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Karnak
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| Posted: Dec 29 2007 at 6:05am | IP Logged
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I am going through a big downer. Christmas has not helped much.
My 7 year old son has mild autism and we thought had made some real progress n learning to read but tonight I really wonder if much has happened in this aspect as he see st have forgotten words I really thought he and the lady who comes to help him once a week thought he had. I think like most autistic kids he has an intellectual deficit but this really upsets me. I know God tests you but this aspect of his autism and several other things are really gettting me down and fed up. I have felt that any optimism I had about his improvements are being leached away and I wonder why I bother having any Catholic faith as I do not feel that God can be bothered listening to my real worries about him. We have a real dill of a priest at the moment so I have no one to talk to about my frustration and lack of faith due to this. Lately I have thought maybe it would be easier just to give up on God and trying. Have any of you others with disabled kids gone through this and then seen real improvements happen. Do you feel that God has taken your real concerns about your kids on board and done something positive to help.
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ladybugs
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| Posted: Dec 29 2007 at 7:17am | IP Logged
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I'm so sorry you're feeling this way!
I have often felt this way but I think God must be working you on perseverance!
I'm sorry I can't offer you any help regarding your concerns, but I will pray for you and offer encouragement to continue in your faith despite your feelings.
I know there are others here who will be able to offer more tangible help.
God Bless you, dear soul!
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Love and God Bless,
Maria P
My etsy store - all proceeds go to help my fencing daughters!
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ladybugs
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| Posted: Dec 29 2007 at 7:30am | IP Logged
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I just *happened* to find this article....
Hope it offers some comfort.
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Love and God Bless,
Maria P
My etsy store - all proceeds go to help my fencing daughters!
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folklaur
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| Posted: Dec 29 2007 at 11:21am | IP Logged
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Hi,
I am so sorry you are feeling this way! 
My son, who is 9, is autistic.
Karnak wrote:
| Lately I have thought maybe it would be easier just to give up on God and trying. Have any of you others with disabled kids gone through this |
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Honestly, no. My brother is profoundly & severely retarded. He had a brain tumor at 2 years of age, which was the size of a grapefruit. It destroyed most of his brain, and this was back in the 60's when medical tests are not what they are now. My parents never blamed God. They used their faith to get them through the tough times - and there were - and still are - times that were very, very tough. He had seven brain surgeries, he has had Last Rites many times. The situation just "was what it was" - never was it implied that it was in any way "God's fault."
I think maybe seeing my parents, especially my Mom, deal with this the way she did, and as I said, never blaming God, made it easier to deal with reality of my son having autism.
Also knowing that my parents would have given anything to have my brother even be remotely as advanced as my son. I mean, my mom could understand the heartbreak that goes with having a disabled child, but how can I really say very much about his autism, which is mild, when my brother is like a 4 month old baby, but in a 43 year old body? My mom, who is 67, goes to the nursing home every day to feed him, see him, etc.
This is not meant to belittle your concerns at all! I am just saying, IMO, that his being able to read or not, etc....I just wouldn't lay that on God.
And at 7 - well, LOTS of neuro-typical kids CAN'T read at 7. Really.
And with all the activity that surrounds the holidays, it may seem like he is losing some of the advancements he has made, but it could just be a reaction to all the "different-ness" that happens by the Holidays.
Again, I am so sorry you are hurting, and I hope you start to feel some peace very soon. We will definitely keep your family in our prayers....
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Taffy
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| Posted: Dec 29 2007 at 12:48pm | IP Logged
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Karnak wrote:
I am going through a big downer. Christmas has not helped much.
My 7 year old son has mild autism and we thought had made some real progress n learning to read but tonight I really wonder if much has happened in this aspect as he see st have forgotten words I really thought he and the lady who comes to help him once a week thought he had. I think like most autistic kids he has an intellectual deficit but this really upsets me. I know God tests you but this aspect of his autism and several other things are really gettting me down and fed up. I have felt that any optimism I had about his improvements are being leached away and I wonder why I bother having any Catholic faith as I do not feel that God can be bothered listening to my real worries about him. We have a real dill of a priest at the moment so I have no one to talk to about my frustration and lack of faith due to this. Lately I have thought maybe it would be easier just to give up on God and trying. Have any of you others with disabled kids gone through this and then seen real improvements happen. Do you feel that God has taken your real concerns about your kids on board and done something positive to help. |
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I've struggled with this off and on through the years. I also have an autistic child (he's my oldest and is 11 yo today!) as well as a godson/nephew who is severely autistic who I love dearly.
Reading Jean Vanier's works and stories about his work with l'Arche have really helped me come to terms with this. I've had to learn to accept my autie son with all his strengths and his faults and love all of him. And it can be hard to love him when he's repeatedly asking me the same question for the 50th time in an hour. Or when we're out in public and he's stimming away and generating odd looks. It's really helped me learn to be humble.
And, for me, that is the crux of the matter. It's humbling to have a child who's so different from the norm. A child who we have to accommodate so much to and who has such difficulties doing things that most kids do easily.
What compounds these feelings is the fact that my autie son looks so darn normal! If he used a wheelchair or had the appearance of a Down's syndrome child, he would generate a lot more tolerance from others. But because my special child looks normal but acts so different, the casual onlooker feels free to ridicule or insult him and/or his family.
I've been thinking about the reasons why people lose their faith a lot lately and have been seeing a familiar theme. People seem to expect that a life of faith brings a life of ease. "Why isn't God answering my prayers? Why did He let this happen to my child? Why doesn't He cure my child?"
And, believe me, I've thought every single one of these thoughts too!
But, when we choose to follow God and let Him rule our lives, we are not promised an easy life. In fact, we are promised a lot of pain. Think of all the saints who were martyred after all!
Then I came to realize that all I can do is follow God's will and put Him first in my life. I have to love my son's faults as well as his strengths because they are part of him.
And, once I began to accept this, an amazing thing has been happening. We are having fun again! I've spent so much time and energy wrapped up in trying to "cure" my son and have forgotten to enjoy him simply as he is!
Another thing that has helped is by praying the Rosary in a bit of a different way. I found this site on the Rosary which lists a virtue to meditate on for each decade of the Rosary. As I recite the Hail Mary prayers, I interject the virtue that I'm praying on into it. For example, the first Joyful mystery, the Annunciation, is associated with the virtue of humility. So, I would recite the Hail Mary in this way:
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Happy are you among women and happy is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.
For humility
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
I've found this to be really helpful.
Another thing that helps me is the story of the persistent women. It's in one of the gospels, don't have the bible verse in front of me at the moment. Anyway, Jesus tells the story of a woman who had an issue with a judge. He kept ignoring her and she kept after him anyway. Finally, after a long while of constantly being pestered by the woman, the judge finally relents to her simply to make her go away and leave him in peace. Jesus closes the story by reminding us that we need to persevere. I'm taking it to mean that I have to keep pestering God until He listens to my prayer/plee. So, that's what I do.
BTW - A wonderful thing has been happening lately. By changing my focus to listening to my son and simply enjoying the interactions that we do have, he's been initiating even more interactions and talking even more! It's been great and I'm afraid to burst the bubble. He's been using words and telling me things that I had no idea he understood or was aware of! I'm hoping that it lasts.
Sorry for such a long post. Persevere in your work and keep praying and don't forget to enjoy your son for who is is, warts and all.
__________________
Susan
Mom to 5 on earth and 1 in heaven
Susan's Soliloquy
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Chari
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That's lovely, Susan.
I will be holding you in prayer. You can have the benefit of our daily memorare. As I am writing this, I actually have a 10 yo austistic boy running around my house, while his mother is meeting with my girls.
Oh, one more thing........Laura is right about MANY neuro-typical kids not being able to read at age seven...........I have an entire household-full.
Stay close the the Blessed Virgin..........she will mother you while you mother your son.....just keep asking her.
__________________
Chari...Take Up & Read
Dh Marty 27yrs...3 lovely maidens: Anne 24, Sarah 20 & Maddelyn 17 and 3 chivalrous sons: Matthew 22, Garrett 16 & Malachy 11
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mariB
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| Posted: Dec 31 2007 at 6:03am | IP Logged
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Keeping you and your son in prayer. I have no advice but know that even though it may not seem like it, God is with you. We will keep you in our Rosary intentions this week.
I think we all can say there have been times in our lives where we lose faith or feel that God wouldn't care about certain things...but he does.
Praying for many blessings for your family this New Year!
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marib-Mother to 22ds,21ds,18ds,15dd,11dd and wife to an amazing man for 23 years
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Mackfam
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No practical words of help, but I'm offering my prayers for you and your son! Many hugs - I know you're not alone!
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Veronica's Veil
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Praying for you and him here.
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4Real Forums : We Pray to the Lord
Topic: worries over autistic son
