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amyable
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| Posted: Jan 04 2006 at 5:36am | IP Logged
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I'm sorry again to post such a selfish prayer request.
But dh came to me last night with an ultimatum that I need to "lighten up" with the kids and him - I'm not sure WHAT he'll do if I don't, but he was very serious.
The problem is he expects a person as good as Ma Ingalls. He sees me with the children only at the end of the day when I've reached my limit. Yes, I have an anger problem, and yes, I've prayed for years to be better about it. My prayers are not doing much good (well, let me say I have come a LONG way, BUT I had so far to go, I was REALLY bad when I had my second bout of PPD after my second child).
So he wants it to stop. Right now. Ummm, I'm *trying*. I don't *like* being how I am, but Ma Ingalls and I are light years apart right now.
I'm afraid for what will happen if I can't do the impossible (change overnight). I'm also afraid that in order to stop right now I'll have to let everything in the house slide, like getting the children to obey, do their chores, be nice to each other, learn anything  .
Ladies, I covet your prayers on this issue, as mine are not availing much (enough). Thanks so much for taking a second to read this embarrassing post. God loves to keep me humble... 
__________________
Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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Taffy
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| Posted: Jan 04 2006 at 7:09am | IP Logged
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Amy,
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Maybe, for the next few days at least, it might be a good idea to focus on simply having fun with the kids and enjoying dh when he gets home. Even if it means getting take out and the house getting neglected for a short time. Keep the TV off and get outside.
And, if you can, strive for a little meditation time to yourself when the kids are in bed and dh is busy on something else. The dishes and laundry can wait.
Praying a Hail Mary for you now...
__________________
Susan
Mom to 5 on earth and 1 in heaven
Susan's Soliloquy
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jdostalik
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| Posted: Jan 04 2006 at 8:16am | IP Logged
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Amy,
Hang in there...Liz gave you excellent advice. Try and do just some fun, relaxing things with the kids for the next few days. Really, try, to just bask in their loveliness--get a good read-aloud and go to the park!!
Could dh watch the kids so you can go spend some quiet time in front of the Blessed Sacrament--even 15 or 20 minutes would do you an immense good! This is part of my New Year's Resolution--I need to spend more quiet time with God in His presence...
I will pray for you, your dh, and your sweet kids today and especially during our Rosary tonight.
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God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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Jamberry77
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| Posted: Jan 04 2006 at 8:38am | IP Logged
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Dear Amy,
I prayed for you. I used to have big problems with anger due to hypoglycemia (also felt dizzy while driving, big fatigue, brain fog, confusion, and lots of other odd things). You probably don't have hypoglycemia, but give this a try anyway: stop eating all added sugar. Cut back on fruits. Cut way back on plain white flour (tortillas, pasta, white bread, bagels, crackers, etc.), white rice, and potatoes. Don't drink any drink with sugar (including fruit juices).
What to do? Eat every two to three hours (pretend that you are pregnant). Make sure you have protein and a complex carbohydrate in each snack or meal. Ideas for protein include eggs, nuts, dairy products (only plain yogurt), meats. Complex carbs can be Triscuits, whole grain breads, brown rice, oatmeal, "exotic" grains like quinoa, etc. "Good" fats are okay for you. Don't ever stop eating fats. Eat your vegetables. V-8 counts as one serving.
Even if you don't have hypoglycemia, try this for two weeks and see if you are nicer. When I cheat, I always end up yelling at my boys, humiliating them even, for little things. I realize while I'm doing it that "this is evil, stop it" but I just can't stop. So now I ask God to help me to eat right every day. Most days I am able to resist.
One more idea: have you tried Helen's Mary Vitamins? (see the Faith forum). I never remember them all day long but for the twenty minutes they stay in my head, they are very nice (and only take two minutes to read...a plus in my book).
I'll pray for you, Amy. I had to do something myself as I realized I don't want my boys to grow up and remember me as always angry with them. Thanks to God, He has helped me and I am more calm now and can actually tell them in a normal voice what needs to change instead of screaming. Yay God!
Love,
Kelly in NC
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: Jan 04 2006 at 8:39am | IP Logged
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Amy,
You have my prayers.
The verse I have emblazed into my memory to retrieve throughout the day is: "Be Still!---and know that I am God."
It isn't a thought-provoking quest but it helps me to Be Still! when I'm in the mist of an unruly house, unruly kids, unruly whatever.
Being still is far better than flying off the handle.
I've seen God's wisdom (and our society's ignorance) in the teaching that a family should consist of a man and a woman. When I'm getting stressed with the children, my dh is always calm and steps in to intervene. And when he is stressed with the children, I'm calm and step in to intervene.
Do you need a "Mother's Sabbath" perhaps. 
One more thought, there is a chapter in Little Women (after Amy falls through the ice and Jo is full of remorse for her own anger and actions towards her sister), where Jo sits down with Marmee to discuss the affair. Jo finds out that Marmee was not always the calm, saintly person she thought she was. Jo realizes that when Marmee sets her lips tightly together, she is, in fact, controlling an old anger issue herself.
You are not alone, Amy.
We'll be praying.
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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JennGM
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| Posted: Jan 04 2006 at 9:09am | IP Logged
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Amy,
Prayers coming. I have short fuse problems. So do my siblings; it comes from my father's side. Plus, I tend to focus on the negative. A bad combo.
I was going to give the same advice as Kelly. Low blood sugar is usually my number one cause for not being in control. Lack of sleep, lack of exercise.
But also when I'm not calm in spirit. If I'm not recollecting myself, then it shows immediately.
And usually my temper erupts when I'm not getting "my way" -- so trying to shift my paradigm to see the other point of view and doing for them makes me a nicer person. My anger is usually selfish.
Another thing that works for me is focusing on the positive...at first, make myself even write things down. For everything that drives me crazy or to be impatient about a person, write 5 positive things. In the heat of the moment, try to see what the child HAS done, like put away the one toy, instead of the 5 other ones on the floor!
I know what you're feeling. And although you know you have a temper problem, it's humbling when other people point it out to you.
Something that might really jolt your reality is tape yourself yelling...video or audio. Replaying it makes you see what other see and hear -- it sounds so horrible, that that memory can really jolt you out of your potential loss of temper. That really works for me. The shame of it!
It's a one day at a time thing...it's always under the surface, ready to erupt if I'm not careful. So, big prayers and  for you.
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Victoria in AZ
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Praying for you, Amy! You have shown great humility here and that is the beginning of all good things. Our Lady be with you.
I recently finished reading _The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands_ by Dr. Laura. Naturally it is not written from a Catholic perspective, but there is some good stuff in there. At least your dh said something! That's positive!
I know, Ma Ingall's sweet, sweet, sweet personality used to bug me. Remember, it is a book for children and it's fiction. I doubt Ma was always so gentle...
One last thing, and I learned this simple tidbit from an old friend on the CCM list. Do not be surprised by original sin. I become angry at the children for lack of obedience and chores and learning too. Except I do not need to get angry because it is so very normal for us humans to fall behind in all areas  When you feel the anger surfacing, sing a little hymn to Our Lady to yourself. It works!
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Your sister in Christ,
Victoria in AZ
dh Mike 24 yrs; ds Kyle 18; dd Katie 12; and one funny pug
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momwise
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| Posted: Jan 04 2006 at 9:35am | IP Logged
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amyable wrote:
| I'm sorry again to post such a selfish prayer request |
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It isn't selfish at all. We all need prayers and in some families it's more of a challenge to be a saint than others.
I find that the more I go to confession, the better. I could easily confess my selfishness and lack of charity daily but I try to make it at least every 3 weeks. The graces I bring home are very efficacious!
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Gwen...wife for 30 years, mom of 7, grandma of 3.....
"If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life." JPII
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Willa
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Praying, Amy. You sound like such a clever, nice person. I picture you being a bit like Jo March or Anne of Green Gables! Don't try to change yourself into something you're not. You can manage the extremes and turn them to strengths -- or at least, God can
When I confessed my temper, my priest told me to pray for vocations every time I felt I was flying off the handle. Somehow, that works like counting up to 10 to me, helps me slow down a bit and also turns the impulse to a good, worthwhile cause. When I lose it now it's usually because I've been pushing myself too hard or not taking care of my health.
__________________
AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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Leonie
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Amy, you have been given good advice. My prayers are with you. I also think the having fun idea can help - and physical activity, with or without the kids, is a good stress relief for me.
With all the punching I do in Taebo, I have no crossness left! 
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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amyable
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Thank you ladies! I felt lifted up today - almost numb, but I guess in a good way. Things that normally set me off just had me chuckling. I asked dh if he put something in my breakfast, lol.
Thanks for the blood sugar idea too (and ways to help it). I definitely struggle with low blood sugar. But with the allergies in the family (and the nursing baby) I have to avoid eggs, nuts, and dairy, my three favorite sources for protein, because I really dislike most meat!  I was fine blood sugar wise until I lost too much weight a month or so ago, now I'm back to crazy swings and running to the kitchen feeling like I have to eat, NOW!  I'll keep all your suggestions in mind.
I'm off to try to enjoy my kiddos before bed! May God bless all of you, and thanks again.
__________________
Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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4Real Forums : We Pray to the Lord
Topic: For my attitude
