:
Thank you everyone.
Nina Murphy wrote:
| God does not want you to take something on in the name of Lent, or Charity, if as a result you end up "mortifing" the others around you or if it takes away from your being able to carry out your job adequately. |
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Nina, that is very wise. My husband has been saying as much also. But I can't get over the fact that maybe if I have my parents living in my basment I'll actually behave BETTER than I do now...I tend to not be the "quietest" mom in the universe. Maybe I would be much more quiet, calm, and gentle by necessity.
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Well, if that's sooo, it might be good! God does perfect us in the circumstances we're in, if we let Him. If you think it is an opportunity to grow in/practice virtue, then it may be the direction He is leading you in. Indeed! You would have a sense about yourself behaving certain ways and how you would react if you felt you had to "perform" I suppose from other similar experiences or visits in the past, but it does become quite a different matter as time goes by and it is permanent. Not to say that there isn't even more of a chance THEN to truly test your charity and to grow in lasting and authentic virtue!
If it becomes a necessity, you'll MAKE it work, right? You'll know.....God will make it clear. When we have to get along in certain circumstances, we make the best of it. Don't worry----He will not abandon you.
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God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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Mackfam
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Oh, Amy...prayers and
I know this discernment prayer...though our family isn't facing as immediate a need as you are facing. We never know though, and I can identify with many of the needs you expressed. Know that I am praying, and trust that Nina is so wise and right...God provides the grace to meet the moment! I'm counting on that because I know I would fail miserably if left to myself!!!
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Jen Mackintosh
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Wildflowers and Marbles
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kingvozzo
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Praying for wisdom, Amy. These decisions can be so tough!
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Noreen
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amyable
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May I throw a question in here - that I have probably asked before? Dh have been talking, praying, thinking, looking at houses with and without in-law arrangements. My question is this: is it *morally wrong* (i.e. sinful) for me to refuse to help my parents? I'd say 90% of the reason they are in their current situation is one of their lack of frugality and wisdom with money.
Dh and I have scrimped and saved and done without for years and years because we had one goal - to get OUT of this house and move into something safer, bigger, nicer for our kids. But yes, we have the money to help now, all because of that.
It just kills me though, to think that I did without things I wanted and needed for YEARS so that they could spend years leasing new car after new car, buying new furniture, and watching anything they wanted on their multiple TVs with digital cable.
I'm sorry, I'll edit if this is stepping over the line. I just don't know where to turn for advice - I don't know a priest that doesn't know them, etc. I *need* to do the right thing. God isn't guiding me, I feel no peace about anything.
Thank you for your prayers/advice/input.
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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Maddie
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I am so sorry, Amy and I am praying for you. I have a squirming baby on my lap, but Dave Ramsey discusses this in his book, Total Money Makeover, he highly cautions against it. He is a good Christian man, maybe you could contact his company for advice?
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~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
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amyable
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Maddie wrote:
I am so sorry, Amy and I am praying for you. I have a squirming baby on my lap, but Dave Ramsey discusses this in his book, Total Money Makeover, he highly cautions against it. He is a good Christian man, maybe you could contact his company for advice?
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Are you saying he cautions against helping them? Or cautions against letting them reap what they've sown? You'd think I'd know this, I've read a lot of his stuff. 
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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Donna Marie
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Praying, Amy! I know we will have to have this discussion soon too...sooo hard!
You may want to seek out a priest, even if you have to travel...
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God love you!
Donna Marie from NJ
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Finding Elegant Simplicity
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MaryM
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Praying.
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Mary M. in Denver
Our Domestic Church
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Maddie
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Amy,
Dave highly cautions against helping. In his book, Total Money Makeover, he says this:
Myth: If I loan money to friends or relatives, I am helping them.
Truth: If I loan money to a friend or relative the relationship will be strained or destroyed. The only relationship that would be enhanced is the kind resulting from one party being the master and the other party the servant.
another myth: By cosigning a loan, I am helping a friend or relative.
Truth: Be ready to repay the loan; the bank wants a cosigner for a reason, which is they don't expect the friend or relative to pay.
He goes into a little more depth in his book. As you know he lost everything twice, I think, and hitting absolute bottom was the only thing that woke him up.
Maybe help by bringing groceries once in a while? My mother, after one of her divorces  , was in a situation like this and my dh and I bought groceries for her for about 6 months or so every week and gave her $50 for gas and such. It helped but she had to sort out the big stuff on her own.
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~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
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4Real Forums : We Pray to the Lord
Topic: For discernment
